by Lisa Barnard
I’m turning 30 in a few months, and I recently realized I’m now at the age I made a lot of promises about in the past. One of those promises was that if I was still single at 30, I’d try online dating. I’ve had an onslaught of terrible dating experiences in the last year (including someone who turned out to be a drug dealer, someone who was mad I didn’t want to come hang out at his bedbug-infested apartment, and a commitment-phobe friend who constantly appears to be doing an uncanny Jekyll and Hyde impression). I am also at the age where apparently I better hurry up if I want kids. So, I signed up for Match.com. You know, to meet some normal guys. (Wow.)
There’s no end to what I could write about my experiences on Match.com, and I’ve only been on the site for a week. (My favorite is probably the guy whose opening line was, “Hey baby u r cute n sexy, come cuddle w me by my fireplace.” Sounds great, what’s the address?!) But there is one issue in particular I’d like to take up.
Did you know that 99% of the guys on Match.com are adventure travelers? It seems dubious to me too, but let’s continue as if it’s true. The majority of guys on the site go on and on about all of the outdoor adventure activity they do, including mountain climbing, ziplining, white water rafting, bungee jumping, parasailing, sky diving, someone even talked about alligator wrestling. And of course they love traveling and frequent all these crazy places like Iceland and Belize and Egypt and Greece and the rainforests or whatever. They are outdoors all the time, playing every sport that was ever invented, including some you’ve never heard of (sled hockey?), and they work out 5+ times a week.
Come on.
I live in North Carolina, 3 hours away from the mountains and 3 hours away from the beach. These guys say they are ambitious and have pretty good jobs where they are making average salaries. How exactly are they ziplining regularly? And where? And how are they getting time off from work to travel all the time, at age 30? And with what money? I don’t buy it.
But that’s not even what bothers me. The real kicker here is the type of girl they are all looking for. Now on my profile, I checked off the box saying that I want someone who wants kids and who’s single (… why I have to specify this troubles me). And I wrote out by hand that I am looking for an easy-going, honest, passionate guy. Are those the type of characteristics these guys are looking for? Not even close.
She has to be beautiful and adventurous and also love adventure sports like ziplining and whatever the hell, and she also has to love to travel. She has to be open to trying anything (I’m assuming this means sexual positions) and be outgoing and extroverted and like to go out but also like to stay in. She has to be a great conversationalist, smart, witty, funny, and “not get embarrassed easily.” (Why are we specifying this? Again, troubled.) She has to be into sports – playing sports and watching sports – and be able to kick back with the guys. She also has to be ambitious, be smart and successful, be educated and have a great job, be family-oriented, be career-driven, want to have (and, unspoken, take care of) kids, knows how to take care of herself (I can only assume this means that she’s thin and has highlights and gets manicures), be outdoorsy, like to be outside all the time (these are apparently two different things), like to camp and hike, be “active” and work out frequently, did I mention beautiful?, like all different kinds of foods and be willing to try – AND LIKE, GODDAMNIT – any kind of exotic food, not be pessimistic or complain, be loyal and honest, not be self-conscious about anything (… you’re helping), know who she is and what she wants, and, my ultimate favorite, ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM.
Wow you guys. This is a joke, right? Do you sincerely think you can find all of this in one person? Have you considered the fact that you are on Match.com because this is what you’re holding out for?! First of all, these guys check off “slender” as the body type for their match… they rarely check off “athletic and toned.” But you want someone who does these adventure sports and plays sports too and works out every day? Huh? And how are you going to find someone who is career-driven and is family-oriented and is beautiful who also has time to play sports as an adult and like hike around all the time and wrestle alligators? What? I do know girls who do that kind of stuff, but believe me most of them do not meet all these other criteria, including having the hot model appearance you desire.
But also, think hard – DO YOU REALLY WANT THIS? I don’t think you want this type of girl, if she even exists, because then she’d be too intimidating and you’d feel like she was overshadowing you and better than you at the things you do, and lord knows that would be a problem.
So I offer this plea to the guys of Match.com. Refocus. Look for a girl who doesn’t mind that you (apparently) want to go off ziplining, but who might want to lay in the sunshine and read a book while you do. (To work on that tan you demand, obviously.) Or pick, say, two of the major things you’re looking for. Like, she has to be adventurous and beautiful, but it’s okay if she’s a waitress. You know? Be a little more realistic. I’m not saying let go of your dreams. But get a grip. Everyone is not Angelina Jolie. (Not that you’d be into her, since she’s athletic and toned and probably doesn’t have time for parachuting with all those babies in tow.)
It’s this bad, and I haven’t even been on a date yet. Good lord. Clearly I’m going to be single forever.
Lol! Lisa, can you post your pic?!
You can see my pic at my blog madstreetcred.com. And no in advance, I do not parachute.
Lisa, you’ll get lucky. Try focusing on not expecting the worse, yet not expecting the best either… I was so frustrated so many times on online dating when I did it; soon came to realize the best attitude is just the one without any ideas in advance, aka: expectations. Just experience, have fun, learn and maybe you’ll be surprised.
Lisa, What is a gorgeous North Carolina lady such as yourself doing on a dating site????
I met my wife on Match at age 42. So my experience is clearly different than your own
What a delightful post.
For the record, btw, you’re right. At most athletic events, and we go to lots, one member of the couple is the athlete and the other sits on a chair and waits to drive the exhausted person home.
I think the wonderful tongue-in-cheek implication here may not be that all of us guys are morons and logically inconsistent, but rather that many of us have an idealized and very trite ideas of what happiness might be.
Although I will say that after our children were grown my beautiful, intelligent wife did take up triathloning and this year qualified for nationals. Again. At the age of 61. So maybe some of the contradictions are not as bad as they appear. (Wait, at some point that sentence turned into bragging. Oh well.)
Anyway, lovely post. Please do more.
Hilarious, truthful and disheartening all at once!
I agree with Emily on this one. I’ve tried match.com before and am encouraged that my profile was never that bad, but it’s disheartening that I still have trouble making connections if that’s what my “competition” is.
My thoughts exactly!
I suggest for your next experiment that you sign up as a guy and see the characteristics that woman expect of us. It might show you that this swings both ways. I enjoyed reading your article though!
Exactly!!
Here I thought that it was men who felt pressured by women to act as if they were veteran travelers. But then I’ve never been on a dating site. Anyway, men who don’t perceive that non-stop outdoors activities are of interest to only a certain percentage of women are cutting off their noses to spite their faces.
Come to Denver and check out the women of Match. And not only the 30 year-olds. I’m talking about the ones in their 40s. If their profiles are to be believed they have no need for residences in Denver because between hiking, biking, skiing, climbing 14ers, camping, traveling the world and volunteering with poor children in Africa/Chile [pick one] there’s no way they have time to be here.
I always laugh when men write “I enjoy walks on the beach.” I live two blocks from the beach and have NEVER seen these most amazingly handsome, successful, adventurous guys strolling the beach!
Maybe because at your beach site there are no gators to wrestle? Relax, these guys are just fullofit
ha ha …absolutely , seen this happen a lot!
Fantastic! This is hilarious! Your advice is solid. It is spot-on for all guys, not just the match.com crowd. Good luck to you! I think you’ll be just fine.
It sounds more like these men are looking for Labrador Retrievers to join them on these adventures than bonafide women. If they found a woman who is, as you say “outdoorsy, and likes to be outside all the time,” she will probably have a lot of sun damaged skin and consequently forfeit her opportunity to cuddle with all these world travelers by their fireplaces. Chin up, though; 30 seems old to you now because you are hanging by a thread to your twenties. It is not. Geena Davis didn’t have twins until she was 48ish!! Halle Berry and Nicole Kidman both got knocked up after 40, and think how OLD and dried up that sounds. Just don’t compromise with the losers and liars.
lol… indeed! “The travels and adventures of Me & Rin Tin Tin” and we want you to come along!
hahaha the labrador image you’ve given me is hilarious!
Wait! I’m blonde, petite, above-average looking twenty-something old AND I have two purebred Labrador retrievers! However, I’ve never zip-lined, sky-dived, bungee jumped, or hiked the world’s largest mountain. Although I’d like to, that’s hard to do on a bartender’s salary.
Eh. Oh well. I guess they can take the dogs with them while I sit at home slaving away at my eyebrow-waxing-manicure-doing-hair-highlighting-tanning-bed feat. And then getting dinner-ready oh and picking up the kids from soccer and his dry-cleaning! Wait… How will I have money for all of this with my guy gone adventuring all the time?!?! When will he find time to work?
Lol! Unrealistic expectations these men have.
I think the real honest people fail at on-line dating because they’re, well, honest. I have failed at every turn so I don’t plan on ever doing it again.
Well, just review the sites before you try again, you should do better after becoming knowledgeable from the reviews. Too much honesty up front scares people off, give it more gently in time, and you will succeed.
Sounds fake… and honestly I am 32, male, with 2 kids and a wife and I know absolutely no one our “age” that works out more than twice a week (me… about twice a year). Besides, those are dating profiles not marriage material profiles I would imagine… but then again I am a guy. Nice post!
Notwithstanding unrealistic demands – the parachuting, zip lining and the sorts, I find them stuck with stereotypes perpetuated by the media and television, sometimes reinforced by members in their own families.
The New Year will bring in new beginnings; a redemption of sorts. So good luck!
I also often wonder why all those men on these dating sites like to take long walks in the rain? It must be something that they think sound very romantic, but to me it sounds cold and wet and I’d rather be cuddled up on the couch.
Walking in the rain in Paris could be more romantic. It depends on the moment and the attire.
You are cute Alan.
lol… maybe their crying and don’t want anyone to know it because they’ve been on some dating sites and only get responses from scammers (lots of them) from Nigeria, Ghana , and the like. that’s my problem anyways they must have a set standard in their messages because they are almost word for word. I also agree with the comment about honest people in their profiles. lol… again that’s me rather someone know the negatives about me as well as any positives I may have .. no one is perfect so everyone has faults . So if that guy/gal sounds to good to be true most likely there is something their not telling you about until you after falling for them find out that’s unsettling. Good post though
I’m sorry for you misfortune, but this is FUNNY! For me, 30 is closer than it use to be, and I have come to realize some people are made to be single. That’s the line I’m feeding myself. http://www.charliemccoin.wordpress.com
Hi Lisa! I love your post! In my experience people “tune-up” their profile after compering them with other profiles. By the way – I have checked the photo on your blog – God! you are so beautiful!!! Do not worr! You will be fine!
These must be the same men who write the help wanted ads for technology jobs where you have to be a subject matter expert, know how to program in a multitude of languages using a multitude of tools on a multitude of platforms. In addition you have to be a self starter and team player who can work independently. I could go on, but you get the point.
Being married is a lot of work. A LOT of work! Be careful what you wish for….
Agreed!
Hi Lisa,
I recently turned 30 (in October of this year) and I actually signed up for Match on the 27th of December. I have to thank you for your post. I completely agree with you and that the men on this dating website have their priorities WRONG. It’s quite hilarious to read their “must haves” and dating requirements. I have even seen a few who are unemployed with over the top standards. I want to slap them and then make then listen to TLC’s “No Scrubs” song… wow, I just aged myself. Anyway, thanks for the post. I am in the same boat as you are. Good luck in your search. Cheers!
lol… dating yourself age wise … try the original runs of howdy doody
Hilarious and infuriating at the same time! I can definitely attest from some male friends of mine that the impeccably high standards also seem to come from some of the females out there, too. (Imagine being a male under 5’5 & having that listed online!) Thankfully there’s some cool people out there despite it, as I’ve known so many marriages that came from that site. Maybe filter out all the skydivers and find someone that stays in and reads a book?
http://drrobertepstein.com/pdf/Epstein-TheTruthAboutOnlineDating-2-07.pdf (you might be interested!!) loved this post! great comments!!
how ironic, i was discussing this very site with a friend only this week. Interestingly 2 of my very closest friends have successfullly found their spouses online, although NOT at Match.com (sadly for match). Each of their strategies were different, one started with shared interests in the bedroom, the other started with shared spiritual beliefs. There are a number of sites out there but according to SciAMind the most important thing is to meet in person relatively soon, because the internet doesn’t take into account chemistry! Good luck and for the record – i think you should check out Ryan (see above) 
Lisa I thoroughly enjoyed reading this! I have quite a few girlfriends who have been through the online dating circus (I mean experience) and we have spent entire evenings out with lots of wine and conversations about their “adventures”. It’s probably not a bad thing that you haven’t been on a date yet because that will be another set of stories (or another great blog post). Apparently, not many of these guys post recent photos of themselves and when you actually show up at a date, they have very little resemblance of their pics. And of course the real person never looks BETTER than the photo. But yet they want the women to be model perfect and gorgeous. I agree that a little dose of reality might be just what some of these guys need. Thank you for sharing this experience with us. I do hope you find the man of your dreams soon whether it be from online dating or elsewhere
Oh my goodness! I’m a bartender and about two weeks ago this lady was in having a drink by herself. It was slow at this time and she had been there for about a half hour or so before she turned to me and asked me for advice. She was in there waiting to meet a blind date! They met on a dating site and he was to meet her at 7 (it was 6:30 by this time) and he just texted her saying he didn’t really look like his picture anymore and he had a beard now. A half hour before he is supposed to meet her and he texts her this! So I took her number on a piece of paper and told her if she tugged at her earring, it would be my signal to go in the back and call her phone and pretend to be someone calling that she had to rush to haha.
Anyhow he got there and had on tan shorts and flip flops and METALLIC BLUE PAINTED TOENAILS.
What’s worse? I asked him if he had a daughter or something that thought it would be fun to paint dad’s toes… You guessed it, nope!
And these are the guys on the sight that expect females to be perfect??
Hi Lisa
Well, I’m Canadian and am on Match so I’m not exactly sure if my experience is different because of that. I do agree that there are men on there that are less than appealing – in their first emails and sometimes on dates; however, having said that, about a year ago I also decided that comiserating with my girlfriends (or in general) was not the way to attract the guy I do want. I am writing a blog regarding focusing on what we do want; not want we don’t and no matter how bad some of the guys are on that site (I hear from the guys, the women aren’t much better) I just click delete and go right back to focusing on what I do want – I also got really honest and posted that I want someone who is spiritual like me (instead of just athletic and toned). In any case, since I have been focusing on the positive, I really have had some nice dates and am starting to meet men that are more in alignment with what I am looking for. If anyone is interested, my blog is http://www.floatingfreedom.wordpress.com and there are some practical things we can do to attract that “right for us” guy. Best of luck Lisa!
