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Meet the men of Really, guys, are you serious?

Online Dating

by Lisa Barnard

I’m turning 30 in a few months, and I recently realized I’m now at the age I made a lot of promises about in the past. One of those promises was that if I was still single at 30, I’d try online dating. I’ve had an onslaught of terrible dating experiences in the last year (including someone who turned out to be a drug dealer, someone who was mad I didn’t want to come hang out at his bedbug-infested apartment, and a commitment-phobe friend who constantly appears to be doing an uncanny Jekyll and Hyde impression). I am also at the age where apparently I better hurry up if I want kids. So, I signed up for You know, to meet some normal guys. (Wow.)

There’s no end to what I could write about my experiences on, and I’ve only been on the site for a week. (My favorite is probably the guy whose opening line was, “Hey baby u r cute n sexy, come cuddle w me by my fireplace.” Sounds great, what’s the address?!) But there is one issue in particular I’d like to take up.

Did you know that 99% of the guys on are adventure travelers? It seems dubious to me too, but let’s continue as if it’s true. The majority of guys on the site go on and on about all of the outdoor adventure activity they do, including mountain climbing, ziplining, white water rafting, bungee jumping, parasailing, sky diving, someone even talked about alligator wrestling. And of course they love traveling and frequent all these crazy places like Iceland and Belize and Egypt and Greece and the rainforests or whatever. They are outdoors all the time, playing every sport that was ever invented, including some you’ve never heard of (sled hockey?), and they work out 5+ times a week.

Come on.

I live in North Carolina, 3 hours away from the mountains and 3 hours away from the beach. These guys say they are ambitious and have pretty good jobs where they are making average salaries. How exactly are they ziplining regularly? And where? And how are they getting time off from work to travel all the time, at age 30? And with what money? I don’t buy it.

But that’s not even what bothers me. The real kicker here is the type of girl they are all looking for. Now on my profile, I checked off the box saying that I want someone who wants kids and who’s single (… why I have to specify this troubles me). And I wrote out by hand that I am looking for an easy-going, honest, passionate guy. Are those the type of characteristics these guys are looking for? Not even close.

She has to be beautiful and adventurous and also love adventure sports like ziplining and whatever the hell, and she also has to love to travel. She has to be open to trying anything (I’m assuming this means sexual positions) and be outgoing and extroverted and like to go out but also like to stay in. She has to be a great conversationalist, smart, witty, funny, and “not get embarrassed easily.” (Why are we specifying this? Again, troubled.) She has to be into sports – playing sports and watching sports – and be able to kick back with the guys. She also has to be ambitious, be smart and successful, be educated and have a great job, be family-oriented, be career-driven, want to have (and, unspoken, take care of) kids, knows how to take care of herself (I can only assume this means that she’s thin and has highlights and gets manicures), be outdoorsy, like to be outside all the time (these are apparently two different things), like to camp and hike, be “active” and work out frequently, did I mention beautiful?, like all different kinds of foods and be willing to try – AND LIKE, GODDAMNIT – any kind of exotic food, not be pessimistic or complain, be loyal and honest, not be self-conscious about anything (… you’re helping), know who she is and what she wants, and, my ultimate favorite, ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM.

Wow you guys. This is a joke, right? Do you sincerely think you can find all of this in one person? Have you considered the fact that you are on because this is what you’re holding out for?! First of all, these guys check off “slender” as the body type for their match… they rarely check off “athletic and toned.” But you want someone who does these adventure sports and plays sports too and works out every day? Huh? And how are you going to find someone who is career-driven and is family-oriented and is beautiful who also has time to play sports as an adult and like hike around all the time and wrestle alligators? What? I do know girls who do that kind of stuff, but believe me most of them do not meet all these other criteria, including having the hot model appearance you desire.

But also, think hard – DO YOU REALLY WANT THIS? I don’t think you want this type of girl, if she even exists, because then she’d be too intimidating and you’d feel like she was overshadowing you and better than you at the things you do, and lord knows that would be a problem.

So I offer this plea to the guys of Refocus. Look for a girl who doesn’t mind that you (apparently) want to go off ziplining, but who might want to lay in the sunshine and read a book while you do. (To work on that tan you demand, obviously.) Or pick, say, two of the major things you’re looking for. Like, she has to be adventurous and beautiful, but it’s okay if she’s a waitress. You know? Be a little more realistic. I’m not saying let go of your dreams. But get a grip. Everyone is not Angelina Jolie. (Not that you’d be into her, since she’s athletic and toned and probably doesn’t have time for parachuting with all those babies in tow.)

It’s this bad, and I haven’t even been on a date yet. Good lord. Clearly I’m going to be single forever.


Also: Today in online dating: a sociopath explains why her feelings matter and yours don’t

Read the rest of S&R’s ongoing online dating series.

697 replies »

      • Lisa, you’ll get lucky. Try focusing on not expecting the worse, yet not expecting the best either… I was so frustrated so many times on online dating when I did it; soon came to realize the best attitude is just the one without any ideas in advance, aka: expectations. Just experience, have fun, learn and maybe you’ll be surprised.

        • She is not expecting the worst….she is experiencing the worst…I’m sure she didn’t sign up for expecting the worst.

        • really isn’t the worst.
          I’ve subscribed to a few free dating sites, most of them are ok, but a few seem to be flooded with Nigerian scam artists, making me, and everyone else skeptical about dating anyone outside of a 50 mile radius.
          It’s those liars and rotten eggs, that make it difficult for all of us to find and trust any long distance relationship request!

          I’ve had to report 3 people in 4 weeks because of scam artists, and those nigerians have all day time to scam people. They just need to find one poor soul with a good heart willing to listen to their poor dying mother with breastcancer story, and sending them $1000 for help.
          Even $100 can set them back doing more of this crap for several weeks!

          I wished they banned intercontinental access from the site, or create a local system only for them to scam their own people only.

        • I’ve met far worse than that, and none of them online. If long given up on the idea of love and happiness and respectful long term monogamous relationships, that ship sailed just behind the last of my trust. But I still believe that with lower aims than I once had the Internet is probably the best place to get across the things that are most important to me before proceeding any further, and that’s not nothing. I think the reason we need failed relationships is to figure out what’s important to us. I never say no regrets (I’m not a hippy) but it’s my experience with women that has taught me to stand up for my self and to question what I really need to be happy. A promise you made to your self when you where a lot less wise is not in it’s self a reason to worry about being single. Love comes in it’s own time (we therefore you like it or not) it doesn’t hold out it’s watch and tell you you’re cracking on a bit.

          Good luck though to anyone who isn’t looking to hurt anyone.

        • Fun fact, 8 out of 10 women are the same fu@%ing way so welcome to the other side if the curtain. Dont even get me started on the clearly overweight females who list themselves as “Curvy”, or the ones who claim “Athletic and Toned”. Its rather apparent the majority of women have no effing clue how to accurately describe their body type. Athletic and Toned : Cheerleader, semi pro athlete, avid runner or crossfit trainer.
          Curvy: Marilyn Monroe
          Maybe when women stop being guys, guys would reciprocate but by all means please continue to lay the blame at a door you cant even see behind

      • Lisa, What is a gorgeous North Carolina lady such as yourself doing on a dating site????

        • Notice that a guy can’t even give a compliment to a woman these days without somebody (somehow) taking offense to it. Amazing the sensitivities these days.

        • A place I worked at we were asked how we would feel about a woman joining the team (I’m 29 before you ask). Being a progressive bunch of guys we all said it wouldn’t be a problem as long as she could pull her waight and keep up with all us big macho men (being sporting types…we had a dartboard). There was an overwhelming consensus on what we wanted in a female college and it was much simpler than all that nonsense, all the guys wanted was big lips and small hands (not my idea).
          Anyway she was a lovely young woman and she certainly could keep up with us big burly blokes.
          I’m not sure what women we all thought wanted to be fabricators, or insinuating anything about those who do. I just wonder if you can look for people who have too much in common with you, cause you only limit your options more and more.
          Anyway I haven’t seen any of these people in years but if the young lady where to really this now I would say I heard that the ceremony was lovely and wish her and her blushing bride many happy years.
          X X 🙂

    • oh actually when you do finally get a date , like i did . from match .com . they say all that stuff totally had the same experience…. they look like nothing you imagined the man was like 90 ibs i could of broke him in half . not attractive all talk . and left me in like 20 min. was happy he left.. so i went and had a drink alone . as usual

    • Lisa, you couldn’t be further from the truth. Try being an older woman(58) and see who Match pairs you up with. Laos those that are my age want someone who is at least 15 to 20 years younger. In addition it seems everyone views your profile, sometimes more than once but never email you. Match continues to comment,”Send him an email and get the conversation started. Do you have any idea how many emails “I” have sent out and they send nothing. Frustrating; that is an understatement. I will be single with you.

      • I’m 52 and all I get set up with are shallow Hals(men who want waif thin, blond, and blue-eyed women.) And men you don’t want to meet up in a alley! I’ve been widowed for 15 years and had a wonderful husband that liked my black hair and eyes and I’m white. He loved me no matter what. Two years after he died, I tried the so-called websites, (ten of them!) And they all want the same, waifs, blond and blue-eyed. The web-sites tell you to lower your standards six feet under! Or they try and blame you, or worse, don’t reply to your e-mails! I give up! It seems gentlemen or dating sites prefer blondes!

        • So the men are Shallow Hals.. (great movie, btw)
          You don’t want these men because??? Are you the Shallow Gal?

        • westernlady, don’t despair. A couple of my friends are married to guys younger than them and they couldn’t be better husbands. One is 8 yrs younger and the other 9 yrs younger. Times are changing.

          Men and women are looking for a best friend as well as a lover. Men who are not sexist or mysoginists will NOT see your age as an obstacle IF you happen to have personality qualities and a connection that is unique to their own needs.

          Sometimes our profiles don’t really show the special gal or guy that we are. Try to see it thru the eyes of your perfect match. Did something put you off?

          I have seen sooo many profiles that could be so much better.

          Some people come off so insecure or desperate or just too strong. Would you really say those things to a person you just met and make a good impression on them?

          Express the essense of who you are on your profile.

          If your profile sucks, no matter if you’re 20 30 or 90, you won’t get that desired guy or gal to write to you because you’re not attracting them.

          If necessary pay someone to write it for you.

          Pics are extremely important, they speak a thousand words. If your pics are not saying what you want them to say, the rest of your profile will be weak no matter how much work you put into it.

          Get new pics. Hire someone, a kid neighbor, an amateur photographer, to take them for you in the park, at a cafe, etc.

          Lastly, you have to be the equivalent of what you’re looking for. Like if you’re looking a guy/gal who dresses cute and modern, by all means, you need to dress cute and modern in your pics.

        • don’t worry the right man is out there for you you will probably find him in church or on the golf course or some other activity that you seriously enjoy doing like flea marketingjust as an example of just casual fun things you sound very intelligent intellectually stimulating and I’m sure you’re beautiful black hair and eyes are going to make some future husband very happyI never post things but I’ve been reading all this stuff today about about and this is not the way you’re supposed to find the love of your life do you really want this greedy money grubbing huge just totally without morals morals any type of morals to have anything to do with you finding love true love the rest of your life bunch of BS

        • I know this was a post from over a year ago, but just had to comment. I am 55. I am also blond haired, blue eyed. Attractive. Was on for a total of 1 1/2 yrs. Nope, most of the men within 10yrs of my age are either not attractive at All or they really don’t want a relationship if it’s going to inconvenience them in any way. The truly attractive men want a magical freaking silver platter. Delusional, delusional, oh yeah DeLusional.

        • I am a blonde, blue-eyed waif thin woman. I didn’t have luck with on-line dating either. In real life no one approaches me either. It’s hard not to get frustrated and make assumptions about what all men want. I think it has to do with individual preferences for style, career, personality, lifestyle, education, travel experience. You have to have the right combination for one specific person.

        • Touche, just turned 50 but looking fresh still and these guys as Lisa says are really something, they want everything yet if you really see them in person they are not exactly all that… They accept curvy but go off you once they see iyou you are a size 14..Cause obviously it doesn’t show too much in photos, isn’t size 14 that curvy, they sent to the understand it means Jennifer Lopez….. There’s not just Nigerian scammers, English guys pretending to be wealthy too to try Tans suss put how wealthy you are, one was living in a big house (I gather he was a butler playing the boss when the actuals boss is away) cause I had lots of cash with me n he said I could give him n he can transfer money online into my account to save me going bank as he often needs petty cash, really? Oh and that’s on 2nd date, I said bye bye quickly cause a couple of other things didn’t add up.

        • I’m a blue eyed (bottle) blonde. I’m also a checklist daydream, AND I own my own home. Just this morning, I was told “You’re a drug addict. Get help.”

          To this man, I am an app. My job is to provide instant gratification. That’s why so few men, particularly in the mature bracket, want to actually meet. Why risk failure when there’s thousands of babes to pick and from?

          A lot of people live their lives online these days. When I act human, I burst the fantasy bubble. THAT’s why they are angry. And why I can only handle it in small doses.

      • @Lisa
        Wow you really touched a nerve with your article; responses to it continue to be posted well into 7-months. I thought the observations you make in your article insightful (of course you do not need a stamp of approval from anyone, and that is not my intention). I concede that your description of what men are looking for in a woman is true for a fairly wide cross-section of men. Yet there are many men who are NOT looking for the stereotypical waif-thin, demure yet adventure-sport gal, who can also play wifey, mommy, slut, have a career, be a gourmet cook, climb mountains and peaks like you describe in your article

        This is my first-time on S&R so I am not sure about the demographics of those who log-in and/or post on S&R. But my sense is a lot of them belong to the 30-40 y/o demographic, or at least those responding to your article. As a 60 y/o man of colour, with a taste for irreverence as well as the pleasures of life I am far from being a stodgy, doddering decrepit in attitude, mind or body.

        At the risk of seeming preachy and holier than thou I must say I am intrigued so many of the women posting responses to your article are so misandristic (opposite of misogynistic in case any reader is wondering) . Their tone coming through is it’s a whole lot of fun being a misandrist. I could be mistaken but I think a misandristic attitude lowers the level of discussion, is divisive and adversarial, the same as a misogynistic attitude does. Worst of all it is also the path of least resistance and far from being helpful. The fact is men and women want to be with each other despite the meat-market element which at best leads to a lot of impression management; and at worst leads to posturing, posing, manipulation and lying. And to some degree most of us are guilty of it at one time or other in our lives. However, to think that it is ONLY men who take this route is a canard. Because there are BOTH men and women who take to lies and manipulation because they are out there simply to satiate their sexual appetites. While it is true there are likely more men out there looking for sex without responsibility or accountability but such men nor women need not be the ones to define or dictate our experience of each other. Because it brings out the worst in us.

        That being off my chest, let me add my voice to the chorus of experiences on At age 58 I was a subscriber on for almost two years. My experience was no different than many others posting here. I was not asking for the moon. My profile explicitly stated I was interested in someone over the age of 50 period. On three occasions as I was getting closer to the end of my subscription would send me a heavily discounted offer to renew my subscription. And that is perhaps the main reason I kept my subscription going for as long as I did. There were the usual responses from women in Africa, a few from Russia, The former always in their 20s. I contacted a fairly large number of women, But very few responded and none continued the correspondence beyond 2-4 emails. My profile was neither overstated, nor needy or insecure. I certainly don’t have cooties; and am not hard to look at. My employment as a professional is stable; I am certainly not rich but am comfortable with my quality of life. The point being I don’t think I fit the description of the kind of man referred to in your article, or in many of the posts here. But still nothing happened for me on

        Finally I signed-off from because I realized their service was meant exclusively to generate revenue for themselves, without offering any value. If I was in my 20s or 30s I would probably have met someone. But at that age I don’t think I would need or any similar service unless perhaps I was looking to play the field.

        Going by my experience on I think men too have similar experiences as women do in the “meeting-someone” universe.

        • Barry: thanks for such an insightful and thoughtful comment. I’ve been pondering a run at the point you make here for weeks, but every time I started in I realized that I wasn’t doing a by good job of keeping in check how offensive I’ve found some of these women to be. I applaud you for doing such a wonderful job calling attention to a disturbing dynamic.

        • I met a couple of losers on Datehookup. All they were looking for is sex. The lied about their height. One guy claimed he is 5’8″, when I saw him, he was about 4′ tall. I lied about wanting to take me out on a date but he really just wanted sex and when I didn’t give it him, he claimed he didn’t want to be bothered with me because I’m not a vegetarian. If that was the kind of woman he was looking for, then he should had specified that on his profile. I have met several more on other sites that was full of it. I’m done with the online dating. I don’t understand why these men lie on their profile about what they’re looking for when they really looking for a one night stand.

        • Barryk whoa whoa whoa you will probably never see this post seeing as it’s July 2015 but I have to say this is the most intellectually stimulated I have been in years are you a professor man what it must feel like to have your mindand basically just blow people’s mind everydayis a canard like a conundrum heheI could just read your post all you possessed a beautiful mastery of the human languageI don’t even need a dictionary it just sounds so good I’m just going to take it in and keep itand what I don’t get is that woman talking about going to take care of her man when he gets older cuz he’s too old what up what about love I mean damn if you love somebody will be happy to take care of him you’ll be you’ll just count your blessings every day that he still here that ladies don’t know sure no one ever talks about love on any of the site don’t make no sense to me sorry about my awful sentence structure I wasusing the microphoneI just want to get my point across and express to you how amazing it was to your post you did you have you written a book or something

        • @Cynthia whitsitt
          Thanks for your lavishly generous words about my post. I am glad you even found it given it was written long ago. There aren’t too many close and/or patient readers like you these days. And no I haven’t written a book (or anything else)!!

        • After BarryK said he was a man of color, I couldn’t help but read it in Morgan Freeman’s voice.

          Go back and read it in Morgan Freeman’s voice, it totally works! (Oh, and it’s exactly the point I wanted to make, so thank you, Barry.)

        • BarryK, even if you were in your 20s and 30s, you would still have to implement the things that Coacj Corey Wayne teaches in his videos to have success with women – unless you naturally posses the same traits, demeanor, and behaviors as the type of men that most women seek.

          I will summarize what one of the BIGGEST problems with dating (in America) today.

          I believe most people, if not everyone, is familiar with the fact that the good guys (average and above) tend to struggle with dating while women tend to open up and give themselves to the type of guys who mistreat them (whether emotionally, verbally, or physically). A lot of the good guys (some also known as “nice guys”) wake up and realize this and start learning and implementing the type of behaviors that the men who have very high success with attracting women into their own personalities as an attempt to become the type of guy that most women would go for. This is a direct result of many men discovering that “nice guy behavior” is EXTREMELY LETHAL when it comes to attracting women.

          Women, after dismissing / ignoring / friendzoning all the good guys and opening themselves to the bad boys (or at least until the bad boy starts acting like the nice guy) and having repeated bad experiences, will complain that “all men are the same” or “I can’t seem to find a good guy” or “There aren’t any good guys out there,” etc. without realizing it seems this way because, like a wise person once said on facebook – “you get what you look for.” (More accurately in this case, you get what you accept and chase after).

          The good guys are the same guys who may not have the best social skills or know how to act and move their body in ways that society considers cool. They may not always know the perfect things to do or say at the perfect time, all the time. They may not always know how to read signals, especially mixed messages, from women and know when to or not to make the correct move without going too far or playing it to safe. They may not know how to appear fun and exciting upon first glance (which is what most people, especially females in America, tend to require to consider someone “interesting” and worth a possible first date), despite the fact that they may be even more adventurous than the bad boy who is loud, arrogant, spontaneous and has good charisma and the personality skills to come across as more than they really are through words and gestures. The good guy may not do everything the way society expects, however, they know how to love, care, provide, and be committed to the woman they want.

          Once the good guys get tired of nonstop rejections over years and (literally) decades, they begin to find ways to learn how NOT to be the nice guy that women label as “creepy, awkward, stalkerish,” etc. and whatever other labels are used to discourage those who are already struggling. They begin to learn how NOT to be the nice guy that women they’re interested in keep as friends so they can enjoy the fact that they have a (back up) guy that wants them and is willing to show some love and affection whenever they might need it, and she can keep control of things by reminding them that she made it clear they’re just friends whenever she no longer wants his attention. Men begin to learn how NOT to be the nice guy who is always told “just be yourself” or “you would be the perfect guy…” – (for someone else – a someone else who seems to never exist) and NOT be the nice guy women come to complain to and ask advice from about the bad boy she is dating.

          The result is the bad boys getting a majority of the woman can continuing to be themselves since they either realize that their natural style works or not even recognizing they have skills because everything is already happening natural to them, while the good guys are all learning and trying to be like the type of guys most women seek. This is when you begin to see more male dating profiles saying the same things, more guys acting like jerks and the reinforcement of “all men are the same.” The new problem this creates is the fact that many men who learn the skills and techniques necessary to attract women don’t know how to do it naturally, so they (often times) still fail (by eventually resorting back to nice guy behavior, coming across as fake), then are accused of manipulating and get chastised for trying to learn the skills. What’s funny is that they are getting criticized for trying to learn the EXACT SAME THINGS that the men who most women seek are ALREADY DOING…..

          And I will just stop there for now.

          Has anyone ever noticed that women would turn down a good man who lives with his parents (without even knowing the details/reasons behind it), but open themselves up to a guy who abuses and mistreats them and make excuses for him (In MOST cases)?

          Has anyone ever noticed how women have NO PROBLEM dismissing, leaving, ignoring or turning down a good guy, but somehow always “GET STUCK” in abusive relationships, or relationships where they are mistreated?


          This is one reason why a lot of the game playing and other things people complain about exist today – because the good guys are beginning to realize that no matter how much a woman claims to want a nice guy, a good guy to make them laugh, who is honest and faithful, etc. etc. etc., these are NOT the type of men women (mainly in America) are seeking, or even respecting. I can guarantee you that there are many men who have all the qualities that women claim to want, but are dismissed as the men who behave like jerks and lie and mistreat and play with women are chased by women. Any man who is open, straightforward and honest usually gets dismissed and cirticized for “talking / saying too much” or “being ‘too honest / too nice'” etc. Therefore, a lot of men have to resort to playing games and avoid being straight forward. Also, I’m sure all the females who claim to want honesty will suddenly change the rules they claim to want once they ask a question like “do I look like I’m gaining weight?” / “Does this look good on me?” / “Do these jeans make me look big (or fat)?” etc. (Then people wonder why there are so many games and no more straightforward honesty.

          After years of research and experimentation (both voluntary and involuntary) when it comes to the psychology of attraction and learning from / studying with various Pick Up Artists, Dating Gurus, Coaches and other men who have the most (proven) success with women, I’ve discovered what actually works and doesn’t work with most women, and it’s sad what I’ve discovered (although, I have to accept the complex, multi-dimensional ways in which humans have been psychologically programmed to operate and accept that I have no control over how humans and this world were created and accept things as they are). I can either be angry and refuse to accept it, or learn to do what has been PROVEN to actually work IN REAL LIFE when it comes to attracting women.

          I choose to do what has been proven to work to attract women and have a fulfilling dating life.

          Yes, that might mean behaving more like the type of guys women complain about but give themselves to, but IT WORKS.

          A wise man once said during a seminar:
          Find out how any particular female’s ex boyfriends use to treat her – and DO THE EXACT SAME THINGS with her – because that is PRECISELY what she is attracted to. … ..(However, I would use some discretion with this because I have very strict limits to how far I’m willing to go when it comes to being the “bad boy.”)

          I didn’t even touch on how many marital laws (and laws in general) are in favor for women, and how many good guys get screwed by this… or how things like autism spectrum disorder/aspergers, social anxiety, etc. and other psychological and physiological disorders play a part in all this (it’s a proven fact that a woman with any minor disorders or even full mental illnesses will have more success finding a man to voluntarily accept them or at least give them a chance than a man with any disorders or mental illness would…). But that is another story

      • Funny when I read these disaster stories and all of these experiences seem much more enjoyable than mine. I went in with literally no expectations more than maybe having a few interesting conversations with a few women. Hundreds of emails later with no response, I gave up. It was far more time consuming than I ever would have imagined. Searching for a compatible match. Filtering out the ones who were clearly out of my league. Writing a thoughtful email about their interests, hopes, and goals. Probably in an hour I could send out three communications. Tried funny. Tried sincere. Tried honest. Nothing seemed to work.

        I did learn a valuable lesson from Before I joined, I thought I was average looking. After 30 or so women of all age ranges, personality types, and looks voted “No” on my attractiveness, I had to admit the hard truth to myself. Now I can focus on learning a hobby to spend my free time for the last 60 years or so of my life.

        • @Ryb38 – Forgive me for sounding preachy but in my opinion/experience feedback from others is often helpful, esp. when we respond to it constructively for OURSELVES. But I wouldn’t let others bestow any kind of finality about my appearance or personality. Dating websites often have a quick ratings feature of a photograph, numerical in some cases, Yes, Maybe and No in others, and so on. I attribute such ratings the same importance as I do to a sound clip or video bite which may make for good TV or whatever media, but ignores the broader context. Such ratings are casual at best, and superficial at worst. Of course go right ahead and focus on learning a hobby, but not because a few women/people rated you one way or another.

          I have come across a lot of people whose photographs completely contradicted what they look like in person, either way.

        • I certainly hope you’re joking about giving up, based on reviews! As a female, I can 100% tell you that, among my friends and the women I know, ratings of males re:levels of attractiveness are almost never agreed upon. There are guys who some of my friends will say are beautiful and the hottest guys ever, and I think “uhh-really?!” and vice versa. Like a lot of women, when I like someone’s personality, I genuinely see them in a different way, often with consciously realizing it. Personality, intelligence, overall impression, etc. are all–at least for me and many women I know–implicitly folded into attractiveness ratings.

          The one reason I can see for consistently bad reviews (if you did indeed get them) would be bad pictures, not in the sense that they are accurate and bad, but in the sense that they are inaccurately bad! I am not on, but it have seen profiles of men via a friends account. The one thing we have all agreed on is that men will often post pictures that are very unflattering; they are unknowingly (I assume) misrepresenting themselves in ways that a lot of females are turned off by. My advice to any male on would be to have a female help take and/or select their pics.

          You also may just have a personality that does “read” well, or comes off differently than you intend. This would impact online dating (perhaps) even more than real-world interactions because they don’t get the other impressions/vibes from you to clear up their impression. Awkward wording could unknowingly be coming off as creepy or cocky. It could also be impacting the attractiveness ratings. (For the record, I didn’t see evidence of awkward wording in your post above, but different emotions are at play in different types of writing.)

          So, whether you return to online dating or not, it might be helpful to have a women (friend, sister, sister’s friend, whoever) give you an honest opinion of what you say and how you say it when you meet women (online and in person). For gosh sake, don’t give up just because of a few online reviews weren’t positive! 🙂

        • Bear in mind you will be attractive to some women, average to some and unattractive to others. Women all like different things, the same as guys. My sister and I have the complete opposite taste in men. She dates young, very muscley, tanned sporty types and has a huge thing for shaved/bald men. I like older, skinny, nerdy looking guys with lots of hair and preferrably glasses – nerdier the better! If I could just clone Colin Firth….! We would rate eachother’s ‘perfect types’ as unattractive! Don’t pay much attention to overall ratings.

          Also, bear in mind that women get absolutely spammed if we sign up to dating sites and have to wade through hours of ‘married but looking for fun’, ‘want a girl 20 years younger’, ‘hi babe u iz well fit’, ‘give me your bank details’, ‘can you send me some x-rated pics so I can judge the goods better before we meet’ messages before we even get a chance to read the ones from normal, sane men. I’ve tried three of the main sites and I’ve had to cancel the subscription every time as I just don’t have 40+ hours a week to spend wading through junk mail.

          The internet certainly hasn’t made dating easier for me. I’ve now started my 30s and I think I will be giving the ‘outernet’ a go! I would suggest other people do the same.

      • Anne, I am 56 and decided to go back onto and you are absolutely right they want young women. I had a date for the first time in years and I actually enjoyed myself, we had a lot in common. He texted me a few days later and said that with much thought and that he had to be honest in that he was looking for something different. I thought maybe I just looked too old (usually people think I am younger). Just baffled me.

      • Anne,, I met one on pof. Said he wanted to marry,, rushed me into lots of stuff,, moves in only to abuse me! All of a sudden he says, marriage isnt for him. Is that why he demanded I divorce? MONEY!!! Nurse and the purse!! Or booty call. I have given up almost. Now my idea is to attend singles dances. Or singles groups and go out as a group first. Much safer than falling into a narc/sociopaths hands! Or lone wolf as he called himself. Funny thing was, he stated that he had done this many times over!! RUN!! Be careful out there! Lots of players!! All the best to you in your search for a genuine partner.

        • Laurie Anne, unfortunately those guys are everywhere. I met like that many years ago not online but in person. They have been around for years.

      • Try being 64, and see who you get ! Also ,Im 5ft 9, why send me 5ft 6 .Are there any tall guys out there ? Truly, ive gkne on a few dates and its very disheartening .

    • Had to reply again, replied to someone directly but this just for Lisa and this article – the FUNNIEST BUT ABSOLUTELY TRUE story on online dating in a long long time for me. I was online ‘dating’ from 2002-06, then 2010-13 (had to be a lumberjack for 4yrs lol) I tried them ALL. Total of 7 years – I’m a veteran! Finally kicked that bad habit in 2013. Was on my last week of Match, did, very ironically (but wait) end up making this UNbeliveable connection like I’ve Never had – even with ex husband of 20yrs! He was unfortunately just 1 measly little year out from a 26 year marriage! Yep, I know, shoulda stopped right freakin there. Anyway, after back/forth about year – never meeting up, then just as we were about to meet up, never heard from him again – it’s been 1 year 3mos. If all us good guys could just Magnetize our matches…..I do inDeed make positive affirmations of just that! Good Luck to all us Good (hopefully Wise too!) men and women! 🙂

  1. I met my wife on Match at age 42. So my experience is clearly different than your own 🙂

  2. What a delightful post.

    For the record, btw, you’re right. At most athletic events, and we go to lots, one member of the couple is the athlete and the other sits on a chair and waits to drive the exhausted person home.

    I think the wonderful tongue-in-cheek implication here may not be that all of us guys are morons and logically inconsistent, but rather that many of us have an idealized and very trite ideas of what happiness might be.

    Although I will say that after our children were grown my beautiful, intelligent wife did take up triathloning and this year qualified for nationals. Again. At the age of 61. So maybe some of the contradictions are not as bad as they appear. (Wait, at some point that sentence turned into bragging. Oh well.)

    Anyway, lovely post. Please do more.

    • I agree with Emily on this one. I’ve tried before and am encouraged that my profile was never that bad, but it’s disheartening that I still have trouble making connections if that’s what my “competition” is.

    • I agree and I am on the well over 50’site. Men who look 70 are 59 and 64 (this is a popular age) are working out 7 days a week, want a 35 t0 50 yr old. I am leaving an older man – why would a 50 yr old want a man who is 65 – a big mistake. In 10 years he won’t be dead but debilitated. Here is the first sentence of the average profile:

      bilke run work at club 5-7 days a week, sail and travel, have season tickets to every friggin sports team, like fine dining in or out bla bla want partner to travel the ends of rthe earth with. And, damn they all like to make people smile.

      • “bilke run work at club 5-7 days a week, sail and travel, have season tickets to every friggin sports team, like fine dining in or out bla bla want partner to travel the ends of rthe earth with.”

        IF they are serious about the line I copied/pasted above, what fault would you find? Guys are too active? This sheds a lot of insight on women – an additional nugget I had not realized.

      • Ann, did it occur to you that the previous comments by the gentlemen may be directed at women like you?

        There is NOTHING wrong with dating someone ten years older than yourself. Did it ever occur to you that you could be in an accident or even have a health issue arise and be debilitated at a much younger age than your partner, even if he is ten years older? In that case should the much older gentleman walk off from you because you are “debilitated”?

        You sound a bit bitter. Maybe from the older man you are leaving has hit you hard. You seem really hung up on age and looks.

        Did it occur to you that maybe you aren’t facing reality and your own age when the men look much older than you expect? I realize some men aren’t honest about their ages, but it cant be every one of them you see.

        • Yes, there is something wrong with a woman dating a man 10 years older than her. Something VERY wrong, especially in older age. Older means more likely he will die sooner, get sick sooner, fall and break a hip sooner, get dementia sooner.

