Conversation at the recent dinner party thrown by conservative pundit George Will for Barack Obama may remain shrouded in secrecy. But one thing will not: the menu. And there was no shortage of food. An anonymous source leaked the detailed catered menu to The Wounded-Courier today. (Other conservative pundits in attendance included William Kristol, David Brooks, Charles Krauthammer, Larry Kudlow, Paul Gigot, Peggy Noonan, Michael Barone and Rich Lowry.) Here is what was served:
After days of leaks coming from the Obama transition team, the President-elect has reportedly decided to go the path of least resistance, embracing the enlarged prostate flow of chatter with the new cabinet position of Leakmaster General.
Former Clinton administration officials involved in the transition, who declined to give their names because “that would kind of spoil a leak,” say the Leakmaster General’s duties will be to deliver all leaks, however nonsensical, through a central command — the Office of Leaks, Gossip and Utter Horseshit (OLGUH).
As the majority of Americans continue to bask in the glow of Barack Obama’s landslide victory on Tuesday, comedians nationwide have suddenly fallen on hard times. Some literally.
Widespread reports of comedians leaping from windows on Election Night have received little attention in the press. Some historians are likening the turn of events to the stock market crash of 1929. But Freddy Roman, Dean of the legendary New York Friar’s Club, called it “worse, much worse, mayo on corn beef bad.”
Trailing in both national and state polls with Election Day drawing near, John McCain’s campaign announced this morning that legendary prop-comic Gallagher — famed for smashing produce, especially watermelons, with a sledgehammer — will take over strategy and messaging from Karl Rove disciple Steve Schmidt. It’s a major shakeup in a campaign already known for embracing the unconventional.
Tactic: Dress a small band of Alaskan National Guard troops in Russian military attire and stage an invasion of the Alaskan border, sending the rest of Alaskan National Guard troops, on Palin’s orders, to successfully capture or kill the “Russian invaders.”
Strategy: Ends questions about Palin’s national security credentials.
On the heels of news that millions of American flags are actually imported from China, Republican presidential nominee John McCain addressed the issue this Fourth of July morning outside a flag factory in Fredericksburg, Virginia.
“All options must be on the table to deal with China’s infiltration of our flag market,” McCain said to a cheering and U.S.-made flag-waving crowd. “If we find that China manufactured and sold us these millions of American flags intentionally and for the purpose of tainting our great country in any way, we might have no other option than to bomb these Chinese flag production sites and trade routes, their business associates, and their friends and family.”
After critics questioned the appropriateness of John McCain’s chief strategist, Charlie Black, saying a terrorist attack on American soil would benefit his candidate, yesterday Black took that notion one step farther.
Appearing on Today, Black told co-host Matt Lauer, “With Wednesday’s Quinnipiac University poll showing Senator Obama leading in Pennsylvania, Ohio and Florida, we’ve redoubled our efforts regarding terror attacks here at home, from mere wishful thinking to targeted planning.”
In response to charges that John McCain’s presidency would amount to a third term for George W. Bush, the McCain campaign debuted a new website today, NameIsMcCainNotMcSame.com.
The homepage explains, “Though John McCain does agree with President Bush on the necessity of the war in Iraq and staying there to get the job done, seeking to overturn Roe v. Wade, immunity for telecom companies’ illegal wiretapping, not speaking with our enemies, offshore drilling, limiting legal rights of detainees, targeting Iran for attack, school vouchers, banning same-sex marriages, opposing increased education benefits for veterans, making current tax cuts permanent, the economy, healthcare, expanding genetically modified food production, and eliminating habeas corpus, or that he voted 95% of the time with the president in 2007 and 100% of the time in 2008, Senator McCain differs greatly with President Bush on a wide variety of issues.”
The site goes on to list many of their divergent stances:
Though the media did report this week that rap mogul P. Diddy changed his name back to Puff Daddy, its coverage was far too limited for such a newsworthy event.
To be fair, it was a heady news week. And we do commend the media for tackling the other stories that affect Americans and the world most: a pig wearing boots, foreigners trying to buy Budweiser’s brewer, Hulk Hogan’s wife dating a 19-year-old , a federal judge caught posting sexually explicit photos on his website, the sighting of a one-horned deer, how Preparation H shrinks love handles, why NYC is seeking more visas for hot foreign models, a pregnant male sea dragon, the scourge of “momnesia”, an eight-limbed girl, scientists gone wild, and the groundbreaking study that found women in bikinis make men more impulsive.