Ehem, you should check out Russian dating sites, where Western men are looking for Eastern European brides… Geez. 60+ years old &400lbs heavy inhabitant of a village not found on any map looks for a model-like university educated &child free woman up to 25… Keep dreaming is all i have to say
)
LOL, I totally know what you are referring to. The sad part these men do believe they are some kind of God’s gift to women.
This post is awesome! My best friend, who was single for a while, has told me so many Match.com horror stories (a.k.a. dates). I told her she should start a blog documenting her experiences! Best of luck to you. It’s got to be rough. People do need to get real.
This is absolutely amazing. Brava!
But of course, none of these men would be expected to reciprocate these qualities. Loyal? Wants kids? “Nah bro, I’m too young to settle down.”
I also joined match.com recently, I’ve only been on it for a few days and can already see it’s going to be a waste of time. Just like you I see al these guys looking for very specific things, even specifying the exact weight and height she should be, and its just ridiculous.
I am not on match.com, but here is my profile on OKcupid: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/smartandfunny6 – And yes, I really do adventure travel. I have the photos there to prove it.
OMG! I knew the dating scene was bad, but still… LMAO!!! I have NO idea where someone goes to meet “new people” for the purpose of dating. I married my best friend. We’ve been married for over 12 years.
Crap! If there were such women out there, women who climbed things and flung themselves from mountains after making a 6+ figure income, she’d be a terrifying woman to behold!!! I’m imagine a really skinny amazon. Perhaps they’re looking for the chick from Underworld? Too funny!
Sometimes friends of friends seem to work out, dating-wise. At they do in my limited experience. The trick with that is figuring out ways to get everyone together so you can meet the friends of friends.
Good Luck to you!
I met my bf on Match, but definitely came across some interesting profiles to put it kindly. Give it a shot, though – it might be a needle in a hay stack, but there’s some good guys on there.
I am just curious, why is it that everyone looks for needles in haystacks? Maybe that is why they can’t find them. They would be better of looking in a pin cushion or a sewing box… just a thought.
I had totally similar experiences… but then one day, I found a keeper
Love your post and sarcasm, but keep up the hope!
Once I got to boiled-down description that these men claim is their ‘ideal’ women
All I could think of was this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forer_effect
Makes me wonder if some of them are doing it on purpose?
Ahahaha! Love it. Absolutely hilarious.
There should be a “love” button for this! You hit it on the head. Maybe eHarmony guys are a bit more down-to-earth and realistic:) You can only hope, right?
I hope my words are not misconstrued but it seems to me that we, guys, when in those dating sites, look for girls who, by virtue of all their requested, er, virtues, wouldn’t have the need to be on a dating site to begin with!
I’m 35 and about to get married in the summer. You never know! and that is all you know.
Congratulations on getting FP’d
Ha ha ha! I was in that same predicament also and I dont want to scare you but I am still single at 35. I have friends that have found their soulmates in Match.com or that other webiste sorry I forgot. But as for me, no luck. It is getting tough out there and sad to say but a lot of them have high expectations regardless of their own looks. What erks me the most when you are that biological clock ticking age people always say “Love will find you, dont search too hard!” F that S! If I were to wait I will be covered with cobwebs and probably will be skinny but pretty much look like a skelaton cause I will be dead by then before my prince can save me. =)
“biological clock ticking”, huh? Seen that once too often. Look girl, there’s psychotherapy for that. And if all else fails, you can either get a donation from a sperm bank or have your womb removed and let us all live in peace
I thought we were all discussing how it is hard to find a soulmate, how delusional people are, fake profiles, etc., not desperate wannabe-mom females.
#howharditiswithsomeofyou
“biological clock ticking”, huh? Seen that once too often. Look girl, there’s psychotherapy for that. And if all else fails, you can either get a donation from a sperm bank or have your womb removed and let us all live in peace
I thought we were all discussing how it is hard to find a soulmate, how delusional people are, fake profiles, etc., not desperate wannabe-mom females.
I take it you have a mother complex? Your statement is truly spoken by an angry, insecure man who derives pleasure from ripping apart people. Makes you stand taller doesn’t?
My wife and I met online and it was a result of an honest post from me. As my wife put it “you sounded like an adorable, lonely geek boy.” She loves me in all my geek glory and I her for all of her crunchy awesomeness(that’s kinda like a hippie for those who do not know, sorta).
Geeks are highly underrated. I found one when he was unceremoniously dumped by my college roommate.
We celebrated our 30th anniversary on Tuesday.
He is awesome, and as a plus, he puts up with me.
I’ve come to the conclusion that 90 of guy’s online profiles are 1) lies or 2) completely delusional. But you might find one of the 10 that isn’t!
Funny!!! And true, I know…
I can understand soul mates are almost impossible to find. Perhaps a more scientific approach to seek the perfect person could be DNA compatibility that will later require members to be formally introduced after a violin symphony in formal attire.
For the record? Your Match experience is better so far than mine was. I did meet a couple guys I dated. I think they should put another check-off item on there: “Has emotional availability issues.” Every guy I met needs to check that box.
I totally understand that these guys expectations are quite over the top! But I have to say everyone thinks NO ONE works out a lot, travels, has kids, an education, a good job and a sense of adventure???? Sorry, but we do exist! And most of the people with these qualities are probably already taken. And it’s not like we’re born wanting to accomplish all these things. I married a guy I only knew for 4 months when I was 18 . . . That was 18 years ago. He’s a soldier, so working out is important to us (6 days a week when were home) We travel, (for free because of his job). Turkey, Germany, Italy . . . All over the US as well. We have a daughter who’s 14. We camp and hike every chance we get. We camp at hike in sites with only what we can carry in our packs . . . We train for half & full marathons . . . We volunteer for soccer and volleyball teams for our daughter, and at her school. We both have college educations that we worked on over the years and while I am a stay-home-mom now, I worked as a graphic designer/web developer for years.
So expecting someone to be all these things IS wishful thinking, but there are some of us who just never stop . . . never stop doing, learning, growing. But IF I were ever single & looking again, I would be depending on good old fashioned CHEMISTRY! No one on the internet can give me that feeling of an instant “connection”. And if these guys would realize that sometimes we possess qualities that haven’t even erupted yet, they might get a great catch and then as a couple they would create things & go do things they love to do together. I have always loved camping, but 10 years ago, hiking was not something I thought would be fun. Now I love it! I was the girl who would rather watch TV than exercise, now my hubby has to pressure me to “take a day off”. I wasn’t born loving all these things, but now I love doing these things more than TV, Movies, dinners out . . . We aren’t cookie cutter people, sometimes we bend and flex and mold ourselves into people we never knew we could be. You can’t create your dream person out of a bunch of qualities you think you love. Your dream person will just appear one day and you’ll love whatever qualities they already possess!
What a great post! It got some good laughs out of me
Seriously, I face this EVEN NOW at my university, among women and men alike. They name all these qualities they’d want to find in a partner, but the qualities they’re looking for are so contradictory that it’s not until they find someone with SOME of these qualities that they realize “This isn’t what I was expecting”. It’s awful. I’m glad to know that someone takes note of these things, too.
Good luck with your search, and congrats on getting Freshly Pressed!
Wow. I’m scared to death to date online because I’ve heard good and bad things. I think it just depends on the person. This freaks me out even more to try it out.
Hello, I am James single resident in Gambia west Africa, i taught we should have good conversation before anything else…looking beautiful here..James xxox
I’ve had exactly two online dating experiences. One was bad and one has been very good. The bad one was Match.com and the good one, Guardian Soulmates, a UK dating sight. I’d become disenchanted with dating American men and was curious as to what British men might be looking for in a relationship.
My darling British husband and I are quickly approaching our fourth wedding anniversary and I still think he hangs the moon. We got lucky. I took a chance and it worked and while I’m not required to wrestle alligators or have a perfect body, I think you’ll find a bit of adventure travel on my blog. http://giftsofthejourney.com
Good luck!
I have been online dating for years though my current relationship began in RT (real time.) I think most men who have to pay for online dating want their dreams to come true. I think that men who participate in free sites like pof.com or okcupid.com or craigslist.org are more realistic…to a degree. I guess people think you get what you pay for or demand.
and, no I do not zipline or feel happy in bikinis.
Reblogged this on iamwritergirl.
Give me a zipliner any day. Maybe it’s an Australian thing, or maybe it’s an outback thing, but too many of the profiles I flick through list their interests as ‘drinking with mates, xbox, cars.’ Honesty is overrated.
Yes – too right! Come on girls, ok sometimes its a bit over-the-top but surely you want a man with some vavavoom even it is a nerd! Seriously if you are not careful you will get a guy on wants to watch sports with his mates with a beer on the sofa – and thats what I see most of the time. Its great to meet a guy who likes fun things – as long as the profile isnt total BS that is!
Soooooo so true! i am 44 and I have been divorced for about 7 yrs. now. Twince I tried online dating, same thing but you forgot to mention all to 45+ yr. olds who are looking for a :serious relationship” with a great woman who is between 20 and 30 years old. Grr just grr lol!
People, both men and women, are looking for the whole package. That’s why they’re still single and probably will remain that way.
Do they think women have 60 hrs in a day? Being career driven takes at least 40 hrs a week, having kids is very demanding, and keeping a slender and well manicured appearance requires a lot of time as well. If a woman can do those three things, she’s not likely to have the time left to go bungee jumping with them. Think for a minute. If they do find this person, what do they offer her? Someone to hang out with and father her children?
Loved reading this!! I too have been thru the Match experience. Early on in my Match days before I knew what to expect (or thought I knew what to expect), I had a guy asked me if I had a web cam, I did not, and I told him so. He then asked me if I wanted to view his…I said sure, ok. Well, boy was I in the shock of my life!!! He appeared in the web cam wearing a red robe sitting in a leather chair, never showing his face. I thought that quite odd and then it hit me what he was attempting to do. Soon as I saw the robe come off and his hand go down, I clicked on the disconnect button!! He actually started typing asking me why I disconnected??….I’m not a prude, but come on, really??? I’ve always been leary of anyone that asks me if I have a web cam!! LOL!!
I have been out of the single scene for 11 years and I am not sure I could survive in that jungle anymore. I think if I was ever single I would just date my cycle and keep a dog for companion. Hopefully that does not happen.
Try OKCupid, it’s better than Match. You’ve stated the VERY obvious about dating online, that’s just how it is – you have to sift through 150 guys to find one good date. And then don’t judge too much on their profile and take the photos with a grain of salt. I met the love of my life online and he looked way better in person than in his photos, and you can’t judge personality in writing.
Wow! Thanks for your post. I think it will help me better appreciate my boring married life! Good luck. There’s someone out there for everyone. Keep looking.
True keep trying, every dating venue has a certain element of disfunctionality. Just don’t let it turn you into someone who is bitter (my own experience).
Obviously, there is a rapid decline in people’s social skills and that’s why many are turning to the internet to date. What happened to good old fashion talking to someone passing by? I am not a fan of online dating, with all the psychos these days :s
hah! Sled hockey! WTF?
Dear Lisa,
I am a married man permanently separated from my wife (with no intentions of divorcing).
I have a serious mental illness and chose to have a vascectomy so I wouldn’t bring more children into the world.
I am unemployed and while I have an apartment of my own, I often prefer to stay with my father and step-mother in their spare bedroom.
I don’t own a car. When I need to get somewhere, I borrow one from my sister or mother.
I rarely go outside and spend nearly all my waking hours on the computer.
I’m about 30 pounds overweight and balding.
Not only do I bite my fingernails, I sometimes swallow them.
So, my place or yours?
P.S. My sister and her husband have a fireplace downstairs at my Dad’s house which we could use if I ask her permission.
This is a great post.
Funny yet very true.
I am older than you, tried Jdate.com for a few months but canceled my subscription as I was getting too frustrated.
I believe that we have created this virtual world where most people are looking for something that DOES NOT Exist or pretend they want to be in a relationship when in fact, they just want to keep browsing profiles, chatting with various people, keep going out for a drink or more and NEVER have to choose one person and really take some time to give it a try.
Many women are looking for smart, charming and elegant men who are successful yet low key and faithful while many men are looking for a sexy looking woman ( preferably 15 years younger when they hit 40 ) who cooks like their mom and is as erotic as a porn movie star.
Come on guys, this has become ridiculous and quite sad as people have never been as lonely as today.
Do you think our parents would have stayed together if they had decided to take time to get to know the other one just by looking at their photo for 2 seconds.
The online dating industry has made all of us become very childish…
I know online dating has helped thousands of people have a good time and/or find their soulmate, whatever the need is but I tend to think it has created a very fake world where expectations are so high and so unrealistic that they can only lead to frustration or disappointment.
Not my cup of tea.
I prefer the old fashioned way of meeting someone at a friend’s home dinner, a bookstore, a charity event where we can’t out someone in a box or category, just based on which profile boxes have been checked.
Best of luck !
I enjoyed reading your post.
Arielle
I absolutely love this post. I turned 30 last year (and am now approaching the dreaded 31) and, like you, I decided to give dating sites a go. You would not believe some of the things people (men) said to me. I got everything from ‘does it matter if I’m married?’ (umm, yes) to ‘are you ready to have kids?’ (well we haven’t actually met, so I’m not sure.
Good luck! I’m looking forward to reading some dating stories!!x
Conversely, if an average-looking guy, with an average life lists normal, everyday type interests in their profile they are likely to be ignored by most of the women on match.com. Let’s be honest here.
You just made me literally laugh out loud! I love this post! With all the commercials hitting tv’s right now and my 30th birthday also around the corner, I’ve thought about it, but am now relieved that it was just a fleeting thought. Best of luck to you on Match!
I had similar thoughts when I was on Match.com. I don’t think I saw one guy on there who had anything realistic posted. They maybe responsible for the most first dates…but I don’t know about any after that….
Thanks for the laugh, I read it to my fiance, he got a good laugh.
Funny. And true. But as other people have noted, also not completely fair. It works the other way too. The women can be equally unrealistic and silly. Such is the nature of dating, online or otherwise.
switching on dating mood spoils the broth
Even though I am 1) a guy who 2) actually found the love of my life on Match.com, I have to say your description of most of the men on there (except for me, of course…) was frighteningly accurate. My wife and I have been incredibly happy for six years now, and still reminisce about how finding each other that way was like running naked through a leper camp without getting infected.