          On top of that, women live longer on average 6 yrs longer than men. So statistically, you’re saying there’s nothing wrong with her dating a man “16” biological years older than her.

          HELL YEAH, BUDDY, there is something very wrong with that.

          My sister and my best friends married men older than them, and guess what?
          Two of them passed away already, and the other one is on his death bed.

        • @makesenseofit – Seems women who have the same set of values around a partner’s age as you are not looking for a man but a bionic guy. Everyone has preferences, but yours are a prescription based on a set of specs, where everything about a partner is measured to specs. I think this is a worthwhile M.O. for an Accountant or an Actuary. Outside of situations where widgets and fiscally calculated profit and loss are the outcome measures it probably works only if one is lucky. And luck is not part of any formula. In fact what you are saying is not that different from getting the wind to blow in a particular direction at a specified speed. At best your perspective is anecdotal. If only life and relationships could be conducted on a sustained basis on a formula like the one you believe in – I would love to be on that bandwagon. But it’s a pipe dream. In any event I hope you get to work your formula effectively, and I mean that sincerely. There are many people out there who know the price of everything but the value of nothing (Oscar Wilde). Regardless, I wish those who subscribe to your set of values a lot of luck.

        • Yes, there is something wrong with dating someone 10 years older than yourself. I am not interested in nursing someone in their dotage. Did you know that men die at an earlier age than women? Men who look for someone younger are looking for a nursemaid.

        • So you’re a mindreader, huh?

          There are perhaps some men like that, but my dating profile specifies a range from my age down to 15 years younger. I doubt that what I really need and want is more than ten years younger, but I have an open mind.

          I assure you, I neither need a nursemaid nor want one. If I felt like I couldn’t take care of myself I wouldn’t get involved, period. The last thing in hell I ever want to be is a burden on someone else.

          So there isn’t anything necessarily wrong with dating a man older than you if you’re a woman. There may well be something wrong with thinking you know enough about complete strangers to make broad pronouncements about what’s right and wrong, though.

        • I understand some men wanting to date young, but from a woman’s perspective we will be very likely to face 10, 15 or more years alone as a result. If finding someone is hard at 25-30 then I can’t imagine how difficult it would be when I’m 55-60. I don’t want to deliberately put myself in that situation. I also want to date someone who is at a similar life stage and has similar values/wants as me. I tried an age gap relationship for a very brief period and it was like dating my father. Nice man and I wish him well, but we were at completely different stages of life and had very little in common.

        • Agreed, there is nothing wrong wrong with dating someone older if both want this and it happens naturally. What many women (like me)find offensive is when men want us because we are younger. Or when guys don’t want us because they want younger.

  3. I suggest for your next experiment that you sign up as a guy and see the characteristics that woman expect of us. It might show you that this swings both ways. I enjoyed reading your article though!

      • Lol! You made me smile, that was great. The door swings both way on impossible traits for the ideal..whatever you’d like in your life. What happened to good conversation, nice dinner and see what happens?

    • @Jacqueline – Not knowing how old you are, to me it seems you are naive about life. You come across as someone who thinks life happens according to YOUR plan so you have a check-list to decide whom you want to go with. I think it is great you have a check-list and know EXACTLY what you want.

      What I have to say here is based on the wisdom of John Lennon who sang “Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans”. I think this is one of the most profound insights into life.

      Given the stats these days it is entirely possible (and I CERTAINLY wish NO ONE ill) that the woman who is 10-15 years younger may develop her own issues, related to health or whatever, which may very well compromise her and in such circumstances she will need the love and caring of an older man who has a better understanding of life than someone a year or three or four closer to the woman in age, doesn’t have. This is not to say that younger men are not empathetic or have the wisdom of an older man. But the fact remains your pretty house of cards has equal chances of coming crashing down on you.

      I, as someone who has been with a woman as young as Sam talks about let me share with you a few home truths…..if you are living by a plan and specifications of what you expect you are setting yourself up. All I can say is be careful. At this point of time take a look at Brangelina, she is about 11-years younger than her husband and she has already had a double you know what.

      My suggestion to you is to see reality for what it is. There is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with a man giving an age range to find a partner. It is ENTIRELY upto the woman to choose whether she wants a 10-15 or 20 year older man as her partner. And we are NOT talking trophy wives. Even though I do not know Sam personally, I am more than CERTAIN that he is most definitely not looking for a trophy wife. And yet, for a certain type of man, he can pretty much go and find MANY women who meet his specs….and as time goes by, increasingly so can women. In my opinion every man and woman needs to decide for themselves the kind of person (specs etc.) they want to be with.

      Jacqueline you certainly have the prerogative of deciding the kind of person who want for a partner, but so does the next person.

      Hope you find the partner you are looking for………… have EVERY right to find him…and needless to say you do not need ANYONE’s approval to do so. But please don’t forget THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES as to how life will turn out with your ideal partner. I wish you the very best in whatever it is you seek. The only thing predictable about life is that it is unpredictable.

    • Nathan nailed it! You could reverse every gender reference in the original article and it would ring every bit as true. Men have grown very weary of the idea that we are “equals”, yet I should chivalrously court you like it was the 1950s. Oh my god, the women are now being forced to send the first email when they are interested in a guy. And shock of shocks, they might get they same treatment we do if he is not interested – dead air.

  4. Here I thought that it was men who felt pressured by women to act as if they were veteran travelers. But then I’ve never been on a dating site. Anyway, men who don’t perceive that non-stop outdoors activities are of interest to only a certain percentage of women are cutting off their noses to spite their faces.

    • Come to Denver and check out the women of Match. And not only the 30 year-olds. I’m talking about the ones in their 40s. If their profiles are to be believed they have no need for residences in Denver because between hiking, biking, skiing, climbing 14ers, camping, traveling the world and volunteering with poor children in Africa/Chile [pick one] there’s no way they have time to be here.

      • I always laugh when men write “I enjoy walks on the beach.” I live two blocks from the beach and have NEVER seen these most amazingly handsome, successful, adventurous guys strolling the beach!

  5. Fantastic! This is hilarious! Your advice is solid. It is spot-on for all guys, not just the crowd. Good luck to you! I think you’ll be just fine.

  6. It sounds more like these men are looking for Labrador Retrievers to join them on these adventures than bonafide women. If they found a woman who is, as you say “outdoorsy, and likes to be outside all the time,” she will probably have a lot of sun damaged skin and consequently forfeit her opportunity to cuddle with all these world travelers by their fireplaces. Chin up, though; 30 seems old to you now because you are hanging by a thread to your twenties. It is not. Geena Davis didn’t have twins until she was 48ish!! Halle Berry and Nicole Kidman both got knocked up after 40, and think how OLD and dried up that sounds. Just don’t compromise with the losers and liars.

      • Wait! I’m blonde, petite, above-average looking twenty-something old AND I have two purebred Labrador retrievers! However, I’ve never zip-lined, sky-dived, bungee jumped, or hiked the world’s largest mountain. Although I’d like to, that’s hard to do on a bartender’s salary.

        Eh. Oh well. I guess they can take the dogs with them while I sit at home slaving away at my eyebrow-waxing-manicure-doing-hair-highlighting-tanning-bed feat. And then getting dinner-ready oh and picking up the kids from soccer and his dry-cleaning! Wait… How will I have money for all of this with my guy gone adventuring all the time?!?! When will he find time to work?

        Lol! Unrealistic expectations these men have.

    • I got a dog. And it is half Lab. Female.
      So far, she has been the most active girl in my life ever. 🙂

    • Well, just review the sites before you try again, you should do better after becoming knowledgeable from the reviews. Too much honesty up front scares people off, give it more gently in time, and you will succeed.

  7. Sounds fake… and honestly I am 32, male, with 2 kids and a wife and I know absolutely no one our “age” that works out more than twice a week (me… about twice a year). Besides, those are dating profiles not marriage material profiles I would imagine… but then again I am a guy. Nice post!

  8. Notwithstanding unrealistic demands – the parachuting, zip lining and the sorts, I find them stuck with stereotypes perpetuated by the media and television, sometimes reinforced by members in their own families.
    The New Year will bring in new beginnings; a redemption of sorts. So good luck!

  9. I also often wonder why all those men on these dating sites like to take long walks in the rain? It must be something that they think sound very romantic, but to me it sounds cold and wet and I’d rather be cuddled up on the couch.

    • Walking in the rain in Paris could be more romantic. It depends on the moment and the attire.

    • lol… maybe their crying and don’t want anyone to know it because they’ve been on some dating sites and only get responses from scammers (lots of them) from Nigeria, Ghana , and the like. that’s my problem anyways they must have a set standard in their messages because they are almost word for word. I also agree with the comment about honest people in their profiles. lol… again that’s me rather someone know the negatives about me as well as any positives I may have .. no one is perfect so everyone has faults . So if that guy/gal sounds to good to be true most likely there is something their not telling you about until you after falling for them find out that’s unsettling. Good post though

    • Because he lost his drivers licence on a DUI and his dealer lives 2 km away and he needs his high substance so desperatly.

  10. Hi Lisa! I love your post! In my experience people “tune-up” their profile after compering them with other profiles. By the way – I have checked the photo on your blog – God! you are so beautiful!!! Do not worr! You will be fine!

  11. These must be the same men who write the help wanted ads for technology jobs where you have to be a subject matter expert, know how to program in a multitude of languages using a multitude of tools on a multitude of platforms. In addition you have to be a self starter and team player who can work independently. I could go on, but you get the point.

  12. Hi Lisa,
    I recently turned 30 (in October of this year) and I actually signed up for Match on the 27th of December. I have to thank you for your post. I completely agree with you and that the men on this dating website have their priorities WRONG. It’s quite hilarious to read their “must haves” and dating requirements. I have even seen a few who are unemployed with over the top standards. I want to slap them and then make then listen to TLC’s “No Scrubs” song… wow, I just aged myself. Anyway, thanks for the post. I am in the same boat as you are. Good luck in your search. Cheers!

  13. Hilarious and infuriating at the same time! I can definitely attest from some male friends of mine that the impeccably high standards also seem to come from some of the females out there, too. (Imagine being a male under 5’5 & having that listed online!) Thankfully there’s some cool people out there despite it, as I’ve known so many marriages that came from that site. Maybe filter out all the skydivers and find someone that stays in and reads a book?

  14. (you might be interested!!) loved this post! great comments!! 🙂 how ironic, i was discussing this very site with a friend only this week. Interestingly 2 of my very closest friends have successfullly found their spouses online, although NOT at (sadly for match). Each of their strategies were different, one started with shared interests in the bedroom, the other started with shared spiritual beliefs. There are a number of sites out there but according to SciAMind the most important thing is to meet in person relatively soon, because the internet doesn’t take into account chemistry! Good luck and for the record – i think you should check out Ryan (see above) 🙂

  15. Lisa I thoroughly enjoyed reading this! I have quite a few girlfriends who have been through the online dating circus (I mean experience) and we have spent entire evenings out with lots of wine and conversations about their “adventures”. It’s probably not a bad thing that you haven’t been on a date yet because that will be another set of stories (or another great blog post). Apparently, not many of these guys post recent photos of themselves and when you actually show up at a date, they have very little resemblance of their pics. And of course the real person never looks BETTER than the photo. But yet they want the women to be model perfect and gorgeous. I agree that a little dose of reality might be just what some of these guys need. Thank you for sharing this experience with us. I do hope you find the man of your dreams soon whether it be from online dating or elsewhere 🙂

    • Oh my goodness! I’m a bartender and about two weeks ago this lady was in having a drink by herself. It was slow at this time and she had been there for about a half hour or so before she turned to me and asked me for advice. She was in there waiting to meet a blind date! They met on a dating site and he was to meet her at 7 (it was 6:30 by this time) and he just texted her saying he didn’t really look like his picture anymore and he had a beard now. A half hour before he is supposed to meet her and he texts her this! So I took her number on a piece of paper and told her if she tugged at her earring, it would be my signal to go in the back and call her phone and pretend to be someone calling that she had to rush to haha.

      Anyhow he got there and had on tan shorts and flip flops and METALLIC BLUE PAINTED TOENAILS.

      What’s worse? I asked him if he had a daughter or something that thought it would be fun to paint dad’s toes… You guessed it, nope!

      And these are the guys on the sight that expect females to be perfect??

  16. Hi Lisa

    Well, I’m Canadian and am on Match so I’m not exactly sure if my experience is different because of that. I do agree that there are men on there that are less than appealing – in their first emails and sometimes on dates; however, having said that, about a year ago I also decided that comiserating with my girlfriends (or in general) was not the way to attract the guy I do want. I am writing a blog regarding focusing on what we do want; not want we don’t and no matter how bad some of the guys are on that site (I hear from the guys, the women aren’t much better) I just click delete and go right back to focusing on what I do want – I also got really honest and posted that I want someone who is spiritual like me (instead of just athletic and toned). In any case, since I have been focusing on the positive, I really have had some nice dates and am starting to meet men that are more in alignment with what I am looking for. If anyone is interested, my blog is and there are some practical things we can do to attract that “right for us” guy. Best of luck Lisa!

  17. Ehem, you should check out Russian dating sites, where Western men are looking for Eastern European brides… Geez. 60+ years old &400lbs heavy inhabitant of a village not found on any map looks for a model-like university educated &child free woman up to 25… Keep dreaming is all i have to say :))

  18. This post is awesome! My best friend, who was single for a while, has told me so many horror stories (a.k.a. dates). I told her she should start a blog documenting her experiences! Best of luck to you. It’s got to be rough. People do need to get real.

  19. But of course, none of these men would be expected to reciprocate these qualities. Loyal? Wants kids? “Nah bro, I’m too young to settle down.”

  20. I also joined recently, I’ve only been on it for a few days and can already see it’s going to be a waste of time. Just like you I see al these guys looking for very specific things, even specifying the exact weight and height she should be, and its just ridiculous.

  21. OMG! I knew the dating scene was bad, but still… LMAO!!! I have NO idea where someone goes to meet “new people” for the purpose of dating. I married my best friend. We’ve been married for over 12 years.
    Crap! If there were such women out there, women who climbed things and flung themselves from mountains after making a 6+ figure income, she’d be a terrifying woman to behold!!! I’m imagine a really skinny amazon. Perhaps they’re looking for the chick from Underworld? Too funny!
    Sometimes friends of friends seem to work out, dating-wise. At they do in my limited experience. The trick with that is figuring out ways to get everyone together so you can meet the friends of friends.
    Good Luck to you! 🙂

  22. I met my bf on Match, but definitely came across some interesting profiles to put it kindly. Give it a shot, though – it might be a needle in a hay stack, but there’s some good guys on there. 🙂

    • I am just curious, why is it that everyone looks for needles in haystacks? Maybe that is why they can’t find them. They would be better of looking in a pin cushion or a sewing box… just a thought.

  23. There should be a “love” button for this! You hit it on the head. Maybe eHarmony guys are a bit more down-to-earth and realistic:) You can only hope, right?

  24. I hope my words are not misconstrued but it seems to me that we, guys, when in those dating sites, look for girls who, by virtue of all their requested, er, virtues, wouldn’t have the need to be on a dating site to begin with!
    I’m 35 and about to get married in the summer. You never know! and that is all you know.

    Congratulations on getting FP’d

  25. Ha ha ha! I was in that same predicament also and I dont want to scare you but I am still single at 35. I have friends that have found their soulmates in or that other webiste sorry I forgot. But as for me, no luck. It is getting tough out there and sad to say but a lot of them have high expectations regardless of their own looks. What erks me the most when you are that biological clock ticking age people always say “Love will find you, dont search too hard!” F that S! If I were to wait I will be covered with cobwebs and probably will be skinny but pretty much look like a skelaton cause I will be dead by then before my prince can save me. =)

    • “biological clock ticking”, huh? Seen that once too often. Look girl, there’s psychotherapy for that. And if all else fails, you can either get a donation from a sperm bank or have your womb removed and let us all live in peace 😉
      I thought we were all discussing how it is hard to find a soulmate, how delusional people are, fake profiles, etc., not desperate wannabe-mom females.

      • “biological clock ticking”, huh? Seen that once too often. Look girl, there’s psychotherapy for that. And if all else fails, you can either get a donation from a sperm bank or have your womb removed and let us all live in peace
        I thought we were all discussing how it is hard to find a soulmate, how delusional people are, fake profiles, etc., not desperate wannabe-mom females.

        I take it you have a mother complex? Your statement is truly spoken by an angry, insecure man who derives pleasure from ripping apart people. Makes you stand taller doesn’t?

  26. My wife and I met online and it was a result of an honest post from me. As my wife put it “you sounded like an adorable, lonely geek boy.” She loves me in all my geek glory and I her for all of her crunchy awesomeness(that’s kinda like a hippie for those who do not know, sorta).

    • Geeks are highly underrated. I found one when he was unceremoniously dumped by my college roommate.

      We celebrated our 30th anniversary on Tuesday.

      He is awesome, and as a plus, he puts up with me.

  27. I can understand soul mates are almost impossible to find. Perhaps a more scientific approach to seek the perfect person could be DNA compatibility that will later require members to be formally introduced after a violin symphony in formal attire.

  28. For the record? Your Match experience is better so far than mine was. I did meet a couple guys I dated. I think they should put another check-off item on there: “Has emotional availability issues.” Every guy I met needs to check that box.

  29. I totally understand that these guys expectations are quite over the top! But I have to say everyone thinks NO ONE works out a lot, travels, has kids, an education, a good job and a sense of adventure???? Sorry, but we do exist! And most of the people with these qualities are probably already taken. And it’s not like we’re born wanting to accomplish all these things. I married a guy I only knew for 4 months when I was 18 . . . That was 18 years ago. He’s a soldier, so working out is important to us (6 days a week when were home) We travel, (for free because of his job). Turkey, Germany, Italy . . . All over the US as well. We have a daughter who’s 14. We camp and hike every chance we get. We camp at hike in sites with only what we can carry in our packs . . . We train for half & full marathons . . . We volunteer for soccer and volleyball teams for our daughter, and at her school. We both have college educations that we worked on over the years and while I am a stay-home-mom now, I worked as a graphic designer/web developer for years.
    So expecting someone to be all these things IS wishful thinking, but there are some of us who just never stop . . . never stop doing, learning, growing. But IF I were ever single & looking again, I would be depending on good old fashioned CHEMISTRY! No one on the internet can give me that feeling of an instant “connection”. And if these guys would realize that sometimes we possess qualities that haven’t even erupted yet, they might get a great catch and then as a couple they would create things & go do things they love to do together. I have always loved camping, but 10 years ago, hiking was not something I thought would be fun. Now I love it! I was the girl who would rather watch TV than exercise, now my hubby has to pressure me to “take a day off”. I wasn’t born loving all these things, but now I love doing these things more than TV, Movies, dinners out . . . We aren’t cookie cutter people, sometimes we bend and flex and mold ourselves into people we never knew we could be. You can’t create your dream person out of a bunch of qualities you think you love. Your dream person will just appear one day and you’ll love whatever qualities they already possess!

  30. What a great post! It got some good laughs out of me 🙂
    Seriously, I face this EVEN NOW at my university, among women and men alike. They name all these qualities they’d want to find in a partner, but the qualities they’re looking for are so contradictory that it’s not until they find someone with SOME of these qualities that they realize “This isn’t what I was expecting”. It’s awful. I’m glad to know that someone takes note of these things, too.
    Good luck with your search, and congrats on getting Freshly Pressed!

  31. Wow. I’m scared to death to date online because I’ve heard good and bad things. I think it just depends on the person. This freaks me out even more to try it out.

    • Hello, I am James single resident in Gambia west Africa, i taught we should have good conversation before anything else…looking beautiful here..James xxox

  32. I’ve had exactly two online dating experiences. One was bad and one has been very good. The bad one was and the good one, Guardian Soulmates, a UK dating sight. I’d become disenchanted with dating American men and was curious as to what British men might be looking for in a relationship.

    My darling British husband and I are quickly approaching our fourth wedding anniversary and I still think he hangs the moon. We got lucky. I took a chance and it worked and while I’m not required to wrestle alligators or have a perfect body, I think you’ll find a bit of adventure travel on my blog.

    Good luck!

  33. I have been online dating for years though my current relationship began in RT (real time.) I think most men who have to pay for online dating want their dreams to come true. I think that men who participate in free sites like or or are more realistic…to a degree. I guess people think you get what you pay for or demand.

    and, no I do not zipline or feel happy in bikinis.


  34. Give me a zipliner any day. Maybe it’s an Australian thing, or maybe it’s an outback thing, but too many of the profiles I flick through list their interests as ‘drinking with mates, xbox, cars.’ Honesty is overrated.

    • Yes – too right! Come on girls, ok sometimes its a bit over-the-top but surely you want a man with some vavavoom even it is a nerd! Seriously if you are not careful you will get a guy on wants to watch sports with his mates with a beer on the sofa – and thats what I see most of the time. Its great to meet a guy who likes fun things – as long as the profile isnt total BS that is!

  35. Soooooo so true! i am 44 and I have been divorced for about 7 yrs. now. Twince I tried online dating, same thing but you forgot to mention all to 45+ yr. olds who are looking for a :serious relationship” with a great woman who is between 20 and 30 years old. Grr just grr lol!

    • The problem I have is is seems women in their early/mid 40’s want a guy that is mid/late 30’s. I’m 45 and I’ve seen a lot of early 40’s women that say I’m too old.

      • This may be a regional issue. It is typically only the guys looking for a much younger partner – around my area.

        The ladies would be delighted with someone their own age.

        • I find it odd too but I see a lot of women 40, 41, 42 that list 30 to their age as what they are looking for so I guess they would look at someone their age but no older. When I was 37 I met a nice woman on Match that was 40. She was not interested in anyone older than she was. She said she wasn’t a “geezer pleaser”.

    • I’m 45 and I’m not looking for anyone under about 40. That’s a different generation. I think there are a lot of guys like me that are average looking and have little/no baggage that didn’t find someone when they were young due to education/job or like me got sick of the whole dating game and spent their time and energy on other interests. I do think it’s reasonable to think that a guy in decent shape at 45 could find a woman who is reasonably fit. I seem to find either women that run marathons and want someone to run with or they are so overweight and out of shape they would die on a moderate five mile hike and nobody inbetween like me.

  36. People, both men and women, are looking for the whole package. That’s why they’re still single and probably will remain that way.

  37. Do they think women have 60 hrs in a day? Being career driven takes at least 40 hrs a week, having kids is very demanding, and keeping a slender and well manicured appearance requires a lot of time as well. If a woman can do those three things, she’s not likely to have the time left to go bungee jumping with them. Think for a minute. If they do find this person, what do they offer her? Someone to hang out with and father her children?

  38. Loved reading this!! I too have been thru the Match experience. Early on in my Match days before I knew what to expect (or thought I knew what to expect), I had a guy asked me if I had a web cam, I did not, and I told him so. He then asked me if I wanted to view his…I said sure, ok. Well, boy was I in the shock of my life!!! He appeared in the web cam wearing a red robe sitting in a leather chair, never showing his face. I thought that quite odd and then it hit me what he was attempting to do. Soon as I saw the robe come off and his hand go down, I clicked on the disconnect button!! He actually started typing asking me why I disconnected??….I’m not a prude, but come on, really??? I’ve always been leary of anyone that asks me if I have a web cam!! LOL!!

  39. I have been out of the single scene for 11 years and I am not sure I could survive in that jungle anymore. I think if I was ever single I would just date my cycle and keep a dog for companion. Hopefully that does not happen.

  40. Try OKCupid, it’s better than Match. You’ve stated the VERY obvious about dating online, that’s just how it is – you have to sift through 150 guys to find one good date. And then don’t judge too much on their profile and take the photos with a grain of salt. I met the love of my life online and he looked way better in person than in his photos, and you can’t judge personality in writing.

    • NO…Ok Cupid is much worse than because it’s free. I tried that site, Plenty of Fish, and now I’m on Match. I’m a 46 year old woman who looks like 30, business professional, educated, fit, attractive and I have been single for 6 years. I was just rejected by a gorgeous 44 year old man who was a 95% match because I am 1 year over his desired age range of women between 30 and 45!! Can you say ‘mid-life crisis’? Nobody bothers to read my profile before contacting me, and I get tons of guys with no pictures posted. I am going to start looking for men at the grocery store! I seriously could have my own blog about the whole online dating experience because it’s an adventure.

      • Oh… I can so relate to this post.. but I’m much older than you.. Is it Nicole? I was also told to try OKCupid. At first I thought the site was better than Match. I liked the questions..some of them ,..& if they were answered truthfully. (And supposedly Match is coming out with this format) But then I too would get undesirables & a lot with no photos. I dropped my membership there because I too felt because it was free I was exposed to strange guys.. I’m sending you a big hug today to stay strong..I had a second wonderful date last night quite by accident with a guy I had met on Match. He is a true gentleman & finally lives close to me. I’m not sure if we will ever be more than just friends but that is a great place for me to start. To try & put a smile on your face today. One of my girlfriends told me to go to the grocery store & go to the produce department on Sunday morning.. find a nice looking guy & ask him if he knows where the cucumbers are?? And, of course be blinking your eyelashes at him.. So.. not me! But it made me laugh to think the dating world might have come to this.. 🙂

  41. Wow! Thanks for your post. I think it will help me better appreciate my boring married life! Good luck. There’s someone out there for everyone. Keep looking.

  42. Obviously, there is a rapid decline in people’s social skills and that’s why many are turning to the internet to date. What happened to good old fashion talking to someone passing by? I am not a fan of online dating, with all the psychos these days :s

  43. Dear Lisa,

    I am a married man permanently separated from my wife (with no intentions of divorcing).

    I have a serious mental illness and chose to have a vascectomy so I wouldn’t bring more children into the world.

    I am unemployed and while I have an apartment of my own, I often prefer to stay with my father and step-mother in their spare bedroom.

    I don’t own a car. When I need to get somewhere, I borrow one from my sister or mother.

    I rarely go outside and spend nearly all my waking hours on the computer.

    I’m about 30 pounds overweight and balding.

    Not only do I bite my fingernails, I sometimes swallow them.

    So, my place or yours?

    P.S. My sister and her husband have a fireplace downstairs at my Dad’s house which we could use if I ask her permission.

  44. This is a great post.
    Funny yet very true.
    I am older than you, tried for a few months but canceled my subscription as I was getting too frustrated.
    I believe that we have created this virtual world where most people are looking for something that DOES NOT Exist or pretend they want to be in a relationship when in fact, they just want to keep browsing profiles, chatting with various people, keep going out for a drink or more and NEVER have to choose one person and really take some time to give it a try.
    Many women are looking for smart, charming and elegant men who are successful yet low key and faithful while many men are looking for a sexy looking woman ( preferably 15 years younger when they hit 40 ) who cooks like their mom and is as erotic as a porn movie star.
    Come on guys, this has become ridiculous and quite sad as people have never been as lonely as today.
    Do you think our parents would have stayed together if they had decided to take time to get to know the other one just by looking at their photo for 2 seconds.
    The online dating industry has made all of us become very childish…
    I know online dating has helped thousands of people have a good time and/or find their soulmate, whatever the need is but I tend to think it has created a very fake world where expectations are so high and so unrealistic that they can only lead to frustration or disappointment.
    Not my cup of tea.
    I prefer the old fashioned way of meeting someone at a friend’s home dinner, a bookstore, a charity event where we can’t out someone in a box or category, just based on which profile boxes have been checked.
    Best of luck !
    I enjoyed reading your post.

    • Hi there. I know your comment is years old but I love it. You were pretty thorough and precise on online dating and peoples high expections along with the unresomable expectations of men seeking the perfect woman. Thanks for commenting you validated how I feel about online dating.

  45. I absolutely love this post. I turned 30 last year (and am now approaching the dreaded 31) and, like you, I decided to give dating sites a go. You would not believe some of the things people (men) said to me. I got everything from ‘does it matter if I’m married?’ (umm, yes) to ‘are you ready to have kids?’ (well we haven’t actually met, so I’m not sure.

    Good luck! I’m looking forward to reading some dating stories!!x

  46. Conversely, if an average-looking guy, with an average life lists normal, everyday type interests in their profile they are likely to be ignored by most of the women on Let’s be honest here.

  47. You just made me literally laugh out loud! I love this post! With all the commercials hitting tv’s right now and my 30th birthday also around the corner, I’ve thought about it, but am now relieved that it was just a fleeting thought. Best of luck to you on Match!

  48. I had similar thoughts when I was on I don’t think I saw one guy on there who had anything realistic posted. They maybe responsible for the most first dates…but I don’t know about any after that….
    Thanks for the laugh, I read it to my fiance, he got a good laugh.

  49. Funny. And true. But as other people have noted, also not completely fair. It works the other way too. The women can be equally unrealistic and silly. Such is the nature of dating, online or otherwise.

  50. Even though I am 1) a guy who 2) actually found the love of my life on, I have to say your description of most of the men on there (except for me, of course…) was frighteningly accurate. My wife and I have been incredibly happy for six years now, and still reminisce about how finding each other that way was like running naked through a leper camp without getting infected.

  51. Well, these guys are saying what they thought women want to hear…adventurous young men with plenty of money( trust fund babies profile) and they’re afraid to be honest because men deep inside are fragile creatures too, afraid of rejection but desperate to be loved. My most viewed articles were about men, like Men are simple creatures, Why men are scared of marriage, Love is man’s greatest need, Can you love without respect. We all need love, at the same time we are all scared of love. But don’t give up. You’ll find him. He’s out there waiting for you…you just never know when or how:)

  52. Amen sister! I do happen to know people who’ve met their spouse on, but I think those are the lucky ones! You nailed the rest (in writing I mean!). I have another friend having a similar experience and she’ll post the “introductory lines” like you shared, and they are ridiculous!! Thanks for sharing that I’m not alone in my conclusions of the site!

  53. dear Lisa Barnard,
    i havent stopped laughing in about ten minutes now…(and am stopping as am out of breath….)…this is so true….men and these dotcoms….the two combined are lethal… and am also a victim of the above… so this laughter, might i add, is one of recognition and empathy 🙂
    extremely well put…way to go girl….
    good luck and cheers…(from the ‘single’ ) moodsnmoments

  54. Great article, I enjoyed it very much.

    I tried dating sites for a while in my late 20s and early 30s and came to the conclusion that there are a lot of people on dating sites that have a flair for writing poor fiction as their profiles are so hard to believe and their expectations even more so.

    Believe me, some of the women on those sites come across as frighteningly obsessive baby crazy ring chasers. It’s like some of them have no life beyond the single minded, tunnel visioned drive to reproduce.

    While lots of guys want families, it’s not exactly the first thing we want to hear about when the first date hasn’t even happened yet.

  55. I related to this. SO MUCH!
    I also live in North Carolina, three hours from the beach and three hours from the mountains (I’m getting the sense we live in the same area…) And I was also on I was THIS close to putting in my description that I needed a guy to like Gossip Girl, shopping, and sitting at home all day. The sports thing drove me nuts, as did the bragging of their athletic abilities. I was JUST venting to a friend the other day how annoying it is that we live in the suburbs and everyone brags about all the ‘hiking’ and ‘swimming’ they do. Omg, get over yourselves! I’m going to need people to have a more realistic gauge of their athletic abilities in the New Year, just sayin’. 😉

  56. Great post. I avoided Match because of the awful smug adverts they have here in the UK… but I tried two other sites last year. There I met mad, boring and strange people with a peppering of the odd nice guy who lied about his age. Personally, I think both men AND women are too unrealistic on these sites and it is seen as the business it is. After all, you don’t fall for someone just because they are fluent in three languages and have a penchant for mountain boarding, you fall for who they are as a person.

    I used it as a way to ‘get out there’ and boost my confidence rather than meeting the man of my dreams. Sometimes it did nothing for my confidence but it did open me up to opportunity and I am now not single for the first time in a while (I didn’t meet him online). Don’t lose heart!

  57. A friend of mine wants me to try online dating, but I’m scared, even more so after reading this humorous account of yours! It has inspired me so much, that I am going to do a repost of a disasterous blind date I had while still at school. I hope you’ll pop around to take a read. Have a great day!

