The following is a dramatization, brought to you by the Mighty Scholar All-Star Rogue Players. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental.

The scene: a kitchen. Man reading paper. Wife preparing breakfast.

Narrator: What to do, what to do?

Imagine that you’re a former executive with one of the nation’s largest coal producers and that the company faces around $2.4 billion in federal fines.

Imagine that all these threatened fines result from “more than 4,000 alleged environmental violations in the past six years.”

Imagine that you were “the company’s chief operating officer from 2001 to 2003” and that you still work “as an independent contractor for the company.”

And imagine that you’re looking for a new full-time gig. But with these kinds of hits on your résumé, what kind of job do you realistically think you’re going to be able to land? Seriously?

Ah – here’s something: Assistant Secretary for Fossil Energy at the Department of Energy!

Man: “Honey, do you think I’m qualified for this one?”

Wife: “Why sure you are, dear. You have lots of experience in coal, right?”

Man: “That’s true, Sweetums. Maybe we will be able to buy Little Johnny that chainsaw he wants for Christmas, after all!”

Newspaper spins in.

Headline: Bush energy nominee worked for company with record of safety, environmental violations

Cutline:

The White House, which made the nomination last week, defended its decision, citing Suboleski’s expertise in coal.”

He has decades of experience in the energy sector, serving in a number of private and public roles,” White House spokesman Blair Jones said.

Narrator: Yes, Virginia – there is a Santa Claus…

Curtain.

Thx to Rho Holden for passing this item on.