Well, these guys are saying what they thought women want to hear…adventurous young men with plenty of money( trust fund babies profile) and they’re afraid to be honest because men deep inside are fragile creatures too, afraid of rejection but desperate to be loved. My most viewed articles were about men, like Men are simple creatures, Why men are scared of marriage, Love is man’s greatest need, Can you love without respect. We all need love, at the same time we are all scared of love. But don’t give up. You’ll find him. He’s out there waiting for you…you just never know when or how:)
Amen sister! I do happen to know people who’ve met their spouse on match.com, but I think those are the lucky ones! You nailed the rest (in writing I mean!). I have another friend having a similar experience and she’ll post the “introductory lines” like you shared, and they are ridiculous!! Thanks for sharing that I’m not alone in my conclusions of the site!
dear Lisa Barnard,
i havent stopped laughing in about ten minutes now…(and am stopping as am out of breath….)…this is so true….men and these dotcoms….the two combined are lethal… and am also a victim of the above… so this laughter, might i add, is one of recognition and empathy
extremely well put…way to go girl….
good luck and cheers…(from the ‘single’ ) moodsnmoments
Reblogged this on lsdtcbd and commented:
Meet the world’s man
Great article, I enjoyed it very much.
I tried dating sites for a while in my late 20s and early 30s and came to the conclusion that there are a lot of people on dating sites that have a flair for writing poor fiction as their profiles are so hard to believe and their expectations even more so.
Believe me, some of the women on those sites come across as frighteningly obsessive baby crazy ring chasers. It’s like some of them have no life beyond the single minded, tunnel visioned drive to reproduce.
While lots of guys want families, it’s not exactly the first thing we want to hear about when the first date hasn’t even happened yet.
Haha completely agree, and trust me the younger guys are even worse (I’m in my 20s)! However I remain optimistic. Love Beth thesurvivalguideforateenagemother xoxox
I related to this. SO MUCH!
I also live in North Carolina, three hours from the beach and three hours from the mountains (I’m getting the sense we live in the same area…) And I was also on Match.com. I was THIS close to putting in my description that I needed a guy to like Gossip Girl, shopping, and sitting at home all day. The sports thing drove me nuts, as did the bragging of their athletic abilities. I was JUST venting to a friend the other day how annoying it is that we live in the suburbs and everyone brags about all the ‘hiking’ and ‘swimming’ they do. Omg, get over yourselves! I’m going to need people to have a more realistic gauge of their athletic abilities in the New Year, just sayin’.
http://www.listengirlfriends.com
Great post. I avoided Match because of the awful smug adverts they have here in the UK… but I tried two other sites last year. There I met mad, boring and strange people with a peppering of the odd nice guy who lied about his age. Personally, I think both men AND women are too unrealistic on these sites and it is seen as the business it is. After all, you don’t fall for someone just because they are fluent in three languages and have a penchant for mountain boarding, you fall for who they are as a person.
I used it as a way to ‘get out there’ and boost my confidence rather than meeting the man of my dreams. Sometimes it did nothing for my confidence but it did open me up to opportunity and I am now not single for the first time in a while (I didn’t meet him online). Don’t lose heart!
Reblogged this on frilia wg.
A friend of mine wants me to try online dating, but I’m scared, even more so after reading this humorous account of yours! It has inspired me so much, that I am going to do a repost of a disasterous blind date I had while still at school. I hope you’ll pop around to take a read. Have a great day!
Lol! So true.. Congrats on the FP, may men take heed from this.
Hi Lisa! I really enjoyed reading this post, especially the paragraph ending with “ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM”. I burst out laughing!
I was like you when I turned 30. I wanted to meet someone and I felt that I had to hurry up because my clock was ticking. That made me feel miserable, and when you feel like that you attract the wrong type of guys, and even more worryingly only focus on them .
I’m still single, but something in me has changed: I’m happy. My advice to other single ladies would be this: yes, it would be lovely to have a partner, but you don’t need one. What you need is something you enjoy doing (in my case, acting classes, writing and trying to raise awareness about my favourite charity via my blog). When you feel happy with your life, even if it’s not perfect, you attract lots of interesting people. One of these people will be right for you. In the meantime, just do whatever makes you happy x
Great advice! You can’t make another person happy if you’re not happy with yourself.
Reblogged this on 9millionvoices.
Well, try it all and make it the source of a book, and then every bad date will be a joyful thing, if not because it brings you closer to marriage, but because it brings you closer to a best seller. I was single a long time and I’d have friends emailing me regularly for the laugh of just hearing the stories of my dates. I actually think I dated a witness protected man that I only went out with because at an event a psychic described him to me, didnt last… glad for all the experiences and even more so for my husband…got married in my 40′s – gasp. We met at a multi-class high school reunion
hahah, i’m not having a great time with online dating either. Worse thing is my country is pretty small, so even you tend to get the SAME ppl at all the other online sites or dating events. It’s sad, but i still do it because i always find it incredible the kind of people you can meet (not really in a good way)
Well in all honesty, unless you live in San Marino (highly likely you end up dating a [distant] relative) or in the Vatican City (sure to get lots of fake profiles, I mean just not to give themselves away that easy hehe…) nowhere is too small to go out and get to know people “while you live your life”. I’m afraid switching on dating mood spoils the broth.
#mytwocents
Well… in all honesty, unless you live in San Marino (highly likely you end up dating a [distant] relative) or in the Vatican City (sure to get lots of fake profiles, I mean just not to give themselves away that easy hehe…) nowhere is too small to go out and get to know people “while you live your life”. I’m afraid switching on dating mood spoils the broth.
#mytwocents
Lovely lovely blog! Thanks for this, so very funny and well written. Although I now have the eeby jeebies that I am completely undateable. I am less adventure girl and more coward girl!
Come to Australia! It was quite refreshing – for my daughters anyway – coming back from the UK to see men who do just get out and do stuff – of course they are quite mad & sometimes a bit slow eg surfies seem to have a habit of losing their car keys a lot. Mind you there are girls and women out there surfing as well – just for themselves – but then I guess these people don’t need the internet.
Main point is – don’t waste any of your precious time trying to change the guys on Match.com (or any other guys for that matter). Your life is an absolute treasure and being in the world is extraordinary and if you can live your life well, singly or with a partner, you’re one of the world’s most fortunate people.
Hilarious and very similar to my own experience on Match in the UK. Worse still – POF – horrendous experiences with that!
What about the large numbers of men with children who specifically state they are not interested in a woman who has a child…
Ah well, fortunately there are some great advantages to single life :0)
This is the FIRST freshly pressed article that actually genuinely had me laughing. Kudos to you for calling the double standard out! Good luck in the dating world, and 30 is still young and sexy!!
This is an amazing article. Made me laugh out loud. I have had terrible experiences with all this and just started writing about it to share my frustrations! Thanks for sharing.
Reblogged this on kaffybad.
I hear you!!
I think at times we forget that we are not looking for the perfect person but the perfect person to match with our imperfect selves. Guys are worse than the girls…at least this is what it seems like nowadays. When did the roles change? I swear I have met some that are moodier than me on my PMS days. Realistically speaking, we should all be looking for the one that compliments and at the same time makes us want to be better people. The rest should fall into place. At least this is what i keep hearing and telling myself over and over. We’ll get there!
Love it!
LOL! This was a hilarious post. Plus, the woman who said these men must be looking fro labradors instead of girlfriends literally had me laugh out loud! I can only imagine that match.com would be flooded with these, but I think that’s men in general – all guys like to boast before to get the girl. If you’d hear the stories I heard (generally from my friends!) you wouldn’t be surprised – not that this means that they are genuine guys, not at all. Like other people have have said, it’s a needle in a haystack thing in my opinion too. I’d say keep at it and don’t only limit yourself to online try meeting people other ways. Hope you find someone that you like
Great post though!
good. i’m glad some women still want to lay in the sun and tan and not work out. i’m tired of the crossfit be buff/6 pack phase. old fashioned or not, i want a woman to be a woman.
I don’t usually check out Freshly Pressed (congrats btw) but I’m glad I did this morning. I have been single for over 2 years and am sadly very well versed when it comes to online dating. I agree that the majority of men out there have their expectations set too high but then some of us women do as well. Not myself though. All I’ve asked for is a man to have a job, not be drug addicted and not want to sit on the couch all the time. You would think that would be easy…think again. I’ve recently encountered the idea that what it the person that is perfect for us isn’t good at dating, or isn’t computer literate. This would mean they wouldn’t be on POF, OkCupid, Match or even eHarmony. All of which I have tried and even paid my money for the latter two. (All the same people as on the free sites btw). Good luck in your search and feel free to check out my own blog at singlewomansblog.com . I write about my dating disasters from meeting people online. Definitely met some real “winners” too! haha
I’ve had one very interesting online dating experience. Please take a read and tell me if you think I was right or not http://wasitright.wordpress.com/
Match.com? Really? My wife and I met through a brick-and-mortar dating service. When we joined, we were screened and had to fill out a long application. The privacy was great. The dating service had us fill out a long application showing our interests,etc. It wasn’t free either. All that privacy and screening came with a hefty fee but it was worth it.
There was a photo shoot both with still cameras and a video.
When we asked someone out for a date, we submitted our request through the dating service and they were the middle person. If the other person wasn’t interested in us after seeing our profile, the photographs and the video, the agency let us know and the privacy of both of us was protected because the agency did not give out phone numbers, e-mail addresses, where we lived, where we worked, etc.
The best thing about this sort of dating service is that there is a paper trail for each applicant. But with a .com dating service, you have no idea if the photos are real or the person is the sex they claim to be. You could be sending e-mails to a predator of some kind—a Son of Sam type.
I was a member for two years and went on several dates before I met the woman I am married to today. Some of the dates were one time and some we went out again.
And it must have worked for most of the people that joined, because most of the women I was interested in from the profiles were already in long-term relationships with someone they met through the service and had removed themselves from the dating process. We were free to suspend the dating at any time for any reason.
I suspect that when someone joins and has to pay to belong to a dating service that operates out of a building, the odds are that quality of the individual members is better.
I am a huge skeptic of online dating sites, not sure why but I always thought there was a better way. When I found myself newly single (wife decided my business trips were a good time to go out with other men) at the age of 41 I didn’t have a clue anymore about dating or pursuing and at the time not much interest. I stumbled upon my wife(new wife) by complete accident. We had gone to school together a very long time ago and actually to the same church. Sometimes we find what we aren’t looking for.
Lisa, I loved reading this!! I too have been thru the Match experience. Well, that was 8 years ago, after falling apart from my ex, feeling lonely, and that. Someone told me about it and I tried, and, stupid me, I did not invent another name, age and personality!
I dated quite a few. They never were as they depicted themselves, their photograph was too old, and they lied all the profile through, not only about their adventurous hobbies and likes! Most of them said to live in a different town, (Madrid and Barcelona must be absolutely crushed with people, more than in Hong Kong, acccording to that!). They said to be single, separated or divorced… but I found they were married (most of them) wanting an affair and, if possible, in your place, in order not to be seen and not to pay a hotel!
Of course, there were honest singles. None of them tht I liked much, really.
Any way, it became an administrative work, almost, if you wanted to see their profiles before answering the great amount of offers one could get.
After all, I had a laugh with other people when commenting on that!
Hija, that’s what you get for engaging in online dating in a culture where people are not afraind of talking to people (my assumption from just seeing people come and go in my two short visits to Spain). Ve a un pub con algunos amigos and just meet people; start living your life according to you and you may meet guys who simply happen to like what you like… se me antoja un buen comienzo!
Cheers
As a guy who has tried, and failed at Match.com, I can understand your frustration. If you put yourself out there as who you are, no one wants to contact you,but if you tell all those little white lies, you are bound to be called out on it. I started my blog, http://thirtyyearsandcounting.wordpress.com/ right around the time I gave up on the idea of finding the love of my life through the internet. While I have no doubts there are plenty of success stories to be told, the overwhelming truth is that there is no magic trick to finding your soul mate, even if you can check every possible box to narrow down your selection to just one profile! Every few months I am tempted to return, to give it just one more shot, but I’m not sure at my age (almost 32) I want to be disappointed again and again. Good luck with your search and keep us posted!
Hey what’s with this early-30′s despondency? Even in men, apparently, when we’re supposed to be on the sunny side of societal/sexual inequity?! Sorry, man, but it just occurs to me that some (or many) people are just missing out on longer life spans, or too eaten up by fake stereotypes.
I love this! So funny. Congrats on the big 3-0 and congrats on giving online dating a try. I met my (normal, handsome, not-constantly-wresting-alligators) hubby online. A (then) single girlfriend asked me for some advice when she first tried the online thing. If you’re interested, check out my online profile tips here: http://mikafryling.wordpress.com/2012/05/17/7-easy-steps-to-online-dating-success/.
Why cant you be the one letting go your dreams? Seriously, if you are 30, single, and want to burden some poor guy with kids he will have to finance, what do you have to offer?
Good lateral thinking, though…
Just don’t say it out loud in the presence of unmarried women; their wombs might reach out and strangle you.
Yep, you have a definite mother complex.
I really hope you are being sarcastic.. but incase you are not:
You obviously have your own, closed-minded opinion, but here’s what I think.
She is not trying to burden someone with children, she listed it as a goal she is looking to fulfill in life (not saying I agree, but that is her own choice!). Believe it or not, I know it’s strange, but there are men who actually like children. So your point there is invalid. Not to mention, you make the assumption that she will have her husband take care of all the finances.. Really, when did she mention her intention to do so?
Tell me again why the OP should give up her dreams? She is not asking these men to, but she is personally saying that the men on the site’s dreams often contradict themselves. She is looking for someone who has similar/compatible dreams and goals. That’s how relationships work.
Yes, she’s 30. Yes, she’s single. Neither of these things says anything about what she can offer the world. This is not the 1900s…
come on, what she’s bitching about is basically this:
you men aren’t that much to begin with, and you want such unrealistic things nja nja
and at the same time she’s like:
I’m so awesome (not so!), and I’m looking just for this, this, this, this, this, this, this, and that and that
to make a bad situation worse, if some dude actually posts that he “doesn’t want such unrealistic things”, and he has this, this, this, this, this, this, this, and that and that, she would immediately conclude he is a loser not worthy of her attention
and rightly so, anybody posting sh.t like that is clueless
I agree with you. My experiences with Match.com was a nightmare. On the other hand, I found my husband on Yahoo Personals. We have been together about 5 years and very happy. I really feel we are an exception.