  58. Hi Lisa! I really enjoyed reading this post, especially the paragraph ending with “ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM”. I burst out laughing!
    I was like you when I turned 30. I wanted to meet someone and I felt that I had to hurry up because my clock was ticking. That made me feel miserable, and when you feel like that you attract the wrong type of guys, and even more worryingly only focus on them .
    I’m still single, but something in me has changed: I’m happy. My advice to other single ladies would be this: yes, it would be lovely to have a partner, but you don’t need one. What you need is something you enjoy doing (in my case, acting classes, writing and trying to raise awareness about my favourite charity via my blog). When you feel happy with your life, even if it’s not perfect, you attract lots of interesting people. One of these people will be right for you. In the meantime, just do whatever makes you happy x

  59. Well, try it all and make it the source of a book, and then every bad date will be a joyful thing, if not because it brings you closer to marriage, but because it brings you closer to a best seller. I was single a long time and I’d have friends emailing me regularly for the laugh of just hearing the stories of my dates. I actually think I dated a witness protected man that I only went out with because at an event a psychic described him to me, didnt last… glad for all the experiences and even more so for my husband…got married in my 40’s – gasp. We met at a multi-class high school reunion

  60. hahah, i’m not having a great time with online dating either. Worse thing is my country is pretty small, so even you tend to get the SAME ppl at all the other online sites or dating events. It’s sad, but i still do it because i always find it incredible the kind of people you can meet (not really in a good way)

    • Well in all honesty, unless you live in San Marino (highly likely you end up dating a [distant] relative) or in the Vatican City (sure to get lots of fake profiles, I mean just not to give themselves away that easy hehe…) nowhere is too small to go out and get to know people “while you live your life”. I’m afraid switching on dating mood spoils the broth.

    • Well… in all honesty, unless you live in San Marino (highly likely you end up dating a [distant] relative) or in the Vatican City (sure to get lots of fake profiles, I mean just not to give themselves away that easy hehe…) nowhere is too small to go out and get to know people “while you live your life”. I’m afraid switching on dating mood spoils the broth.

  61. Lovely lovely blog! Thanks for this, so very funny and well written. Although I now have the eeby jeebies that I am completely undateable. I am less adventure girl and more coward girl!

  62. Come to Australia! It was quite refreshing – for my daughters anyway – coming back from the UK to see men who do just get out and do stuff – of course they are quite mad & sometimes a bit slow eg surfies seem to have a habit of losing their car keys a lot. Mind you there are girls and women out there surfing as well – just for themselves – but then I guess these people don’t need the internet.
    Main point is – don’t waste any of your precious time trying to change the guys on (or any other guys for that matter). Your life is an absolute treasure and being in the world is extraordinary and if you can live your life well, singly or with a partner, you’re one of the world’s most fortunate people.

  63. Hilarious and very similar to my own experience on Match in the UK. Worse still – POF – horrendous experiences with that!
    What about the large numbers of men with children who specifically state they are not interested in a woman who has a child…
    Ah well, fortunately there are some great advantages to single life :0)

  64. This is the FIRST freshly pressed article that actually genuinely had me laughing. Kudos to you for calling the double standard out! Good luck in the dating world, and 30 is still young and sexy!!

  65. This is an amazing article. Made me laugh out loud. I have had terrible experiences with all this and just started writing about it to share my frustrations! Thanks for sharing.

  66. I think at times we forget that we are not looking for the perfect person but the perfect person to match with our imperfect selves. Guys are worse than the girls…at least this is what it seems like nowadays. When did the roles change? I swear I have met some that are moodier than me on my PMS days. Realistically speaking, we should all be looking for the one that compliments and at the same time makes us want to be better people. The rest should fall into place. At least this is what i keep hearing and telling myself over and over. We’ll get there!

  67. LOL! This was a hilarious post. Plus, the woman who said these men must be looking fro labradors instead of girlfriends literally had me laugh out loud! I can only imagine that would be flooded with these, but I think that’s men in general – all guys like to boast before to get the girl. If you’d hear the stories I heard (generally from my friends!) you wouldn’t be surprised – not that this means that they are genuine guys, not at all. Like other people have have said, it’s a needle in a haystack thing in my opinion too. I’d say keep at it and don’t only limit yourself to online try meeting people other ways. Hope you find someone that you like 🙂 Great post though!

  68. good. i’m glad some women still want to lay in the sun and tan and not work out. i’m tired of the crossfit be buff/6 pack phase. old fashioned or not, i want a woman to be a woman.

  69. I don’t usually check out Freshly Pressed (congrats btw) but I’m glad I did this morning. I have been single for over 2 years and am sadly very well versed when it comes to online dating. I agree that the majority of men out there have their expectations set too high but then some of us women do as well. Not myself though. All I’ve asked for is a man to have a job, not be drug addicted and not want to sit on the couch all the time. You would think that would be easy…think again. I’ve recently encountered the idea that what it the person that is perfect for us isn’t good at dating, or isn’t computer literate. This would mean they wouldn’t be on POF, OkCupid, Match or even eHarmony. All of which I have tried and even paid my money for the latter two. (All the same people as on the free sites btw). Good luck in your search and feel free to check out my own blog at . I write about my dating disasters from meeting people online. Definitely met some real “winners” too! haha

  70. Really? My wife and I met through a brick-and-mortar dating service. When we joined, we were screened and had to fill out a long application. The privacy was great. The dating service had us fill out a long application showing our interests,etc. It wasn’t free either. All that privacy and screening came with a hefty fee but it was worth it.

    There was a photo shoot both with still cameras and a video.

    When we asked someone out for a date, we submitted our request through the dating service and they were the middle person. If the other person wasn’t interested in us after seeing our profile, the photographs and the video, the agency let us know and the privacy of both of us was protected because the agency did not give out phone numbers, e-mail addresses, where we lived, where we worked, etc.

    The best thing about this sort of dating service is that there is a paper trail for each applicant. But with a .com dating service, you have no idea if the photos are real or the person is the sex they claim to be. You could be sending e-mails to a predator of some kind—a Son of Sam type.

    I was a member for two years and went on several dates before I met the woman I am married to today. Some of the dates were one time and some we went out again.

    And it must have worked for most of the people that joined, because most of the women I was interested in from the profiles were already in long-term relationships with someone they met through the service and had removed themselves from the dating process. We were free to suspend the dating at any time for any reason.

    I suspect that when someone joins and has to pay to belong to a dating service that operates out of a building, the odds are that quality of the individual members is better.

  71. I am a huge skeptic of online dating sites, not sure why but I always thought there was a better way. When I found myself newly single (wife decided my business trips were a good time to go out with other men) at the age of 41 I didn’t have a clue anymore about dating or pursuing and at the time not much interest. I stumbled upon my wife(new wife) by complete accident. We had gone to school together a very long time ago and actually to the same church. Sometimes we find what we aren’t looking for.

  72. Lisa, I loved reading this!! I too have been thru the Match experience. Well, that was 8 years ago, after falling apart from my ex, feeling lonely, and that. Someone told me about it and I tried, and, stupid me, I did not invent another name, age and personality!
    I dated quite a few. They never were as they depicted themselves, their photograph was too old, and they lied all the profile through, not only about their adventurous hobbies and likes! Most of them said to live in a different town, (Madrid and Barcelona must be absolutely crushed with people, more than in Hong Kong, acccording to that!). They said to be single, separated or divorced… but I found they were married (most of them) wanting an affair and, if possible, in your place, in order not to be seen and not to pay a hotel!

    Of course, there were honest singles. None of them tht I liked much, really.

    Any way, it became an administrative work, almost, if you wanted to see their profiles before answering the great amount of offers one could get.

    After all, I had a laugh with other people when commenting on that!

    • Hija, that’s what you get for engaging in online dating in a culture where people are not afraind of talking to people (my assumption from just seeing people come and go in my two short visits to Spain). Ve a un pub con algunos amigos and just meet people; start living your life according to you and you may meet guys who simply happen to like what you like… se me antoja un buen comienzo!

  73. As a guy who has tried, and failed at, I can understand your frustration. If you put yourself out there as who you are, no one wants to contact you,but if you tell all those little white lies, you are bound to be called out on it. I started my blog, right around the time I gave up on the idea of finding the love of my life through the internet. While I have no doubts there are plenty of success stories to be told, the overwhelming truth is that there is no magic trick to finding your soul mate, even if you can check every possible box to narrow down your selection to just one profile! Every few months I am tempted to return, to give it just one more shot, but I’m not sure at my age (almost 32) I want to be disappointed again and again. Good luck with your search and keep us posted!

    • Hey what’s with this early-30’s despondency? Even in men, apparently, when we’re supposed to be on the sunny side of societal/sexual inequity?! Sorry, man, but it just occurs to me that some (or many) people are just missing out on longer life spans, or too eaten up by fake stereotypes.

    • so cute you are!!!! I tend to like younger men, but I’m starting to see that is not realistic for the long term. But men my age have so much bitterness, anger, ex drama, kids drama, and then want a young girl anyway, so with me being free , and able to do my own thing, I don’t seem to fit anywhere. I was always married and that fit with society , now single woman above 45, not so great. I get many compliments on how attractive I am with a good figure and personality, and how cool I am, but I just seem to meet freak shows who think I wanna play cougar or crazy sex games or are just plain players who have 3 different women at a time. I want one man, not rushing to the alter any time soon, not moving in, but a partner/ companion in my life to share things. Ugh. Online dating , I’ve deleted myself off of all sites now. No one has been honest either.

  74. Why cant you be the one letting go your dreams? Seriously, if you are 30, single, and want to burden some poor guy with kids he will have to finance, what do you have to offer?

    • I really hope you are being sarcastic.. but incase you are not:

      You obviously have your own, closed-minded opinion, but here’s what I think.

      She is not trying to burden someone with children, she listed it as a goal she is looking to fulfill in life (not saying I agree, but that is her own choice!). Believe it or not, I know it’s strange, but there are men who actually like children. So your point there is invalid. Not to mention, you make the assumption that she will have her husband take care of all the finances.. Really, when did she mention her intention to do so?

      Tell me again why the OP should give up her dreams? She is not asking these men to, but she is personally saying that the men on the site’s dreams often contradict themselves. She is looking for someone who has similar/compatible dreams and goals. That’s how relationships work.

      Yes, she’s 30. Yes, she’s single. Neither of these things says anything about what she can offer the world. This is not the 1900s…

      • come on, what she’s bitching about is basically this:
        you men aren’t that much to begin with, and you want such unrealistic things nja nja

        and at the same time she’s like:
        I’m so awesome (not so!), and I’m looking just for this, this, this, this, this, this, this, and that and that

        to make a bad situation worse, if some dude actually posts that he “doesn’t want such unrealistic things”, and he has this, this, this, this, this, this, this, and that and that, she would immediately conclude he is a loser not worthy of her attention
        and rightly so, anybody posting sh.t like that is clueless

  75. I agree with you. My experiences with was a nightmare. On the other hand, I found my husband on Yahoo Personals. We have been together about 5 years and very happy. I really feel we are an exception.

  76. Hilarious article, though it also made me groan because I have seriously known guys like this… they think they can ask for EVERY personality trait even if they’re exact opposites and NOT have a manic girlfriend who might voice her opinion A.K.A “complain and be pessimistic”! HAHA.

    But I think instead of using online dating sites, trying hitting up some sites for things you specifically enjoy and maybe you’ll have better luck meeting people you would be interested in? And honestly, look for someone to have fun with before you look for someone to have kids with. . you’ll prolly get better results there too!

    Good luck!

    • T W O G R E A T T I P S !!
      Seriously, that’s the way a woman talks. Or else, you may be only 22 or married with children… OK, bad, misogynistic joke. But there’s truth in it: I’ve seen most of my female friends/acquaintances lose their mind upon the outset of their ovarian revolt (mind you, I belong to a rather different culture, albeit Western: female hysteria all the same)
      Extra tip: most guys who make up profiles like that are too lame for a real-life relationship and too cowardly to go into a sex website. And as fake as a 3-dollar bill.

      More uncanny coincidences between literary fiction and real life on my blog 😉

      • The fact that you use terms like “female hysteria” makes me cringe as much as that profile… You do realize that “hysteria” was a made-up condition used by men in history to claim insanity for wives they could not control easily, or whom had any sexual desire them deemed unfit for a woman?
        ^ Check it, if you don’t believe me.

        I hope you consider no longer using the term, considering the old-age treatment was sexual assault.

        • Thnaks for caring to reply. I used the term hysteria in the modern, popular sense. You may have noticed that.
          On the other hand, I did mean (most) women simply seem to go mad as a certain time comes, namely fill-my-womb time. This is factually animal urge, which is fine, and sadly a long-standing construct. My opinion, and my experience.
          Hope you give it a good thought, and hopefully a good look around you to notice how many crazed females you will find 😉

        • “Popular” term? Last I checked, using a term that was once used to demean, punish, and denote violence against someone is not popular OR modern for that matter.

          Yet again, you use words such as “crazed”. I hope you give a good thought to your word choice and that you can still learn in life the way your negative wording hints at your negative opinion and personality.

          Being condescending won’t get you anywhere fast, so I suggest that you reign in your “factual animal urge” to dominate others whether it be through speech or otherwise. =]

        • Again, it seems to me there may be a word battle I never meant to engage in… you are holding on to the wrong end of the stick (call me phallo-centered now) as you intend to interpret each and every term according the the dictionary entry that most suits your mood. Not nice.
          I work with words, teaching languages and to boot I am a freelance writer. I need no reinterpretation of my ideas, at least for myself. I leave that for each to do as they well please and can, save to tell me how to think of my thoughts 😉
          Anyway, going back to how we came to “converse”, I’d rather focus on the really good tips you gave the girl, not how negatively you reacted to my wording.

        • Here’s a term for you: cognitive dissonance. Next time you wave words like “crazed”, “mad”, and “fill-my-womb”, be more prepared to be held accountable for your blatant arrogance.

          Overall, your disrespect and lack of knowledge for women’s lifestyles is the REAL issue here, which is shone THROUGH your words (how was it so hard for you to connect those dots?!). Oddly enough, the men on that dating site you think or so fake have the same problem you do…

        • Excuse me, sir, but I suggest you look up cognitive dissonance, as it aptly explains your viewpoint. Whether you are a *writer* or not says nothing other than you think labeling yourself makes you more important than me, which sadly, is not true.

          Overall, your disrespect and lack of knowledge for women’s lifestyles is the REAL issue here, which is shone THROUGH your words (did I really need to connect these dots for you?!) Oddly enough, the men on that dating site you think are so fake have the same problem you do now. . .

          Trust me, I am on the sunny side when I need to be. You spouting your ignorance doesn’t really make for a sunny setting however.

        • I apologize for the double post; one was on my phone that was not showing for some odd reason.

        • No prob… this keeps disappearing as I wrte (?!) as well, and is getting me nervous.
          All in all, if you get this one, let me tell you that I respect your views and I only mean to argue from my perspective and experience, not meaning to attack! If you wish, we may correspond otherwise, hehe!

        • No prob… this keeps in mid-sentence (?!) as well, and is getting me nervous.
          All in all, if you get this one, let me tell you that I respect your views and I only mean to argue from my perspective and experience, not meaning to attack! If you wish, we may correspond otherwise, hehe!

        • Why is it that so many men think females have this magical ticking clock on some unknown countdown? I believe you referred to it as an animalistic urge? Really? That would so explain why the males in almost every species mates with multiple partners to increase the chances of continuing his genetic line! Try it is more like a societal expectation that a woman gets married and has children, because it’s “normal”. Have you completely missed all of the news stories about how the down fall of our society is the fact that women are higher educated, more focused on achieving personal goals and wanting to be self sufficient before thinking about settling down and even thinking of having children? Or did you just choose to completely ignore the fact that just 60 years ago it was almost unheard of that a woman attended post secondary education, let alone graduated or remained unmarried? It wasn’t all that long ago that a woman in her mid 20’s was considered a spinster and unmarriagable!

        • Societal urge then be it. Just seen it happen one too many times, that’s what scares me.
          Totally agree on the fact that the (Oh Gosh only natural, expectable!) progress and various achievements women have made scare the s* out of men -and some other women. Sad. I am all in favour of women being acknowledged just as homo sapiens sapiens as men are, as simple as that! The thing is, IMHO, mistaking pants for rights is oh so short-sighted. We won’t live long enough to see the dust settle, but we can start a change of attitude, that’s what I think.

        • Oh I do agree that it happens way to often, and we’ve become a society of throw it away and get new just because you don’t want to actually put forth an effort tomake something work! Makes me ill!
          But could you please elaborate on “pants doesn’t equal rights”?

  77. Try some free dating sites, like OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish … then you’ll REALLY be put off. (But I’d love to see what you’ll write about THOSE experiences.) Welcome to the wonderful world of online dating!

  78. I’d love to see the more realistic version of a male Match.Com profile:
    Slowly balding
    few extra pounds
    irritable bowel syndrome
    I’m kind of a home-body, by which I mean, I don’t leave the house that often and spend a lot of time sitting on the couch watching tv
    I like to watch adventurous shows and pretend that I will one day ‘go ziplining’ though I know I probably never will because it makes me kind of nervous.
    I probably drink to much and I curse and talk about star wars.
    Most nights you will find me passed out on the couch around 9:30 after stuffing my face with chips and booze

    Seeking: a girl who will put up with my annoying habits and not criticize me too much

    • Holy sh..t! I just seriously dated a guy like that and still got dumped. 47 and still playing the field.

      He’s a single dad and lives in an apartment with one of his kids. Lol can’t win with these men.

  79. OMG!!!
    I laughed soooo hard!!!
    But I know you’ll find someone hun…
    But you know something…Sometimes the love you’re looking for is right under your nose…
    My hubby started off as my best friend… 😀

  80. Maybe the best way to weed out prospects is by what they list first, versus last. If “beautiful and adventurous” is at the top of the list, and “caring” and “accepting me for who I am” are at the bottom, it’s clear where the priorities lie. And you’re right, if many of them had his Lara Croft type-chick they are asking for, they’d prob be intimidated.

    • PS. Don’t give up. The right person can fall in your lap when and where you least expect it. I did not marry until I was 28, and my daughter was born when I was 29.

  81. Oh my goodness – I laughed out loud. SO TRUE. To make it even more awful and funny – I lived with THAT man for a year. I now refer to him as “Peter Pan”. Yes, they DO want a man in a woman’s body! He is now 55, never been married and well…I’m happy that he isn’t ruining the life of another woman. I’m now married (16 years, together for 19 this month) with someone I met by accident. Had a baby at 39 and life is wonderful. I told my husband about your blog post and he said “Those guys are losers”. Wishing you the best and a year that will bring a real romance with a real man!

  82. I must say that this was both a hilarious and a sad read, the posts and the comments. Having just lost my wife to cancer last spring after 30 years, I do go thru periods of loneliness, but have been leery of the dot-coms, even though I HAVE met one or two happy couples that have met thru the EH site. It seems obvious that the dating sites, like the casinos, are in business to make money. Yes, a few people hit the jackpot, but just as with gamblers, most lose. Only the casinos (and the dating sites) win…

    I can’t imagine lying about myself in an online profile or posting an inaccurate picture, at the same time expecting honesty from the women I’d wish to meet. There seems to be so much hypocrisy in our society. I’ve chosen (at least for now) to simply be patient, go at this without expectations and to allow for a little serendipity. If I ever get married again, I don’t want to wake up some day feeling trapped in a relationship that I rushed into.

    Great post!

  83. Great post. Your experience coincides with the general societal view of what men are looking for in women…so many contradictions. Slim but also athletic, adventurous and experienced but not “slutty,” “natural” beauty but still tan, made up, and looking good, smart but not smarter than them, etc. I’m not saying women don’t look for a lot in men, but it seems like the men you’ve described are going a little overboard.

  84. Too funny! I too have done so I can totally relate to everything you wrote about. When you actually meet them, you’ll know whether they actually do all that stuff or not. It will be obvious. is not for me.

  85. Hilariously upsetting…

    …in only that I have had the same discussion with myself about eHarmony. I’ve been on a week and it’s insane how many women:
    -Love to laugh (no shit! Unless you are guarding her majesty’s palace who doesnt?)
    -Just want someone who is honest, can go to the bars or stay at home in front of a fire/movie watcher
    -HIKE (more mountains our here, but if this many people hiked everyday the landscape would be riddled with women who “love hanging with their girls, concerts, Pinterest, who are thankful for their loving family, self drive, and love their job”….Oh and only drink once a week!

    Where are the women who have no friends, drink heavily, are skinny because addiction, don’t travel, hate their parents, kick kittens, slap babies, and spank old people?

    Identically Unenthused,

    Matt Pieroni

    • I put on my POF profile “Homicidal gold digger seeks hot or not guy with large wallet to finance her 36H breasts, awful plastic surgery and extensions. If that’s what you’re looking for I’m sure you’ll find her. Me on the other hand, I’m a PhD student.”

      But I think most people have stage fright at the idea of actually having to write out what they want in a partner, hence the crazy list of specifications. Or they’re trying to sell themselves as normal when in reality we’re all eccentric in some way.

    • wow, I got so excited hearing similar things I experienced, that I forgot to put a pic and I messed up my email address… Everything you say I have found, creepers, freak shows, liars, posted old pics, are demanding that they want Barbie 20 something model, athletic, who plays sports , works out 6 days a week, who will perform sexually like a stripper/whore, who will bow down to them and kiss their ass , on a first date they dare to look at every young girl their daughter’s age who walks by, no I mean they GAWK, and expect that I should want to go to their place that night. I was always married, had a partner to share lifes events , joys, sorrows, travel, movies, concerts, sports events. I went from all to nothing. Constant plans , especially holidays and long weekends, to almost nothing. I don’t meet anyone I have chemistry or attraction with. And I’ve been called “Nice” , but in a bad way , “you are a Nice girl”. Younger men have been more respectful actually, they call me “cool, fun, personable, hot”, but I don’t feel they would be good for the long term. I wish age didn’t matter, because I chose younger men previously, and I enjoyed it, but ultimately they wanted a younger girl to start a family with. That ship has sailed for me unless I adopt , or I’m happy to meet someone who has kids as long as they welcome me. But with that said, anyone I meet who has kids, is so occupied with their games, school, the ex drama, and then with work and finances, they don’t have time, money, energy, or any positivity to share. I don’t want to be last on the list this time.
      I’ve tried all the serious dating sites , only to be put into near scary situations, some were married still, some had arrest records, some dating like 10 a week, and fortunately I saw the red flags and figured it out right off. So I’ve deleted myself off all sites, even FB a year ago. Someone please find me, because I wont go search you out or chase at all, I just want a simple , nice guy, I don’t wanna do mountain climbing or hiking for 20 miles, or gym rat 5 days a week, I miss simple routines like grilling/chilling, entertaining guests, watching movies, travelling, beach, boating, fishing.. But yes, one does have to have chemistry or a spark… The last one who contacted me online was 29 years old. He kept saying “hit me up” when you wanna ” have a drink.”

      I like what Matt Pieroni wrote and I like what James wrote above…that was months ago they posted so I will look at their websites.. Maybe they will find ME…….or someone here. It wont let me post a pic…………????? I would……I don’t have FB or any social sites now.

  86. Let me start off by saying that I met my wife on an online site. I got lucky. For the most part, however, I went virtually (literally!) ignored…for years. Why? I used to be a bit of a fibber as a kid, and I always felt humliated when I got caught in lies, so I stopped lying. Therefore, when I created my online profile, I was completely honest in it. The problem with honest, I found out, is that it doesn’t really stand out well. It also does not fulfill the “Brad Pitt” objective most women appear to have for their prospective mate. Say what you want about the dishonesty of these profiles, but they do catch your eye, they do fulfill your bullet points of the ideal mate, and they do intrigue you enough to reply. Friends of mine created Clark Gable type profiles and they usually got 30 to 40 replies. Whereas, I usually got one from a Russian woman looking for marriage and citizenship in America. Am I just simply THAT ugly? That could be, but these “Clark Gable” friends of mine aren’t that much more attractive than I am. They just fulfilled the unrealistic goals most of us have in meeting a mate, implanted by Hollywood scripts, and we feel that we don’t need to settle for hum drum. Most of us, male and female, are a little hum drum though. As your post suggests, most of us aren’t the Bear Grylls type adventurers that we claim to be, but if we can get your eyes a popping, and your fingers replying, we figure that we can connect the dots after that. As I said, I got lucky, but most people aren’t willing to roll the dice on honesty when they can meet Ms. Right with some display of their creative writing talents.

  87. Good post! In case this comment has not already been left somewhere above, what follows is a code sheet for the adventurous categories claimed by the men of

    -hiking = having sex on or near a mountain
    -surfing = having sex on or near a beach
    -ziplinning = having sex very quickly
    -traveling = having sex with foreigners
    -skiing = having sex in the cold
    -bungee jumping = having sex near a bridge
    -playing sports = wrestling naked
    -watching sports = having sex on the couch
    -kayaking = having sex in or near the water
    -sky diving = having sex on a plane
    -adventure = sex

  88. Ha, that’s funny stuff, right there! For what it’s worth, were I not married, I’d be interested in a piano playing pub goer for sure! I have a friend who got divorced and moved to Vegas. She’s been on Match for a few months and already has a stalker (wedding bells anyone?) and many inappropriate offers for all things carnal. Her stories are hilarious, much like yours. Thanks for sharing.

  89. Ive never tried online dating but If I did I would want my real likes and dislikes there. The last thing I would want to do was have a relationship built on bullshit.

  90. I think most people after 28 years old to wake up and realize where they are in life. If they are not successful financial and have not found someone that would accept them for who they are, they dont need, they need a mentor. connects people with people, but you might not find a person thats good for you because you are not there to accept them in your life. Just my two cents!

  91. Hahahaha, this made me laugh. This is one of the reasons I think people fail at dating is too high of expectations. People are not perfect, or anywhere close, especially after you get to know them. You just have to love them anyways, or even because of the flaws 🙂 Great post, congrats on Freshly Pressed!

  92. Enjoyed reading your blog and let me just say you make me not miss being single. I deffinately had some horror stories from dating back in my day, however you just don’t know who may be around the corner from you and absolutely perfect for you…not saying he won’t annoy you but you’ll be head over heels for him. Keep faith, enjoy your life, don’t compromise yourself and you will know when you met someone worth while. I met my husband when I was dating his jerk of a friend, their friendship had a falling out as well as my relationship with the guy shortly after we were spending time together and we just clicked. Which I use to think I am never going to find him.

  93. Reblogged this on Another Single Woman's Blog and commented:
    I don’t usually reblog people but I felt this entry would fit well with my blog. Plus I’ve been too sick lately to write anything of substance. For your reading pleasure, I submit to my readers this hilarious blog entry from Scholars and Rogues.

  94. Hilarious & Sad! Too bad you’ve come along all that cr#p; but even worse, if opinion is still for free, you a) went into dating sites expecting to find truth and b) you do think turning 30 is going to make you any other than a 30-yr-old.
    Work on your outdoorsy self, get a tan as you go round, say, your area or state visiting towns with friends, and you may meet your match. At least of the week? month? Just be nice, live life, open your mind, shake the system off that psyche 😉

  95. Wonderful post, I think I’ve encountered the same guys you have! One day, when they’re 40 and still single, or divorced from their perfect woman, with 2.5 kids, they’ll get back on Match and realize we (the coolest, best chicks out there) are gone, because we wouldn’t settle.

  96. Every now and then I get these pop-up ads from showing up, I think mostly on my YouTube page.

    I just realized that it’s been the same ad now for what has to be at least two years now. Faces of beautiful young women, about my daughters’ age, and then it hit me…if these ladies can’t find their matches after two years, the service can’t be that great! lol…keep smiling and good luck.

  97. I truly love this post! It is sad and amazing that there are so many people out there with too many expectations that usually don’t have the same expectations for themselves. Like the one that insists the woman must be goal-oriented, then sits around on his butt while the woman does everything and constantly pushes him to get things done. I know one guy mentioned above creating a male profile to see what females require of men, but as everyone knows, each person will attract their own, good and bad. Some wind up getting more of the good, some wind up getting more of the bad. I sincerely hope that things will work out for you, that you will find the perfect man for you!!

  98. Omg! With my limited world view, I thought it was only Indian men who want a ‘packed with every feature imaginable’ spouse.

    I guess quite a few out there are trying to fill a gap in their own personality/perception of themselves and so, come up with this idea of a person who is everything that they want to be but, either cannot be or will never be. While I don’t approve of arranged marriages that are sometimes forced upon Indians, I have seen plenty of successful arranged marriages and plenty of failed love marriages. Ultimately, in any relationship, it is a question of whether there is enough love, understanding and maturity to overlook weaknesses that every person is bound to have and whether each partner has taken a good, honest look at themselves.

    I agree with the views expressed here that it is not always the women who are at the receiving end but, in my part of the world that is more often the case. I really don’t think things would work out in the long term with people who give such a false impression of themselves. So, all the best and I hope you do find true love.

  99. We had a great online experience (the two of us at We actually met online and we have absolutely everything in common. Hang in there. The right one will come along.

  100. Great post! I recently joined a popular dating website and was just as surprised by what I found on there!! Check out my blog twolessfishinthesea for all my dating adventures! Currently trying to shake off a Slovakian stalker….

    • Wait, I’m laughing so hard I need to wipe the tears away from my eyes. Even I can’t top “Slovakian stalker.”

      Thank you for this comment. (I’m still laughing.)


  101. Hilarious ! I had such a similar experience with online dating and had a ” go at it ” for very similar reasons. Found the entire experience very odd, yet highly amusing and proceeded to reject around 600 “matches” ( if you could even remotely call them such ) !
    Loved reading your thoughts and experience and had a good giggle 🙂

  102. I don’t want to say you are wrong in how offended you are of But the Internet is a place where peoples confidence is replaced with a digital representation of themselves. There are now many places that do “events” where you play a sport or hang out as a group with men and women and it gives a “natural” meeting of single people, rather then a forced one. I am not sure putting a list of qualities on the internet is the way to go. We should use the internet and connections like it as a tool not as a solution to going out and meeting people the old fashioned way. I understand MANY have found true love using sites like this. But I think as a whole the best way to go about things is do something fun that you enjoy that involves many people. Examples are Local sports clubs – dodgeball, soccer, kickball. Cooking Classes. Classes that improve the mind at local colleges like poetry, pottery etc. The only way you’ll find truth is living truth.

    • The sad thing is, this is no longer the norm for people meeting! And it’s all changed in just one generation! My parents were set up on a blind date by mutual friends. But there were always get togethers and parties. Now people go to the bar to look for mates these days. So, really it’s not much different from an online dating site! An over inflated sense of confidence hiding behind a monitor or with some liquid courage in you…we live in a sad world that is really lacking in close friendships and personal connections!

  103. You really struck a chord here! The experience you’ve had so far is the reason I have avoided this option – like the flu!
    I have known two women friends that have had greater success without a “.com”. One purchased a used designer hand bag at the 2nd hand store. Got gussied up, hung her bag over her chair while having a few drinks at a Posh Watering Hole. She met the guy, has a the life and love she was looking for. It took her a bit, but she succeeded.
    The other just went to events held that she was really in to. Again, it took her a few trips and donations to causes close to her heart, but she met him. They share many ideals and interests and are quite happy.
    You seem to be quite intelligent and witty from your post. You will meet the right guy for you. Keep in mind that though there are some successes for these .com dating sites, they are much better at making commercials than marriages. No one knows you better than you, nothing replaces eye contact and conversation and first impressions are everything.
    Wishing you the best.

  104. I tried out in the Uk and i must say it was an eye opening experience, many guys and women must have serious issues when it comes to counting up their age bracket. I should add that I was 27 at the time and just come out of my divorce and I figured hey I will give it a go. I got a few interesting conversations mostly related to the topic of getting married so they can have a British passport and the one lady who wanted a male friend that she could pass off as her boyfriend so her parents wouldn’t realise she preferred ladies. I did meet one woman and we went out a few times for drinks and such like but nothing happened in the end. I have to say that it was a very interesting experience seeing what people write about themselves and the methods they will employ to make themselves appear to be the ideal partner. We all have flaws it always felt it was better to be honest about them rather than lie and get caught out later. How many of those zip lining, bungee jumping, adventure travellers actual live with there mothers or secret like nothing more than a good book and a cup of tea?

