Franklin: God bless you, my son. Fear not. The Lord is with you. Donald: I don’t go to church much. Franklin: Maybe it’s time you start. Donald: I’m just so tired on […]
Donald meets Franklin Graham
Donald meets Merrick Garland
Donald: I need you on the Supreme Court. Merrick: Impossible. Congress won’t approve it. Donald: Not even to preserve the separation of powers? Merrick: You’ve seen how they act. Moderate Republicans are […]
Donald concedes to Hillary Clinton
Donald: Is this a secure line? Hillary: Yes. I take security very seriously these days. Donald: Somehow my words keep showing up on the internet. There’s a guy who writes my exact […]
Donald meets Tulsi Gabbard
Tulsi: Let’s talk about the radical left. Donald: Yes. Let’s. Tulsi: As you know, the radical right, which was so successful in electing you, recently suffered a major setback. We traded thousands […]
Donald fires Mike Pompeo
Donald: I have three questions. First, do you want to torture people? Mike: Yes. Donald: Second, do you require access to information about CIA personnel? Mike: Naturally. Donald: Third, do you know […]
Donald meets John Allison
John: I’d like to talk to you about gold. Donald: Love gold. I have a ton of it. Literally a ton. US gold dollars, British sovereigns, I even have some Roman gold. […]
Donald meets Bill Gates
Bill: Windows is wide open. Pretty much every government computer is wide open. Donald: What do you mean? Bill: I mean all the security updates are approved at the highest levels, so […]
Donald Meets Rudy Giuliani
Rudy: Mitt says you’re thinking of going straight. Donald: You got a problem with that? Rudy: You need to be more worried about yourself, gabron. You work for me. I work for […]
Donald meets Mitt Romney
Mitt: There’s a word in Chinese. I don’t know if you’re familiar with it. Shuāngyíng. It means “both win.” It’s a business philosophy. I’ve found great success following this principle. Donald: I invented […]
Donald Meets President Obama
President: We need to talk about China. Donald: Love China. Love the Chinese. President: They’re taking over the world. Donald: Don’t I know it. Everything is made in China. President: They’re tampering […]