Hilarious article, though it also made me groan because I have seriously known guys like this… they think they can ask for EVERY personality trait even if they’re exact opposites and NOT have a manic girlfriend who might voice her opinion A.K.A “complain and be pessimistic”! HAHA.
But I think instead of using online dating sites, trying hitting up some sites for things you specifically enjoy and maybe you’ll have better luck meeting people you would be interested in? And honestly, look for someone to have fun with before you look for someone to have kids with. . you’ll prolly get better results there too!
Good luck!
T W O G R E A T T I P S !!
Seriously, that’s the way a woman talks. Or else, you may be only 22 or married with children… OK, bad, misogynistic joke. But there’s truth in it: I’ve seen most of my female friends/acquaintances lose their mind upon the outset of their ovarian revolt (mind you, I belong to a rather different culture, albeit Western: female hysteria all the same)
Extra tip: most guys who make up profiles like that are too lame for a real-life relationship and too cowardly to go into a sex website. And as fake as a 3-dollar bill.
More uncanny coincidences between literary fiction and real life on my blog
The fact that you use terms like “female hysteria” makes me cringe as much as that Match.com profile… You do realize that “hysteria” was a made-up condition used by men in history to claim insanity for wives they could not control easily, or whom had any sexual desire them deemed unfit for a woman?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_hysteria
^ Check it, if you don’t believe me.
I hope you consider no longer using the term, considering the old-age treatment was sexual assault.
Thnaks for caring to reply. I used the term hysteria in the modern, popular sense. You may have noticed that.
On the other hand, I did mean (most) women simply seem to go mad as a certain time comes, namely fill-my-womb time. This is factually animal urge, which is fine, and sadly a long-standing construct. My opinion, and my experience.
Hope you give it a good thought, and hopefully a good look around you to notice how many crazed females you will find
“Popular” term? Last I checked, using a term that was once used to demean, punish, and denote violence against someone is not popular OR modern for that matter.
Yet again, you use words such as “crazed”. I hope you give a good thought to your word choice and that you can still learn in life the way your negative wording hints at your negative opinion and personality.
Being condescending won’t get you anywhere fast, so I suggest that you reign in your “factual animal urge” to dominate others whether it be through speech or otherwise. =]
Again, it seems to me there may be a word battle I never meant to engage in… you are holding on to the wrong end of the stick (call me phallo-centered now) as you intend to interpret each and every term according the the dictionary entry that most suits your mood. Not nice.
I work with words, teaching languages and to boot I am a freelance writer. I need no reinterpretation of my ideas, at least for myself. I leave that for each to do as they well please and can, save to tell me how to think of my thoughts
Anyway, going back to how we came to “converse”, I’d rather focus on the really good tips you gave the girl, not how negatively you reacted to my wording.
#sunnysideofthingsforachange
Here’s a term for you: cognitive dissonance. Next time you wave words like “crazed”, “mad”, and “fill-my-womb”, be more prepared to be held accountable for your blatant arrogance.
Overall, your disrespect and lack of knowledge for women’s lifestyles is the REAL issue here, which is shone THROUGH your words (how was it so hard for you to connect those dots?!). Oddly enough, the men on that dating site you think or so fake have the same problem you do…
Excuse me, sir, but I suggest you look up cognitive dissonance, as it aptly explains your viewpoint. Whether you are a *writer* or not says nothing other than you think labeling yourself makes you more important than me, which sadly, is not true.
Overall, your disrespect and lack of knowledge for women’s lifestyles is the REAL issue here, which is shone THROUGH your words (did I really need to connect these dots for you?!) Oddly enough, the men on that dating site you think are so fake have the same problem you do now. . .
Trust me, I am on the sunny side when I need to be. You spouting your ignorance doesn’t really make for a sunny setting however.
I apologize for the double post; one was on my phone that was not showing for some odd reason.
No prob… this keeps disappearing as I wrte (?!) as well, and is getting me nervous.
All in all, if you get this one, let me tell you that I respect your views and I only mean to argue from my perspective and experience, not meaning to attack! If you wish, we may correspond otherwise, hehe!
Cheers,
Marcelo
No prob… this keeps in mid-sentence (?!) as well, and is getting me nervous.
All in all, if you get this one, let me tell you that I respect your views and I only mean to argue from my perspective and experience, not meaning to attack! If you wish, we may correspond otherwise, hehe!
Cheers,
Marcelo
Why is it that so many men think females have this magical ticking clock on some unknown countdown? I believe you referred to it as an animalistic urge? Really? That would so explain why the males in almost every species mates with multiple partners to increase the chances of continuing his genetic line! Try it is more like a societal expectation that a woman gets married and has children, because it’s “normal”. Have you completely missed all of the news stories about how the down fall of our society is the fact that women are higher educated, more focused on achieving personal goals and wanting to be self sufficient before thinking about settling down and even thinking of having children? Or did you just choose to completely ignore the fact that just 60 years ago it was almost unheard of that a woman attended post secondary education, let alone graduated or remained unmarried? It wasn’t all that long ago that a woman in her mid 20′s was considered a spinster and unmarriagable!
Societal urge then be it. Just seen it happen one too many times, that’s what scares me.
Totally agree on the fact that the (Oh Gosh only natural, expectable!) progress and various achievements women have made scare the s* out of men -and some other women. Sad. I am all in favour of women being acknowledged just as homo sapiens sapiens as men are, as simple as that! The thing is, IMHO, mistaking pants for rights is oh so short-sighted. We won’t live long enough to see the dust settle, but we can start a change of attitude, that’s what I think.
Oh I do agree that it happens way to often, and we’ve become a society of throw it away and get new just because you don’t want to actually put forth an effort tomake something work! Makes me ill!
But could you please elaborate on “pants doesn’t equal rights”?
Try some free dating sites, like OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish … then you’ll REALLY be put off. (But I’d love to see what you’ll write about THOSE experiences.) Welcome to the wonderful world of online dating!
I’d love to see the more realistic version of a male Match.Com profile:
Male
Slowly balding
few extra pounds
irritable bowel syndrome
I’m kind of a home-body, by which I mean, I don’t leave the house that often and spend a lot of time sitting on the couch watching tv
I like to watch adventurous shows and pretend that I will one day ‘go ziplining’ though I know I probably never will because it makes me kind of nervous.
I probably drink to much and I curse and talk about star wars.
Most nights you will find me passed out on the couch around 9:30 after stuffing my face with chips and booze
Seeking: a girl who will put up with my annoying habits and not criticize me too much
OKC is probably not much worse than Match. And it has the advantage of being free. The others, though – PoF and Zoosk, for instance. Yow.
OMG!!!
I laughed soooo hard!!!
But I know you’ll find someone hun…
But you know something…Sometimes the love you’re looking for is right under your nose…
My hubby started off as my best friend…
Maybe the best way to weed out prospects is by what they list first, versus last. If “beautiful and adventurous” is at the top of the list, and “caring” and “accepting me for who I am” are at the bottom, it’s clear where the priorities lie. And you’re right, if many of them had his Lara Croft type-chick they are asking for, they’d prob be intimidated.
PS. Don’t give up. The right person can fall in your lap when and where you least expect it. I did not marry until I was 28, and my daughter was born when I was 29.
Reblogged this on Stephanie Grace Long.
LOL! That there are still dating sites? Well, I think I need to see if there is a Polish match.com. : D
Oh my goodness – I laughed out loud. SO TRUE. To make it even more awful and funny – I lived with THAT man for a year. I now refer to him as “Peter Pan”. Yes, they DO want a man in a woman’s body! He is now 55, never been married and well…I’m happy that he isn’t ruining the life of another woman. I’m now married (16 years, together for 19 this month) with someone I met by accident. Had a baby at 39 and life is wonderful. I told my husband about your blog post and he said “Those guys are losers”. Wishing you the best and a year that will bring a real romance with a real man!
Very true, thats why i prefer to date those i know and can see in my community. Anyone can hide behind a computer.
What did I miss while I was out ziplining?
I must say that this was both a hilarious and a sad read, the posts and the comments. Having just lost my wife to cancer last spring after 30 years, I do go thru periods of loneliness, but have been leery of the dot-coms, even though I HAVE met one or two happy couples that have met thru the EH site. It seems obvious that the dating sites, like the casinos, are in business to make money. Yes, a few people hit the jackpot, but just as with gamblers, most lose. Only the casinos (and the dating sites) win…
I can’t imagine lying about myself in an online profile or posting an inaccurate picture, at the same time expecting honesty from the women I’d wish to meet. There seems to be so much hypocrisy in our society. I’ve chosen (at least for now) to simply be patient, go at this without expectations and to allow for a little serendipity. If I ever get married again, I don’t want to wake up some day feeling trapped in a relationship that I rushed into.
Great post!
Great post. Your experience coincides with the general societal view of what men are looking for in women…so many contradictions. Slim but also athletic, adventurous and experienced but not “slutty,” “natural” beauty but still tan, made up, and looking good, smart but not smarter than them, etc. I’m not saying women don’t look for a lot in men, but it seems like the men you’ve described are going a little overboard.
Too funny! I too have done match.com so I can totally relate to everything you wrote about. When you actually meet them, you’ll know whether they actually do all that stuff or not. It will be obvious. Match.com is not for me.
This. Made. Me . So. Sad. Seriously. Maybe even angry. And ticked. And oh the hilarity. That’s why THEY’RE still single.
Hilariously upsetting…
…in only that I have had the same discussion with myself about eHarmony. I’ve been on a week and it’s insane how many women:
-Love to laugh (no shit! Unless you are guarding her majesty’s palace who doesnt?)
-Just want someone who is honest, can go to the bars or stay at home in front of a fire/movie watcher
-HIKE (more mountains our here, but if this many people hiked everyday the landscape would be riddled with women who “love hanging with their girls, concerts, Pinterest, who are thankful for their loving family, self drive, and love their job”….Oh and only drink once a week!
Where are the women who have no friends, drink heavily, are skinny because addiction, don’t travel, hate their parents, kick kittens, slap babies, and spank old people?
Identically Unenthused,
Matt Pieroni
http://www.MrMattPieroni.com
I put on my POF profile “Homicidal gold digger seeks hot or not guy with large wallet to finance her 36H breasts, awful plastic surgery and extensions. If that’s what you’re looking for I’m sure you’ll find her. Me on the other hand, I’m a PhD student.”
But I think most people have stage fright at the idea of actually having to write out what they want in a partner, hence the crazy list of specifications. Or they’re trying to sell themselves as normal when in reality we’re all eccentric in some way.
Reblogged this on Zankaj's Blog and commented:
This is funny, seriously you will not believe what Men think of women at Match.com. Well according to this blogger.
Let me start off by saying that I met my wife on an online site. I got lucky. For the most part, however, I went virtually (literally!) ignored…for years. Why? I used to be a bit of a fibber as a kid, and I always felt humliated when I got caught in lies, so I stopped lying. Therefore, when I created my online profile, I was completely honest in it. The problem with honest, I found out, is that it doesn’t really stand out well. It also does not fulfill the “Brad Pitt” objective most women appear to have for their prospective mate. Say what you want about the dishonesty of these profiles, but they do catch your eye, they do fulfill your bullet points of the ideal mate, and they do intrigue you enough to reply. Friends of mine created Clark Gable type profiles and they usually got 30 to 40 replies. Whereas, I usually got one from a Russian woman looking for marriage and citizenship in America. Am I just simply THAT ugly? That could be, but these “Clark Gable” friends of mine aren’t that much more attractive than I am. They just fulfilled the unrealistic goals most of us have in meeting a mate, implanted by Hollywood scripts, and we feel that we don’t need to settle for hum drum. Most of us, male and female, are a little hum drum though. As your post suggests, most of us aren’t the Bear Grylls type adventurers that we claim to be, but if we can get your eyes a popping, and your fingers replying, we figure that we can connect the dots after that. As I said, I got lucky, but most people aren’t willing to roll the dice on honesty when they can meet Ms. Right with some display of their creative writing talents.
Hi Rilaly,
Thank you for your smart, mature, well thought and very well written comment.
Arielle
ROFLMAO! Most hilarious entry I’ve read today.
Good post! In case this comment has not already been left somewhere above, what follows is a code sheet for the adventurous categories claimed by the men of Match.com:
-hiking = having sex on or near a mountain
-surfing = having sex on or near a beach
-ziplinning = having sex very quickly
-traveling = having sex with foreigners
-skiing = having sex in the cold
-bungee jumping = having sex near a bridge
-playing sports = wrestling naked
-watching sports = having sex on the couch
-kayaking = having sex in or near the water
-sky diving = having sex on a plane
-adventure = sex
Ok, the article was really funny but this reply was hilarious.
Ha, that’s funny stuff, right there! For what it’s worth, were I not married, I’d be interested in a piano playing pub goer for sure! I have a friend who got divorced and moved to Vegas. She’s been on Match for a few months and already has a stalker (wedding bells anyone?) and many inappropriate offers for all things carnal. Her stories are hilarious, much like yours. Thanks for sharing.
Ive never tried online dating but If I did I would want my real likes and dislikes there. The last thing I would want to do was have a relationship built on bullshit.
Now I think I should try Match.com. The competition is apparently… well THAT.
I think most people after 28 years old to wake up and realize where they are in life. If they are not successful financial and have not found someone that would accept them for who they are, they dont need match.com, they need a mentor. Match.com connects people with people, but you might not find a person thats good for you because you are not there to accept them in your life. Just my two cents!
Nailed it. How do I know? It describes someone around here that’s about to turn 29.
Hahahaha, this made me laugh. This is one of the reasons I think people fail at dating is too high of expectations. People are not perfect, or anywhere close, especially after you get to know them. You just have to love them anyways, or even because of the flaws
Great post, congrats on Freshly Pressed!
Enjoyed reading your blog and let me just say you make me not miss being single. I deffinately had some horror stories from dating back in my day, however you just don’t know who may be around the corner from you and absolutely perfect for you…not saying he won’t annoy you but you’ll be head over heels for him. Keep faith, enjoy your life, don’t compromise yourself and you will know when you met someone worth while. I met my husband when I was dating his jerk of a friend, their friendship had a falling out as well as my relationship with the guy shortly after we were spending time together and we just clicked. Which I use to think I am never going to find him.
Reblogged this on Another Single Woman's Blog and commented:
I don’t usually reblog people but I felt this entry would fit well with my blog. Plus I’ve been too sick lately to write anything of substance. For your reading pleasure, I submit to my readers this hilarious blog entry from Scholars and Rogues.