  105. Thanks, that made my day which was not an easy task. Just in a split up situation. Guess where I met the man.

  106. Ha! Love this post…I’m 33 and have avoided online dating for all the reasons you mentioned! I’m getting to the point of trying it just to say I’ve explored every option. I’m so tired of all the expectations men place on women to be perfect!! But, hey, maybe I’ll be surprised? Post again when you’ve been on a few dates – I’d like to hear about your experience and maybe I’ll try it too.

  107. Oh my gut busting laugh right here! I am in my early 30’s, and thankfully no longer single! But trust I have done my time dredging online dating. I have had some of the worst dates, meet some of the weirdest people (mind you I was a police officer, so that says something right there!) and I’ve come up with so many different ways to drop a dude like he was a maggot infested piece of fruit!
    My favorite thing to hear from guys (and normally with in the first email from them) “you have great/huge/perfect boobs” then they would ask for me to send them a full body shot. Mind you, I’m 6 foot and can carry over 200 lbs of dead weight over 100 yards! They would say looks weren’t that important, and that they liked healthy girls, not twigs and not huge ones, average. Really? Looks don’t matter? So why do you want a picture of my whole body? Oh cause you think you are hot/smart/rich/talented enough to land that Victoria’s Secret model huh? Yeah, not so much!
    And I told myself I would be married before I turned 23, and I would have had all my biological children before 28. Well, I just got married this past year. I’m no longer able to have my own children, so that’s a moot point. We are looking at the whole adoption process. Oh, and I met him on an online dating site! I had actually passed right over his profile at first, but he sent me a message. A few weeks later, and many hours of texting, and some phone calls, we had our first date. It still took me a few weeks to realize he was my perfect match, I’m sort of stubborn and quite thick headed. Let’s just say it took him standing by me while I figured out what I wanted. And him telling me something that I didn’t even know I ever needed to hear. “I will do anything to make you happy, even if it means changing who I am.” I have never asked him to change a single thing. It was the fact that he was willing. Well, I did finally get him to stop smoking…

    Good luck!

  108. Great post! And so true!!

    Have I got the book for you: “Online Dating Sucks…but it’s how I fell in love” by John P. Gavin

    It’s funny and has great advice too. The title says it all…

  109. While we’re at it, I have a problem with a lot of the women on, too. For one thing, they all want kids. Well, what if I want a serious relationship, but I DON’T want to put another useless person into the world? Relationships don’t have to be solely a means to produce superfluous, water-headed children. They could be about romantic love, common interests, etc.

    Second of all, why do women fill out the section that says what they want their potential mate to make, as in salary, every year? I call this the woman’s ‘price tag’. How romantic.

    Basically, what has taught me is that women only want to settle down if there is something in it for them, namely, a baby, financial stability, or both. Until hormonal changes in her brain chemistry make her want those things, a woman in her early 20’s is basically ‘open for business’ in the bar scene. Do women do anything that isn’t purely out of self-interest? Again, as a hopeless romantic who wants to fall in love and have a genuine relationship, I am constantly disappointed by modern women, and sites like only succeed in pointing that out to me.

    • WHOAH! Please do not lump every woman into this group! Not everyone is like that! Just sites like these make it easy for people to be more blunt. As in real life, the good ones are hard to find! I always put that I would like to have children, but in the about me section, I always said children would be nice, but not a deal breaker. As far as the employment/salary thing…that is beyond tacky! Granted, I didn’t rule out a potential date because of a lack of post secondary education, but he would have to be able to keep up with me!
      And really, isn’t dating and falling in love the greatest form of self-interest? Finding someone you find attractive/smart/funny enough to spend any amount of time with possibly the rest of your lives, so you don’t end up alone? Not that I’m saying it’s a bad thing. I think everyone wants to have someone want them and love them.
      It pretty much boils down to instant gratification…and it shows how much of a narcissistic society we have become!

      • Well, sure, and as the OP pointed out, you know, the men of are just as self-centered… maybe the internet just brings out the worst in people. Me, I find that is the worst dating site there is, and prefer OKCupid for actually getting to know people based on interests… But I don’t see women as ‘what can you do for me?’, I see them more as ‘are you the right person for me?’ I’ve even turned women down because they were too young, too pretty, and I admit to myself that I want something serious with an equal, not just some unsustainable brief passion with a beautiful stranger.

        • I wish more people were more level headed and reasonable about dating! My friends used to constantly rag on me because I would go on a handful of dates with someone and move on to the next one. And it had nothing to do with money, looks, smarts…I decided years ago that I would never date someone that I really couldn’t see myself spending the rest of my life with! I had almost settled for some one that would “do” in my early 20’s trying to keep in line with these stupid ages I had decided on! So yes, although I had lots of dates without a prolonged uncomfortable breakup when I got bored, I was able to really figure out what personality traits, values, absolute must have’s and deal breakers that were most important to me! They call it the dating game for a reason…you have to keep trying to find your perfect match, all while trying to have fun and figure yourself out as well!

  110. I loved this, made me laugh a lot. I tried match, okcupid & plenty of fish dating sites, over the course of a year. They were all a waste of time for me. Good luck with it!

  111. You’ll find someone you like. I was there too. Checking out profiles in one of those matching places and a lot of the guys had lists as long as their legs on what they wanted the girl of their dreams to have. The one I still remember said something like: She has to be able to come back from hiking, jump in the shower and be ready to go to the opera. I think these guys are watching too many 007 movies or want into high end pimping. I finally was sent a tickle by a guy whose profile simply said he wanted to meet someone who was kind and secure of herself. That guy is now my husband.

    • Honestly, this post has done wonders to improve my mood today and is giving me quite a bit of entertainment! I would LOVE to meet some of these “perfect” women! Although I’m pretty sure there was a book and a couple of movies where this was possible, I believe it was called..oh man…uhh…oh, The Stepford Wives by Ira Levin!
      I’m pretty sure us women are more than willing to compromise on things we want in a partner, (not that men don’t either). People should honestly be more realistic!
      My now husband is actually a profile I had skipped over because he had almost all grey hair with hair cut straight from the 50’s and he is a good 4 inches shorter than me. He sent me a message just saying something simple like “hi, how are you?” A month and several dates later, I knew he was the one!

      • I know! Simple, down to earth. That’ll do it. Although it is not just the men having long lists of fantasy qualities they’d like to have in a partner. Women too. My husband told me of one lady that wanted to be the Storm for his Wolverine! he he he. Wait, maybe that lady is the type the long list guys look for. They just haven’t met yet.

        • LOL wow! And I have no doubt women can be just as shallow and unrealistic as men! I’ve heard that lots of women on the fishie Site I used could be even more blunt and sexually forward about wanting just a random hook up but posting as someone really looking. One girl told my husband they say they are looking for a relationship instead of casual encounters because they didn’t want a man whore and didn’t want to only be seen as a sex object!
          And I’ve dated guys who I thought were my “type” that ended up being a waste of time! I honestly ended up trying to say what I look for in a guy. It really ended up saying, “I no longer know what it is that I’m looking for in a guy. But I know what it is that I’m NOT looking for! And it really depends on each individual person, because I have different levels of tolerance based on many different factors”
          Like I would not allow any other man do as little help around the house as my husband, without constantly getting ripped a new one! Because he sure as hell was able to do laundry, dishes, clean, and pick up after himself before me. And he actually spent more time playing video games and hanging out than he does now!
          Oh yeah, my goose is cooked!

  112. First of all, these guys check off “slender” as the body type for their match… they rarely check off “athletic and toned.” But you want someone who does these adventure sports and plays sports too and works out every day? Huh?


    • Oh, yes I did. I groan everytime I see the commercial on television. I just know someone will then quote the chapter and verse about “God only helps those who help themselves.” Oh, yea, that commercial uses that one too. Go Christians!

    • I really like this comment and reading it from a man is really very nice. I wish you luck in your life.

  113. It’s interesting the things that men AND women will include this list of preferences while they are tucked safely behind the screen of their computer. I wonder if people would be this upfront/demanding while face-to-face with a living, breathing human being?

  114. I bet these guys came up with their expectation lists while flipping through the ads in Maxim. Then to determine what women are (supposedly) looking for, they flipped through the ads in Men’s Health.

  115. I made a list of non negotiable’s when I was younger. It ended up being helpful. Instead of my focus being on what I was looking for, my focus was on what I don’t want to deal with no matter what. This approach leaves the door open for being pleasantly surprised.

  116. Too perfect. I was going to write a similar article — having just signed up on a site for “senior people.” Tried the craigslist thing a couple of years ago, tried once, then, well, a few years pass and, now, I’m looking for “senior people.” Ugh.

    What you have learned in one week took me several years to learn. I was a young bride and, therefore, missed out on learning about male expectations until I was in my 30s. My experience using craigslist was a nightmare. People told me to try a paid-for site. Tried, read the same type of profiles.

    So, instead of writing an article about men on dating websites, I wrote a quick article about the “Top Six Excuses for Canceling a Date.” This was prompted by a man I “met” on the senior site who invited me to dinner, but canceled at the last minute. Canceling, I have learned, is easier by email.

    Great article. Well-done, too true.


  117. Online dating is whack.. Well, good luck. If I was doing one of those online profile dating match things then my information would read as follows, “20 years,120-125 lbs, red hair, green eyes. Needs a rich man to support my art and to support my thirst for travel.”
    I think it’d work.

  118. It seems more natural to meet someone in context — in a class, at the health club, at a wedding, at a show, through an organization you belong to. Then you can get to be friends first, and let it grow from there. That’s always worked better for me than online dating.

  119. Boy does this make me glad I married at 21… I get to avoid all this dating crap lol It really sounds like these guys want a woman who looks like Angelina Jolie, behaves like their mother but can act like a man on demand… Seriously? Either I’m going to be a lady with children in tow or I’m going to be cracking beer cans on my forehead with your buds during the game, I can’t be both lol. Again, so glad I’ve only got to impress one guy and he’s easy to please. If I’m happy, he’s happy.

  120. Yes! This is sooooo true! All these guys who claim to be 6’0” (who are really 5’10” but don’t want to own up to it) and want a girl who loves to laugh, loves kids, adventures, educated, slender, athletic, into sports, cooks, well dressed, let’s him be himself and have time with his friends, and the list goes on. This is my life…

    • Yes, I was soooo happy previously that I never had to “kiss any frogs.” But now, here I am, at an older age, with all married friends…yikes. The women all of a sudden don’t want me around their husbands or families.. And people don’t invite me as much because I’m odd woman out. Or I’m 3rd wheel. I loved having married routines, stability , security, love, affection, handyman, and life sharing……

      FYI ladies: I learned some valuable things you need to know. The things that guys say about they hang out with friends, they take buz trips, they travel “hiking” a lot, gym a lot, kids take up a lot of time, some of that can be true, but many times what you don’t know is he says that so you wont expect him around as much. He is telling you his boundaries up front, whether its true or not, remains to be seen, but if you hear about him being on a softball team, the gym 5 days per week, family/ brother get togethers, friends meeting up 2 times a week, kids games, then he is not available really OR he is seeing others and leaves that open. If you are Saturday girl, you MIGHT be priority… Some of that stuff is just plain excuses. Learned this the hard way…………

  121. So true!! And not only on – but on almost all dating sites 🙂 Trust me, I’ve tried a few..
    It’s the reason why I deleted my profile and just hope that I’d meet someone interesting in the next work conference… LOL

    • Lady Sparrow: Agreed. I tried one when they first started which were for “locals” only. Met a man who worked in a similar industry across town. He wrote good emails, could spell and everything. Turns out he was a drunk on his third DUI — explains why he didn’t have a car. The point is, had I met him at a bar — I would have sized-him-up immediately and, of course, walked on by. I think the email correspondence and the shared industry, led me to believe that he wasn’t really the personality type of a “used car salesmen.” He was a player, a joke and got away with it because he was reasonably good looking. Had we met at a bar (disco), his looks wouldn’t have fooled me — I would have seen through his facade.

  122. I found the same crazy when I was trying to date as a Christian single and going to “young adult & career” groups at the church I was attending. Idiots that thought they could get a mountain climbing, rock ascending, outdoor goddess who would also desperately want to submit to their every whim and stay home cooking them treats. Dude, get real. That girl exists, and she would kick your ass.

    • Dudette, get real. I did not meet very many single women in single groups at church …. single women, yes they talk to me, were as turned off by the meat market as I was ….

      And even then, she would not kick my ____ .


  123. Sounds like being single forever for you…won’t be much of a loss to any men out there on

    • I believe your comment is in response to recognizing yourself as the exact “personality” type most women and, the author of this article, are critical of. Most men, not just those on single’s websites, have an overblown persepective of themselves and spend most of their life trying to convince someone else that they are somehow “sensitive” to others. When, in fact, most are just fishing for compliments and a free meal.

  124. There are men who don’t get intimidated by a girl being more athletic than he is. In my relationship, I’m way more outdoorsy than he is. Also, not being embarassed is important. This simply shows him that she is confident. And sure, men write all of these things but know they’re not gonna get it all. But the minute you write “I’m just looking for the person who’ll accept me”, you are opening a gateway for a number of requests that might just waste your time. By expanding it, for example by adding “is able to hang with the boys” you’re letting prospective requests know that you’re looking for someone he can have around when the boys come over.

  125. I believe they’re mostly all smoke and mirrors…. playing games and deluding themselves.

  126. I loved the post…but with personal experience i would suggest that you should try meeting people through other people…ask you friends to set you up, join a gym/dance class or something…you’ll meet more people that way (if you have already tried all of this – keep trying! ;)) . If i had to weigh the pros and cons of online dating…i would say the cons outweigh the pros (though its nice to see people for whom it worked out) – and all the best to you. ❤

  127. Reblogged this on thewordpressghost and commented:
    WOW. This is one of the BETTER freshly pressed articles.

    What do you EXPECT? Internet dating? In a ME society?

    How in the world do you expect to meet a good man on a computer? Good men are not good at picking ‘hot chicks’ out of a magazine. Playboy and Hustler addicts are ….

    So, what ARE you looking for?

    Romance? In a computer?

    What has the world devolved into?

    OK, I had to let that out. And probably not my pest penned rant, but it will do for now.


  128. Loved this post. Especially the paragraph with “I don’t think you want this type of girl, if she even exists, because then she’d be too intimidating…”
    Reminds me of “Pride and Prejudice”, when Miss Bingley tells Elizabeth Bennet about what Mr. Darcy considers an “accomplished woman”. E.B: “I never saw such a woman. Surely she would be a fearsome thing to behold.”

  129. great post….I was laughing from the start! Good thing that everyone thinks girls are complicated and have to many expectations. Life has taught me that it is the other way around.

  130. Well, it’s a good thing you caught on early. Don’t waste any (more) time there! We all can be such bad judges of ourselves. Much better to experience what a person is like. I always seem to have fallen for men with a gift of the gab who were also wearing a mask. Only years later you discover who they really are (boring, all talk and no action, socially inept, workaholics, or whatever).

    ‘Better hurrying up’ because you’re a certain age is not a good reason to want a relationship, if you don’t mind my saying. I’ve heard my 30-year old niece say this too. Men can smell a desperado a mile and will use and discard her in many cases. Interesting article on the – how not to be a desperado

    Always look before you leap. Get to know him by observing what he is like with his friends, family, colleagues, because only then will you see the real person (sooner) and not by falling in love and living in each other’s pockets (which is so conducive and divine, but also lethal).

    Know exactly what you want girl, and make sure this is not only present in the veneer of the mask when you see it! 🙂

  131. Okay, here’s a challenge for you: Go on there as a guy. What you would consider a normal, decent, nice guy, and see what kind of reaction you get.

    Personally, I knew it wasn’t for me when nobody would even converse with me. I didn’t make enough money, didn’t look just right, didn’t offer them the lifestyle they were looking for, I don’t know. But nobody would even have a simple conversation. So, eventually, it got to be sport. I wondered if I could get to 100 messages without replies, then 200, then 500. Eventually, I gave up.

    I have come to accept that there just aren’t any women in the world who are interested in making the slightest effort to get to know me, let alone appreciate who I am.

    But, I digress. You’ve tried as a woman, and told us of your experiences. Now try it as a man, and see how you do. I look forward to your insights.

    • Actually, I did try this — not the way you suggest, but on the suggestion by one of my male friends, he told me to go read the posts that women put up.

      He suggested I do this to “check out the competition.” I did it. I did a search on women in my age group. I felt guilty doing this. It felt somewhat unethical. But, I did. I was shocked at what I read there too. I would have never believed it if I hadn’t seen it myself. Mostly, I was shocked by the photos they posted, the words of sexual encouragement and, yes, they mostly posted about how “supportive” or “sexual” they are. They are all there to “help their man.” OH, how we all have been so socialized to pander to the game.

    • What I’ve learned is that women don’t seem to want a normal, decent and the absolute worst is “Nice” (i.e. Kiss of Death in Dating).

      Unless your salary is over $150K+, you are 6′ 0″ AND look like George Clooney you don’t stand much of a chance.

      I’m a good looking guy, family man, make pretty darn good money and I am having a heck of a time dating women around my same age in my same league.

      Oh.. and I’m 5′ 9″ and so I might as well be a leper.

      • my ex husband was 5’9″ and that was fine…..there were sparks immediately.. I have no set list , each has been different, but the “sparks” gotta be there….you just know it.

      • You’re lucky. I’m 6’4″ and it seems the women I meet that I have liked have all been 5’3″-5’5″ and I feel like the jolly green giant.

      • I would be happy if he could support himself ($40,000?) only because I probably wouldn’t be able to. Doesn’t need to make over $40,000. 5′ 9″ would be ok if I like the guy. I’m 5’8″ I absolutely want a normal, decent and “Nice”, maybe even boring man but I can’t find one. I had Mr. Asshole successful and was married 20 years. Now I want a nice man.

        • Mystie, you read my mind.. I’m 5’8″ as well and of course 5’11” and above is a bonus but in no way a deal breaker. He doesn’t have to be rich but he does have to make at least what I do period. I like to buy myself nice things and don’t need some broke hobo hitting me up when his cash runs dry. That will never happen.

        • Here’s why guys don’t want women in your situation (FTR, article is written by a woman… also known as Janet Bloomfield on youtube)… no really, this applies EXACTLY to you:

          Only thing I’ll add, and I’ll try to say this as emotion-neutral as I can: With one divorce after 20 years under your belt, you’re not gonna garner a lot of trust from decent men who don’t want the same to happen to them 20 years down the line when he’s pushing 60 and won’t have time to recover from a divorce before he dies.

  132. Dating was probably reliable several years ago. I learned that some marriages occurred through online dating. However, through one of my friends who had started an online dating account, I discovered that these days male and female make easy lies, overstate their skills or qualities, understate their terribly bad qualities, and make unrealistic expectations of thee parties they desired. So, I don’t think dating can be any reliable these days for the really honest, sincere, law-abiding professional people. For me it something degrading- about 92% of people from my culture don’t even talk about it. So, there is no use for me if the would be partner don’t get here.

  133. I went on 10 years ago and saw much of the same as you reported. I’m older, so the focus was slightly different, but it was the same guys, just 30 years older. When they’re 60 they pose with the their Harleys and talk a lot of how much they enjoy the open road. Oh, but they’re still looking for the same women – the one who’s 35, slender, loves sports and is “open minded”. What ever that means.

    But – don’t give up. In between the Harley boys and the sad, sad men who used their profiles to talk about how lonely they were since their divorce, there are some gems. I met one and married him, and we had a great 8 year run until he passed away.

    • DSWIDOW: Thank you for your comment. I, too, have had the same experience on single’s websites and with many of the men I have met throughout my now many years of singlehood. As I am sure the author knows also, as writers we must still focus our articles on one topic to make a point, share a viewpoint or vent an experience.

      As such, we are not news reporters while we write and, therefore, not obligated to discuss both sides of an issue. Your comment prompts me to mention that I do know there are gems out there and men who are both kind and generous without being whimps. I work with many of them — just didn’t happen to marry one.

      This article, by Lisa Barnard, made me laugh so hard I cried. It felt good to know that at least someone else had the same experience, shared the same opinion and wrote it better than any other I have read about the truth about websites for singles.


  134. Wow. I have been married for several years to a man. His profile was nothing like that. At the time I used the site, I noticed a very high number of male profiles that said they “put the shopping cart back” (apparently meaning they were considerate guys?). It was so obvious that a lot of lazy Match users decided to copy.
    On a side note, I know a woman who does many of the things those men say they do and are seeking (frequent travel and adventure)…she has not had much online dating success . If there were really that many men of that type, I am sure she would have connected with one by now, unless, as you say the reality of such a woman is more intimidating than men expect.

  135. Hitch (yes, the Will Smith Hitch) would say guys like the ones described are the reason sites like Match even exist! Then again, I wish there was a real-life Hitch. I’ve done the online dating, and blogged about it, too. Had a couple of awkward dates, one that I swore was right out of a movie, but overall, had a pretty good experience. Good luck!!

  136. I’ve been single since I was 49. I’m 55 now. Match was a horrible experience and I’ll never use it again. In fact, I used 3 different sites, and they all had pretty much the same control in place to help people cheat (i.e.: to get people to use the site as much as possible so they keep paying for the subscription). And cheat they do! That, for me, was the real problem with the site. The last time it happened, I got curious on one site and created a blank account so I could log in and look around at the ‘advice’ as if I were a man. Uh…it was very different from the advice the ‘experts’ gave to women. In fact, it told men how to ‘get the attention of that hottie’ who won’t reply. It advised on the art of lying. Sheesh. Anyway, to address the point you were making in the post, I, too, have encountered men who think they can have it all without being it all. In some ways, this attitude is actually a symptom of repeated use of the sites. There are SO many women on these sites, willing to go out, that men get to be serial daters and, for a lot of them, one date here, another girl there, a different one next Saturday…well they don’t much care that they’re not meeting someone for a potential life commitment. Nope. It’s a numbers game–it’s just so much fun to date so many women, who cares if you see each only once, or a few times, there’s always another one in your daily matches, who’d love a date this weekend…I hate what these sites have done to make it easy for men to skip the relationships and do what they seem born to do: enjoy the hunt. If I ever again try a singles site, it will be one that works in completely different ways than the most of the others. eharmony looks like a possibility, but we’ll see. Despite the drawbacks, I wish you lots of fun and some good results!

    • Roseytoes: Hear ye, hear ye. This is so true.

      I recently signed up on senior people whatever — thinking it was a “trial” subscription. The site does all those ‘computer cheat’ stuff you mentioned. I argued wtih them for over one week before they finally agreed to give me a partial refund. It was the automatic renewal and false advertising that really ticked me off.

      Anyway, the men there are the same too — just older. So, I checked the site for women in this age group. There were 2 pages of women compared to 50 pages of men. The women were posting to be the athletic, all-around vegetarian who takes care of herself, watches her calories, loves family, etc. — and looked it. I wonder how many of the “athletic, healthy eaters who are looking for a soulmate with similar interests contact these women?

      It has been the same horrible experience it was the last few times, and several years ago, that I tried these single sites. Now, I am just using up the remainder of my 30-day supply. I re-wrote my post that I am looking for a “well-heeled” man. Sure enough, that ended all “flirts and other automated, button-pushing, levels of interest.”

  137. Very entertaining. 😀
    I am glad that I met the perfect woman when I was 19 and have been married to her ever since (31 years).
    Good luck in your search. 🙂

  138. I’m just going to give my general thoughts on the issue, as well as my observations on the other end of the spectrum.

    As a guy who tried, it was hard for me to guess about what other guys were doing or saying to women on the service. All I know is what I wrote on my profile, how I interacted, and what I saw of women’s profiles.

    What you say about men who were trying hard to show their ‘adventurous’ side: the same applies to women as well. You just don’t understand how ironic it was for me to look at profiles. 90% of the girls that I looked at had pretty much exactly what you said. The usual description was something like this: ‘I like to go outdoors, exercise, party and I’m super athletic. Looking for a guy who is athletic and wants to have some fun.’ That line might sound alright if it were on one or two people’s profiles, but as I said, 90% of the profiles I looked at had something along those lines. Not only that, but every single woman had to make it clear how adventurous they were, with many pictures of parties, scuba diving, rock climbing, and pictures of them traveling to various other countries.
    I talked with several women, and most of them were pretty nice, but I only had a chance to talk to most of them by being forced to write something witty or quirky. Most of the girls couldn’t really make up their minds about what they wanted, and most of them seemed to not have enough time even for a relationship anyway.

    Honestly, I just got sick of it. That whole scene is just a big show of what you want people to see, and not who you really are. I did eventually meet someone there, whom I’m friends with today. But after the initial time of my membership was up, I canceled.

    • To be fair I think most people would struggle to say what they want in a potential love interest, and struggle to make themselves seem attractive enough to cut through the noise too come to think of it.

    • you are sooo cute!!!! where r u?? I wanna meet you, but I’m probably older ….

  139. My experience is a few years old but living in a small town when you go on or any other dating site chances are you know the guys who are online. And you know that the profiles are exaggerations at best and out and out lies mostly. Turned me off to the whole concept. Fortunately for me I met my soul-mate the old fashioned way, at a dance. Good luck to you and don’t give up. That soul-mate I speak of, I met him when I was 53. Doesn’t help you much in the bio-time-clock area but should help in the never-too-late realm.

  140. Haha this is hilarious! The beginning of your blog reminded me of the theme for my blog as well, seeing as we’re both about the same age Of “we’ll I’m getting older so I better get this done” attitude. Nice blog. 🙂

  141. You’ve lasted so much longer than I did, Lisa; two days was enough to tell me most guys on dating sites are the Fred Flintstone variety and they seem to see it as some sort of genie for conjuring up stepford wives. It’s almost as though you’re application isn’t even considered, much less read.

  142. Ah the mythical ‘perfect woman’ – into sports and beer and, and action movies, OOH and videogames and doing sex things without demanding them in return and is basically like a ‘dude’ with boobs and maybe occasionally she likes to go off and have sex with other girls.

    And she doesn’t want to change you by making you shave your back or bathe or eat the occasional vegetable.


    Happy hunting, there probably are some half decent men out there, but if I could make a suggestion, ladies? If he calls himself a ‘nice guy’ or similar, probably best to avoid – actual nice people don’t tend to need to advertise the fact.

    Funny piece, but insightful. Neat trick.

    Apologies for the patronising tone there?

  143. This was a great read!

    i had an online dating experience.. we went on a “video game date” and played video games.. when we talked on the phone they made it seem like they were so good at video games.. come to find out, i was better at them. That person didn’t seem to like that very much because i didn’t get a call back. lol..

  144. I loved your post, and I just wanted to let you know I put a link to it on my featured blog page on my blog Virgin Rules. This post is a vivid description of online dating…with a lot more humor.

  145. Online dating, it’s like the car accident you can’t look away from. I can hardly wait for your post about your first online “first date.”
    My favorite online first date was also the sweetest first date experience of my life; he brought me flowers, got there early to make sure the restaurant could oblige my vegetarian diet and food allergies, and gifted me with about a dozen “You are so beautiful”‘s over the course of two hours.
    Oh and there was that little uncovering of the mild detail he left out of his profile…said in a whisper…prison.

  146. If I was on my profile would have hobbies like kitten rescues, adult poetry, furniture designer, bull riding, deep water wrestling, and professional model seeking! Seems like everyones profile is complete BS with some HS Glamour Shot photo. To me there is no substitute for looking into a woman’s eyes and discovering what she is about. I wanna hear your tone and see what makes you tick, you can be anyone online…that is scary! Nice post

  147. this was fantastic – I laughed the entire way through! My ex husband has an account on there, and 90% of what he put is fake -including his photo!

  148. Hilarious post…I got incredibly lucky with my guy, and this post definitely echoes what he and I have previously discussed: You have to make sacrifices for each other!

  149. Met the love of my life on 8 years ago. I was looking for someone tall and funny. He wasn’t looking for someone as young as I was — we have an 8-year age gap. However, we have been happily married now for 7 years. Stick to your personal prerequisites and the right man will come along.

  150. It’s interesting with all of the time on their hands to zipline and travel the world that the first complaint I get when I won’t drop everything and meet them in 20 minutes is that I’m not spontaneous. I’ve come to realize that most men aren’t really spontaneous at all, it’s just that they have nothing to do at that moment. I like to remind them of their “spontaneous” nature when they tell me that they have other plans. 😛

  151. I did laugh at this post, it’s nice to hear it coming from a woman’s point of view.
    I hope you get lucky and find your man. Were not all that lame! 🙂

  152. Great post. I recently tried online dating myself (wasn’t fun) I don’t get why people feel need to fill their info boxes with, apparently, compelling hobbies and interests. Do we walk in to bars and coffee shops wearing these labels? Do we know anything about the cute person we just spotted on the train? No. Let’s get back meeting our potential partners the old fashioned way.

  153. Over here every profile reads ‘relaxed, down to earth guy. Good looking, Love to laugh, hang out with my mates, enjoy a night in or out (well duh, what other options are there), a beer or a glass of red. Work out 5 days a week, fishing, camping, 4wding and not looking for one night stands’.

    The reality? Married, overweight asshat looking for a piece on the side. Will jerk off while typing, will ask you to send naked pics, and will proposition you at least 5 times in the first 10 minutes – and then will act surprised when you delete them. Ahhhh – online dating rocks! Love your post. Great read.

  154. I’m not on Match, but I signed up for another online site maybe two weeks ago. I’ve gotten 4 messages and they consisted of “Hi” and that’s it. I was a backpacking guide, I rock climb, I mountaineer, I camp, I can cook a bomb meal over a camp stove, or the coals of a fire… if it’s outdoors I want to be doing it. I’ve noticed the same things you have everyone says they want it and they do it, but do they really? Doesn’t seem like it. =]

    Great post.

  155. Hang in there! I have met some beautiful people on-line, it is a numbers game…like the wonderful man above with his leper comment, but look how many comments you have! Online dating is great entertainment for all! Maybe not while you are on the awkward date …but for days and years after!!!!

  156. I can completely relate to this 100% I also live in NC and it cracks me up about the “standards” men have on these dating sites. Let alone find a guy who is decent, attractive, understanding, open minded, ect. So either I get hit on by the creeps who can’t spell or I intimidate the crap out of them. I wish you the best of luck dear, there are nice ones out there. I promise!

  157. Wow … my friends and I all tried on a free weekend together…of the 5 of us I was the only one they “accepted” and considering this was a pay site I thought that was really odd… They said they didn’t feel they could find them matches partially because their expectations seemed unrealistic. We all ended up on OKCUPID and I linked up quickly with someone and moved on… they are still “looking”, but honestly I don’t see any of them putting up with someone else’s crap. I have spent over 38 years of my life already Married and know that real relationships take compromise. I did find a lot of the people on these sites are serial “daters” or looking more for hookups then relationships.

  158. Out of curiosity, do you live near Fayetteville? Some of those guys sound like they’re stationed at Fort Bragg.

    Kudos for the really funny post. Some of those guys sound like job ads I’ve read – let’s throw out everything I want and maybe I’ll get ten percent of it!

  159. I started online dating when it first came out. I got divorced in 2000 and tried it shortly thereafter. Did it on and off until 2010 when I got into my current relationship. Let me tell you, sadly it hasn’t changed one iota. No one is honest with themselves on there. They post dreams not what they’d actually date. Great post.

  160. I have a question. I posted a match profile and at the end of my paragraph, the very last sentence simply stated, “Google search scam blog” and the reviewers at Match refused to post the profile until I deleted that last sentence. Is the site a scam? Do they steal your money AFTER you have requested to cancel the membership? What’s going on here?

  161. Loved your post. It’s a shame that people have to present themselves in such a false way, the pictures quite often aren’t current ones and for a “normal” woman, how could she possibly ever meet these fantastical guidelines? My last experience was from a gentleman (I use that word loosely) who courted me by email and phone and when we met…..he actually had the nerve to tell me that although I was intelligent, well dressed, etc., I was too fat for him. Then the one before that wanted to get a motel room…….so I have determined that life is beautiful with or without someone and have stopped searching and wasting my time looking for that needle in the haystack 🙂

  162. I’m probably reiterating what others have said already, but I totally agree with you and have had this rant myself with many friends. I’m not saying women don’t do this either, but my experience is that generally men who are on online dating sites figure they might as well describe the absolute perfect vision of a woman because, why not, the internet is vast and she has to be out there somewhere, right?! Wrong. Full disclosure, I actually met my husband on OKCupid because I had given up on wasting money on online dating. I also gave up on reading profiles because hardly anyone would ever respond. So I let them come to me and then I’d decide whether or not to reply. Somehow I met a really nice guy who wanted a commitment, so it can happen, just make sure it is on your terms. Also, is sleazy and will do things to keep you coming back (like if you cancel your membership, suddenly you’ll have people viewing your profile and trying to communicate with you and when you re-up, no one is really there or interested).

