SportCenter’s guide to golf coverage: all things Tiger, all the motherfucking time

ESPN isn’t a division of TMZ, but some days they might as well be.

ESPN-golfI was just watching SportsCenter as I ate dinner. After telling us the good news and the bad news about today’s Lakers/Thunder game (good news: OKC lost; bad news: LA won) co-host Matt Barrie turned to the weekend’s big golf tournament, the Doral. Obviously, the dictates of big time sports journalism meant that he led with the winner guy who tied for 25th.

And it wasn’t just that they chose to tell us about why Tiger Woods didn’t win first. I put a stopwatch on them: it was 1:50 before they so much as mentioned anyone other than him. A minute. And fifty … motherfucking … seconds.

After they grudgingly talked about somebody other than Tiger for a few seconds, they went back and talked about him for a couple more minutes.I’d have to time the whole show to be sure, but my guess is that they devoted 7-8% of the entire broadcast to the guy who barely nudged out Graham Delaet.

It’s not just the TV show, either. ESPN.com has two stories up on the site. The first one is Tiger and the second is about the guy who, you know, actually won.

Those of you in school studying sports journalism (one of my favorite oxymorons, by the way, right up there with “broadcast journalism” and “Justice Thomas”), heads up. Your final exams this semester might contain the following question:

Q: You’re reporting on the outcome of the weekend’s golf tournament. What do you lead with?

The correct answer is:

If Tiger Woods won, lead with that.

If Tiger Woods didn’t win, lead with that.

If Tiger Woods finished last, lead with that.

If Tiger Woods agreed to Grand Marshal the 2015 Tournament of Hookers Parade, lead with that.

If Tiger Woods didn’t enter the tournament, lead with that.

Dear Mothership: Tiger Woods is done. I explained the psychological issues in 2010 and there’s nothing about Achilles, neck, back and knee injuries that tips the equation in his favor. He may win more tournaments, but the days when his on-course performance merits this kind of schoolgirl fawning are over. Have been for quite some time. Come on – he hasn’t won a major since George Fucking Bush was president.

I leave you with three concluding thoughts:

1) Please, ESPN, cover sports for a change.

2) This is from Matt Barrie’s bio on ESPN.com: “Barrie is a 2001 graduate from Arizona State University with a B.A. in broadcast Journalism form ASU’s Walter Cronkite School of Journalism.” No, the typo is theirs, not mine. And yes, I’m proud of myself for being able to work the word “Cronkite” into this post. I’m a sucker for irony.

3) Say what? Who won the tournament? I can’t imagine why it matters, but it was some guy named Patrick Reed.

2 comments on “SportCenter’s guide to golf coverage: all things Tiger, all the motherfucking time

  1. What’s your point?

    Why would they talk about Patrick Reed?

    Hmmmm….any chance Tim Tebow was home watching? We could talk about him.

  2. Pingback: Why Tiger Woods will never win another major | Scholars and Rogues | Progressive Culture

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