Hilarious & Sad! Too bad you’ve come along all that cr#p; but even worse, if opinion is still for free, you a) went into dating sites expecting to find truth and b) you do think turning 30 is going to make you any other than a 30-yr-old.
Work on your outdoorsy self, get a tan as you go round, say, your area or state visiting towns with friends, and you may meet your match. At least of the week? month? Just be nice, live life, open your mind, shake the system off that psyche
Cheers
Reblogged this on licardoblog.
I feel your pain. If you’re interested in reading my failed dating site venture check out my blog.
Wonderful post, I think I’ve encountered the same guys you have! One day, when they’re 40 and still single, or divorced from their perfect woman, with 2.5 kids, they’ll get back on Match and realize we (the coolest, best chicks out there) are gone, because we wouldn’t settle.
Every now and then I get these pop-up ads from match.com showing up, I think mostly on my YouTube page.
I just realized that it’s been the same ad now for what has to be at least two years now. Faces of beautiful young women, about my daughters’ age, and then it hit me…if these ladies can’t find their matches after two years, the service can’t be that great! lol…keep smiling and good luck.
Hilarious!!
You are not getting any younger Lisa. What exactly do you bring to the table in terms of dating and relationships?
I may have to forward this to my mother the next time she suggests online dating.
I truly love this post! It is sad and amazing that there are so many people out there with too many expectations that usually don’t have the same expectations for themselves. Like the one that insists the woman must be goal-oriented, then sits around on his butt while the woman does everything and constantly pushes him to get things done. I know one guy mentioned above creating a male profile to see what females require of men, but as everyone knows, each person will attract their own, good and bad. Some wind up getting more of the good, some wind up getting more of the bad. I sincerely hope that things will work out for you, that you will find the perfect man for you!!
It doesn’t matter if you’re 30 or 20, all guys are like this… even if you’re already dating them!
Agreed! Bahaha 100% true… unfortunately. Sigh. They go from giving nothing to looking for everything…
Well said. May I quote you sometime?
Merlene
Omg! With my limited world view, I thought it was only Indian men who want a ‘packed with every feature imaginable’ spouse.
I guess quite a few out there are trying to fill a gap in their own personality/perception of themselves and so, come up with this idea of a person who is everything that they want to be but, either cannot be or will never be. While I don’t approve of arranged marriages that are sometimes forced upon Indians, I have seen plenty of successful arranged marriages and plenty of failed love marriages. Ultimately, in any relationship, it is a question of whether there is enough love, understanding and maturity to overlook weaknesses that every person is bound to have and whether each partner has taken a good, honest look at themselves.
I agree with the views expressed here that it is not always the women who are at the receiving end but, in my part of the world that is more often the case. I really don’t think things would work out in the long term with people who give such a false impression of themselves. So, all the best and I hope you do find true love.
We had a great online experience (the two of us at ourjourneytothesea.com). We actually met online and we have absolutely everything in common. Hang in there. The right one will come along.
Great post! I recently joined a popular dating website and was just as surprised by what I found on there!! Check out my blog twolessfishinthesea for all my dating adventures! Currently trying to shake off a Slovakian stalker….
Wait, I’m laughing so hard I need to wipe the tears away from my eyes. Even I can’t top “Slovakian stalker.”
Thank you for this comment. (I’m still laughing.)
Merlene
So true!
Hilarious ! I had such a similar experience with online dating and had a ” go at it ” for very similar reasons. Found the entire experience very odd, yet highly amusing and proceeded to reject around 600 “matches” ( if you could even remotely call them such ) !
Loved reading your thoughts and experience and had a good giggle
I don’t want to say you are wrong in how offended you are of match.com. But the Internet is a place where peoples confidence is replaced with a digital representation of themselves. There are now many places that do “events” where you play a sport or hang out as a group with men and women and it gives a “natural” meeting of single people, rather then a forced one. I am not sure putting a list of qualities on the internet is the way to go. We should use the internet and connections like it as a tool not as a solution to going out and meeting people the old fashioned way. I understand MANY have found true love using sites like this. But I think as a whole the best way to go about things is do something fun that you enjoy that involves many people. Examples are Local sports clubs – dodgeball, soccer, kickball. Cooking Classes. Classes that improve the mind at local colleges like poetry, pottery etc. The only way you’ll find truth is living truth.
The sad thing is, this is no longer the norm for people meeting! And it’s all changed in just one generation! My parents were set up on a blind date by mutual friends. But there were always get togethers and parties. Now people go to the bar to look for mates these days. So, really it’s not much different from an online dating site! An over inflated sense of confidence hiding behind a monitor or with some liquid courage in you…we live in a sad world that is really lacking in close friendships and personal connections!
You really struck a chord here! The experience you’ve had so far is the reason I have avoided this option – like the flu!
I have known two women friends that have had greater success without a “.com”. One purchased a used designer hand bag at the 2nd hand store. Got gussied up, hung her bag over her chair while having a few drinks at a Posh Watering Hole. She met the guy, has a the life and love she was looking for. It took her a bit, but she succeeded.
The other just went to events held that she was really in to. Again, it took her a few trips and donations to causes close to her heart, but she met him. They share many ideals and interests and are quite happy.
You seem to be quite intelligent and witty from your post. You will meet the right guy for you. Keep in mind that though there are some successes for these .com dating sites, they are much better at making commercials than marriages. No one knows you better than you, nothing replaces eye contact and conversation and first impressions are everything.
Wishing you the best.
I tried out match.com in the Uk and i must say it was an eye opening experience, many guys and women must have serious issues when it comes to counting up their age bracket. I should add that I was 27 at the time and just come out of my divorce and I figured hey I will give it a go. I got a few interesting conversations mostly related to the topic of getting married so they can have a British passport and the one lady who wanted a male friend that she could pass off as her boyfriend so her parents wouldn’t realise she preferred ladies. I did meet one woman and we went out a few times for drinks and such like but nothing happened in the end. I have to say that it was a very interesting experience seeing what people write about themselves and the methods they will employ to make themselves appear to be the ideal partner. We all have flaws it always felt it was better to be honest about them rather than lie and get caught out later. How many of those zip lining, bungee jumping, adventure travellers actual live with there mothers or secret like nothing more than a good book and a cup of tea?
Thanks, that made my day which was not an easy task. Just in a split up situation. Guess where I met the man.
Ha! Love this post…I’m 33 and have avoided online dating for all the reasons you mentioned! I’m getting to the point of trying it just to say I’ve explored every option. I’m so tired of all the expectations men place on women to be perfect!! But, hey, maybe I’ll be surprised? Post again when you’ve been on a few dates – I’d like to hear about your experience and maybe I’ll try it too.
Oh my gut busting laugh right here! I am in my early 30′s, and thankfully no longer single! But trust I have done my time dredging online dating. I have had some of the worst dates, meet some of the weirdest people (mind you I was a police officer, so that says something right there!) and I’ve come up with so many different ways to drop a dude like he was a maggot infested piece of fruit!
My favorite thing to hear from guys (and normally with in the first email from them) “you have great/huge/perfect boobs” then they would ask for me to send them a full body shot. Mind you, I’m 6 foot and can carry over 200 lbs of dead weight over 100 yards! They would say looks weren’t that important, and that they liked healthy girls, not twigs and not huge ones, average. Really? Looks don’t matter? So why do you want a picture of my whole body? Oh cause you think you are hot/smart/rich/talented enough to land that Victoria’s Secret model huh? Yeah, not so much!
And I told myself I would be married before I turned 23, and I would have had all my biological children before 28. Well, I just got married this past year. I’m no longer able to have my own children, so that’s a moot point. We are looking at the whole adoption process. Oh, and I met him on an online dating site! I had actually passed right over his profile at first, but he sent me a message. A few weeks later, and many hours of texting, and some phone calls, we had our first date. It still took me a few weeks to realize he was my perfect match, I’m sort of stubborn and quite thick headed. Let’s just say it took him standing by me while I figured out what I wanted. And him telling me something that I didn’t even know I ever needed to hear. “I will do anything to make you happy, even if it means changing who I am.” I have never asked him to change a single thing. It was the fact that he was willing. Well, I did finally get him to stop smoking…
Good luck!
Great post! And so true!!
Have I got the book for you: “Online Dating Sucks…but it’s how I fell in love” by John P. Gavin
It’s funny and has great advice too. The title says it all…
While we’re at it, I have a problem with a lot of the women on match.com, too. For one thing, they all want kids. Well, what if I want a serious relationship, but I DON’T want to put another useless person into the world? Relationships don’t have to be solely a means to produce superfluous, water-headed children. They could be about romantic love, common interests, etc.
Second of all, why do women fill out the section that says what they want their potential mate to make, as in salary, every year? I call this the woman’s ‘price tag’. How romantic.
Basically, what Match.com has taught me is that women only want to settle down if there is something in it for them, namely, a baby, financial stability, or both. Until hormonal changes in her brain chemistry make her want those things, a woman in her early 20′s is basically ‘open for business’ in the bar scene. Do women do anything that isn’t purely out of self-interest? Again, as a hopeless romantic who wants to fall in love and have a genuine relationship, I am constantly disappointed by modern women, and sites like Match.com only succeed in pointing that out to me.
WHOAH! Please do not lump every woman into this group! Not everyone is like that! Just sites like these make it easy for people to be more blunt. As in real life, the good ones are hard to find! I always put that I would like to have children, but in the about me section, I always said children would be nice, but not a deal breaker. As far as the employment/salary thing…that is beyond tacky! Granted, I didn’t rule out a potential date because of a lack of post secondary education, but he would have to be able to keep up with me!
And really, isn’t dating and falling in love the greatest form of self-interest? Finding someone you find attractive/smart/funny enough to spend any amount of time with possibly the rest of your lives, so you don’t end up alone? Not that I’m saying it’s a bad thing. I think everyone wants to have someone want them and love them.
It pretty much boils down to instant gratification…and it shows how much of a narcissistic society we have become!
Well, sure, and as the OP pointed out, you know, the men of Match.com are just as self-centered… maybe the internet just brings out the worst in people. Me, I find that Match.com is the worst dating site there is, and prefer OKCupid for actually getting to know people based on interests… But I don’t see women as ‘what can you do for me?’, I see them more as ‘are you the right person for me?’ I’ve even turned women down because they were too young, too pretty, and I admit to myself that I want something serious with an equal, not just some unsustainable brief passion with a beautiful stranger.
I wish more people were more level headed and reasonable about dating! My friends used to constantly rag on me because I would go on a handful of dates with someone and move on to the next one. And it had nothing to do with money, looks, smarts…I decided years ago that I would never date someone that I really couldn’t see myself spending the rest of my life with! I had almost settled for some one that would “do” in my early 20′s trying to keep in line with these stupid ages I had decided on! So yes, although I had lots of dates without a prolonged uncomfortable breakup when I got bored, I was able to really figure out what personality traits, values, absolute must have’s and deal breakers that were most important to me! They call it the dating game for a reason…you have to keep trying to find your perfect match, all while trying to have fun and figure yourself out as well!
This is awesome something horrible mood thank you so much!
I meant to say something for my horrible mood
Oh my gosh…this is THE funniest post I have read in a long time. hahahah Now I want to join match.com just to see what you’re talking about for myself!
I loved this, made me laugh a lot. I tried match, okcupid & plenty of fish dating sites, over the course of a year. They were all a waste of time for me. Good luck with it!
You’ll find someone you like. I was there too. Checking out profiles in one of those matching places and a lot of the guys had lists as long as their legs on what they wanted the girl of their dreams to have. The one I still remember said something like: She has to be able to come back from hiking, jump in the shower and be ready to go to the opera. I think these guys are watching too many 007 movies or want into high end pimping. I finally was sent a tickle by a guy whose profile simply said he wanted to meet someone who was kind and secure of herself. That guy is now my husband.
Honestly, this post has done wonders to improve my mood today and is giving me quite a bit of entertainment! I would LOVE to meet some of these “perfect” women! Although I’m pretty sure there was a book and a couple of movies where this was possible, I believe it was called..oh man…uhh…oh, The Stepford Wives by Ira Levin!
I’m pretty sure us women are more than willing to compromise on things we want in a partner, (not that men don’t either). People should honestly be more realistic!
My now husband is actually a profile I had skipped over because he had almost all grey hair with hair cut straight from the 50′s and he is a good 4 inches shorter than me. He sent me a message just saying something simple like “hi, how are you?” A month and several dates later, I knew he was the one!
I know! Simple, down to earth. That’ll do it. Although it is not just the men having long lists of fantasy qualities they’d like to have in a partner. Women too. My husband told me of one lady that wanted to be the Storm for his Wolverine! he he he. Wait, maybe that lady is the type the long list guys look for. They just haven’t met yet.
LOL wow! And I have no doubt women can be just as shallow and unrealistic as men! I’ve heard that lots of women on the fishie Site I used could be even more blunt and sexually forward about wanting just a random hook up but posting as someone really looking. One girl told my husband they say they are looking for a relationship instead of casual encounters because they didn’t want a man whore and didn’t want to only be seen as a sex object!
And I’ve dated guys who I thought were my “type” that ended up being a waste of time! I honestly ended up trying to say what I look for in a guy. It really ended up saying, “I no longer know what it is that I’m looking for in a guy. But I know what it is that I’m NOT looking for! And it really depends on each individual person, because I have different levels of tolerance based on many different factors”
Like I would not allow any other man do as little help around the house as my husband, without constantly getting ripped a new one! Because he sure as hell was able to do laundry, dishes, clean, and pick up after himself before me. And he actually spent more time playing video games and hanging out than he does now!
Oh yeah, my goose is cooked!
First of all, these guys check off “slender” as the body type for their match… they rarely check off “athletic and toned.” But you want someone who does these adventure sports and plays sports too and works out every day? Huh?
GOLD.
I’m surprised nobody on here has mentioned the dating site that advertises with the slogan, “Find God’s match for you.”!
Oh no! By far the best one is a dating sites for farmers “cause city folks don’t know” or something close but just as ridiculous!
Oh, yes I did. I groan everytime I see the commercial on television. I just know someone will then quote the chapter and verse about “God only helps those who help themselves.” Oh, yea, that commercial uses that one too. Go Christians!
It’s interesting the things that men AND women will include this list of preferences while they are tucked safely behind the screen of their computer. I wonder if people would be this upfront/demanding while face-to-face with a living, breathing human being?