  163. Loved the article! Right now I’m on and apparently I am a hideous creature instead of the average and quirky-looking girl I thought I was because no one who looks halfway decent hits on me, winks at me, or even emails me. I get the scrubs, thugs, men who are separated, multiple baby mama drama, and senior citizens. Then there are the annoying men who look at my profile more than once but never say anything. It’s so obvious they are rotating through profiles and have us women ranked and when option #1 does not reply to them, they go down the list to their 3rd choice and try to message me. When I notice that happening, I block them. I tried the free sites such as POF (accidentally ran into the ex-husband of a woman I used to hang out with) and OkCupid where I met a felon (tracked his mugshot down online). eHarmony looks promising but I’m going to take it slow and not get my hopes up. Maybe God has a ram in the bush for me and I will end up meeting someone in Real Time! 😉

  164. I haven’t been on any “Pay to Date” sites ever in my life but I HAVE been on some of the Free Dating sites. I’ve seen some of the profiles you mentioned and then I got messages like, “Hey!” just that, “Hey!” as if I should know where the conversation should go next. Granted, it’s a small minor complaint, but if you’re going to say hello to someone you have genuine interest in, you really aught to say more than just, “Hey baby” or something to that effect. It doesn’t help the first impression in my book, even if they “assume” you can simply look at there profile to find more to talk about.

    I also didn’t see very many men or meet many that I found to be what I was looking for or wanted. I’m also not exactly your normal stereotype of anything so maybe that was working against me too, but either these men wanted me for my looks, sex or both. I got really tired of it and eventually left the dating sites for those reasons and because of Creepers (People who sent up Red Flags by saying something remotely Pedophile-ish or something else).

    I would like to add that I am currently IN a very happy and mutually healthy relationship. How did that work? I was simply myself and I met him on a mutual interest forum that we had both frequented. I could tell within the first three days or so he was a little too smitten with me, but he was a good man so I let it slide. We were friends for 6 years total before I said, “I agree to being in a relationship with you, what say you?”.

    That being said, I just want to post this comment as a reminder to people – you can find your ideal partner in the most unlikely of places you aren’t expecting to find them in the first place or even looking for them. 🙂 Also, desperation does not help your search. Just be you. Be happy with yourself and even the solitude you have and eventually love is going to find you, even you frumpy people who think you will find absolutely NO ONE.

    Sorry to say – actually wait, no, I’m not sorry – you are wrong! There is, honest to my Gods, someone for everyone and I FIRMLY and wholeheartedly believe that. I know because I’ve had friends who were the same and are now in loving relationships or happily married. 😛 So put that in your peace-pipe and SMOKE IT! *nods*

    • Totally agree with you Gwendolynn. Have one question that maybe someone can answer How come all the 4 guys who texted me on Match kept insisting on an email address or phone number.after 4 seconds. If they are paid members they can put their pics up on Match. That was one of the mail me photos. They are so pushy even after you politely say that you don’t give out an email address right away.

      My girlfriend was new on the site a few months ago , gave the guy her email, and he hacked her computer. That was also on Match..It very scary when they push and push and I laughed so hard as one called me “Babe” like you mention in your blog.

      I think these guys are crazy, liars or too cheap to join. When I did a search while they were online texting me, their names did not come up. I don’t get it.

      • 30% of people on on-line dating sites are actually already married. These people often do not post pictures or we post blurry pictures so they are not caught.

  165. I loved this blog and I must say it’s 100% true. Unfortunately I must admit I’ve been online for some time. Probably started in my mid to late 30’s. I’m not hideous i’m an attractive female looking to find someone to share my life with. Lord let me tell youI could start a book with the ddisasters i’ve had on match and other online services. Yes I may be a glutton for punishment by coming back. I keep telling myslf that maybe someday there will be just one normal man out there who isnt lying to himself. My favorite is the guys who clearly have a beer gut and some extra weight on thier profiles state average. Me I know i’m not average but im not large stated a few exta pounds and felt guilty because I wasn’t sure if I should put curvy. However these guys so called “average” are looking to date skinny or active people. I’m like Seriosly? If I was skinny or active and saw thier body and seen they clearly mislabeled thier appearance I wouldnt give them the time of day. Starting with dishonesty right off the bat.
    Anyway I had to smile knowing that i’m not the only one in this dating hell with a bunch of men that are not sure what reality is. Its too bad.
    Good luck on your search.

    Thanks on the warning also I plan on transplanting down to the Carolina area. I was hoping the dating scene would be better. Ouch..40s are not better.

    • Hi Shannon- If you wrote a book about your experiences on those sites, I bet it would be a best seller. I’m a newbie and I have one question. I was informed to only email and chat thru the dating site, but aren’t women afriad of giving their telephone number or private email address o a complete stranger? Is there an average amount of time for that to take place? I’m a senior and I’d be scared to give email or number right away. With all the reverse data bases anyone can find out where you live.. Do you know of the way most women handle that situation?
      Thanks for any advice. I’m totally lost in this dating realm. Thanks so much.

  166. I have to leave a reply. I have never signed up for a dating site until today. I’m 41, a financial analyst, and have travelled the world. I love to scuba dive, went to Roatan last year for 11 days, but did it alone with friends only wishing I was with someone with the same propensities…but no. Yes, I’m skeptical, for sure, but I want to find someone in the maze of life, so I have to throw myself out there..I just have some sort of faith in humanity that ill find someone if I reach out… Yes, I’ve read some horror stories, but there’s got to be someone if you keep throwing yourself out there. I’ll never know if I don’t try

  167. Lisa, I feel your pain. I joined about a week ago. It seems that I have attracted every man working with the same construction company in Africa. Although, they all state they live in the US normally, but their language skills betray what they are stating. Two of them, both lost their wives 5 years ago. I normally wouldn’t think that so strange, if their names were close to being the same, and their locations the same as well. It’s been a little freaky so far. I don’t know if I will continue or not. Oh, by the way, I am also in NC. Good Luck to you though!

    • Lisa–you are hilarious and you have it absolutely right!! I’ve never met so many men misrepresenting themselves as I did when I was on Match!! What I particularly loved, after reading how I would need to be ‘slender, attractive, adventurerous’, athletic’, etc., etc.,, was looking at guys’ photos, only to see at least a 30 lb beer belly, poured into a dirty (formerly white) T-shirt looking like a big loser!! It got to be so funny! Even with this, the most annoying part was what Vikki wrote about–foreign scammers who constantly hit you up–they were nearly always 1) widowed, 2) had a salary range of $150,000+, 3) had a ‘graduate degree’, yet (oddly) worked in “Labor & Construction”. Huh? How many men with graduate degrees work in construction? I suppose there could be some but not to the level that I found. All in all, Match couldn’t pay me to be on their site again. Complete waste of time and money!

      • Wow, I have been in match for 10 days now. I can already confirmed that the mans that are serious about finding a “Match” are also going true the same issues, 90% for the woman profile I have read, and I have read more then 200 of them, are all saying the same things that mean nothing at all…”I need my man to be funny, to make me laugh, to be funny…ho and did I say he need to be funny”….Dam make me feel as if I need to be a standup comedian or something. I can also confirm the high number of scamer is also present in the form of fake woman account to try to scame you. The funny thing is that my profile is very detailed about myself since I know who I am. But all I say about the looking for is that I would like to have “Some” interest in common…and thats it. no more no less. Sadly I have had no reply from any of the woman I have contected…and I did contact only a small few because it is hard to find a profile where the woman spell out what she is realy into. Yet no reply but it is a bit early. Still I was glad to find that site and will probably not renew my account after the 3 month. I was glad to ear that an other Geek posted on this site that he did managed to find a good match online, it help to know that despite all that chaose there are still nice woman in there.

        • Look, no offense to you or anyone else to whom this reply may apply; but you should work on being consistent with spelling and grammar. It’s a textual (and visual – photos) medium, and if you can’t master communication via that medium, you’re probably in trouble unless you’re a super model millionaire (man or woman).

          It’s very important to use spell check and not to come across as an idiot. I’m sorry, but adhering to those very simple rules does not entail “lying” – such as lying about one’s age.

      • One said he was 40 on his profile and found out after the one and only date that he was actually 55. Another said he had a bachelor’s degree on one site but a associate’s degree on another . . . later found out that he probably didn’t have a college degree at all (but not from him). Another had a record including battery and domestic violence charge and he had denied having a criminal record.

  168. Everything you say is true until you meet them. Those that actually are this active are usually to busy to date in a way that leads to anything. The others are remembering how they used to be and hoping they can capture this illusive girl and she will bring it back out in him. There are real guys though, I got one and am very happy. I learned not to settle on the important things (who he is) and compromise on the others…I prefer very tall men…he’s not but he’s amazing!

  169. You wrapped up all my sentiments in one succinct post. You’re my new hero. I actually considered starting a blog about all of my online dating experience, but I think that could get messy. Anyway, kuddos to you, Lisa.

  170. I have been recently thinking about joining and I never in a million years thought I’d say that. I have always had dating issues and what I think is just bad luck in general when it comes to meeting “Mr. Right” sometimes I reflect back on dates I’ve been on and past relationships and think maybe its me!? But then I think of the jerky thing each of these guys did and what ended the relationship. For instance, one guy I had been dating for about 2 months. Not a long, long time but long enough to feel like we’re dating at least. New Year’s Eve comes and this guy doesn’t invite me out with him! What the heck? I mean come on, that would PO any girl, right? Any it’s not just the cute guys that end up being total jerks for no reason. I decided to not be so superficial and give this out of shape, not at all cute guy from my office my number. He ended up being the biggest jerk I’ve ever met! Texting me creepy stuff about giving me messages and how I made him feel in his pants lol, and this was right off the bat!

    The thing that honestly makes it so hard for me to believe there are any good, single guys anywhere in the planet is I get checked out, flirted with and given free stuff every day. YET I never get asked for my phone number except from weirdos. It feels hopeless.

    I think that something like is a good idea because generally normal people aren’t gonna just approach each other and exchange phone numbers out of nowhere. But then again it gives weirdos place to lie and try to attract women out of their league lol. Idk I’m still confused?

  171. So funny and sadly true (and sure it can go both ways) I just joined at 47 yrs old. I waited a few days to get my nerve up to have 1st instant chat, and it went badly. Photos are important, you have to like what you see, but why don’t they READ the profile before they contact. I have been contacted about 200 times in 1 week based on my face shot only. The 1st instant chat told me I was too heavy for him after he saw more photos. My profile is honest, I say I am average in size and I don’t lie about my athletic abilities or interests. After that shock comment (I am not over weight by any standard), I did go to his, and yes, he workouts 5 times a week, wants athletic woman etc. So why bother contacting me? Why are men in California contacting women in eastern Canada? Why are NO WAY smokers contacting TRYING TO QUIT then saying try again after you quit? I have also found a lot of men leave out what they are looking for, which I mistakenly took as they are open minded, but quickly found out it means they are fishing for the most contacts. So far the basis of my experience tells me that the majority are not looking for a relationship as they can’t take the time to read the profile. There are dedicated sites for bed buddies, stay out of the ones that are looking for more. That said, I am old enough to laugh at life experiences, and intelligent enough to learn from them.

    • Sounds like you’re being contacted by straight up idiots or scammers. If they aren’t within reasonable geographic reach of you, move on. That’s the “white knight” tale in full effect. I’ve personally been affected by scams moving the other way (Canadian asshats contacting American senior citizens with lottery win claims – my grandmother), so be warned. Also, you may end up having to move to find love.

    • To Newatthis :
      I really liked what you wrote and somehow there is also a big lie over Internet dating, which attracts a lot of people who want to spend a night with someone ( or maybe just the afternoon 🙂 ) instead of looking for a relationship and just want to get it done fast.
      I have heard so many times that people “do not want to waste time” by selecting so fast, as you say, by NOT reading what is written on profiles that at the end of the day, nothing happens to them.
      Do these people think that getting to meet someone is like pushing the soda machine button and hop here you go, I get the guy Or girl I am looking for and as a matter of fact, this person has ZERO defects or limitations.
      Totally unrealistic end grotesque.
      I joined online dating for 6 months, 6 months ago and just met 5 guys.
      My profile was very well written and living in Florida, this was a natural selection process considering most people probably did not understand what I was writing or thought ” ooh she sounds a bit too intellectual for me, Too much of a challenge “. The guys I met were either really nice but not compatible at all with some of my core values ( ie : this really cool guy who had unfortunately never traveled outside the US in 47 years. How can you understand today’s world if you do not even try to fly to another country even fir a few days ? ) or really unclassy men ( ie : like the one who offered to have coffee at Dunkin Donuts for a Saturday evening coffee date or the one who had to ask me how many languages I speak and how beautiful I was to remember who I was….3 days after we exchange emails ). I really don’t need this even if some of my friends have met great people online…The whole meat market thing is not for me, as well as the very short memory span that people have in the online word.
      Let’s stick to the offline word my friends and use Internet for work purposes or to email invitations, post photos of our trips or our kids when our good friends or relatives live far away from us. 😉

  172. My honest take after having been on, OKCupid, POF, eHarmony, etc.:

    If you’re a female having trouble finding “suitable” bachelors, your standards are out of synch with your physical attractiveness and attitude about life.

    If you’re a male having trouble finding “suitable” ladies, your standards are out of synch with your objective physical attractiveness and attitude about life.

    Or, you just live in a shitty town. Move.

    • AWESOME! LOL So true. these days you don’t even need to leave your couch. You can have a relationship via email and instant message! You never have to take her/he out to dinner, take a shower, dress up, commit, communicate etc. I wondered what would happen if for one month everyone just turned the cell phone off, the laptop etc. You would have to venture out and do something about your own life. We’re in big trouble.

  173. I know a lot of people say stuff like oh you can’t find a guy because your standards are too high, you just won’t give guys a chance. Not true! I just want a normal guy that treats me with respect and that is reliable. Is this too much to ask?! He doesn’t have to be a 10 I just have to find him cute in some way. Obviously you can’t date someone that you find completely revolting. He doesn’t have to be a millionaire, he just needs a job, his own car (I’m not a driver) oh yeah and not live his mommy..on to my point. Some guy at work asked me for my number. This guy was not my type AT ALL. Yet I thought this guy seems nice and would probably appreciate being with me. Not true, he ended up being worse then the good looking guys I’ve dated. We didn’t even get to a first date because he started saying very weird sexual things to me via text. When I made it clear that I wasn’t into it he got nasty…tried match a week ago. I very quickly got sick of the winks, emails and so on. It was pretty disappointing that there were really no guys out of the hundreds that contacted me that I was really excited about.

    Now I have never been a gold digger. I think my choice of men in the past would prove that in a second. However, I’m sick of the class-less men I always seem to attract and decided to sign up for some millionaire dating website lol. Not so much to meet millionaires but to meet guys with their own stuff and that actually have manners. It’s way different then match or any other sites because not just anyone (male or female) can join. The replies I’ve received haven’t been as flirty or weird in general, so we’ll see what happens. I kinda like the fact that I’m not bombarded with a million replies. It’s much less then that. I’m guess that because they have a lot less people.

  174. I like the article, but remember, if you replaced every instance of the word ‘guy’ with the word ‘girl’, you’d have the experience I’ve seen. All the same descriptions, but its the girls who write all that junk. They want something they’ll never find, and won’t give a chance to anything less.

    • Sounds about right. All the guys droned through endless gal profiles that look. just. like. that….and voila!

  175. Online dating is super duper tough. You really have to have luck. My friend joined a dating site and within one month met his future wife while I’ve been on for ages on all of them and have had no luck. So it’s a numbers game and it could happen in a month or after years of online dating. Oh and I think Match is the more classy serious of all the dating sites. I was on POF and all the low life hood rat very low self esteem people on there. Every girl thinks they are Kim Kardashian and every guy thinks he’s Pauly from Jersey Shore. OKcupid if you are not a hipster, in a band,a game developer, or creative type you wont have much luck. Just my two cents

  176. Holy crap you have written exactly in words what I have been thinking for the last 6 months of my Internet dating career. And if you think it’s bad at 30, wait until you get to 38 where not only do the men want all the qualities you listed above they want it in a woman 5-10 yrs younger than their middle aged ness. Never have I seen such bloated personalities. Lol. I live in the Midwest and for some reason every guy seems to spend their time skiing and snowboarding. Where I don’t know considering we don’t get much snow nor are there any mountains. Lol!

    Good luck to you!

  177. It’s worse if you’re newly divorced and decide to go on Match. Pickings are slim and the one person I met and said no to us now sending me emails badgering me on why I said no.

  178. I’m kind of noticing a pattern in these replies lol. I spent a little time on Match and think I have a pretty good idea of what the main problem is with this site in particular. Most of the men on this site are unattractive, broke older men looking for younger women. They know with their lack of charm/looks/money they could never just pick one up in real life. This gives them an outlet to try and convince a beautiful younger woman to at least go on one date for them.

    Don’t get me wrong, there are a few decent catches on match (literally a few)

    There are other sites besides match, such as sites just for people over 40.

    Trust me its all older men trying to get some young lovin lol

  179. Ironically, I am a very active woman, aged 31. I ski and hike with our local outdoor club, play competitive soccer, and have been on several adventure travel trips. Whenever I am on a date with a so-called outdoorsy guy, I discover he’s actually only hiked twice in his life and “aspires” to be an adventure traveller 🙂

  180. Lisa, your post made me LAUGH UNTIL MY TUMMY HURT!!!! There’s nothing more i could say, you pretty much covered EVERY aspect a female on match can encounter and my favorite was about your comments to the men’s requests that a woman is “willing try everything” and that she “takes care of herself”. You are totally right, apparently all guys are great on zip lines! I love you girl! You just made my day, I really needed a good laugh today!!

  181. Here is my profile (created after finding is a scam)

    I liked your picture because I have good taste and high standards; I am not looking for someone special or marriage. Joined cause I was bored in my hotel room on vacation in Florida and found another supposed good dating site not so great. All you will get from me is conversation; I enjoy my life and have no intention of changing yours. In fact I won’t even meet you probably because we both got better things to do. I have met a few good people here but I have to train them to stop asking me questions since this is not the dating game for me. I just like good conversation. Where I live (San Pedro, CA) there are more gold diggers telling you what you want to hear than panhandlers. As a result of such encounters on the road to just wanting to talk to a pretty face now and then, I have become brutally honest. Most women want to be lied to and there are plenty of confidence men in LA to ruin your life. I live on the waterfront and do a guy’s blue collar job which I love more than any woman so deal with honesty if you want to win the game with others. Only you can make you happy (that is my perspective as a man in high demand).
    The internet is an evil place to look for love but what else is there to do at night sometimes when you are not working out. Be careful.
    Be wary of false profiles and people who seem too good to be true. You are safe with me because I won’t meet you other than on the internet no matter how drop dead gorgeous you are. I live in LA; I can find dates on my own walking down the streets. Well lets see if the folks approves this blast of honesty.

  182. Did you have any luck with the Match. Right now I’m soo ticked that I paid them money to join a website that seems to be filled with guys that are not on my level intellectually. I’m so dissapointed.

    • My two cents: What is amazing about is they seem to be a welcome wagon for international criminals (like our federal government ahem) to prey upon well meaning women.
      My profile is brutally honest because it seems to get rid of the false profiles thrown at us “desperate” men. The side affect I notice is the pretty young women who tell the whole world their story and give photos that could be exploited block my profile after getting a compliment after reading the compliment came from an honest dude with a dirty job in the port. Had I misrepresented myself as the silver haired lincoln towncar guy from Palms Springs then I would of had a fish on the line. I regret signing up to and now use it to taunt the profile editors by saying absolutely miserable things. I spent $120 to have a new chessgame with manipulators who actually edit and remove statements in my profile that are not harmful (like I won’t ask you to go to yahoo chat). Ladies I think it is safet to meet people at Barnes & Noble or Starbucks in a high end neighborhood than on It seems that preys on our desire to believe that it has the seal of good housekeeping. I feel scammed but I deserved it because I was just looking to hook up and did not even read the domain name (“” ie your dreamboat has arrived). Serves me right to look for lust on the interet. Oops too honest again (shame on me for being real). I met one heavy set nurse who wanted to meet me but…..I would rather go back to my ex in Mexico City first.

      Normal Guy in San Pedro

  183. Match is a total joke. All the stupid winks, emails and picture likes wear thin pretty quickly. Most of the interest I got we’re either from repulsive, just plain unattractive men (most of which with huge egos) or the typical jock, good looking d-bag type that you know is getting attention from every woman on there. No normal semi-attractive man that I could see myself dating.

  184. My god, this the funniest article on I’ve read. No doubt guys are conflating with…..

  185. I recently connected with a “jem” on okcupid. He wanted the first date to be at 11:30pm!

  186. and have been pretty frustrating for me. I actually read profiles, and I took time to fill out my own. I’ve tried seriously engaging with women with actual conversation and getting to know them, but no one responds or if they do respond they’ll stop communicating. I get that people can lose interest for various reasons, but man is it tough. I’ve been single for 26 years – I’ve dated literally for 7 days out of my whole life. Online dating, all in all, has been 10x more frustrating, but I’m really busy with work and I hate going to bars so I don’t really know where to meet someone.

  187. Well, why are you looking up those guys…I have had the same experience in reverse. I wanted to get to know someone personally; not tell my life in a resume…So, I just mentioned the important details a few modest picks and other honest things about myself. I would daily write to a couple of women of all types with absolutely no reply…After a month, I rewrote my profile bragging about skydiving, traveling and c%1#, which I really do, and took of to Europe for the summer. Now It seems like every @#$%^ and there mother is hitting on my profile which I’m not going to check because 1. I cancelled, 2. in Europe and 3. their probably 30ish looking for Mr. good enough. I don’t want to be settled for; that nice guy who you want to accompany you on the couch watching some soap; whishing that was you with that guy on TV…

    I wish I could be my boring self that all my friends seem to like; but obviously that doesn’t attract women. Much less, 30 something’s running out of time; no I think it would be best to shoot for the stars. A.K.A. young adventurous women, who are obviously genuinely attracted to you; not rushing to have kids.

    So, I’m turning 30 in a couple of months too; and I guess the opinion of the opposite sex drops as you get older. I am that stereotypical nice guy who is genuinely kind and is genuinely shy; always wondering why you girls pick the Jerks. Now after years of being lonely and as the bitterness toward women grows; I’ve been noticing better luck with women. When I was younger, I wanted it all; the wife, kids, great job, small town. Now I really don’t give a @#%$ about girls and now they want a piece of me?

    I wonder how you were like in your twenties; did you waste it on Jerks? You women literally pass by thousands of great guys a day; are we(or what I used to be) really invisible to you? I hear the same old complaint every day: “I’m a nice guy, girls don’t like me”…”Where are all the nice guys; I’m sick of Jerks”

    I think we all just eventually give in…Nice guys turn into a-holes and @#$% young !@#$%^&(female dogs)…Young girls get &^%$#@ by us, grow up and then settle for the ones that didn’t go over to the dark side…

    • Hi Keen,

      It was very interesting to read your comment and your insight is very realistic and sharp.
      You seem quite mature for 30 years old 🙂
      After reading a few comments on the topic, I must say that a statement seems very clear to me now : Internet ( Facebook and online dating to name a few ) has brought so many options to people, while offering virtual and instant communication 24/7 that many men and women have totally lost touch with reality and what it is to take time to get to know someone, accept to go towards the unknown, be spontaneous, stop putting people in boxes and in a frame….
      Internet is being very harmful to relationships.
      And this is just the beginning.
      A friend of mine told me his 16 year old niece was devastated the other day as her boyfriend broke up with her by text at 1 am !
      Women, men, guys, girls, what is going on ???
      This is getting scary…
      Men and women now judge someone after 2 seconds, by looking at a photo or saying
      ” Oh yes I know if he is the right person for me, after speaking 5 mns on the phone “.
      Really ???
      Some people realize they do not really know each other after being married for 15 years.
      Our parents and grandparents would have never decided to stay together if they had hung up or run away after the very “first impression”.
      The sadness of the situation is that people have become very lonely, mixing up real life with virtual life and we are all getting increasingly immature when it comes to relationships or just getting to know someone.
      I am amazed to see that now, when a guy comes to me at an event ( wedding, conference etc…), he asks me if I am on Facebook…
      Why ?
      To send me a friend’s request ?
      And then….nothing…?
      Because, then, it just does not lead to anything, except increase his number of Facebook friends.
      Fine…but don’t you think it would be much nicer to say ” I enjoyed our conversation,
      I would like to continue it another time. What is your phone number ?”
      Have people become so afraid of each other that they are mainly hiding themselves behind Facebook or whatever Pinterest or Instagram or JewishwithRabbiShlomoMatchmaking new social network app is going to come out ?

      What about dropping online dating and Internet and just stick to becoming member of a political, business, wine, sports, cultural, or religious organization in order to regularly meet like minded people in a casual or sophisticated setting and just let it go, see what happens ?

      Let me know your thoughts on this.

      Thanks !


      • Dear A,

        First off, sorry for the delay in response, no excuse, but its a little difficult to get some time when your traveling. I’m surprised you didn’t find my comments angry and malicious…
        Anyways, I actually feel way behind the curve in the life department. Coming from a ruff life, I have always found it difficult to talk about my past; much less write it down on a dating resume. I’m 5’3″ no family, no prospects, and a history that could fill a Jane Eyre novel. Despite my best efforts, I feel the same as Lisa; the women of Match also have expectations that I could never measure up to.
        From a women’s perspective, when you think of a potential lover, do you have height, personality, or income requirements. Does lacking in any preconceived ideal lessen the real person in front of you?
        I couldn’t be happy in a relationship knowing that she was with me because I had 9 out of 10 attributes she desired. What if the perfect guy for her comes along; If I cared for her I would want her to be happy…or worse, the both of us settle for each other.
        But look at me, I’m rambling…the problem is simple and universal, yes. We’re all lonely, insecure and tired of being rejected. I have never liked clubs, only got to a bar with friends (in lowly places) and Match sucks. What else is there; I don’t feel right harnessing the cashier at Stop n Shop…
        There is a movie that I saw not too long ago, called Timer…I feel like the protagonists friend that is destined to be lonely until she’s approximately 90 years old….

        Just me,

    • Many guys that claim they are “nice guys” are not, in my opinion. Just because someone claims they are a nice guy does not actually mean that they are.

    • Many guys that claim they are “nice guys” are not, in my opinion. Just because someone claims they are a nice guy does not actually mean that they are.

  188. I think the Match commercials kinda get in your head. I am in a long distance relationship. Some times I get peeved at him and think, we’ll maybe I can get a great guy closer by. In terms of looks I know I’m above normal ( not to be conceded) I’m in good shape and 28.

    I joined match and felt guilty aout it but figured I wouldn’t actually meet anyone. boy was I right! How hard is it to just be normal for these guys? I’m not expecting Prince Charming.1st off let’s leave out all the serial killer looking, scary men that keep winking and checking my profile a dozen times in a row. The 10% of men that are just average looking on Match can’t seem to communicate like grown men..

    You’re a man on match, you like a woman..what makes you think she will respond to “hey what’s up” or ask her for her phone number on the second email!…one guy did actually seem like a nice guy on match. We had several emails that were detailed and it was kinda fun. I did end up giving him my phone number. We were texting and it seemed like he had NO personality at this point. He bored me quickly. I’m not putting in all the work when we’re obviously not clicking. Texted him back “yeah” about something and haven’t heard from him since yaaaaay!

    Now I thank god for my long distance relationship. is a joke.

  189. I’m 55 yrs old and when I was 51 I tried Match. Men my age are looking for women who are “toned and athletic, make their own money, no kids at home, adventurous, fun with no drama or baggage” well…people over 51 who have been in relationships are probably gonna have baggage. The men I went out with were:
    A 62 yr old crackhead who slept with prostitutes because they are “beautiful”, (admission on 1st date)
    A 55 yr old man who looked me up and down and said “you’ll do just fine, let’s go back to my place, I have something to show you” (I didn’t go)
    A 64 yr old man who wanted me to “help” him satisfy his sexual desire in his car (I refused) and then told me that I wasn’t the sort of person he usually fell in love with but if I ever wanted to “fool around” to give him a call.
    A 56 yr old man who took me out to lunch and said he had been on 35 dates in the last year alone (from the way he went on and on about his ex, I think he was looking for someone just like her).
    A 54 yr old man who took me out to a nice restaurant then texted every day for the next 2 weeks telling me he had a nice time and wanted to go out again and kept making dates then breaking them. I finally quit answering his text.
    A man who wanted me to move to another state with him and leave my 13 and 18 yr old boys here (like move without them and he’d never met them).
    A 50 yr old man who kept telling me how crazy his ex is and
    A 56 yr old man who made me thank him for every penny he spent as he spent it, we went to the $1 movie and he paid my way in and I bought my own drink, and said “aren’t you going to thank me for the movie?” then we went out for nachos and he had a margarita and I had water, he had a full meal and I had a half meal and he wanted me to pay half the bill and said “I paid half aren’t you going to thank me?”and then wanted me to go back to his place, it was the 1st and last date I went on with him. That was over a year ago. and I am done..

    • In the NYC metro area sucks! 90% of all the women put $100k they look for in a match meanwhile they hide how much they make. Listen guys it’s not worth the $ month. These women are so demanding and have so unrealistic expectations. I feel for the decent women too don’t get me wrong I just think we all need to ban online dating and get people to join singles events. Like one great bash in Central Park where all the singles can go and meet one another!

      • Lisa you are freakin hilarious. And here I was thinking the same thing that how is that all these people love to travel and are always outdoors, maybe I’m the only idiot focussing on my career and not kayaking every other day. I’ve come to terms that it’s ok to be single and every now and then meet someone cool at a random place like Target who doesn’t always travel to places like Croatia and Spain. Check out the sports equipment aisle, all the guys hang out there on the weekends lol…

    • No drama or baggage. I saw that over and over on men’s profiles. At our age (I’m 44) everyone has baggage. You are right.

  190. There are men who travel all the time and do adventurous things. They’re called rich men, and they are NOT on Match! I too tried match when I was single, about 6 months ago. Can’t say I wasn’t surprised with the results. Most of the guys on Match seem to have personality disorders. They either write these mile long messages with their whole life story right off the bat (not asking me anything about myself) or a short sentence with one or two words. No middle ground for me to have any type of interest in these “studs”

    No I never ended up meeting a single guy. I did give a total of three guys my phone number. One of those three was my type in terms of looks and did seem normal. Call me old fashion but even though I’m not even 30 yet I think that the first phone conversation should 100% be voice to voice. Why am I gonna sit there are text lengthy messages with someone I’ve never met? To me it shows a real lack of personality, on his part. I love texting but would like to hear a voice first! Needless to say the texting became boring very quickly and that was that…..The other two guys were just creeps! Plain and simple CREEPS. One the guys said he wanted to give me a back rub within the first 10 texts hahah..The third guy instantly asked me for more pics..and sexy pics hahahahahah! NEXT

    The guys on this blog wonder why women treat them badly. Of course there are women on Match who aren’t of great quality but the normal ones are VERY cautious because they have experiences like mine. Am I supposed to just keep being open and positive when Match is like a mental institution that I wondered in by accident?

    Got a 30 day membership..
    Actually was on for 7 days (cancelled membership even though I was paid up for 30)
    Profile views:700
    Pic likes:19
    Days out of my life wasted:7

    Funny enough, a couple days after cancelling match I met a great guy that I like a lot. In person. He just happens to be well off which obviously wasn’t a priority for me since obviously I joined Match… And guess what, we have gone for helicopter rides and went sky diving once! But guess what, I’m not posting the pics on stupid Match.

  191. You are spot on with your observations – I found the same thing. In my case, I was surprised by how many guys want to take long walks by the beach and sit by a fireplace. I wrote a similar entry for my blog. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone on this. Thanks for your post!

  192. This swings both ways, people. I’m a guy and signed up for a free trial on Match. I came across a lot of profiles of women that sounded like they were ordering a custom made male robot. If you’re sincere on your profile, you’ll come off as the average joe or jane who, like most of us, works or goes to school (and goes out every other weekend). Maybe you tried kayaking or sky diving once, but don’t exaggerate/lie and say “I kayak and sky dive” just to make yourself sound unique or interesting. Just be yourself.