I bet these guys came up with their expectation lists while flipping through the ads in Maxim. Then to determine what women are (supposedly) looking for, they flipped through the ads in Men’s Health.
I made a list of non negotiable’s when I was younger. It ended up being helpful. Instead of my focus being on what I was looking for, my focus was on what I don’t want to deal with no matter what. This approach leaves the door open for being pleasantly surprised.
Too perfect. I was going to write a similar article — having just signed up on a site for “senior people.” Tried the craigslist thing a couple of years ago, tried match.com once, then, well, a few years pass and, now, I’m looking for “senior people.” Ugh.
What you have learned in one week took me several years to learn. I was a young bride and, therefore, missed out on learning about male expectations until I was in my 30s. My experience using craigslist was a nightmare. People told me to try a paid-for site. Tried, read the same type of profiles.
So, instead of writing an article about men on dating websites, I wrote a quick article about the “Top Six Excuses for Canceling a Date.” This was prompted by a man I “met” on the senior site who invited me to dinner, but canceled at the last minute. Canceling, I have learned, is easier by email.
Great article. Well-done, too true.
Merlene
Online dating is whack.. Well, good luck. If I was doing one of those online profile dating match things then my information would read as follows, “20 years,120-125 lbs, red hair, green eyes. Needs a rich man to support my art and to support my thirst for travel.”
I think it’d work.
Oh lord lady, you haven’t even scratched the surface…
Lol, my experience exactly
It seems more natural to meet someone in context — in a class, at the health club, at a wedding, at a show, through an organization you belong to. Then you can get to be friends first, and let it grow from there. That’s always worked better for me than online dating.
Boy does this make me glad I married at 21… I get to avoid all this dating crap lol It really sounds like these guys want a woman who looks like Angelina Jolie, behaves like their mother but can act like a man on demand… Seriously? Either I’m going to be a lady with children in tow or I’m going to be cracking beer cans on my forehead with your buds during the game, I can’t be both lol. Again, so glad I’ve only got to impress one guy and he’s easy to please. If I’m happy, he’s happy.
Yes! This is sooooo true! All these guys who claim to be 6’0” (who are really 5’10” but don’t want to own up to it) and want a girl who loves to laugh, loves kids, adventures, educated, slender, athletic, into sports, cooks, well dressed, let’s him be himself and have time with his friends, and the list goes on. This is my life…
So true!! And not only on match.com – but on almost all dating sites
Trust me, I’ve tried a few..
It’s the reason why I deleted my profile and just hope that I’d meet someone interesting in the next work conference… LOL
Lady Sparrow: Agreed. I tried one when they first started which were for “locals” only. Met a man who worked in a similar industry across town. He wrote good emails, could spell and everything. Turns out he was a drunk on his third DUI — explains why he didn’t have a car. The point is, had I met him at a bar — I would have sized-him-up immediately and, of course, walked on by. I think the email correspondence and the shared industry, led me to believe that he wasn’t really the personality type of a “used car salesmen.” He was a player, a joke and got away with it because he was reasonably good looking. Had we met at a bar (disco), his looks wouldn’t have fooled me — I would have seen through his facade.
I found the same crazy when I was trying to date as a Christian single and going to “young adult & career” groups at the church I was attending. Idiots that thought they could get a mountain climbing, rock ascending, outdoor goddess who would also desperately want to submit to their every whim and stay home cooking them treats. Dude, get real. That girl exists, and she would kick your ass.
Dudette, get real. I did not meet very many single women in single groups at church …. single women, yes they talk to me, were as turned off by the meat market as I was ….
And even then, she would not kick my ____ .
regards.
Sounds like being single forever for you…won’t be much of a loss to any men out there on match.com
I believe your comment is in response to recognizing yourself as the exact “personality” type most women and, the author of this article, are critical of. Most men, not just those on single’s websites, have an overblown persepective of themselves and spend most of their life trying to convince someone else that they are somehow “sensitive” to others. When, in fact, most are just fishing for compliments and a free meal.
There are men who don’t get intimidated by a girl being more athletic than he is. In my relationship, I’m way more outdoorsy than he is. Also, not being embarassed is important. This simply shows him that she is confident. And sure, men write all of these things but know they’re not gonna get it all. But the minute you write “I’m just looking for the person who’ll accept me”, you are opening a gateway for a number of requests that might just waste your time. By expanding it, for example by adding “is able to hang with the boys” you’re letting prospective requests know that you’re looking for someone he can have around when the boys come over.
I believe they’re mostly all smoke and mirrors…. playing games and deluding themselves.
I loved the post…but with personal experience i would suggest that you should try meeting people through other people…ask you friends to set you up, join a gym/dance class or something…you’ll meet more people that way (if you have already tried all of this – keep trying!
) . If i had to weigh the pros and cons of online dating…i would say the cons outweigh the pros (though its nice to see people for whom it worked out) – and all the best to you. <3
Reblogged this on thewordpressghost and commented:
WOW. This is one of the BETTER freshly pressed articles.
What do you EXPECT? Internet dating? In a ME society?
How in the world do you expect to meet a good man on a computer? Good men are not good at picking ‘hot chicks’ out of a magazine. Playboy and Hustler addicts are ….
So, what ARE you looking for?
Romance? In a computer?
What has the world devolved into?
OK, I had to let that out. And probably not my pest penned rant, but it will do for now.
ghost.
I liked the post too. Lots of interesting feedback in the comments. A few folks will get a kick out of this humorous image (it is meant in fun!)
http://netisbeautiful.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/men-women-see-themself-differently.jpg
Loved this post. Especially the paragraph with “I don’t think you want this type of girl, if she even exists, because then she’d be too intimidating…”
Reminds me of “Pride and Prejudice”, when Miss Bingley tells Elizabeth Bennet about what Mr. Darcy considers an “accomplished woman”. E.B: “I never saw such a woman. Surely she would be a fearsome thing to behold.”
great post….I was laughing from the start! Good thing that everyone thinks girls are complicated and have to many expectations. Life has taught me that it is the other way around.
Well, it’s a good thing you caught on early. Don’t waste any (more) time there! We all can be such bad judges of ourselves. Much better to experience what a person is like. I always seem to have fallen for men with a gift of the gab who were also wearing a mask. Only years later you discover who they really are (boring, all talk and no action, socially inept, workaholics, or whatever).
‘Better hurrying up’ because you’re a certain age is not a good reason to want a relationship, if you don’t mind my saying. I’ve heard my 30-year old niece say this too. Men can smell a desperado a mile and will use and discard her in many cases. Interesting article on the girlsguideto.com – how not to be a desperado
Always look before you leap. Get to know him by observing what he is like with his friends, family, colleagues, because only then will you see the real person (sooner) and not by falling in love and living in each other’s pockets (which is so conducive and divine, but also lethal).
Know exactly what you want girl, and make sure this is not only present in the veneer of the mask when you see it!
I’ve never laughed so hard. Good Luck! Good Men are such a B*T*H to find.
Okay, here’s a challenge for you: Go on there as a guy. What you would consider a normal, decent, nice guy, and see what kind of reaction you get.
Personally, I knew it wasn’t for me when nobody would even converse with me. I didn’t make enough money, didn’t look just right, didn’t offer them the lifestyle they were looking for, I don’t know. But nobody would even have a simple conversation. So, eventually, it got to be sport. I wondered if I could get to 100 messages without replies, then 200, then 500. Eventually, I gave up.
I have come to accept that there just aren’t any women in the world who are interested in making the slightest effort to get to know me, let alone appreciate who I am.
But, I digress. You’ve tried as a woman, and told us of your experiences. Now try it as a man, and see how you do. I look forward to your insights.
Actually, I did try this — not the way you suggest, but on the suggestion by one of my male friends, he told me to go read the posts that women put up.
He suggested I do this to “check out the competition.” I did it. I did a search on women in my age group. I felt guilty doing this. It felt somewhat unethical. But, I did. I was shocked at what I read there too. I would have never believed it if I hadn’t seen it myself. Mostly, I was shocked by the photos they posted, the words of sexual encouragement and, yes, they mostly posted about how “supportive” or “sexual” they are. They are all there to “help their man.” OH, how we all have been so socialized to pander to the game.
What I’ve learned is that women don’t seem to want a normal, decent and the absolute worst is “Nice” (i.e. Kiss of Death in Dating).
Unless your salary is over $150K+, you are 6′ 0″ AND look like George Clooney you don’t stand much of a chance.
I’m a good looking guy, family man, make pretty darn good money and I am having a heck of a time dating women around my same age in my same league.
Oh.. and I’m 5′ 9″ and so I might as well be a leper.
Dating was probably reliable several years ago. I learned that some marriages occurred through online dating. However, through one of my friends who had started an online dating account, I discovered that these days male and female make easy lies, overstate their skills or qualities, understate their terribly bad qualities, and make unrealistic expectations of thee parties they desired. So, I don’t think dating can be any reliable these days for the really honest, sincere, law-abiding professional people. For me it something degrading- about 92% of people from my culture don’t even talk about it. So, there is no use for me if the would be partner don’t get here.
The flip side: http://artistapart.wordpress.com/2013/01/13/men-of-match-com-a-brief-response/
I went on Match.com 10 years ago and saw much of the same as you reported. I’m older, so the focus was slightly different, but it was the same guys, just 30 years older. When they’re 60 they pose with the their Harleys and talk a lot of how much they enjoy the open road. Oh, but they’re still looking for the same women – the one who’s 35, slender, loves sports and is “open minded”. What ever that means.
But – don’t give up. In between the Harley boys and the sad, sad men who used their profiles to talk about how lonely they were since their divorce, there are some gems. I met one and married him, and we had a great 8 year run until he passed away.
DSWIDOW: Thank you for your comment. I, too, have had the same experience on single’s websites and with many of the men I have met throughout my now many years of singlehood. As I am sure the author knows also, as writers we must still focus our articles on one topic to make a point, share a viewpoint or vent an experience.
As such, we are not news reporters while we write and, therefore, not obligated to discuss both sides of an issue. Your comment prompts me to mention that I do know there are gems out there and men who are both kind and generous without being whimps. I work with many of them — just didn’t happen to marry one.
This article, by Lisa Barnard, made me laugh so hard I cried. It felt good to know that at least someone else had the same experience, shared the same opinion and wrote it better than any other I have read about the truth about websites for singles.
Merlene
Wow. I have been married for several years to a Match.com man. His profile was nothing like that. At the time I used the site, I noticed a very high number of male profiles that said they “put the shopping cart back” (apparently meaning they were considerate guys?). It was so obvious that a lot of lazy Match users decided to copy.
On a side note, I know a woman who does many of the things those men say they do and are seeking (frequent travel and adventure)…she has not had much online dating success . If there were really that many men of that type, I am sure she would have connected with one by now, unless, as you say the reality of such a woman is more intimidating than men expect.
Oh, how true this is.
Hitch (yes, the Will Smith Hitch) would say guys like the ones described are the reason sites like Match even exist! Then again, I wish there was a real-life Hitch. I’ve done the online dating, and blogged about it, too. Had a couple of awkward dates, one that I swore was right out of a movie, but overall, had a pretty good experience. Good luck!!
I’ve been single since I was 49. I’m 55 now. Match was a horrible experience and I’ll never use it again. In fact, I used 3 different sites, and they all had pretty much the same control in place to help people cheat (i.e.: to get people to use the site as much as possible so they keep paying for the subscription). And cheat they do! That, for me, was the real problem with the site. The last time it happened, I got curious on one site and created a blank account so I could log in and look around at the ‘advice’ as if I were a man. Uh…it was very different from the advice the ‘experts’ gave to women. In fact, it told men how to ‘get the attention of that hottie’ who won’t reply. It advised on the art of lying. Sheesh. Anyway, to address the point you were making in the post, I, too, have encountered men who think they can have it all without being it all. In some ways, this attitude is actually a symptom of repeated use of the sites. There are SO many women on these sites, willing to go out, that men get to be serial daters and, for a lot of them, one date here, another girl there, a different one next Saturday…well they don’t much care that they’re not meeting someone for a potential life commitment. Nope. It’s a numbers game–it’s just so much fun to date so many women, who cares if you see each only once, or a few times, there’s always another one in your daily matches, who’d love a date this weekend…I hate what these sites have done to make it easy for men to skip the relationships and do what they seem born to do: enjoy the hunt. If I ever again try a singles site, it will be one that works in completely different ways than the most of the others. eharmony looks like a possibility, but we’ll see. Despite the drawbacks, I wish you lots of fun and some good results!
Roseytoes: Hear ye, hear ye. This is so true.
I recently signed up on senior people whatever — thinking it was a “trial” subscription. The site does all those ‘computer cheat’ stuff you mentioned. I argued wtih them for over one week before they finally agreed to give me a partial refund. It was the automatic renewal and false advertising that really ticked me off.
Anyway, the men there are the same too — just older. So, I checked the site for women in this age group. There were 2 pages of women compared to 50 pages of men. The women were posting to be the athletic, all-around vegetarian who takes care of herself, watches her calories, loves family, etc. — and looked it. I wonder how many of the “athletic, healthy eaters who are looking for a soulmate with similar interests contact these women?
It has been the same horrible experience it was the last few times, and several years ago, that I tried these single sites. Now, I am just using up the remainder of my 30-day supply. I re-wrote my post that I am looking for a “well-heeled” man. Sure enough, that ended all “flirts and other automated, button-pushing, levels of interest.”
I love that you posted you are looking for a ‘well-heeled’ man!
Thank you. This really cuts-out the riff-raff.
Merlene
Good luck and stay picky ’till you find what you’re looking for.
Very entertaining.
I am glad that I met the perfect woman when I was 19 and have been married to her ever since (31 years).
Good luck in your search.
I’m just going to give my general thoughts on the issue, as well as my observations on the other end of the match.com spectrum.
As a guy who tried Match.com, it was hard for me to guess about what other guys were doing or saying to women on the service. All I know is what I wrote on my profile, how I interacted, and what I saw of women’s profiles.
What you say about men who were trying hard to show their ‘adventurous’ side: the same applies to women as well. You just don’t understand how ironic it was for me to look at profiles. 90% of the girls that I looked at had pretty much exactly what you said. The usual description was something like this: ‘I like to go outdoors, exercise, party and I’m super athletic. Looking for a guy who is athletic and wants to have some fun.’ That line might sound alright if it were on one or two people’s profiles, but as I said, 90% of the profiles I looked at had something along those lines. Not only that, but every single woman had to make it clear how adventurous they were, with many pictures of parties, scuba diving, rock climbing, and pictures of them traveling to various other countries.