  193. I’ve been on the site for about a month and you really nailed this on the head! These guys are ridiculous! I think they’re trying to impress each other. And some of them are complete pricks about the adventure travel thing. I’ve seen more than one guy say how visiting NYC and going on cruises doesn’t count as “travel” and another guy say “please at least have a valid passport.” Now there’s how to get a girl… be condescending and insulting before you even meet her. Oy vey!

  194. Match is a magnet for man losers. There are specialty dating sites that have a purpose, take Christian mingle for instance. People that are into that go on to meet others with similar interests… With that being said Match has no purpose but for guys that are ugly/broke to try and meet women that are out of their league. Women go on Match because most guys are lame and don’t have the balls to ask out a pretty girl. These women don’t realize that there are no worth wild guys on Match. None. These guys on Match are social defects.

  195. Ladies, if you do decide to meet a guy from Match I think I have a pretty good system to sifting out the losers.. First off if he doesn’t want to have a conversation over the phone before meeting (only wants to text) don’t meet him period.

    For the first date suggest a drink or two at a very nice restaurant that has a bar side, like a Morton’s.. Order a martini or something fancy around $10-$14 just have a drink and feel him out to see if you’re compatible. Also this way you will see A if you have any interest in him and B if he offers to get you a second somewhat expensive drink.

    This is also a great way to see if you two are hitting it off if he wants to get a table and actually fork out some cash on a nice meal for you… If he suggests you go somewhere cheaper or nothing at all he’s a loser!

    Now I’m not a gold digger but I believe a guy should go all out on a first date and be prepared to go where I want to eat. Period.

    • You can say you’re not a gold-digger if you like, but the behavior you describe would 100% guarantee that you’re not the sort of person I’m interested in. On behalf of millions of men who think the way I do, I’d like to thank you for ruling us out quickly. Better off, if you’d just put all this in your profile, we could save the hassle of that pointless meeting to start with.

      • It’s absolutely not a matter of being a gold digger.. I don’t expect any man to buy me a handbag I really want, a watch.. Anything whatsoever. I have never asked a man in my entire 28 years of life for a “present” of any kind. The fact of the matter is I refuse to date a man that doesn’t have enough class to want to impress me on a first date. I don’t think wanting an expensive drink that I would 100% buy myself if he wasn’t there and I was there with my friends as being a gold digger. That’s absolutely ridiculous!

        We live in a day of age that these cheap, self centered man children not only want a woman that will split a check on a first date 50/50 yet expect us to treat them like a 1960’s housewife. You can’t have it both ways. If any guy out there wants a piece of my paycheck he better think again. He better find a sucker somewhere else. If that makes me a gold digging tramp then I guess I am. Thanks for your keen observation.

      • Samuel,
        I understand where you come from but I understand also where Marie and some other ladies who have posted here come from…What frustrates me at times is the high level of misunderstanding that is rising between men and women, just like if we had become ennemies instead of great friends or potential partners.
        I believe online dating and Facebook are to blame for…people loosing touch with real contact, real conversations vs texts, short emails, instant gratification vs taking time to get to know someone.
        I tried another online dating site for a few months and got quite frustrated about the lack of basic courtesy that I encountered from some men.
        I am not putting the blame on all men here as I met some really nice guys but for some reason, they or I or both were not insterested in meeting for a second “round”.
        I am sure that many women can be rude too, especially on the online world and that many men have the feeling of being used by taking a woman out to dinner once or twice a week for months and never get to see this woman again.
        However, some of the men I was in touch with just had a total lack of basic social skills.
        I spoke a couple of times with a man, we had a really interesting conversation about adjusting to the American culture, both of us coming from other continents.
        Then we decided we should meet for coffee at 7 pm the following Saturday.
        He sent me a text at around 5 pm offering to meet at Dunkin Donuts….
        I thought this was a joke and the guy had a very sharp sense of humor.
        it was not a joke.
        I am 40, the guy was 45…coming from a 20 something or a good friend, I would not mind meeting at Dunkin Donuts but for a first encounter with a woman ?
        I told him Starbucks would have been fine.
        He texted back ( he could not pick up the phone, which I thought was not appropriate for such a “conversation” ) that what mattered is the company, not the place.
        I agree and I told him so but then I asked “But what do you expect from the company if you meet in such an uncharming setting ?”.
        Well he would not pick up the phone, which I found quite immature and this is when I understand what Marie says about seeing how a man behaves at the beginning.
        What can I expect from a man down the road as a basic courteous behavior if this is what he comes up with for the first time we meet ?
        I just do not understand what some guys are looking for.
        Even if some of them want to have a one night or one week adventure, they should have figured out by 45 years old that a woman feels very uplifted by a courteous behavior.
        A neighborhood cafe, a tiny bar, a trendy or not trendy place, a bookstore where you can grap something to eat or drink a garden where you can bring a drink or something.
        This is very easy to do.
        Yet, tons of men miss the boat by acting like immature teenagers who have no clue about the world around us and do not care at all about the woman they may be meeting.
        It’s just a bit sad, honestly.

        • Arielle:

          Thanks for the thoughtful reply. Let me begin by saying that I’m the last guy in the world to defend the behavior of other men. I have worked, since I was in college, to make sure that if nothing else, any woman I went out with walked away thinking that I wasn’t a pig. Love me or hate me, but I am NOT like them.

          So trust me when I say that I get that part.

          The thing about Marie that really rubbed me the wrong way was that somehow or another I need testing, and that you can learn something meaningful by whether or not I buy you an expensive drink on our first date. Protest all you like, but that’s insanely shallow (I know, she’s only 28) and whether you like the term “gold digger” or not, it rather pointedly puts cash at the center of the evaluation. In many respects, what she’s doing is the same as if I judged her on the size and shape of her breasts.

          If you’ve read Survival of the Prettiest you understand how attraction works across cultures. (And if you haven’t read it, you should.) It does a remarkable job of illustrating how men are focused on a woman’s shape and looks, it notes that women care about appearance as well, although they key in on different sorts of factors, etc. It also provides the scientific foundation for what we already know: women seek status in a man. And it explains the anthropological reasons why they do so. Some of these reasons aren’t quite as imperative in the modern world as they were a few generations ago, of course, but sometimes society outpaces evolution.

          The point is this. I know a LOT of women – really, most of the women I associate with fit this bill – who absolutely detest being evaluated on their looks. I understand why, too, although I also understand the biological/evolutionary imperatives in the male brain that cause him to almost involuntarily look at her chest.

          By the same token, a lot of us enlightened men don’t like being evaluated on our status and bank accounts. You don’t want me staring at your ass as you walk by, and I don’t want you staring at my wallet. Very much the same thing.

        • Samuel,

          Thank you for taking the time to comment in detail about what I wrote.
          It was very interesting to read what you wrote ( both messages ) and I have already looked up the book “Survival of the prettiest”. Sounds very interesting and I will probably order it.
          Thanks for sharing this !
          When it comes to the guy I took as an example, who offered to meet at Dunkin Donuts, I also thought it was a test for a while. Which could have been smart.
          But after exchanging many texts with him after his invitation to meet there ( he would not have a proper phone conversation, which I thought was really inappropriate for the type of conversation we were having, why I thought meeting at Dunkin Donuts was not appropriate for a first encounter and why the thought there was no problem with it )….I realized he just did not get my point.
          When I wrote that meeting at Starbucks would have been fine, he replied that coffee is roughly the same price at Dunkin Donuts.
          That’s when I thought it was not a joke.
          It was NOT about the money you spend on coffee, but for God’s sake, what about the “ambiance” of a place where you meet someone for the first time ?
          Sitting down at a Dunkin Donuts where the lighting reminds me of hospital lights, is a total turn off.
          Of course, he said he thought I was not materialistic and i was just one of these European snobs…He just did not get it at all.
          We did not even meet as I considered this a total lack of intelligence ( way beyond class or common sense ) and totally different values.
          Again, some guys become obsessed with the idea that women just want to help them try the latest trendy restaurant by paying the check. If the guy had been just a bit smarter and picked up his phone, he would have understood that I was not looking for a man to pay all my meals nor invite me to one of the best local dining spots.
          Just a normal guy who is willing to meet in a cool place, to get to know someone.
          He was not from my neighborhood, so he could have asked me where we could meet, I would have suggested a cool bar ( where there is no loud music so we would hear each other ) or a nice cafe.
          Anyway, what happened with this guy is just an example of how off track some people approach the whole meeting someone thing.
          I do understand though that many of us have been burned by being too “nice”, too patient, too open or simply ourselves and we have the ( sad ) tendency to overreact or be very defensive to other people’s comments or behaviors instead of just go with the flow.
          As far as I’m concerned, online dating is quite tricky. I have good friends who met online and I am convinced that it does wonders for some people. However, despite the fact that reading women and men’s online profiles is hilarious ( do they all purchase profile templates to the same provider ?? ) and terribly plain, it just does not bring the sort of spontaneity and mystery that we get when meeting someone at a friend’s place, a wedding, a cultural or sports event.
          I just think we should all start boycotting all these websites…

        • Forgot to add the kicker.

          I can imagine why a woman might not be impressed by a date at Dunkin Donuts. 100% get that. But let’s take all we know from this conversation, especially what Marie had to say, and flip it around. I don’t know about that guy in particular, but I’d bet my ass that there are men out there who intentionally set first dates up at cheaper places. Why? As a test. They’ve been judged by the status and wallets enough that they’re sick to death of it. They’ve had one too many dates with the likes of Marie, women who are only interested in a second date if the man flashes some cash.

          They hate that. They want to be liked, and maybe someday loved, not for their jobs or their houses or their cars or their job titles, but for WHO THEY ARE. I spent 35 years being a poet. How often do you think I led with that? The truth is that once you understand why, once you come to know the sensitive, creative, thoughtful, expressive man behind the poetry, it turns out he’s a pretty good guy. But I promise you, if the word poetry comes up on the first date, ain’t gonna be no second date. “I’m a poet” is kinda like “I play D&D” or “I wear women’s underwear” – it needs to stay a secret for as long as possible.

          The next time a guy sets up that first date at a McDonald’s, he might be a loser, or he might be the best catch you’ll ever meet. Everybody is testing each other, and doing so because of the sins of the men and women who came before. Maybe this guy is a Shallow Hal and she’s a Marie. Or maybe they’re both truly fantastic people, but they’ve been burned so many times that they’re testing each other. And if neither of them realizes what’s going on, they might miss out on the relationship that will define the rest of their lives.

          Marie, if you’re still reading, please think about this. Set aside the fact that you feel like I’m insulting you and understand that for every guy you subject to your $14 drink test, there’s a guy dismissing you as a gold digger because of it. Is that how you want to be perceived? Are you willing to risk being blown off by the guy of your dreams because he’s misinterpreting you (as he tests you the same way you’re testing him)?

          Finally, if you think I’m dogging you unfairly, consider this. The whole guy proves himself by shelling out trope is part and parcel of a social gender construct that ought to be good and dead by now. Forget what I think – most female feminists I know would be looking to brain you right about now for the ways in which you’re reinforcing traditional stereotypes about female submission. I have not, so far, pointed out that the man-buys model comes with some ugly baggage. There are neanderthals out there who still believe that if they buy you a $14 drink and an expensive dinner that you, you know, owe them a little somethin-somethin later on.

          I hate that men think that way EVER. It makes all men look bad. If I’m the next guy a woman goes out with after accidentally meeting that jerk, I pay the price for his douchebaggery.

          Women whose actions in any way reinforce these stereotypes bear a bit of the responsibility for their survival. So please, think about it.

        • There are online dating sites that give men instructions on how to score with women. They have long list of behavior they should try and games they should play. I forget what it is called. Some men buy into that stuff . . .

    • I love you Marie!!!!! your right, who cares what sam sam or whats his name said.. looking for someone who is generous does not make you a bad person, don’t mess with a man if he can’t treat you right! generosity is something everyone should praise and definitely something you want in a good man.. the ones who aren’t generous are also miserly, angry, women haters… don’t waste your time on the losers who don’t appreciate a good woman, you know where it’s at!!!!!!!

  196. “Meet the men of Match”???????? More like meet the creeps of the Internet. I dun know about the women but the guys are total creepers. You got these old pedo looking bums trying to get young women that’s all it is. Nothin more nothin less, and they’re bitter when they can’t get some young action. Then we’re the problem. Ya right. @marie you are totally reading my mind. I’m not sure if they think their $30.00 membership buys us as call girls maybe but one guy tried to take me to Burger King and I literally laughed in his pin headed face

  197. Ladies didn’t you know? It’s fine for a man to want a woman that is out of their league in terms of looks/age etc. but if we want to date a guy that has his life together we’re horrible gold diggers

  198. I’m most certainly not impressed my a man if he buys me a lousy drink. I was simply mentioning some tips of sifting out the losers right off the bat. The fact that you’re so defensive is more then a little amusing. Besides I’m not looking for anyone as I found a great guy in real life. I’m simply giving these poor girls advice. Are you a girl?

  199. I can understand where you ladies are coming from……Every woman 18 or 85 wants to feel like she’s special enough to have a nice date. What’s the big deal? My husband isn’t rich but took me to a nice restaurant on our first date……. Are you men saying that’s too much to ask. Shame on you……

  200. Dating is hard but Match makes it a nightmare! I joined 4 days ago. All the guys contacting me are bald, old and just plain scary. I’m not buying what any of these guys on here are claiming. I’m thinking its more that women aren’t buying into their pickup lines so they’re bitter. I feel like these are all the guys I have to reject on a daily basis in my actual life but now get the joy of paying to diss them. Yaaaay for me! My problem isn’t with the fact that they highlight the fact they’ve been sky diving with a pic on their profile. I think that’s kinda cute actually. My problem isnt that they aren’t my type, mentally or physically. I’m willing to date someone that’s not on my level in terms of looks. I’m just not willing to date a guy that is totally revolting without a touch of class. On top of that not appreciating that I’m lowering my standards. Lets be real. I make good money, drive a nice car….no I’m not looking for a sugar daddy or Bradley Cooper but obviously neither of those are on……but seriously they think they are and that makes them unattractive, very unattractive.

  201. I can completely sympathize with these poor women. I do agree with the girl that said to go to a nice place the first time (and the phone conversation thing) I agree that if he’s a totally creep taking out a million women a week obviously hes not gonna want to have a lavish dinner BUT then again there are a lot of guys that are creeps and throw money around on every women he’s trying to bone.

    I’m thinking the fact that this Samuel guy feels the need to argue about whether or not a woman “deserves” a proper first date is proving what all the women are saying. Guys need to know their place in society. If they want a women of quality there are tons of guys who would love to date her to and not act as if she deserves nothing more but to “go Dutch”

    The Dunkin Donuts thing doesn’t surprise me. I had a guy try to bring me to Friendly’s on a Friday night which is just as bad.

    My advice to any guy on here looking to date a woman off of or in person is, if she’s your type and willing to date you don’t be a d***head and treat her badly. Most women are willing to bend over backwards for a guy that treats them well. Most don’t and there lays the problem.

    • Lilly: with all due respect, you know absolutely nothing about me. There is a long history and context here, so before you begin speculating about my motivations, how about READING some of the hundreds of things I’ve written, many of which tell you a lot about how I value gender equity.

  202. It’s nothing to with “no women anymore” women are the same as they’ve always been. We’re just sick and tired of lame ass Internet guys and guys in general. We’re no longer impressed by these so called great guys and their web of bull crap.

    With all the battery operated devices I don’t need a guy that’s just gonna and me and cause me problems

  203. WOW lol I’ve read most of these comments and have to side with the ladies. I know a total of 5 people that I know have been actively involved on, 3 men and 2 women. The 2 women are actually pretty attractive, honest and have a lot to offer a guy. These friends of mine have told me some unbelievable horror stories. The nerve of some guys. The men are a couple of family members and a guy I grew up with. None of these guys really have much to offer a woman in my opinion (I have nothing against men. I have always had more male friends then female and am engaged to a great guy) All I know is for these guys I know it’s also always the women’s fault. Much like the men on this blog.

    As I said I’m just going by some people I know but hey what do I know? I’ve never been on any only dating site.

  204. Thank you for the post. It’s been very informative! Hope you find someone in the sea of men.
    Women are similar to men, they also request a lot of things, and in Miami, they mainly want men with money, men who’re career guys, and who are athletic (but don’t show it).

  205. Sweetie hang in there! A lot of guys lie online about their characteristics, salary, job title, education, etc. Talk to them on the phone more than once before meeting. If they have photos showing side angles ask for a full frontal shot with a full smile. This reduces the chances of meeting Mr. Ugly Ass who disguises and hides these features online (been there and done that so trust me). If your gut tells you the guy is full of shit or if he keeps pushing sex block his ass online and on your phone. Otherwise if he seems like a sweet person you could at least be friends with plan to meet. I wish you luck. There is nothing wrong with you, your strong enough to not settle for less than you deserve!

  206. Online dating is about marketing. That old geezer from eHarmony has us convicted we can find the love of our lives sitting at a computer screen. If it sounds too good to be true, it is.

  207. Lisa — There’s a long zipline just outside of Charlotte — at the US National Whitewater Training facility. I used it when I visited friends there. If the men you’re corresponding with are from the Charlotte area, it’s entirely possible some or all of them have frequented the facility. Many, perhaps a majority of people online (men as well as women) exaggerate on their profiles. I too am on Match. Think women have a monopoly on virtue and honesty? I could run circles around your blog : )

  208. all i know is, meeting a good woman to share a life with is Very Extremely Hard nowadays for us good guys.

  209. This makes me laugh because its so incredibly true! After going through a divorce with someone I thought I knew very well and in fact did not, some days he doesn’t seem so bad compared to guys! Some of the profiles are ridiculous! The best is when they want a slender girl and they themselves are ” a few extra pounds”! because that’s fair!

    Men! I’m thinking you’re on match or a reason! Either what you’re looking for doesnt exist or isn’t working for you. Come back to earth!

  210. Most men join match for one reason. to perv on women they couldnt get in real life. These over weight, undereducated men want a 10 with a perfect body, meanwhile they can’t even hold a conversation or treat a woman with respect.

    And no offense but I don’t believe for a minute any of you so called great guys are getting the shaft from women and do NOTHING wrong! How many times have I heard a guy crying and upset about a girl not calling when they said they would, standing them up or just all together ending communication. Literally once, literally. How many times have I heard this from a woman that really didnt do anything to deserve it? More times then I can remember.. The funny thing is most woman will feel bad even they aren’t into the guy and return his texts (up to a point)

    So who’s the bad guy?

    • I hate to be harsh, Yolo, but the strength of your opinions is matched only by the depth of your ignorance. Are some guys like that? Sure. Just like some women are two-bit golddiggers.

      A lot of guys are smart, responsible, professional, and all kinds of other things, but perhaps what’s best about them doesn’t really manifest in the online dating context. I can tell you for a fact that for someone like me online dating is a longshot and speed dating is an utter waste of an evening that could be better spent doing something more productive. And just about anything would be more productive. What’s worthwhile about me simply doesn’t become clear until you’ve known me awhile, and probably everyone I know can testify to that. Over the course of an online dating cycle any number of perfectly bright, substantive women might walk away thinking meh. Nothing special about that one. Next.

      Still, carry on. It’s always fun reading the comments of people who think they know what they’re talking about.

      • Sam…
        I’ve been reading your comments & am very interested in any advice you could throw my way.. I’m on Match & OkCupid. I’m 62 & widowed..Supposedly I’m suppose to be beautiful so they all tell me. To all of these women on here.. that is not where it is at.. It is who you are as a person who will keep a man.. I just have to figure out how to find one!! I happen to be the caregiver for my twins who have bi-polar disorder. They live with me & are 37. Of course, there is no way to explain all of this on a dating site & even have a chance of any of these guys getting to know me. I keep getting all kinds of not real guys hitting on me. I just changed my profile & really kind of let it fly.. I’m looking for a relationship but with a special someone. I’m ready to give my heart if he will give me his.. If he just wants to jump in the hay with me.. I told them to forget that.. I don’t have any hay! I hated to be so blunt but my patience is wearing thin.. What bothers me more is I have a seventeen year career in real estate & can’t seem to sell myself! My friends always tell me I have so much to bring to a relationship but I totally do not know how to go about it on a dating site. Where I live is not conducive to me finding a guy in town.. and, I don’t go to bars.. single men in church are 80.. too old.. In your male opinion how do you think I can better handle this challenging situation? Do you know any older SINGLE guys you can send my way? 🙂 Like real gentleman, intelligent, humorous caring guys? Or should i just stick with my “Little Porker,” Siamese Cat? Looking forward to worthwhile advice from anyone!

        • I wish I had good advice for you, but I wrote my own piece on online dating not too long ago and in it I explain why I think it’s a waste of time. My own experiences have been less than encouraging.

          I think the best way to meet people remains what it’s always been – organically, through work or school or civic organizations or whatever. I rarely had problems meeting women when I was in school, and if you work in a big company or in a job where you deal with people regularly it really helps a lot.

          I’m glad that online works for some, but if it doesn’t rest assured that it’s no a reflection you as a person.

        • Sam..
          Thanks for sharing that great article… I might have to be a “Cougar” & come & find you !!!:) So many of my feelings were in that.. 🙂 I’m retired so that makes it more challenging.. I have a lot of conservator responsibilites that I do from my home.. It is like a home business. My son use to live in Breckenridge..My husband & three guys were “Black Diamond
          Skiers.”. I might have graduated from the bunny slope once.! You so made me laugh.. These guys took me on “Aspen Highland”, a favorite ski mountain.. in Aspen..I almost wet my pants!! I was looking down the edge of that mountain trying to get down the slope.. I finally said forget this & went down on my “Bottom”! Many funny stories of me trying that sport.. I’m a golfer..:)

  211. Yolo you hit the nail right on the head!! As far as these men being world travelers and what not, don’t you need a lot of money to travel? I find it a little odd that these guys are traveling quite a bit and engaging in extravagant activities yet put they make 35-40 a year? It doesn’t quite add up now does it. I make about 50 a year and hardly do these things. Another thing I noticed is these guys don’t listen or maybe they can’t read. I stated clear as day I was someone 5’11” and over, as well white. I’m guess these men weren’t reading my profile, only liking my pictures. Isn’t this the whole selling point of match? To match people based on their mutual like and interests? Apparently their interests are my face/body. Not what I have to say.

    Just for chuckles my last week on match I changed my profile stating I only wanted to date someone Jewish that makes over 150K a year. I knew then my theory was right. Maybe the men of match can’t read?

    • Well Duh,

      I could be one of those guys your talking about. I know I would have wrote to you if I thought you were pretty; and seemed like a caring person. I am 5’3, brown and poor; so I disqualify from 95% of women’s dating stipulations. Are you saying I shouldn’t bother; that I’m less of a man for my bum genetics? I agree, I wish I was 6′, super athlete, white with blue eyes and blond hair, a deep voice, very intelligent, outgoing wealthy man, but I am not and never will be.
      Having been thorough a very hard life; my search criteria was: Can I enjoy seeing her face next to mine when I wake up, is she a kind/caring person and most difficult part; is she attracted to me. Apparently, men aren’t worthwhile unless their tall, wealthy, Jersey shore guys. Not who I am…
      Also, I get about 30k a year from the VA and sitting in my apartment, hiding from the world seeing a psychologist, psychiatrist, and a social worker 4 times a week; wasn’t working for me. So, I travel to fix my self and I sleep on couches of new friends I meet at Drop Zones I visit while skydiving. They all say they wish they could drop everything like me and do what I do, but I do it out of necessity. I have no family, no home; so when a guy invites me to his home with his family, I take it. So, I’m writing this from the tent that my friend set up in his yard for me, because him and his girlfriend sleeps on the pullout in the living room because the kid takes the only bedroom. I have never felt so home in my life…
      I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with what you want in a boyfriend/best friend, its normal; I just wish I could be what you girls are looking for…


      • Keen,

        Please, do not feel bad, what is described on these posts is just a part of today’s dating world. I know a few people, including good friends who met online and are happily married… and believe me, none of them looks close to Geoge Clooney or Cameron Diaz.
        On the contrary, what I see will probably make you think twice about what you may think : Many people say I am an attractive woman, smart, gregarious….yet, I have not had a decent relationship in years.
        Being somehow attractive and or smart is not necessarily the cherry on the cake.
        Also, most interactions on these dating websites are very superficial, many people wrapping up what they like and what they do in 5-10 lines and trying hard to present things in such a way that they will attract a maximum of messages or enquiries.
        This mental exercise is terribly tricky as it pushes people to focus on the surface, the superficial vs the more profound and about tricks to attract vs who we really are.
        I usually go to the synagogue almost every Saturday morning, although I am not really what you consider a religious person.
        I was not getting any messages.
        So I thought this was probably scaring some men away ( one of the golden rules of the Internet dating world is that people end up thinking everyone is a set of boxes or drawers; if you go to temple/churches/ mosque on a regular basis, you must be a fanatic or a boring or closed minded person.
        Well, far from it, some life circumstances can just push people to need a sense of connection or family via a regilious place or tradition.
        Same thing, if a person says they enjoy long outdoor walks, some people may think that their hobbies are not so exciting when in fact, long walks with someone who likes to sharesome time in a park, beach or an urban setting, could be such a great experience of connectivity with the other and nature ).
        So, in order to receive a few messages, I changed what I had originally written and specified ” I go to synagogue sometimes ” when in fact I was going almost very week.
        So here I was, changing some things about myself to minimize the level of rejection or intensify the level of attraction.
        This is what Internet does: people have to “sell” themselves instead of just being who they are.
        What most of the online dating world projects is a way to think in a very superficial and immature way.
        It’s a numbers game, a meat market and let’s be honest, most of us are not tailored to sell ourselves like if we were a piece of meat.
        We deserve much better : sharing a hobbie, attending church or synagogue services, sports or cultural activities, to meet like minded friends and possibly some great people.
        We have to stop thinking that the silly rules that are set up online are what governs our way to interact with each other.
        Also, I must say that coming from Europe, I often find that many people who grew up in America just do not get it.
        This country somehow pushes people to have the wrong priorities and values.before I moved to the US, I had never heard so many women tell me ” You should meet this guy, he makes a lot of money and is quite good looking, he is an attorney.”
        Are you seriously kidding me ???
        Is that what women around here are obsessed about : someone’s face and body and wallet ?
        This is pathetic. No wonder why the divorce rate is so high in this country.
        The day most people will TAKE TIME to get to know someone and understand that the beauty of the packaging does not necessarily match with the beauty of the soul, humanity will have made a huge progress.
        Keen, please be proud of who you are, who cares about women and men who are just interested in the package. I know people out there who are not.

        Please, let’s all stay far away from the online dating planet or let’s be able to put things into perspective if the decide to be part of it.

        • Not all American women are the way you seem to think. I’m certainly not. The country doesn’t push anyone to have the wrong ideas. You are free to believe whatever you want to believe here in this country. I choose to not be shallow.

      • I don’t know if I’m your cup of tea, but if you lived in Denver I’d ask you out. Your depth and sensitivity is a treasure and I’m glad you’re taking the time to comment here.

    • I found it obvious that many men e-mailing me on there hadn’t bothered to read my profile and they didn’t notice I didn’t care to date someone 15 years older than me.

  212. I can understand the authors frustration of turning 30 and wanting to try something new. I kind of freaked out a Few months back when I turned 29 and did the same. But the way I see it is you can’t really force a relationship into happening most of the time. Usually you meet a great guy when you least expect it.

    I think technology has made us all a little lazy and almost scared to get out there. I know when ever I go to a night club or out for drinks I always have guys hit on me. Sometimes they’re my type and sometimes not. The way I see it is, first dates are hard enough. I don’t need the added stress of meeting a stranger for one. It’s kind of creepy if you think about it.

  213. This is way too funny..
    My tummy hurts from laughing.
    This is such a great write up.
    I couldnt agree more.

    I just turned 30 myself this month and Im turning to look online finding someone too.

  214. Here’s the thing, everyone has a type. With online dating you’re less likely to accept meeting someone who doesn’t fit into that mold. Would I date a guy who wasn’t typically what I go for in real life? I would definitely give him a try if we clicked and I liked being around him. BUT am I going to go out of my way to meet a guy off the computer that isn’t really what I’m looking for? Of course not!

    This is why most of the men on Match are really trying to score out of their league. Where else would they have the chance to even talk to a woman who’s beautiful and 20 years younger then them?nowhere

    • Don’t forget the many more women 20 years younger who are not beautiful. Downright ugly. But they sure think an extra 50 lbs is HOT.

      • JC,

        Your comment is mean and does not add any value to this exchange of opinions.
        I wish they were a moderator here, at least to remove such useless remarks.

        [Admin: Every comment at S&R is moderated, and while JC’s comment was certainly mean, the moderator decided after some thought that it was on-topic added sufficient value to the discussion to offset the meanness of the comment.]

        • I’ve been told I’m mean before. I’ll live. The intent was not to be mean, however – other than the general observation that not only guys are chasing women ‘out of their league”, but women do the same thing. I daresay that thre are many women that when messaged by a man of similar attractiveness, will simply decline. Both men and women want to partner UP, not down.

          Women denigrate men for being shallow, only interested in women for their bodies – but this is a myth. Women evaluate looks just as much as a guy does, along with a host of other factors -such as income, social status, height, etc.

          My comment above boiled down to a woman with an unrealistic expectation, just as men will similarly have an unrealistic expectation. Duh said, “This is why most of the men on Match are really trying to score out of their league.” Yes, indeed. So do the gals. I have an online profile, and I have women that weigh a hundred pounds more than I do message me. As do females get messages from guys similar disproportionate.

        • JC,

          I understand what you mean when you say that online, most people try to look for someone who looks like them or better than them. Well, in real life too, like this man I know, who is very cultured and well spoken, in his 70’s, looking for a woman in her 40’s.
          How pathetic.
          These men do not realize that many women today ( I know some of them ) look amazing at 60
          ( exercising, working, a bit of Botox here and there 🙂 ).
          They’d rather chase fresher meat….not realizing they look like corpses compared to women who are much younger.
          What bothered me in your comment is the degrading way you speak about weight.
          And I’m not thinking about me here because I look more like a spaghetti.
          It is true that weight is demonized in our cultures but believe it or not, some people are not turned off by someone rounder or heavier than them.
          These good friends I know, who actually meant online, are the perfect counter example of what most people say : she is very chubby but exercises, is very joyful and has a beautiful smile, he is pretty good looking and fit/slim.
          They have been married for 5 years and expecting a child…and probably the best example of what a truly loving relationship is : they really care for each other, respect who the other is, his/her passions while creating projects together.
          But here’s the thing : the foundation of their relationship is about sharing the same values, not the looks. They liked each other physically because they started with the spiritual and the intellectual sides first.
          One of the reasons why online dating is a deceptive experience for most people is because most individuals just care about the looks.
          The relationship will just not take place and if it does, it is doomed from the beginning.
          I look up to this couple and just hope I will find my soulmate the same way these two found each other.

        • @ LooksLikeHome
          Doesn’t look like there is a way to reply to your reply (no button), so posting this way.

          It is interesting that near the end of your reply you stated, “the foundation of their relationship is about sharing the same values, not the looks. ”

          Yet, you also said (about older men): “They’d rather chase fresher meat….not realizing they look like corpses”.

          On the one hand, you were proud of the couple that is a chunky woman / skinny, good looking man and that they were right not to worry about looks – but on the other, when it is an old guy, looks are very much a part of why it is a problem.

          You also said it is “pathetic” that “this man I know, who is very cultured and well spoken, in his 70′s, looking for a woman in her 40′s.” This is very subjective on your part. It is quite obvious “YOU” do not want an older man, yet you are castigating him for talking to someone else younger simply because he has become older- something out of his control. If the 40 year old woman decided that it was something she wanted, would she be pathetic? Where do you draw the line on your ageism? 5 years? 10 years? 20? What age differential is the line in which it become pathetic?