I talked with several women, and most of them were pretty nice, but I only had a chance to talk to most of them by being forced to write something witty or quirky. Most of the girls couldn’t really make up their minds about what they wanted, and most of them seemed to not have enough time even for a relationship anyway.
Honestly, I just got sick of it. That whole scene is just a big show of what you want people to see, and not who you really are. I did eventually meet someone there, whom I’m friends with today. But after the initial time of my membership was up, I canceled.
To be fair I think most people would struggle to say what they want in a potential love interest, and struggle to make themselves seem attractive enough to cut through the noise too come to think of it.
My experience is a few years old but living in a small town when you go on match.com or any other dating site chances are you know the guys who are online. And you know that the profiles are exaggerations at best and out and out lies mostly. Turned me off to the whole concept. Fortunately for me I met my soul-mate the old fashioned way, at a dance. Good luck to you and don’t give up. That soul-mate I speak of, I met him when I was 53. Doesn’t help you much in the bio-time-clock area but should help in the never-too-late realm.
Haha this is hilarious! The beginning of your blog reminded me of the theme for my blog as well, seeing as we’re both about the same age Of “we’ll I’m getting older so I better get this done” attitude. Nice blog.
Funniest post ever!! The last time I saw on match someone wanted a family oriented girl but he had all sorts of party drunk pics…yeah…
You’ve lasted so much longer than I did, Lisa; two days was enough to tell me most guys on dating sites are the Fred Flintstone variety and they seem to see it as some sort of genie for conjuring up stepford wives. It’s almost as though you’re application isn’t even considered, much less read.
Reblogged this on aifelqueen's Blog and commented:
This is just sooo true! Lol cmon guys! Wake up! ;p
Love everything about this post. A sharp and funny reality check. Match.com guys, are you listening?
xoxo,
-E
Ah the mythical ‘perfect woman’ – into sports and beer and, and action movies, OOH and videogames and doing sex things without demanding them in return and is basically like a ‘dude’ with boobs and maybe occasionally she likes to go off and have sex with other girls.
And she doesn’t want to change you by making you shave your back or bathe or eat the occasional vegetable.
ONLY on MATCH DOT COM!!!
Happy hunting, there probably are some half decent men out there, but if I could make a suggestion, ladies? If he calls himself a ‘nice guy’ or similar, probably best to avoid – actual nice people don’t tend to need to advertise the fact.
Funny piece, but insightful. Neat trick.
Apologies for the patronising tone there?
This was a great read!
i had an online dating experience.. we went on a “video game date” and played video games.. when we talked on the phone they made it seem like they were so good at video games.. come to find out, i was better at them. That person didn’t seem to like that very much because i didn’t get a call back. lol..
I loved your post, and I just wanted to let you know I put a link to it on my featured blog page on my blog Virgin Rules. This post is a vivid description of online dating…with a lot more humor.
Online dating, it’s like the car accident you can’t look away from. I can hardly wait for your post about your first online “first date.”
My favorite online first date was also the sweetest first date experience of my life; he brought me flowers, got there early to make sure the restaurant could oblige my vegetarian diet and food allergies, and gifted me with about a dozen “You are so beautiful”‘s over the course of two hours.
Oh and there was that little uncovering of the mild detail he left out of his profile…said in a whisper…prison.
If I was on Match.com my profile would have hobbies like kitten rescues, adult poetry, furniture designer, bull riding, deep water wrestling, and professional model seeking! Seems like everyones profile is complete BS with some HS Glamour Shot photo. To me there is no substitute for looking into a woman’s eyes and discovering what she is about. I wanna hear your tone and see what makes you tick, you can be anyone online…that is scary! Nice post
Reblogged this on Grace Memoirs and commented:
Hilarious! Disheartening… but mostly hilarious!
this was fantastic – I laughed the entire way through! My ex husband has an account on there, and 90% of what he put is fake -including his photo!
Hilarious post…I got incredibly lucky with my guy, and this post definitely echoes what he and I have previously discussed: You have to make sacrifices for each other!
Met the love of my life on Yahoo.com 8 years ago. I was looking for someone tall and funny. He wasn’t looking for someone as young as I was — we have an 8-year age gap. However, we have been happily married now for 7 years. Stick to your personal prerequisites and the right man will come along.
You should see the matrimonial advertisements in Indian newspapers. They are as unrealistic and ambitious..
dear itchy,
i am an indian and i know what you mean…truly heartfelt and experienced on a first hand basis
moodsnmoments
They dream big and some of them can’t hardly handle a woman that is only 1% of this:)))))
It’s interesting with all of the time on their hands to zipline and travel the world that the first complaint I get when I won’t drop everything and meet them in 20 minutes is that I’m not spontaneous. I’ve come to realize that most men aren’t really spontaneous at all, it’s just that they have nothing to do at that moment. I like to remind them of their “spontaneous” nature when they tell me that they have other plans.
Very entertaining read,
Online dating, quite the handful.
Mikey
I laughed so hard… I need to get off of this computer and start work on becoming a super hero now…
I did laugh at this post, it’s nice to hear it coming from a woman’s point of view.
I hope you get lucky and find your man. Were not all that lame!
Reblogged this on Murph83's Blog and commented:
And THIS is why I have so long avoided the online dating world LOL
Great post. I recently tried online dating myself (wasn’t fun) I don’t get why people feel need to fill their info boxes with, apparently, compelling hobbies and interests. Do we walk in to bars and coffee shops wearing these labels? Do we know anything about the cute person we just spotted on the train? No. Let’s get back meeting our potential partners the old fashioned way.
http://roaredmag.co.uk
Over here every profile reads ‘relaxed, down to earth guy. Good looking, Love to laugh, hang out with my mates, enjoy a night in or out (well duh, what other options are there), a beer or a glass of red. Work out 5 days a week, fishing, camping, 4wding and not looking for one night stands’.
The reality? Married, overweight asshat looking for a piece on the side. Will jerk off while typing, will ask you to send naked pics, and will proposition you at least 5 times in the first 10 minutes – and then will act surprised when you delete them. Ahhhh – online dating rocks! Love your post. Great read.
I’m not on Match, but I signed up for another online site maybe two weeks ago. I’ve gotten 4 messages and they consisted of “Hi” and that’s it. I was a backpacking guide, I rock climb, I mountaineer, I camp, I can cook a bomb meal over a camp stove, or the coals of a fire… if it’s outdoors I want to be doing it. I’ve noticed the same things you have everyone says they want it and they do it, but do they really? Doesn’t seem like it. =]
Great post.
Hang in there! I have met some beautiful people on-line, it is a numbers game…like the wonderful man above with his leper comment, but look how many comments you have! Online dating is great entertainment for all! Maybe not while you are on the awkward date …but for days and years after!!!!
I can completely relate to this 100% I also live in NC and it cracks me up about the “standards” men have on these dating sites. Let alone find a guy who is decent, attractive, understanding, open minded, ect. So either I get hit on by the creeps who can’t spell or I intimidate the crap out of them. I wish you the best of luck dear, there are nice ones out there. I promise!
Wow … my friends and I all tried Match.com on a free weekend together…of the 5 of us I was the only one they “accepted” and considering this was a pay site I thought that was really odd… They said they didn’t feel they could find them matches partially because their expectations seemed unrealistic. We all ended up on OKCUPID and I linked up quickly with someone and moved on… they are still “looking”, but honestly I don’t see any of them putting up with someone else’s crap. I have spent over 38 years of my life already Married and know that real relationships take compromise. I did find a lot of the people on these sites are serial “daters” or looking more for hookups then relationships.
Out of curiosity, do you live near Fayetteville? Some of those guys sound like they’re stationed at Fort Bragg.
Kudos for the really funny post. Some of those guys sound like job ads I’ve read – let’s throw out everything I want and maybe I’ll get ten percent of it!
I started online dating when it first came out. I got divorced in 2000 and tried it shortly thereafter. Did it on and off until 2010 when I got into my current relationship. Let me tell you, sadly it hasn’t changed one iota. No one is honest with themselves on there. They post dreams not what they’d actually date. Great post.
I have a question. I posted a match profile and at the end of my paragraph, the very last sentence simply stated, “Google search Match.com scam blog” and the reviewers at Match refused to post the profile until I deleted that last sentence. Is the site a scam? Do they steal your money AFTER you have requested to cancel the membership? What’s going on here?
Reblogged this on Hollywood Pop Candy and commented:
One woman’s thoughts on arriving at 30 and the dating experience in 2013.
Hilarious post. It makes me glad that I am married. Good luck with the dating and congrats on being freshly pressed.
Loved your post. It’s a shame that people have to present themselves in such a false way, the pictures quite often aren’t current ones and for a “normal” woman, how could she possibly ever meet these fantastical guidelines? My last experience was from a gentleman (I use that word loosely) who courted me by email and phone and when we met…..he actually had the nerve to tell me that although I was intelligent, well dressed, etc., I was too fat for him. Then the one before that wanted to get a motel room…….so I have determined that life is beautiful with or without someone and have stopped searching and wasting my time looking for that needle in the haystack
Fab post, Lisa -
I think that there are many of us who are clearly going to be single for ever…!
Enjoy anyway -
Emma x.
I’m probably reiterating what others have said already, but I totally agree with you and have had this rant myself with many friends. I’m not saying women don’t do this either, but my experience is that generally men who are on online dating sites figure they might as well describe the absolute perfect vision of a woman because, why not, the internet is vast and she has to be out there somewhere, right?! Wrong. Full disclosure, I actually met my husband on OKCupid because I had given up on wasting money on online dating. I also gave up on reading profiles because hardly anyone would ever respond. So I let them come to me and then I’d decide whether or not to reply. Somehow I met a really nice guy who wanted a commitment, so it can happen, just make sure it is on your terms. Also, Match.com is sleazy and will do things to keep you coming back (like if you cancel your membership, suddenly you’ll have people viewing your profile and trying to communicate with you and when you re-up, no one is really there or interested).
Loved the article! Right now I’m on match.com and apparently I am a hideous creature instead of the average and quirky-looking girl I thought I was because no one who looks halfway decent hits on me, winks at me, or even emails me. I get the scrubs, thugs, men who are separated, multiple baby mama drama, and senior citizens. Then there are the annoying men who look at my profile more than once but never say anything. It’s so obvious they are rotating through profiles and have us women ranked and when option #1 does not reply to them, they go down the list to their 3rd choice and try to message me. When I notice that happening, I block them. I tried the free sites such as POF (accidentally ran into the ex-husband of a woman I used to hang out with) and OkCupid where I met a felon (tracked his mugshot down online). eHarmony looks promising but I’m going to take it slow and not get my hopes up. Maybe God has a ram in the bush for me and I will end up meeting someone in Real Time!
I haven’t been on any “Pay to Date” sites ever in my life but I HAVE been on some of the Free Dating sites. I’ve seen some of the profiles you mentioned and then I got messages like, “Hey!” just that, “Hey!” as if I should know where the conversation should go next. Granted, it’s a small minor complaint, but if you’re going to say hello to someone you have genuine interest in, you really aught to say more than just, “Hey baby” or something to that effect. It doesn’t help the first impression in my book, even if they “assume” you can simply look at there profile to find more to talk about.
I also didn’t see very many men or meet many that I found to be what I was looking for or wanted. I’m also not exactly your normal stereotype of anything so maybe that was working against me too, but either these men wanted me for my looks, sex or both. I got really tired of it and eventually left the dating sites for those reasons and because of Creepers (People who sent up Red Flags by saying something remotely Pedophile-ish or something else).
I would like to add that I am currently IN a very happy and mutually healthy relationship. How did that work? I was simply myself and I met him on a mutual interest forum that we had both frequented. I could tell within the first three days or so he was a little too smitten with me, but he was a good man so I let it slide. We were friends for 6 years total before I said, “I agree to being in a relationship with you, what say you?”.
That being said, I just want to post this comment as a reminder to people – you can find your ideal partner in the most unlikely of places you aren’t expecting to find them in the first place or even looking for them.
Also, desperation does not help your search. Just be you. Be happy with yourself and even the solitude you have and eventually love is going to find you, even you frumpy people who think you will find absolutely NO ONE.
Sorry to say – actually wait, no, I’m not sorry – you are wrong! There is, honest to my Gods, someone for everyone and I FIRMLY and wholeheartedly believe that. I know because I’ve had friends who were the same and are now in loving relationships or happily married.
So put that in your peace-pipe and SMOKE IT! *nods*
Totally agree with you Gwendolynn. Have one question that maybe someone can answer How come all the 4 guys who texted me on Match kept insisting on an email address or phone number.after 4 seconds. If they are paid members they can put their pics up on Match. That was one of the excuses..to mail me photos. They are so pushy even after you politely say that you don’t give out an email address right away.
My girlfriend was new on the site a few months ago , gave the guy her email, and he hacked her computer. That was also on Match..It very scary when they push and push and I laughed so hard as one called me “Babe” like you mention in your blog.
I think these guys are crazy, liars or too cheap to join. When I did a search while they were online texting me, their names did not come up. I don’t get it.
I loved this blog and I must say it’s 100% true. Unfortunately I must admit I’ve been online for some time. Probably started in my mid to late 30′s. I’m not hideous i’m an attractive female looking to find someone to share my life with. Lord let me tell youI could start a book with the ddisasters i’ve had on match and other online services. Yes I may be a glutton for punishment by coming back. I keep telling myslf that maybe someday there will be just one normal man out there who isnt lying to himself. My favorite is the guys who clearly have a beer gut and some extra weight on thier profiles state average. Me I know i’m not average but im not large stated a few exta pounds and felt guilty because I wasn’t sure if I should put curvy. However these guys so called “average” are looking to date skinny or active people. I’m like Seriosly? If I was skinny or active and saw thier body and seen they clearly mislabeled thier appearance I wouldnt give them the time of day. Starting with dishonesty right off the bat.
Anyway I had to smile knowing that i’m not the only one in this dating hell with a bunch of men that are not sure what reality is. Its too bad.
Good luck on your search.
Thanks on the warning also I plan on transplanting down to the Carolina area. I was hoping the dating scene would be better. Ouch..40s are not better.
Hi Shannon- If you wrote a book about your experiences on those sites, I bet it would be a best seller. I’m a newbie and I have one question. I was informed to only email and chat thru the dating site, but aren’t women afriad of giving their telephone number or private email address o a complete stranger? Is there an average amount of time for that to take place? I’m a senior and I’d be scared to give email or number right away. With all the reverse data bases anyone can find out where you live.. Do you know of the way most women handle that situation?