        • JC,

          I did not mean to be offensive.
          Getting older is not an easy experience, and we are all going towards this direction.
          I am not judging some men for getting old.
          I just meant that some men are systematically looking for women who are 15 to 30 years younger, which I find sad.
          I understand younger can be more attractive ( physically and less baggage ) but why not trying to meet someone their age or a few to years younger, not a difference of one or two generations ?
          I forgot to mention that a few men, like this man I know who is 70, may be looking for a woman in her 40’s to feel younger or more energized…what I meant is that it can end up being worse because when being together, he will look much older than the younger woman, which may make him feel like there is more of a physical and energy gap than expected.
          This is probably happening so frequently because I live in Miami, where one can find a lot of shallow people.
          But why do we; women over 35 years old, mostly get introduced to men who are 10/15 years older ?
          It’s the same phenomenon online : look at the age bracket most men specify for the woman they would like to meet.
          We almost get lucky if some guys are open to meeting a woman their age.
          It’s just sad…

      • Of course, that goes without saying. But these lack luster men aren’t trying to meet the ugly, fat, repulsive woman. They want the trophy wife type without being a catch himself. Not even in something as basic as having a fun and outgoing personality.

        • JC in the few years I tried Match, the majority of guys that e-mailed me/hit on me on that site were older, unattractive to me and probably 70 to 100 lbs. overweight. I’m not overweight and don’t mind someone a little overweight but . . .

  215. I honestly wish I had the energy to set up a fake Match profile, just for research sake.. Get some photos of a pleasant looking woman, maybe a little plain, not ugly but no beauty.. With an amazing personality and see what kind of responses she’d get. Not many, I would bet my entire wardrobe on it.

  216. Don’t give up so soon…yes, there are some creepers and some guys that want a girl who doesn’t exist…I was on Match for a year, but after that year, I got lucky and found the love of my life. At least three of my other friends have found amazing relationships on Match! It CAN happen!

  217. I’m going to take a slightly heavier hand in moderating this thread. I can’t tell if Duh, for instance, is trolling or simply not very bright. In neither case, though, is she contributing meaningfully to an intelligent discussion.

    More broadly, I’m no interested in hearing sweeping generalizations about how all guys are X or all women are Y. If that’s the extent of your intellectual capacity, S&R probably isn’t the right forum for you.

  218. This is the problem with dating sites, men with low self-esteem. If I’m going to date a short man I want him to embrace his shortness and laugh about it, not act like he’s some victim because of it. You have to understand that yes most women don’t and won’t date a man shorter then they are. Move on. Stop crying about it. That is what makes you undesirable. I have to admit as well, the men arguing on this blog clearly do not have relations with women. Let women speak their mind. This is why you are single. Wake up.

    • Not all of the men in this thread have acquitted themselves very well, but you might take note of how bad some of the women are making your gender look while you’re at it.

  219. I did meet a few from but my experience was almost exactly the same as yours!! I’m 44 and tried it for a few years on and off. Very disappointing!!

    • and 30% of people using online dating site pretending they are single are actually already married I have since learned.

  220. One thing I found on many men’s profiles was that they were “willing to try anything once.” That statement really scares me coming from a man. I certainly don’t want a man who is “willing to try anything once.”

    I also found the spelling terrible on many of their profiles and many were written like a text message. Fictional example: U should like to travel, likkids, luvsex, be nice, kind and gentle.lookin 4laidbac outing wommenMustlik kids MUST BE OVER ALL THERE PAST RELATIONSHIPS HAVE NO BAGGAGE. I dont like cats so if u hav them please don’t bother contactinme.Shootme an e-mail if ur interesting.

  221. Men on here.. You need to believe us when we tell you these guys are total losers on Match.. Why you ask? Well maybe because women get contacted way more then the men. For every one email you get women probably get about 20. I think we know a little more about that horrible dating site then you.. I’d like to hear from a single man on here that has ever gotten 50 emails/winks in one day?

  222. Can we elaborate on why it’s called “”? Who is getting “matched” exactly and by who? This is a website designed for creepy guys with no self esteem to pray on single women with high hopes.

    Remember MySpace? Back about 3 years ago when everyone was on it I ended up meeting some guys off of MySpace lol and the 3 guys I met were totally fun and normal!! One guy had his own business, was really cute and we ended up dating for 7 months. He was the last guy I met off MySpace. My point is normal people that are single are always willing to meet up with someone if they click from a social media site, so really what is the point of I’ll tell you why so the old dudes can try and score. Gross 😦

    My experience on was the total opposite and obviously I’m not alone. My cell would go off literally every 5 minutes with a new message or something. Every time I would see the guys pic I felt a little vomit come up. I though to myself am I really that ugly that these guys think I’d date them? But this blog has made me feel better cause apparently all women are creeped out by these dudes. Anyways I’m pretty much done with one line dating.

    • Their pictures were usually a big problem for me. I’d think, seriously–he thought I’d want to date him? Why? Or ewwww . . . delete, delete–yikes. Maybe one picture out of every 25 e-mails looked ok to me and I don’t think I’m being that picky (as far as looks go). I only require that you don’t physically revolt me.

      • Also, there were guys who looked ok or even handsome. The very disappointing thing came when we finally met: either they were now much older and “deteriorated”, they have used Photoshop to improve their looks, or they were not pictures of themselves!, hahahaha

        • @Charoglez I can only imagine. I joined Match a while back for their free 7 day trial. I feel like I kind of have a sixth sense for picking out the fakes and losers so didnt have too many problems. I did notice though a lot of the guys on there that looked way into their late 40’s or even 50’s all say they’re 43. I guess that’s the big lie age, 43. Something else I also noticed to be true of what many of the other women are saying is, I’m in my 20’s and most of the men contacting me were much much older. I do like older men but not when they look like my drunken uncle OH and are 5’7″

  223. I love how most of Match men claim to never watch TV either. It sounds physically exhausting to spend time with these dudes. They travel all over the world, have many activities, never watch TV. Why don’t they look better if they still all that time moving?

    • Yeah, and if they look for a very adventurous sporty type, a costant traveller, a woman that can do anything – and has the energy to do it! – I’m not their type, either, hahahaa. They should apply for a mixture of Cat-woman/Indiana Jones, apart from being good at dancing, cooking, well read…. A SUPERWOMAN

  224. I’m currently on; I think this is 4 months now. My trick: I don’t sweat it. I notice all the things you are all mentioning and I understand the frustration. But I only use the site as a primary screening tool. I exercise utter ruthlessness in screening out those that do not fall within my key criteria (btw, before I signed up, I sat down and actually thought about what I need, what I want, what I like: this has made it easier for me to do my primary screening). I don`t feel any remorse for having put over a thousand profiles on my trash bin. I also developed a couple of ‘questionnaires’ (these questionnaires revolve around what i need, want, like…) and I provide these, on an invitation-only basis to guys who have passed my primary screening and managed to sustain a more meaningful conversation via email and expressed interest in taking my tests. A guy has to pass my questionnaires via a few exchange of emails (I look for creativity here: several guys actually figured out how to make my kinda strict, process-oriented approach fun…I think they were mostly amused…); I let the convo progress thereafter into texting but only for a brief while. My experience is that if you prolong the online convos, expectations build up then you are bound to be disappointed. I’ve hence screened in a few guys for brief in-person meets (note: just a few…and I do this in `batches`…LOL). No spark my end? I walk; no spark his end? He walks. Simple.

    I have never really met scammers or the big liars yet (touch wood!). On the contrary, all the guys I met seemed to be decent guys, professionals, stable…but then my market is in the 40s and above.

    I haven’t found THE one yet, BUT I’m also clear to both myself and the guys I correspond with, that I ain’t rushing. I am also clear with my expectation on as a mere primary screening tool.

    Many of you wrote about chemistry. That, to me, is still the ultimate clincher. So, I’ve let go of seemingly-great men who pretty much got thru my screening, my tests, etc. but we didn`t click.


    • This is a great post.. I just purchased “Data, A Love Story” by Amy Webb. I saw her on 20/20, I think.. talking about her book. She met her husband on line & this post describes her methods of how she did it.. By the way, her husband is bald.. 🙂 & I think she is now in her late 30s. I am on my second round of Match & have met all kinds of guys online there.. I’ve changed my profile four times, added new pictures.. Almost all of the above posts I can relate to. As I said in response to Phil’s post it is more difficult to find the caliper of men I’m looking for where I live but I have found some across the country who are intelligent multi faceted men.. just very few where I live in my age group. I’m the sixty-two year old widowed woman & proud to be this wise age!:) Most of the guys in my age group in this area are looking for younger women & when I read their profiles..they don’t interest me anyway. It is a number’s game & I still think Match might be the best way to meet someone you normally wouldn’t have the opportunity to meet.. It seems like it has the largest database.You just have to be very wise & screen everyone you might be interested in. Don’t give up! Be particular. It is the rest of your life.. My best to all, golfnlady2.

  225. You men don’t get enough responses to accurately paint a clear picture of the horror show which is Period. Don’t act as if your 1 wink a week makes you an expert. If you have a problem with the women stating their experiences then get lost. No one has a gun to your head. Get over yourselfs

    • But you DO know what men experience, right? Do you have a secret guy profile or are you just omniscient?

      Here’s the thing. Commenters like you are making Barry’s point. I don’t hear any of the men here saying that the post is wrong. I think most guys are like me – we KNOW that a lot of our fellow men are jerks. WE KNOW THEM BETTER THAN YOU DO. Many men are even worse than you think they are.

      The point isn’t them. If you think ALL men online are that way you’re simply, for lack of a better word, stupid. There are fantastic men online, and we’re trying to figure out how we can distinguish ourselves from the louts in ways that women can readily perceive.

      Kinda like I know that all women online aren’t like you….

    • Gina,

      Gosh….! So much agressivity in your message.

      Men are NOT all the same but it’s true, online dating pushes many men AND women to act in a very superficial or non courteous way.
      Barry’s message is one of the most meaningful and well written I have read in this thread so far.
      And to all the ladies out there who are revolted by many men in the online world :
      1 ) Get out of online dating and try to meet people via cultural, political, religious, or social activities and/or :
      2 ) Get your rage out of your system : exercise, consult an homeopathic doctor, a shrink, a coach or speak with a great male friend and make peace with men and mostly with yourself.

      This negativity will not lead you anywhere interesting and basic feminism is totally outdated.

    • @Gina – What I am about to say is not directed at you, but what you say in your post; and I am not splitting hairs here 🙂 honestly. The point I want to make is that it is easy to condemn, diss, deny, or write-off people, situations and what they may have to say. But saying yes, or trying to understand, applying one’s mind requires a commitment and effort. To repeat what I said in my earlier post, condemnation and dissing still follow the path of least resistance. By the same token I do hope you don’t come across any such abominable “no-men” (or for that matter “no-women”). I am certain you have encountered either or both of them, perhaps at the DMV office, or during another encounter with a minion or a bureaucrat. I am almost tempted to say something but as you said “get over yourselfs” (sic) and so I will. Now THIS is my “1 wink” for the week of July 8, 2013.

  226. Moderator’s Note: I’ve allowed this thread to get a bit more mean-spirited than it needs to be, I fear. Gina, in particular, I originally allowed because she was expressing a viewpoint that, while not articulated with any particular grace, seemed in line with what a lot of women believe. However, it’s gotten to the point where I fear her only purpose is to confirm everyone’s worst suspicions about women in online dating, and that’s the furthest thing from what we need to be doing here.

    So I’m tightening the reins a bit. If Gina returns with something productive to add and she can express in language that’s more civil and less condescending, obviously I’ll greenlight it. Otherwise, this has been too good a thread to have hijacked.

  227. Hmmmmmm never been on match haha but am a little weirded out by these people who keep defending this dating site and getting mad at people that have bad experiences. Maybe they work for It’s a little creepy though idk just my opinion

  228. lol Mystie maybe these guys are trying to be like the guys on the bachelor. Sky diving and crap but I think they prob need a good job for their plans of adventure 🙂 or any job. lol I’ve heard stories but I’ll just keep it at that. I don’t want the moderator police on my back lol. I’m scared nottttt

  229. Gina,

    I wonder who is judging here…
    I do feel sorry for the man who is in your life.

    • Looks like home, I’m curious what you mean by “basic feminism is totally outdated.” I do not feel women are treated equally yet. We are treated more equally than we used to be. I think the statistics are that one in four women are a victim of domestic violence and one in nine men. I feel that women are still mistreated by men much more often than men are mistreated by women. Women are slowly gaining more power by earning their own money. I’m not sure what you mean by “basic feminism is totally outdated.”

  230. One other thing, just as some advise to the women if they’re serious about online dating. I quit Match way before my 7 day free trial knowing it was a total joke. I soon after looked around and found a dating site that was less popular and more suited towards interest rather then the generic millions and met a great guy I’ve been dating for 4 months. Surprisingly he looked better in person and has his life totally together. My point is there are definitely a ton of scammers and creeps on Match. I wouldn’t trust it. They’re not the only show in town.

    • The men of Yahoo who leave comments in the comment section of the articles are usually much worse than Match though.

  231. So basically all the men on are ugly, old, unrealistic, gross, creepy, etc.? Or the majority are? Is that about right? Look, there are lot’s of attractive women in the USA I’m not going to deny that, but the obesity rate is kind of high for women just as it is for men. So when you have so many women complaining about the quality of men on a dating site maybe a few of you should take into consideration that it’s just not the men on these sites that are unrealistic.

    You could take 10 average looking men and 10 average looking women off the street at any time of the day, on any street, and my money would always be on the group that’s not being called out in this article and the comment section for having unrealistic expectations about what they are looking for in a mate, or how attractive they think they are. I might not win every time, but I would end up with quite a bit more money than the vast majority of ladies on this site.

    • I should have added that the street should be on an American street. So maybe not “any street,” but would have no problem at all putting my money where my mouth is in the Good ole US of A.

  232. Oh my goodness! What a fantastic article.. You have so made me laugh! I am on Match for the second go around & I am 62 & widowed.. that word :Widowed is the kiss of death.. and, I am a caregiver so… “Mission impossible!” All these guys tell me I’m beautiful but they are missing what I like to think of as “The Beautiful Inside Part”! I totally do not know how to go about this task at hand & my four legged furry friend is looking better & better!! You hang in there! I can tell you are a beautiful intelligent woman & one day one of these ridiculous men will realize that in you. And, thanks for making my day..:)

  233. with so many very mean women out there these days, how can us men meet a good woman anymore?

    • It can be tough. There is quite a chasm between the women and the men. And to be honest, the really awesome women are snatched up pretty quick/young.

      At our age(s), we don’t like the majority of the women, the women don’t like the majority of the men. Very small overlapping area.

      • TheVeryTruth, I wonder if you are referring to the women who are commenting as “the very mean women” because I don’t think most of them are being very mean on here. I don’t believe most women are very mean. I think they are just being honest about their experiences.

        Many of the same women who are snatched up really young are often the same women that are single again in middle-aged and they still awesome but maybe a little less trusting of men, in my opinion. Women get less tolerant of being mistreated as they get older.

        • I would add that I am not sure if many women become less tolerant as they get older but I have noticed a sense of disenchantment for some women after going through very painful experiences such as a divorce after finding out that their husband and father of their 2 or 3 kids had been cheating on them for a while with another woman or sometimes another man. I have witnessed a few of them feeling that they were loosing everything they thought they had because their husband had gone crazy for a colleague at work or something.
          The truth is that many men are able to destroy everything that have progressively built up for years, with someone, because they feel sexually alive again with another person.
          Women are not perfect, for sure but not many of them end up dropping everything they have built in the name of libido revival with someone new.
          So there is definitely a lack of trust towards men that arises amongst many women after 35.
          What becomes sad is when some of them are bitter to the point that trying to meet anyone online or offline will be counter productive unless they have taken the necessary time to heal and restore they self esteem.

        • first of all, i am tired of so many women that have an attitude problem and play very hard to get which they certainly need to grow up. there are many of us good serious down to earth men looking for a good woman to share our life with. the women that have their high paying job today really think they are all that now, but they are not. women were certainly much different years ago, and they accepted their men for who they were which they were very committed as well. most of the women now want a man with a very large bank account, and that is really sad. I really wish that i had been born much sooner, then i could have met a good woman to get married and have a family like i would have wanted. i was married at one time which i was a very caring and loving husband that was very much committed to her as well, but it just wasn’t good enough for her since she was the one that cheated. and i didn’t do anything wrong, which you may think that i did. and really going out all the time really sucks for us men that are looking, since many women today don’t want to be bothered at all when we will try to start a conversation with the one that we would really like to meet. and we can’t stare at a woman too long because she would say to us, what the hell are you looking at? with so many women nowadays that have been very abused by men, i guess they are very much afraid which i can’t blame them in a way. but now us innocent men are suffering for it, and that isn’t fair at all.

    • I like your comment. I’ve been wonder the same thing. I haven’t tried online dating yet. I’m thinking it can’t be any worse than the women I meet in person. I’m starting to think having the same Gov’t job for 20 years, being in good shape, and raising my daughters isn’t good enough for these women. Yes I’ve been divorced 2 times. Women who have never been married nor have kids like to point out my divorces like it’s the plague. So they can judge me all they want when they are home alone with their cat eating junk food and waiting for Mr perfect to come along. Women don’t realize guys who are divorced do have a clue in regards to women. We made our share of mistakes and we learn from them.

  234. Women are told to play hard to get. They are told that men like a challenge so don’t be too easy to get. They also are very cautious because how men have treated them in the past. They may not be playing hard to get. They may be scared because of past experiences with men.

    I’m not familiar with too many high paid women but one that I knew of had the sweetest husband who was one of the best father’s I ever met. She didn’t seem to treat him very well. He made less money. She treated him similar to many men I’ve seen who make more money than their spouse, like he was not good enough for her. I thought he was one of the best, nicest men I’d ever met and had nothing but respect for him. He had a good enough job in my opinion. It was his character that was more important to me.

    People do not cheat because you are not good enough. It is normally a problem with their character–not yours. Sometimes people meet someone they are just extremely attracted to and cheat, not because anything is wrong with the relationship.

    • I think Mystie has a point. As women, we are being told ( my our male friends and some of our female friends or relatives ) that we have to play it hard to get considering men need a challenge, something to “hunt” for, otherwise, if things are too easy, many of them just loose interest very quickly. To tell you the truth, I’d like to see where women play it hard to get…
      I find many women extremely aggressive when it comes to getting to meet a man nowadays. Some of them are so straight forward, it’s just shocking to me. Also, I see many woman not even caring if the man is married or not, which is a bit dramatic to me. I guess some of them are so desperately in need of physical or emotional connections that they won’t care or even like the challenge of trying to win over a married man.
      That what’s been very challenging in the way people try to meet today is to find that right balance between showing interest without looking needy, being warm while being detached.
      And this balance is just hard to find because each one of us likes different things and because most of us tend to act as a reaction to our past experiences, not according to who we have in front of us.
      And as Mystie said, if someone has been seriously emotionally hurt, then it becomes very hard to let it go, be light and fluffy while being warm and tender. People tend to protect themselves as life goes on.
      Again, coming from another country, I am always shocked to see how much many women emphasize on money in the US. It’s very scary to see how it has become a core value of a capitalist society.
      I still have no clue why two people connect and decide to stay together for a good while and why some people don’t. So the answer to all this is that there is no typical answer.

      • I stayed for a good while. I was married 20 years.

        I will never understand how someone could not care that someone is married. To me that has always meant off limits.

    • It isn’t that he made less money – it was his attitude.
      He needed to forget about that, and just be his own man. He allowed the role reversal. In effect, not a man his woman could follow. He can be the leader no matter which one made the most money.

  235. LOL loved the post, it’s not realistic I agree, I’ve also known alot of my boyfriend’s friends who got on there and lied their #*(@@ off, I’m ambitious, I’m romantic, I love kids.. same guy who is drunk all the time, barely keeps his room rental (not own place) and barely keeps his one part time bartending job in KC MO and who ran out on his women and kids.. twice, (had 2 separate families). But he wants ‘model quality’ lol. these guys are not realistic at their age.. the midwest is not very wonderful I guess in that respect, I suggest moving somewhere where the ratio of single men with money is higher

    may I recommend Seattle, San Diego, Minneapolis MN, but depends on what you’d like to do.. what kind of man you like. if my man were to break up with me, I would drop everything in the midwest and move straight to SEATTLE, my newly minted ex could keep his dumpy apartment and cry about his , I will be enjoying a banquet of hot manly men 🙂

    • Oh My… Now you made me think of “Sleepless in Seattle”. I’m the sixty- two year old so.. I’m not sure Seattle works for me.. I’m in the deep south & this certainly is not working for me.. I can so relate to the post below yours.. It’s so strange… I didn’t post on Match how wonderful I was like so many of these guys did.. I posted what I was trying to find.. A great honest guy with true feelings.. A need a 101 course in dating.. I just don’t get it! 🙂

    • I have gained much insight and learnt a lot about women from the posts here. It’s a virtual (no pun intended) education as well as fascinating how so many like-minded women have found their way to this discussion thread. I guess they are serious.

    • I agree with Seattle. I just went there on vacation for a week two weeks ago.
      I’m moving there this spring. For the weather, and all the hiking and mountain climbing. I’ve never seen a more awe-inspring place.

  236. I so agree. I’m a 64 year old lady looking for a loyal dependable gentleman. I’ve been on match for two months. I’ve had over 100 responses. I email back and don’t get a response or if I do there so pushy about meeting right away. I like to email a few times, then talk on the phone a couple of times to see what this person is all about( very casual, no personal questions asked). So, I go to my first date with all the pictures in my mind of what he looks like and his description of being 5’8″ , athletic & toned. So, I’m setting just inside the door waiting for this buff stud to walk in. I’m 5’5″, he turned out to be about my height or slightly shorter, needs both knees replaced and doesn’t look like he’s worked out in 4-5 years vs the 4-5 times a week stated on his profile. Then he’s trying to be all over you, like you’ve been in love for years. Then there’s the two who make a date and two days prior cancel it 1) I’m not athletic enough for him(my profile states I don’t do sports or exercise) 2) I live too far away(my profile states where I live and I also told him by phone exactly where it was). So, why break a date because of those reasons. I’m open to trying anything within reason and who knows there could actually be a connection, in that case you can find a way to make things work. If nothing else you could just end up with a friend to talk to or confide in. I just want an honest person. Do they even exist?

    • Do they exist? I wonder that all the time. Is there somewhat nice, decent (meaning not psychopath, rapist, pedophile, criminal, have narcissistic personality disorder, married, etc.), somewhat honest (can they even be honest on a dating profile–any off them)? I actually pretty sure I did have one not lie to me about anything but I think he wanted someone with a high energy level so he is not a match for me. We are still in touch occasionally over a year later and I haven’t caught him in a lie yet. Maybe he wants someone to go ziplining with?

  237. I enjoyed reading this article and I appreciate the advice but let me just say….you should write an article for the girls. The girls on match are terrible. Their profiles are more pathetic than the guys you are explaining. “I like to laugh”….who doesn’t? “I like to go out some Friday nights….but sometimes…I like to stay in?” REALLY…what other options are there. I sweat both of those are in %99 of girls profiles. There is something off about web dating sites….for both genders apparently. I would love to see your match profile…except that I’ve deleted my account.

    • “I like to laugh”….who doesn’t? “I like to go out some Friday nights….but sometimes…I like to stay in?” is also in most of the men’s profiles I believe. Not about the Friday nights in particular but that they want a girl who can can wear jeans or get dressed up.

      • If I had a dollar for every profile where the woman tells me she’s comfortable in jeans but likes to get dressed up I’d buy a Ferrari.

        • I’m impressed that you took the time to read the profiles. So what do you think when you read “I’m comfortable in jeans but like to get dressed up?” I’ve read the “I like to laugh” so many freakin times. I think the same thing as Jason when I read that. Really, who doesn’t enjoy laughing? None of us feel like it all the time but everyone likes to be happy. Some people deal with problems in their life or people that make their life difficult so maybe they don’t laugh a lot but everyone wants to be happy.

        • All right guys 🙂 I just had to tell you I have “Make Me Laugh” in my profile.. You would be shocked at how many men do not have a good sense of humor.. that is huge & will carry one thru life.. Keep the male comments coming.. I might learn something here.. Have a great day everyone.. 🙂 I’m “Tangoing On”… trying a tango club tonight..

      • Hey Mystie, I met the 41 yr old throug a dinner group. a group of 5 of us went to a bar afterwards. I sat next next to her and got to know her. During the conversation she told me she can either say in or get dressed in a little black dress to go out on a friday night. I didn’t realize that line was used in online dating. She told me she met 2 guys online. 1 she only emailed. I think he dated some breifly since she said he blew her off for 5 weeks. Then he contacted her again like nothing happenend. The 2nd guy she met only wanted to see her when he was traveling back into town and her town was on his was home. She thought he was married.

        I’m realizing by reading these post all the bs she told me is the lines women give guys they talk to online.

        I did meet women in my apt complex. We talked 2 different times. the 2nd time I saw her walking her dog when I was coming back from a bike ride. (yes I do exercise 3-4 days a week) We talked for about 20 min. I asked if she was single. She said she has a bf. Turns out he lives 5 hrs away. See, I can’t win in person! (I’m joking) So how can online dating be any worse. I met another girl at a bar. I knew a friend of hers. This girl I met is single and has a 15 yr old son. The dad never married her the he left her to raise him on her own. So I’m talking to her and think it’s going good (wrong!) I get her number. I text her the next day to say it was great to meet her. Never got a response back. I had the right # because she gave me her business card .

  238. luck, Lisa B., the person who inadvertently inspired me to do this post, with article on Scholars and Rogues, Freshly Pressed Jan. 10. It’s very funny.

  239. Lisa, Great post. It made me laugh my butt off. I’m 46 and been divorced for 13 months. I started to date a little and I’ve gotten a crash course in dating . I’ve met 2 Women in person and needless to say it didn’t go well. 1 Was 41. She didn’t tell me her age and told me she wanted kids. She also didn’t tell me her last name. had to find google her to get the info. She proceeds to call me, text me wanting me to see her. I Drive 45 min to see her thinking she changed her mind about kids since she knew I’m done having kids. The 4th time I see her she said She wants kids. Why call me and text me to visit if she knew I can’t have kids. The second said I was pushy because I tried to plan a date in advance. She texted me on a sSaturday at 3 wanting to meet at 5.
    I may try online dating. It can’t be any worse than the women I meet in person.
    Women also have a laundry list of what they want in a guy. All I want is a female who is cute and has a sense of humor. Is that asking too much??

    • Mike you sound easy to please. What if this person had a disease like diabetes or arthritis and could not run, ski with you, etc. . . . Would that be an issue? I think you must have more restrictions than she must be attractive and have a sense of humor. What if she has manic depression? You must be a little more picky than how you are sounding on here. I do appreciation the male comments also–well, most of them.

      • Mystie I’ve been divorced 2 times. The 1st one was a bi-polar alcoholic. I divorced her after 14 years. I got custody of my 2 daughters. I’ve had them for 8 years. In the 8 years I haven’t paid 1 cent in child support. My second wife served me with divorce papers on Feb 13 of last year. (Early V-Days gift I guess). She told me I wasn’t doing enough to help take care of her. She had 3 back surgeries in 3 years. She didn’t work during that time. Other than working 5-6 days a week, cooking, cleaning, running my 2 kids around AND her 3 kids around I’m not quite sure what she meant by not taking care of her. So on 1 hand I do know what it’s like to be with someone with health issues.

        That’s why I haven’t wanted to date for the last 14 months. I decided I would try it and see what happens. I’m trying to understanding the mindset in the women I do meet. I have a good Gov’t job and I take care of my daughters so I have to plan out what little free time I do have. I got pretty annoyed with the girl who said i was being pushy. She can text me at 3pm wanting to meet me at 5pm even though she had a party at 6:30. But I’m pushy if I plan a time the next day to do something. Oh and she also flaked on me 2 other times. I’m still trying to understand the fllaking concept. I texted her July 4 but never did hear from her. Oh well , her loss. The funny thing with her is she cleans houses for a living. I was trying to get her 2 new clients since some friends were looking for a cleaning person. On the 4th I wanted to text her to give her a heads up what I was trying to do for her. I knew then it wasn’t working out with her but I am nice and was going to give her business card to them. I recommended someone else to clean for them.

        The 41yr old told me the second night I talked to her on the phone (for hrs) that she wanted to have a child. I told her I couldn’t since I got fixed 12 years ago. So she knew that but proceeded to call me and text me to see her. (lived 45 min away in another town). I went to see her a few times thinking she had second thoughts about having a child. She never did tell me her last name or how old she was but she had me come to her dads house to hang out with her. She moved back home from Chicago to help her dad out. The last time I was there she said she still wanted kids. I asked her why she had me come see her it she still did. She said things change and I didn’t matter to her anymore. It was only then I checked the county accessor office to get her last name. Then I googled her name to find out how old she was.

        So Mystie, the past 6 weeks have been a real eye opener in regards to dating. It’s been both comical and frustrating at the same time. I do need a sense of humor about it and not let it get to me.

        1 more thing…… I really do skydive. I’m doing the AFF skydive training. It’s called Accelerated Free Fall training. You have 2 instructors with you the first 4 jumps and only 1 the next 3. I’ve made 3 jumps so far. I’m almost starting to think jumping out of an airplane at 13,500 feet is easier than meeting a female who is “cute and fun”. I may still try the online dating…..

        • I bet skydiving is easier than dating. I do not know how it is to try to meet a “cute and fun” female but it seems an impossible task at mid-40s to meet a nice guy who I find something physically attractive about. The first woman you mentioned sounds like she may have some issues.

          Would you date someone that you know who has health issues? Many men seem to run away or not want a serious relationship with you if you mention you have any health issues even if they find you very attractive.

          The bi-polar alcoholic must have been interesting to live with. I’ve temporarily given up on dating. It doesn’t seem worth the pain that always seems to follow. It is usually me that isn’t very interested in them. I’m three years out of a twenty year marriage. I’ve been divorced for a year. I may go back to on-line dating despite the bad luck I’ve had. I have not yet dated anyone I’ve met in person. One I talked with maybe once a month for six months. Then he started playing some stupid game where he would completely ignore me when he saw me sometimes and other times be very friendly. Then he said he wanted to be friends with benefits. By the time he got my phone number he was dating someone else and I’m pretty happy we never dated now.

        • Hang in there.. that guy didn’t deserve you.. I can tell you are a woman of substance.. it just means we have to work harder at this & you have your age going for you.. I am 62.. 🙂 I know you will meet a great guy.. Many prayers headed your way.. 🙂

        • The 41 yr old has a gluten free diet. I had a day off and offered to take her to lunch on a Friday. She couldn’t since she had contractors lined up to work on her dads house. I offered to bring her breakfast in order to see her. She said yes. We went to a park. I brought hard boiled eggs, choc milk, and fruit and cheese, along with my License, my Gov’t ID badge and a copy of my 2nd decree to prove I wasn’t married. It still wasen’t good enough. I’m 5’11 and 180lbs. I think I’m a decent looking guy for being 46. I wish I could send you a pic to get your thoughts about my looks.

          The bi-polar alcoholic is the mother of my children so my 13 yr old has to put up with moms ups and downs when she sees her but that is probably a way different blog than a dating blog. Ha Ha

  240. I’ve been on for two weeks . I’ve written in my profile what is from my heart. No exaggerations just who I am. My picture is who I am , how I dress and carry myself.I put myself out there, because for me I think that’s the only way it’s going to work. I think the problem with this site is , we are taking the same games, the same fake nonsense, the same fake lines , the same materialistic needs, the same things we did in the bar scene or where ever else for that matter and expected it to be different. I’m just saying , if you truly want true love , you’ve got to be honest with yourself first. What are you really looking for? Is it a partner , because you want someone with a PhD like you?Or he has to be just as fit as you? Or he has to look like Brad Pitt. No one wants a cute man anymore. He’s got to be Denzel fine.Or are you lolling for someone who will love you unconditionally! With all his heart! We live in an age of I want it all. Sometimes you’ve got it all but you just don’t know it.stop with all the criteria , of he or she has to have this and make this much and blah blah blah. Stop playing games and fined someone to love!I sometimes i think to myself how many women In my life that wanted to be with me and love me but they didn’t fit what I wanted? Maybe I wouldn’t be on here writing this and cuddled up with a wife of thirty years of marriage!

    • Glenn I want a cute man (but doesn’t need to look like Brad Pitt) but he also needs to be a nice man and he doesn’t need to be in as good a shape as me. He doesn’t need to have a PhD (neither do I) or make over $100,000. I was always honest on my profile also.

      • Two hi fives to the response to Glenn!! Maybe this wonderful site will be the new dating connection.. at least we have real people here! Have a great week end to all..:)

        • Hi everyone,

          I am really enjoying reading this thread. It looks like there is a really great group out there.
          It gets quite different when people accept to drop their “masks” and interact with each other in a more transparent way….Just sounds overall more sincere. It is also very pleasant to feel people’s vulnerability. As Glenn said, the issue with a lot of online dating connections is that people are so afraid of showing their vulnerability, their human and touching side. They are just missing the point. Vulnerability can be very attractive.

      • Hi mystie, Glenn , I’m sure you are honest and truthful. I’m not speaking about all men or women. I’m sure it’s from your heart. But not everyone is the same . Just like not everyone is the same in the bar scene or anywhere else that you try to find a mate. It’s not the system , it’s the people who use it. Real simple,if all those people that ran from the bar scene , church, events were you meet people, had no luck, got on the dating site. All you did is migrate the same behavior you already had to a different place. Think about it ,thousands of people doing the same things you did before ,now what even more people to do it with! I’m not saying you have to settle, look at the person, not what you think the person is. If he’s not what you want when you TALK to him or her? Move on! Change your thinking. That’s what I’m doing now and it works.Stop looking at pictures and profiles and people on the street and saying to yourself “I don’t know about him or her ” Because you know what? You don’t know about him or her. You don’t know if that person could be your soul mate. Try , you might like it!

  241. I think most men don’t actually want the woman to have all these interesting hobbies and shit. They really just want a female to think he’s sexy and dependable so they make up these things.

    The connection is here. The connection involves vulnerability. TONS of men and women are hung up about fucking the hottest people and having the most interesting lives. It’s all to try and satiate the EGO.

    The WORST type of person to meet are the people who work the 5-6 range in terms of attractiveness(Physical or otherwise). They’ll never admit it but the way to tell is that they have this long list of bullshit and really don’t actually HAVE as much as they want to tell you they do.

    It’s because they’re sad they never got to fuck the prom queen or the quarterback or never got to do this or that etc. Basically people like that are immature and don’t realize that it’s their immature, veiled contempt for relationships and lack of compassion for others that actually gets in the way of showing up and getting laughed at or hurt till you find the Hottie who wont say no, LIKE THE REST OF US HUMAN BEINGS.

    • Interesting point of view Jon. I’m so sick of the bullshit and trying to figure out which ones are telling the truth and which ones are full of bullshit. It’s exhausting. Some of the ones most full of the bullshit are the ones insisting the hardest that they really are nice guys. I could care less if you make $400,000 a year or $40,000, if you are lying to me about who you are or are a jerk then I’m not interested. I’ve been poor and I’ve had plenty of money. I’ve lived in the the country, in one of the biggest cities in the U.S. and something in between now. I don’t care if you look like a movie star as long as I find you somewhat attrractive. I want a nice guy who is going to be honest with me about who he is. He can be boring too and that would be fine with me. Right now I’m not dating. I’m busy with my kids and going to school.

      • Exactly! I feel the same way you do. I know I don’t play games when I have done online dating. Sometimes I have felt bad when a guy writes me a long message so I do reply (even when he’s not my type) Then He doesn’t reply to me!! lol I’m positive it’s just an ego boost for these lame guys. It’s like oh a pretty girl replied to me, but I know she would never actually be in a relationship with me so I’m not gonna even give her the courtesy of replying back. I don’t really care it’s just a funny thing to see over and over.

        At this point I’m basically done with that kinda stuff, being nice and feeling bad for someone that is. At this point I’m not on any dating sites, I’m actually dating a guy in my office building. I’m not against joining a new dating site in the future if things don’t work out with him.. But I can tell you I sure wont be joining Match! And I’m not feeding any man’s ego anymore. The guys that instantly respond with a novel of their life are BS as are the men that just say something like “hey”

        One good thing about Match these men have definitely given the tools to sift out the freaks and BS artists. Thanks Match!

        No opinion on here is really relevant to me. I know what I’ve experienced and any one that feels the need to bicker about my experiences needs a life. Seriously.

  242. I’m a professional woman in her early 30’s and I’ve tried 2x with great reresults and find it’s a great way to meet high quality men in Chicago. The first time I was on Match was on 2 weeks and met an amazing man who I seriously dated before I screwed things up. I’m doing Match again, I’ve been on for 2 weeks and have meet several great people.

    The secret is ignoring the creepy guys and focus on the normal people. A good guy will ask for a date after a 2-3 days of email conversation. These guys are almost always thoughtful enough to suggest a nice rrestaurant close to where you live and when they say drinks, it usually means they have a dinner reservation. They will not try to kiss or touch with maybe the exception being a hug at the end of the night. Their emails have good grammar and spelling and they do not have pictures of themselves drinking at bars, shirtless in the mirror or anything else that would suggest they haven’t grown up. One more thing, if they are let say 35 they are going to be looking for someonesomeone close in age and not have a range 18-30. Basically, it they look like they can audition for a spot on the Jersey Shore, don’t go out with them. Also, if they want to talk on the phone don’t go out with them. Normal people respect your time and realize a meeting face to face is more productive then endless phone conversations about nothing.

    • Hi Kells
      I read your post. Nice job writing it. I haven’t signed up for online dating but maybe at some point I might. I can’t seem to find someone in person who is worth my time. I’m new to dating. I was divorced last year. I’ve responded to Mystie on here a few times so If you read them you can learn a little about me. It’s good to know you found a few normal guys on Match. I would contact a female the way the guys contacted you. Although I would want to call and talk to a female to get a better Idea of who she is.
      I’m curious to know what you did with the guy to screw things up? We all make mistakes and are only human. Thank you for sharing that there are normal guys online.

      The girl I met in person lived in Chicago for 8 yrs. (I live in Iowa) She moved back to Iowa to take care of her dad. She didn’t trust me at all so she didn’t tell me her last name nor how old she was. Is that her issue or is it a normal thing for women from Chicago?
      Can I get your perspective on women who flake on dates? I met someone (in person) who flaked on me 2 times. I’m still trying to get used to the concept. I not saying you do that but I didn’t know if you knew anyone who did. That is why I might try online dating. Thanks Mike

    • How enlightening to hear some positive Match feedback! Now maybe you can help me.. I am the sixty- two year old woman & guys my age are looking for women in their forties & fifties..My friends & family think part of the problem is here where I live & that a lot of these men are too old for me..That makes me reach out in larger cities & a long distance relationship is almost impossible..When I go up in age.. the older men are just not healthy.. I am blessed to go the doctor once a year & walk my golf course when I play. I would love someone to teach me how to find better results on Match. My Best, Vicky 🙂

      • Mike, I lived in the Chicago suburbs for 14? years but I was not dating there–I was married. I would never give out my last name to any guy on an on-line dating site unless we had been e-mailing for a while. Most don’t get my last name until after the first date. One internet search and they could get your address now if they have your last name. It’s in the rules for safe internet dating. Us women have to be careful. However, if we had gone on a few dates then he would have my last name. Maybe she was hiding something if you had been dating and you still didn’t have her last name?

        • Mystie, When I first met her at the event she said she would give me her number but she lived in Chicago for 8 yrs and didn’t trust anyone she just met. I completely understood. I drove 45 min to her town to meet her. I offered to bring her breakfast and eat in a park since she was going to be busy with contractors at her dads house. I brought her food (she can’t eat gluten) . When I got there I unpacked the food. I also handed her my license, my Gov’t ID badge and a copy of my 2nd decree to prove who I am. After the 2nd visit she had me come to her dads house where she was staying to care for him and remodel his house. Still she wouldn’t tell me her last name nor her age. But she told me she wanted to get married and have a kid. I don’t quite understand her logic. If you want to get to know someone shouldn’t you open up a little about yourself? On the 4 time I drove to see her she still didn’t want to tell me her age or her last name. I met her dad the 1st time at the house. It was embarrassing since I couldn’t address him by his last name. I thought she had 2nd thoughts about children since she knew I couldn’t have any. She said on the 4th visit she wanted kids. I said why have me come see you if you knew I couldn’t give you kids. She said things change and I didn’t matter anymore. That’s when I said she was right and left. She has a lot of the signs of a female narcissist. I should also mention she has 2 masters degrees. I learned my lesson with her on why I shouldn’t trust anything they do or say when you first meet them. She led me on and I fell for her hard. She told me things about what she liked about me and how well and kind I was to her. She said she liked I listened to her on the phone. I’m thinking it was all BS. She told me the 2 guys she met onling quit contacting her . They must be faster learners on spotting BS than I am.

    • Thank you Kells for (identifying your gender…we men carry no weight for the most part) sharing your refreshing and uplifting perspective, to say nothing of your pointers………..they could not be more specific. Perspectives like yours, in my opinion, are invaluable in these times of cynicism, disjunction and competition for victimhood between the sexes. I would have liked to say more but I don’t want you to get wrapped up in the existing imbroglio 🙂

  243. So well said! It gets worse the older they get because now they want all of that And a woman 20 years younger!

    • Just cause they want women in their 20’s doesn’t mean they’ll get one! And just because someone’s underage doesn’t make them hot or gorgeous (unless the guys a pedo) In fact all the ones that start out drop dead gorgeous at 18 are the ones that are 250 pounds at 30. So let these creepy men live out their fantasies.

      The only hot women in their 20’s dating old, bald men are gold-diggers!! So let these Match men have their pipe dream of dating a playboy model. I just hope when they’re bankrupt in a month it was worth it.

      I genuinely feel sorry for older women having to put up with these horrible men while trying to date. It must be a nightmare.

      • I agree with most of the comments here but I think there is one thing women may be misunderstanding about the men. I think many men believe you should date a lot (when you date online) because you are going to meet a lot of people that are not right for you that way. I think they believe the more you date the better chance you have of meeting the right person for you.

        • I agree that men (and women) date around when joining match, nothing wrong with that.. But I can’t remember EVER dating a guy in my life (first date or 10th) that doesn’t act like I’m the only one for them lol. Seriously, just be honest. It’s not asking a lot.

        • The cynicism aside, a guy is damned if he does, and he’s damned if he doesn’t. Please make up your mind about your definition of sincerity ladies. Sounds sort of like “does this dress make my butt look……” whatever the question and whatever the answer the guy is doomed. “Actually I didn’t really mean that”.

  244. Maybe most of us just should stay single FOREVER. In the long run being in a relationship ISN’T about you, it’s about them! This is why the second the other person gets sick of you they turn into a raging jerk and literally turn into a different person.. Most of the time this is the man but women are also to Blame.

    This is why everyone is bitter and no cares about anyone anymore. Not only that but then you also have to sift out the straight out crazies, the people that are on meds. At first these people seem normal and almost strangely fun and perfect.. Why you ask? Because you met them on their one month up period, it’s all down hill from there.

    Some animals mate for life and we can’t even seem to date normal off of some pathetic dating site.

    • Franny,

      We all have our own journey and personality, which make the experiences of meeting someone and relationships very personal and diverse for each one of us.
      However, your comments have a rather bitter tone and give a pretty sad shade to this thread.
      We should really stop putting the blame on men or women here, the blame would have to be on the capitalist, mass market, shopping culture that have deteriorated the way most people try to meet.
      And most of us do not see the bigger picture.
      We have to stop acting like immature and spoiled kids and just look for whatever someone can bring us. What do we have to share and offer ?
      We can’t ask for something if we do not honestly apply it to us first.
      Are we willing to get out of our own way and give up something in order to share some time or years with a special someone ?
      Many negative comments here are focusing on the blame game and disappointing experiences.
      I have had many too, I am part of all this but how open and cool was I when I met this guy or this other one ?
      Did I really give them a second chance before closing up like a shell ?
      The online word has made us become very narcissist and focused on short term results when it takes an open mind and TIME to get to know someone.
      Again, there are people who do not systematically judge by the cover of the book, the age nor the type of job and the challenge is to go where these people have a larger chance to be, which may not be on Match, EHarmony, Plenty of Fish or Jdate.
      Going to cultural events where people share opinions about books, politics, international news, art or a spiritual place like a church, a synagogue, a Buddhist temple, an outdoor camp, a meditation group will bring all of us more insight and opportunities to meet truly interesting people.

      • I did not read your whole reply, as it was too long and I don’t really care.. I am actually not bitter but just stating the facts. People are allowed to express opinions. Some people vent when they feel like it and others pretend like life is all rainbows and puppies. I’m not a bitter person, just opinionated. Tata

        • I don’t know. You do sound bitter and this is hardly the sort of reply that Arielle deserves. You may well have reason to be bitter – I know I have gone through periods where I was positively toxic as a result of things that had happened to me (much of it, admittedly, self-inflicted). But this has been perhaps the most interesting extended conversation we’ve ever had here at S&R and it would be nice if we could at least avoid punishing the innocent.

        • I’m just staing the obvious. If I was bitter I would be against dating and not currently be in a relationship which I am. I just understand why everyone else keeps having these horrible experiences and also understand why hardly anyone can ever have a normal relationship these days. Do I think my current relationship will last? Realistically, probably not.. But what else am I gonna do sit around and collect cats and gain 40 pounds drowning my sorrows. No. I think this is approach we should all take..

          And if all else fails and I do become totally bitter and done with men maybe I will become a lesbian.

          In the dating world being too optimistic (in my opinion) is not a good thing. You can’t expect to ever Mr Right and if you do, you’re delusional. So if I simply state what is obvious that doesn’t make me bitter, it makes a realist.

        • Franny,

          You do not know me as much as I do not know you but I am a very opiniated person in the off-line world.
          I do not live in a rainbow and puppies world as your write it, I am much aware of the difficulty most of us have in meeting someone mentally decent these days.
          My point is that this is not men’s of women’s faults, it’s the fault of the shopping spirit that now lies behind dating.
          No one starts having feelings or caring for a photo, a cute smile or a job description.
          No one.
          Therefore, my suggestion is to go where interesting people can be.
          But of course, if you do not even bother to read a response all the way to the end because reading 15 lines is too much for you, then you are definitely not ready to question your approach and getting out of your own way.

      • Thank you again Arielle for bringing some much needed calibration (or balance if you will) to a discussion thread which every now and then runs amok…….not that there is anything wrong with that…..but not at the cost of falling into a downward spiral because one can talk oneself out of just about anything, finger pointing et al. To me what is surprising is why women like you with such an objective, philosophical, life embracing perspective aren’t taken. I say this despite the fact that all I (we?) know about you is through your posts here. Methinks you are a definite catch!!

        • BarryK :

          Thank you very much for your nice message.
          I am not “taken” as you say and I think I know why. It’s a mix of a few things.
          Maybe some of the women and men will share a few of these reasons.
          1 ) I live in Miami, which is not where one finds a high concentration of very interesting minds.
          There are really great people here and I am grateful to have friends from all over the world
          ( Miami being a very international and booming metropolis ) but let’s put it this way : my analytical brain tends to turn off many men or scare them away.
          Also, I get bored very easily when sitting across the table from a “basic” person.
          2 ) I am very warm with my friends but quite shy when it comes to meeting men.
          Still not totally adjusted with the US dating culture either ( which favors quantity vs. quality, looking for a quick fix and an instant high vs. taking time to get to know someone ), therefore I often appear as being too cold or aloof.
          Again, the cultural difference ( I am from Europe ) : I have a hard time saying “I had suuuch an ammaaaazing time with you tonight” even if I do think I did.
          Most people in Europe are just more reserved.
          3 ) I am jewish and would rather be with a jewish man, to share a similar cultural legacy, which clearly reduces the number of potential candidates.
          4 ) I would like to have a family down the road, therefore, it does not make any sense for me to give a chance to a man who at some point clearly tells me that he is done with kids or is just not interested in having any.
          5 ) I find most people very “blase” or not knowing what they want. I met a few interesting men who did not seem to know if they wanted to date one woman or 10 at a time, a woman or a man ( well, if you still wonder at 40, this is becoming scary ), or looked like they just enjoyed the ride of serial dating.
          6 ) Men who seem to be noticing me are either 25 or 65 years old….Just wondering what happens in between…these men are either married or chasing the 25-30 women group….
          If you mix all these components, no wonder why I have not had a relationship in a good while
          ( a really good while LOL ).
          I am sometimes thinking about relocating somewhere where I will find more intellectually and professionally challenging people but it’s not easy to start all over again from scratch…

        • Thank you Arielle for such a thoughtful and honest response. I hear you on the “analytical brain” turning off or scaring away the men. In fact at times (definitely less than it may happen to women) I think it happens to guys too when they are encouraged to “lighten up” or “you think just a bit too much” or “take things at face value”. At least I have been told that on occasion.

          Having been a fan of Leonard Cohen since my late teens it has been intriguing to find how much he has always been so admired (and popular) in Europe but in the U.S. (where he has lived for decades now) his work has been popular only with a passionate few. I think it’s because his work ploughs deep and is in my opinion more reflective of a European sensibility. Most Americans, in my opinion, are inclined towards the cheerful and effusive, as you too imply. And have described Leonard as the “prophet of doom”, his work as “depressing” or a “downer” In fact your recent exchange with another poster here may also, in a remote way, be an example of the same phenomena when she wrote “I did not read your whole reply, as it was too long and I don’t really care.”

          Your observation about “a few interesting men” who didn’t know how many women they wanted to date at the same time is funny to say the least. But I think this may be true of a lot of men that when it comes right down to it they step into a kind of Hamlet’s dilemma. Because saying yes means commitment and responsibility; and saying no means more of the same (what they already have and feel secure in or comfortable with). At the same time I also believe that a man is not usually the one who chooses. In fact even when a man thinks he chooses, it is actually the woman who has made the choice to be with the man.

          In any event you come across as completely clear-headed about what the issues are. I envy your certainty and groundedness. I agree it’s likely a matter of where you are located in part, and like so much else, the rest is a matter of patience, esp. since you know what you want.
          Someone once said, “success is a journey not a destination” and I wish you the best on yours.

  245. Thanks BarryK for your detailed response.
    I grew up with parents listening to Leonard Cohen, how funny ! And my brother in law ( who lives in Europe ) found out about him a few years ago only. He loves him 🙂 What he says in his songs is so beautiful. I have no clue if there is a Spanish or Dutch or British sensitivity but it’s true that many people in America tend to avoid or deny feelings related to nostalgia, questioning our life and its purpose…etc…
    Here, you have to be strong and cheerful, be a leader and make a LOT of money, otherwise, you could be considered a looser…Life just does not work like this and this is probably why everybody and their dog goes to see a shrink here. LOL.
    As a joke, I love it when people ask me “How are you doing ?” and I reply ” I feel like crap”. The person usually turns green and does not know how to react.
    It’s a good experience, you should try it sometime.
    It’s like the whole dating thing, you are advised to pleeeease avoid any serious topic, going too deep, news, politics etc…on a first or second date.
    Well, it just gets really boring after the interview type questions like “Why did you move here ?” or “What kind of hobbies do you enjoy ?”. As Franny said in one of her posts : “Life is not just about butterflies and puppies”….
    Anyway, thanks for your comments.
    I must say I think men do choose. A woman can jump up and down, do some arabesques, draw on the ceiling of restaurant or go half naked across a room, if the man who met her once before is not interested in seeing her again, not much will happen. Maybe a few nights of wild eroticism but not too much afterwards… 🙂

    • You’d be surprised by the number of happy people living on rather modest income. TV and popular culture sure do make it seem like you have to be wealthy to be sucessful in this country but there are lots of real world people who dont live like that.

      It’s kind of funny to see the other genders view on things. My view was that women have it really easy. As long as they are reasonably physically fit and seem happy and normal guys will flock to them but I know that’s not really the truth but it always seemed that way.

      • I did a little experiment. I live in a medium sized town in the Midwest. I put the following into the search on 38-50, non smoker, no children, slim, average, athletic & toned. I ran it for both men and women. There were 6 women and 57 men. Ladies, the odds are WAY in your favor.

        • Hi Phil:)
          I so had to disagree with this one.. I though, am the sixty-two year old, non smoker “golfnlady2” on Match near Columbia SC. I walk the course when I play & when you see my profile picture I have lost 15 pounds since Easter.. My selection for a quality guy is slim.. And, I’m not talking about money.. It is the age group I’m in.. A guy at Match told me my profile was great & honest but he said guys just look at the pictures? I’m about ready to put my morning picture on there! 🙂

        • Vicky,

          I looked at your profile and it looked pretty decent to me. Most people (men and women) are putting a lot of emphasis on photos. What’s funny is that most of the women I have met online look better in their photos than I thought they did in person, like they picked out a really good one except for one woman I met who’s photo didn’t look bad but she looked better in person to me.

          I’d suggest putting up current photos after your weight loss and removing any that are older (I noticed a couple that were 10+ years old) or any that don’t show you in them (I remember a couple of those too).

        • Hi Phil,
          Thanks for the check up.:) I’m working in that direction with a friend who is a semi professional photographer since I really don’t have anyone to snap me.. I just need it to stop raining!! My profile & Easter of 2013 picture was taken when I was only fifteen pounds heavier.. the June 2013 picture is pretty accurate but it is difficult to really see me.. always, a challenge..:) Now, if I could just get the men to date their photos that would be great!

  246. Never mind “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken” so said Oscar Wilde the incredible genius (and my hero). And if you can’t be yourself you shall suffer say I unless you can get away with it. But there is (of course) no way to get out of it without paying the price of getting away with it :-); whatever that price may be.

    Stay sweet and keep warm/cool. Whatever works for you.

    • Hi everyone…
      Just had to tell Phil I’ve posted my new photos.. If nothing else Match is definitely entertainment for me! I did that last Thursday & have had a lot more action. I have probably made a couple of new friends but no one still to date in my area.. What is so shocking to me & humorous is.. two guys that emailed me earlier have sent me emails not remembering who I was after looking at my new photos!! I actually had lunch with one of these guys only two months ago.. Trust me.. I haven’t changed that much in two months! That photographer was amazing 🙂 ! So.. back to Phil & what the guy at Match told me.. guys look at photos! Maybe, one day one will get to know who I am on the inside! If you are on a dating site get that photo op done.. as hard as it might be sometimes..
      Have a great holiday weekend.. 🙂

      • Not all guys look only at photos. I’m supposed to meet a woman tomorrow evening that didn’t have a picture posted (not on Match but another on line site). I have a picture posted. There is a basic physical description of her in the profile and writing back and forth she seems nice enough so I thought lets meet. I didn’t ask her for a photo because the way I think is that if appearance is so important that you aren’t even interested in a quick meeting with someone only knowing their general description then you are more interested in meeting a body than a person. I actually think it would be a lot better if nobody posted pictures but I found that at least for guys you wont get a response if you don’t post one.

        Also, this will be the first time I have ever gone out with someone that has children. I’m mid 40’s and hadn’t tried online dating in about 8 years. I never considered people with children before but this time I decided to be more open minded . I wouldn’t consider someone with young children but I thought there might be people my age that have children old enough that they aren’t consuming 100% of their time.

        • As a guy, talking to tons of guys, and knowing how a guy things – a womans physical body IS important. Very much so. Oh, some of us settle, but all of us know the difference between something hot, and something ok, and something that we would decline fervently. But at the end of the day, a womans body, and looks matter way, way, way more than what a mans looks matter to a woman. Just the nature of the beast.

          However, can personality/attitude make up for it? To a certain extent (sliding scale), yes. But, a bad attitude can be a detriment for a woman as well.

          No picture, no meet. I speak with experience. I’ve been down this road. Not once have I ever been pleasantly surprised. There was surprise all right, however! And of course, not in a good way.

          And keep in mind that when you are meeting/dating a woman with kids, they come first. Before you. You are second fiddle. You are NOT the father. And if the kids didn’t come first, the mother would be failing in her motherhood. Just be realistic as to your involvment.

        • I agree that to most guys looks are THE first thing they care about but I think women are at least as much that way if not worse. I can count ONE time I have ever seen a couple in public where it was apparent they were a couple and the guy was kind of chubby and plain looking and the girl was thin and really attractive. If they hadn’t been holding hands I would have assumed they were brother and sister or something like that. I’ve seen the reverse many times with what I would call reasonably good looking guys with girls that were not as good looking. I’m guessing most of those guys just liked the girl they were with and that’s how it should be but my point is that women (at least attractive women) place as much or more value on looks as similar guys. The story of the great looking girl that just loves the nerdy chubby guy because he is a great guy and always there for her and treats her like a queen because women care mostly about the person and don’t care much about looks is a bunch of BS.

          So here is my experience tonight. I met the woman and she is (to me at least) gorgeous. If someone were to tell me to describe the absolute best looking woman that I realistically thought would ever want to go out with me she would have been it. I’m honestly not sure if she is interested but we made plans for a second date.

          I think it’s a given that anyone with children is going to put them first. That is something I thought about when I decided to consider people with older children. I looked at it this way. I’m 45 and I’d much rather find someone I really like and share them than be lonely as long as I got along with the kids OK. I’d still prefer to meet women without children but there are few at my age and even at my age women with children are looking for different qualities than women without children are. I’m not bad looking. In reality I probably look better now compared to other guys my age than I did at 20, but I highly doubt someone as attractive as the women I met tonight would have been interested in me if she didn’t have children. I’m a very nice, stable, professional guy. I’m not “exciting” by any means. She is mid/late 30’s and has been raising a child alone for quite a while but has some free time now for herself. Having children changes your values.

  247. @Phil – I think your arithmetic on attractive women with children being willing to compromise on a guy’s looks just doesn’t add up in my experience. Yesterday afternoon walking downtown I saw many couples walking. And I smiled to myself that *superficially* looking at the couples (some with kids) I could tell who was the “lucky one” among the two. Of course I was looking at it purely from my conception of attractiveness of each partner relative to the other. There were a few couples who looked so perfect together and were a sight for sore eyes, but most couples did not have the same attractiveness equation to each other, in my eyes. My vicarious musings aside it was evident that there was more to it than each partner in the couple wanting the other to be highly attractive. Because many of the women were with guys who, at least on the face of it, didn’t have “it”. Who knows about the “hidden powers” of the guys who seemed a poor match looks-wise.

    Everyone wants an attractive partner, whatever their concept of it is. And if we are talking about a fling or an affair, sure who doesn’t want eye candy on their arm (or *on* themselves ;-)). While women of substance may take that for what it is worth, but whether that is the kind of guy they will settle for is quite another matter.

    In my opinion women are waaay more pragmatic than men give them credit for. And this has nothing to do with how many credentials the woman has. Most women worth their salt are, in my opinion, looking more for a well-matched, stable and successful beau who is confident, self-assured (but not too much so ;-)), has a great sense of humour, is fun to be with and makes them feel safe. Someone whom they can trust. Oops, I forgot, and he must be able to compromise. Are looks somewhere in there, sure they are. All I can say is looks are likely not among the top 2-3 qualities a woman is looking for, kids or no kids. Of course there are women who will compromise a lot for luxury, just as there are guys who will compromise purely for looks.

    If there is a confounding factor in the mix, it is a guy with tude, i.e. the bad boy, the devil-may-care, whether or not he is from the wrong side of the tracks. Check out a movie called “Tamara Drewe” (a LOOSELY-based contemporary interpretation of “Far From the Madding Crowd”) which touches upon some of these issues. I very much enjoyed the film and consider it must-see.

    On the issue of guys only responding to womens’ profiles with pics. Sure that is frequently the case, esp. when you don’t want to spend time going deeper. There is nothing wrong with that. But there have been occasions I have responded to womens’ personals which did not have a photograph. It was the content of what they wrote in their profile, and how they articulated it – which quite simply was wow!! You could “see” the woman who wrote the profile. But alas that’s a gift very few of us have to write like that.

    On the other hand I have gone out with women I met on a personals site, and the women were way better-looking in person compared to what they looked like in there photograph(s).

    That’s my two-pennies worth.

  248. I have been on and off match for years, and I totally agree with you! These guys think they are perfect, say they want a serious relationship ( uh no they sure don’t) judge us and if there’s one thing they don’t like then they go running back on match. WIth technology these days people don’t try as hard and meet numerous women online. Our society has degraded and the men I have met on match don’t have and morals.

  249. I am 45 and am doing the on-line dating thing. I don’t think I’ve yet been written to by a person who was NOT a scam artist. But I’m getting pretty good at recognizing the clues…broken, strange English from someone who says they grew up in the Mid-West, lots of amazing affirmations that you know don’t actually fit you (like “drop dead gorgeous” when I’m pretty average looking, and “I loved the detail you put in your profile” when my profile is written very succinctly). I google the images they post and find in every case that they are not who they say they are. It is very disheartening, and I find it hard to not take it personally, thinking that only scam artists would be interested in me. I hate the whole thing. But how else do you meet people these days?

    • Oh Barbara.. my heart aches for you.. It is not you.. I promise.. I too am on Match , older than you 62 & widowed now for six years. I have been thru the experiences you are talking about but fortunately was able to catch them before ever meeting in person.. I too don’t know where to find the right guy for me.. I have posted here before & have picked up some great insight from posts here. I do believe in this world today people are meeting people online more. Especially if you aren’t a bar girl which I’m not. I have had many nice guys email me from across the country.. Unfortunately very few
      in the area I live in. I think one has to go searching on Match themselves.. It takes a lot of perseverance but try that & see what happens. I believe each one of us has something very special to offer to the right person.. It just takes time & God’s help to find them.. and, no I’m not in church every Sunday but my faith has carried me far.. Know that you are special in your own way & keep the faith.. My best to you today, Vicky 🙂

  250. I have another complaint about the men of Match: many of their profiles are too long. And many say they don’t like to write about their selves.

    • This is interesting because the thing I have noticed about women’s profiles is that I just about never encounter anything new. It’s like there’s this collection of sentences and memes out there and every profile picks a few. Guys get accused of only worrying about the photos. If that’s true, the abject cliche and homogeneity of the profiles are part of the reason. I strongly suspect the same is true of guy profiles.

      • Sam,
        Trust me… I don’t think there is another profile like mine but I see you are a good thinking guy so what from a guy’s standpoint are most men looking for in a woman’s profile? Mine is drop dead to the point of truth.. & recent pictures from August of this year 2013. I am still on Match going thru the “Game” which can be emotionally draining.. This morning I had a guy who was looking for 33-55 year old woman email me.. that was flattering but a red flag for me.. I’m 62.. He is currently separated! What is he thinking? The second, a 73 year old guy.. & the third I haven’t checked out yet.. My last date had identity theft & was barely able to keep his house & then there are the two guys whose mother’s support them at this age.. I can support myself but I need these guys to have their act together & then be healthy! Please guide me in the right direction LOL. I still say most men in my age group have posted they are looking for women in their forties & fifties.. I’m still looking for an instructor of online dating to teach me how to go about this process. My Best to you today, Vicky 🙂

    • @ Mystie: “I have another complaint about the men of Match: many of their profiles are too long. ”

      Seriously? Profile is too long?
      Your second argument that “many say they don’t like to write about their selves” is not anything I’ve heard before. But many, of course, is not all.

      I am curious why you think the profiles are too long? Assuming it is someone you have an interest in, isn’t this more for you to learn? And is it not also a way to learn about someone and then avoid them if they are not a match?

      For instance, if you had bounced in here and said, “Hi Everyone! 🙂 ” then you would certainly come across differently then what the sum of your posts have indicated.

      Words mean things, we learn from them, they reveal things. Thats kinda the point of them.

  251. Perhaps but I suspect that some guys just can’t be bothered to read the profiles, although I must admit, I’ve read so many guys profiles in the last few years that I’m pretty sick of it (reading them). I did find many of the guys profiles to have similar clich’es and conflicting statements about what they wanted in a woman. I’m sure there is a similarity in the women’s profiles, because we are women and we do think differently than men. And a similar thread to the male profiles because they are men and do not think like women. It seemed the profiles never seemed to match up to the person I actually met, so it felt like a waste of time in the end–that I spent all that time reading profiles. I didn’t mind the long profiles as much when I started online dating a few years ago. I do have a niece who is happily married to her second husband whom she met on an on-line dating site though.

    • My last post was a response to Sam’s comment, not JC’s. I typed the response before I saw JC’s post.

  252. I can’t speak for anyone else but I just joined the site and figured if I’m real about everything then maybe something good will happen. We will see! (no one has replied to any of my emails yet, Ha)