Thanks for any advice. I’m totally lost in this dating realm. Thanks so much.
I have to leave a reply. I have never signed up for a dating site until today. I’m 41, a financial analyst, and have travelled the world. I love to scuba dive, went to Roatan last year for 11 days, but did it alone with friends only wishing I was with someone with the same propensities…but no. Yes, I’m skeptical, for sure, but I want to find someone in the maze of life, so I have to throw myself out there..I just have some sort of faith in humanity that ill find someone if I reach out… Yes, I’ve read some horror stories, but there’s got to be someone if you keep throwing yourself out there. I’ll never know if I don’t try
Lisa, I feel your pain. I joined Match.com about a week ago. It seems that I have attracted every man working with the same construction company in Africa. Although, they all state they live in the US normally, but their language skills betray what they are stating. Two of them, both lost their wives 5 years ago. I normally wouldn’t think that so strange, if their names were close to being the same, and their locations the same as well. It’s been a little freaky so far. I don’t know if I will continue or not. Oh, by the way, I am also in NC. Good Luck to you though!
Lisa–you are hilarious and you have it absolutely right!! I’ve never met so many men misrepresenting themselves as I did when I was on Match!! What I particularly loved, after reading how I would need to be ‘slender, attractive, adventurerous’, athletic’, etc., etc.,, was looking at guys’ photos, only to see at least a 30 lb beer belly, poured into a dirty (formerly white) T-shirt looking like a big loser!! It got to be so funny! Even with this, the most annoying part was what Vikki wrote about–foreign scammers who constantly hit you up–they were nearly always 1) widowed, 2) had a salary range of $150,000+, 3) had a ‘graduate degree’, yet (oddly) worked in “Labor & Construction”. Huh? How many men with graduate degrees work in construction? I suppose there could be some but not to the level that I found. All in all, Match couldn’t pay me to be on their site again. Complete waste of time and money!
Wow, I have been in match for 10 days now. I can already confirmed that the mans that are serious about finding a “Match” are also going true the same issues, 90% for the woman profile I have read, and I have read more then 200 of them, are all saying the same things that mean nothing at all…”I need my man to be funny, to make me laugh, to be funny…ho and did I say he need to be funny”….Dam make me feel as if I need to be a standup comedian or something. I can also confirm the high number of scamer is also present in the form of fake woman account to try to scame you. The funny thing is that my profile is very detailed about myself since I know who I am. But all I say about the looking for is that I would like to have “Some” interest in common…and thats it. no more no less. Sadly I have had no reply from any of the woman I have contected…and I did contact only a small few because it is hard to find a profile where the woman spell out what she is realy into. Yet no reply but it is a bit early. Still I was glad to find that site and will probably not renew my account after the 3 month. I was glad to ear that an other Geek posted on this site that he did managed to find a good match online, it help to know that despite all that chaose there are still nice woman in there.
Look, no offense to you or anyone else to whom this reply may apply; but you should work on being consistent with spelling and grammar. It’s a textual (and visual – photos) medium, and if you can’t master communication via that medium, you’re probably in trouble unless you’re a super model millionaire (man or woman).
It’s very important to use spell check and not to come across as an idiot. I’m sorry, but adhering to those very simple rules does not entail “lying” – such as lying about one’s age.
Everything you say is true until you meet them. Those that actually are this active are usually to busy to date in a way that leads to anything. The others are remembering how they used to be and hoping they can capture this illusive girl and she will bring it back out in him. There are real guys though, I got one and am very happy. I learned not to settle on the important things (who he is) and compromise on the others…I prefer very tall men…he’s not but he’s amazing!
You wrapped up all my sentiments in one succinct post. You’re my new hero. I actually considered starting a blog about all of my online dating experience, but I think that could get messy. Anyway, kuddos to you, Lisa.
I have been recently thinking about joining match.com and I never in a million years thought I’d say that. I have always had dating issues and what I think is just bad luck in general when it comes to meeting “Mr. Right” sometimes I reflect back on dates I’ve been on and past relationships and think maybe its me!? But then I think of the jerky thing each of these guys did and what ended the relationship. For instance, one guy I had been dating for about 2 months. Not a long, long time but long enough to feel like we’re dating at least. New Year’s Eve comes and this guy doesn’t invite me out with him! What the heck? I mean come on, that would PO any girl, right? Any it’s not just the cute guys that end up being total jerks for no reason. I decided to not be so superficial and give this out of shape, not at all cute guy from my office my number. He ended up being the biggest jerk I’ve ever met! Texting me creepy stuff about giving me messages and how I made him feel in his pants lol, and this was right off the bat!
The thing that honestly makes it so hard for me to believe there are any good, single guys anywhere in the planet is I get checked out, flirted with and given free stuff every day. YET I never get asked for my phone number except from weirdos. It feels hopeless.
I think that something like match.com is a good idea because generally normal people aren’t gonna just approach each other and exchange phone numbers out of nowhere. But then again it gives weirdos place to lie and try to attract women out of their league lol. Idk I’m still confused?
So funny and sadly true (and sure it can go both ways) I just joined match.com at 47 yrs old. I waited a few days to get my nerve up to have 1st instant chat, and it went badly. Photos are important, you have to like what you see, but why don’t they READ the profile before they contact. I have been contacted about 200 times in 1 week based on my face shot only. The 1st instant chat told me I was too heavy for him after he saw more photos. My profile is honest, I say I am average in size and I don’t lie about my athletic abilities or interests. After that shock comment (I am not over weight by any standard), I did go to his, and yes, he workouts 5 times a week, wants athletic woman etc. So why bother contacting me? Why are men in California contacting women in eastern Canada? Why are NO WAY smokers contacting TRYING TO QUIT then saying try again after you quit? I have also found a lot of men leave out what they are looking for, which I mistakenly took as they are open minded, but quickly found out it means they are fishing for the most contacts. So far the basis of my experience tells me that the majority are not looking for a relationship as they can’t take the time to read the profile. There are dedicated sites for bed buddies, stay out of the ones that are looking for more. That said, I am old enough to laugh at life experiences, and intelligent enough to learn from them.
Well said. Insightful analysis about the men who are not looking for a relationship, and instead “fishing for the most contacts”
Sounds like you’re being contacted by straight up idiots or scammers. If they aren’t within reasonable geographic reach of you, move on. That’s the “white knight” tale in full effect. I’ve personally been affected by scams moving the other way (Canadian asshats contacting American senior citizens with lottery win claims – my grandmother), so be warned. Also, you may end up having to move to find love.
My honest take after having been on match.com, OKCupid, POF, eHarmony, etc.:
If you’re a female having trouble finding “suitable” bachelors, your standards are out of synch with your physical attractiveness and attitude about life.
If you’re a male having trouble finding “suitable” ladies, your standards are out of synch with your objective physical attractiveness and attitude about life.
Or, you just live in a shitty town. Move.
AWESOME! LOL So true. these days you don’t even need to leave your couch. You can have a relationship via email and instant message! You never have to take her/he out to dinner, take a shower, dress up, commit, communicate etc. I wondered what would happen if for one month everyone just turned the cell phone off, the laptop etc. You would have to venture out and do something about your own life. We’re in big trouble.
Omg! You practically wrote me every thought
110% true…
I know a lot of people say stuff like oh you can’t find a guy because your standards are too high, you just won’t give guys a chance. Not true! I just want a normal guy that treats me with respect and that is reliable. Is this too much to ask?! He doesn’t have to be a 10 I just have to find him cute in some way. Obviously you can’t date someone that you find completely revolting. He doesn’t have to be a millionaire, he just needs a job, his own car (I’m not a driver) oh yeah and not live his mommy..on to my point. Some guy at work asked me for my number. This guy was not my type AT ALL. Yet I thought this guy seems nice and would probably appreciate being with me. Not true, he ended up being worse then the good looking guys I’ve dated. We didn’t even get to a first date because he started saying very weird sexual things to me via text. When I made it clear that I wasn’t into it he got nasty…tried match a week ago. I very quickly got sick of the winks, emails and so on. It was pretty disappointing that there were really no guys out of the hundreds that contacted me that I was really excited about.
Now I have never been a gold digger. I think my choice of men in the past would prove that in a second. However, I’m sick of the class-less men I always seem to attract and decided to sign up for some millionaire dating website lol. Not so much to meet millionaires but to meet guys with their own stuff and that actually have manners. It’s way different then match or any other sites because not just anyone (male or female) can join. The replies I’ve received haven’t been as flirty or weird in general, so we’ll see what happens. I kinda like the fact that I’m not bombarded with a million replies. It’s much less then that. I’m guess that because they have a lot less people.
I like the article, but remember, if you replaced every instance of the word ‘guy’ with the word ‘girl’, you’d have the experience I’ve seen. All the same descriptions, but its the girls who write all that junk. They want something they’ll never find, and won’t give a chance to anything less.
Sounds about right. All the guys droned through endless gal profiles that look. just. like. that….and voila!
Online dating is super duper tough. You really have to have luck. My friend joined a dating site and within one month met his future wife while I’ve been on for ages on all of them and have had no luck. So it’s a numbers game and it could happen in a month or after years of online dating. Oh and I think Match is the more classy serious of all the dating sites. I was on POF and all the low life hood rat very low self esteem people on there. Every girl thinks they are Kim Kardashian and every guy thinks he’s Pauly from Jersey Shore. OKcupid if you are not a hipster, in a band,a game developer, or creative type you wont have much luck. Just my two cents
Holy crap you have written exactly in words what I have been thinking for the last 6 months of my Internet dating career. And if you think it’s bad at 30, wait until you get to 38 where not only do the men want all the qualities you listed above they want it in a woman 5-10 yrs younger than their middle aged ness. Never have I seen such bloated personalities. Lol. I live in the Midwest and for some reason every guy seems to spend their time skiing and snowboarding. Where I don’t know considering we don’t get much snow nor are there any mountains. Lol!
Good luck to you!
It’s worse if you’re newly divorced and decide to go on Match. Pickings are slim and the one person I met and said no to us now sending me emails badgering me on why I said no.
I’m kind of noticing a pattern in these replies lol. I spent a little time on Match and think I have a pretty good idea of what the main problem is with this site in particular. Most of the men on this site are unattractive, broke older men looking for younger women. They know with their lack of charm/looks/money they could never just pick one up in real life. This gives them an outlet to try and convince a beautiful younger woman to at least go on one date for them.
Don’t get me wrong, there are a few decent catches on match (literally a few)
There are other sites besides match, such as sites just for people over 40.
Trust me its all older men trying to get some young lovin lol
Ironically, I am a very active woman, aged 31. I ski and hike with our local outdoor club, play competitive soccer, and have been on several adventure travel trips. Whenever I am on a date with a so-called outdoorsy guy, I discover he’s actually only hiked twice in his life and “aspires” to be an adventure traveller
Lisa, your post made me LAUGH UNTIL MY TUMMY HURT!!!! There’s nothing more i could say, you pretty much covered EVERY aspect a female on match can encounter and my favorite was about your comments to the men’s requests that a woman is “willing try everything” and that she “takes care of herself”. You are totally right, apparently all guys are great on zip lines! I love you girl! You just made my day, I really needed a good laugh today!!
Here is my profile (created after finding match.com is a scam)
I liked your picture because I have good taste and high standards; I am not looking for someone special or marriage. Joined match.com cause I was bored in my hotel room on vacation in Florida and found another supposed good dating site not so great. All you will get from me is conversation; I enjoy my life and have no intention of changing yours. In fact I won’t even meet you probably because we both got better things to do. I have met a few good people here but I have to train them to stop asking me questions since this is not the dating game for me. I just like good conversation. Where I live (San Pedro, CA) there are more gold diggers telling you what you want to hear than panhandlers. As a result of such encounters on the road to just wanting to talk to a pretty face now and then, I have become brutally honest. Most women want to be lied to and there are plenty of confidence men in LA to ruin your life. I live on the waterfront and do a guy’s blue collar job which I love more than any woman so deal with honesty if you want to win the game with others. Only you can make you happy (that is my perspective as a man in high demand).
The internet is an evil place to look for love but what else is there to do at night sometimes when you are not working out. Be careful.
Be wary of false profiles and people who seem too good to be true. You are safe with me because I won’t meet you other than on the internet no matter how drop dead gorgeous you are. I live in LA; I can find dates on my own walking down the streets. Well lets see if the match.com folks approves this blast of honesty.
Did you have any luck with the Match. Right now I’m soo ticked that I paid them money to join a website that seems to be filled with guys that are not on my level intellectually. I’m so dissapointed.
My two cents: What is amazing about match.com is they seem to be a welcome wagon for international criminals (like our federal government ahem) to prey upon well meaning women.
My profile is brutally honest because it seems to get rid of the match.com false profiles thrown at us “desperate” men. The side affect I notice is the pretty young women who tell the whole world their story and give photos that could be exploited block my profile after getting a compliment after reading the compliment came from an honest dude with a dirty job in the port. Had I misrepresented myself as the silver haired lincoln towncar guy from Palms Springs then I would of had a fish on the line. I regret signing up to match.com and now use it to taunt the profile editors by saying absolutely miserable things. I spent $120 to have a new chessgame with manipulators who actually edit and remove statements in my profile that are not harmful (like I won’t ask you to go to yahoo chat). Ladies I think it is safet to meet people at Barnes & Noble or Starbucks in a high end neighborhood than on match.com. It seems that match.com preys on our desire to believe that it has the seal of good housekeeping. I feel scammed but I deserved it because I was just looking to hook up and did not even read the domain name (“match.com” ie your dreamboat has arrived). Serves me right to look for lust on the interet. Oops too honest again (shame on me for being real). I met one heavy set nurse who wanted to meet me but…..I would rather go back to my ex in Mexico City first.
Normal Guy in San Pedro
Match is a total joke. All the stupid winks, emails and picture likes wear thin pretty quickly. Most of the interest I got we’re either from repulsive, just plain unattractive men (most of which with huge egos) or the typical jock, good looking d-bag type that you know is getting attention from every woman on there. No normal semi-attractive man that I could see myself dating.
My god, this the funniest article on match.com I’ve read. No doubt guys are conflating match.com with masturbation_fantasy.com…..
I recently connected with a “jem” on okcupid. He wanted the first date to be at 11:30pm!