CATEGORY: Sports

It’s time baseball players were allowed to carry guns on the field

CATEGORY: SportsYesterday, the second best pitcher on the LA Dodgers, Zack Greinke, had his collarbone broken by an out-of-control Carlos Quentin.

If Greinke had only had a right to carry a gun in the workplace, this all could have been avoided. He was denied that right because of an aggressive anti-Second Amendment stance by Major League Baseball.

Zack Greinke, who is white, is an outstanding pitcher and former all-star, having won the Cy Young in 2009 and this year having signed a six year contract worth $147 million with the Dodgers. (That’s about $5,000 per pitch.) Mr. Quentin, who makes roughly 1/3 of what Mr. Greinke makes and is of Hispanic descent, has a habit of stepping in front of pitches. In this case, after being hit he charged the mound and viciously slammed into Greinke, breaking his non-throwing shoulder. Both dugouts immediately emptied. Greinke is out for at least eight weeks, although there is no timetable on how long it will take him to fully recover, if ever. This represents a loss of roughly $5 million dollars for the Dodgers and two to three wins.

If Greinke had been armed with a handgun, even a small one, this likely would not have happened. He was not, even though everyone else in Dodger Stadium probably was, because of an antiquated and unreasonable ban on such weapons by MLB.

Guns have proven to be a useful deterrent to violence in other sports. In the NBA, when Gilbert Arenas of the Washington Wizards (formerly the Bullets) refused to pay a gambling debt and pulled four guns on fellow player Javaris Crittenton, Crittenton was able to defuse the situation by pulling a gun of his own from his locker. However, the NBA, like MLB, has an aggressive anti-gun stance and suspended Crittenton, later releasing him. He continues to be hounded even today, as he was arrested last week by the FBI and charged with 12 counts, including murder, stemming from a pre-emptive self-defense situation in Atlanta. Mr. Crittenton attended Georgia Tech and is a member of numerous charitable and social organizations, including the Crips.

It’s time for professional sports to join the 21st century. There’s ample proof that guns prevent crime and guns in the workplace save lives. It’s time to give professional baseball players the same rights as policemen, airline pilots and kindergarten teachers.

OMG! Moov deerz!

This has to be a prank call, right? I mean, NOBODY is this stupid, are they?

If it’s real, have this woman call me. There are SO MANY things I want to ask her about.

Thx to TheChive and hat tip to Rho and Terry for bringing this to our attention….

NFL announces new fan promotion: YOU make the call. In the Super Bowl!

In an attempt to quell growing fan unrest over the job being done by its replacement officials, the NFL today announced a new promotion it expects to increase public engagement with the national pastime. Commissioner Roger Goodell says the YOU MAKE THE CALL! contest will randomly select nine lucky fans to officiate Super Bowl XLVII in New Orleans.

The contest hearkens back to the old You Make the Call series, where the TV audience was presented with an actual game situation and asked to decide the correct call. Continue reading

I guess it's #WTF Thursday

I wake up, log in, and see this headline in my news ‘gator:

Suspect in Yuma County double slaying was aspiring comic, necromancer

Then our boy Frank Balsinger turns up with this bit of lunacy:

Ku Klux Klan protests Westboro Baptist Church

No, seriously. Watch. Continue reading

Beyond manscaping: age-defying lift!

By Patrick Vecchio

I was walking through our mall’s major department store the other day on my way to the men’s section. Repeat: the men’s section. I don’t think they’ll even let a guy into the section if he’s into manscaping. So—did I mention I was on my way to the men’s section?

To get there, I had to walk through the women’s section. I was passing through with my eyes fixed straight ahead, a determined look on my face so if anyone saw me in the women’s section, he or she would say, “That man is on his way to the men’s section. Look at his collar. Look at all the hair coming out from under it. He’s probably got more hair on his chest than a sheep has wool. Continue reading

Dear officer: it isn't my fault that Coloradans drive like dicks

To: The Broomfield, CO Police Officer Who Pulled Me Over the Other Night
From: Sam Smith
Re: Goddamned Colorado Drivers

To begin with, sir (I’m sorry that I didn’t catch your name while we were exchanging pleasantries, and my regards to your family, by the way), I’d like to thank you for only giving me a warning. I realize that you could have written me a citation, as I was clearly guilty of making a lane change without signaling. Twice. I would like to explain myself, however, by way of an observation or two about the state of driving (and manners) in Colorado, a beautiful place that confers motor vehicle operating privileges on any self-involved, belligerent jackhat who can schlep him or herself into a DMV office. Continue reading

Nota Bene #122: OWStanding

“When I lie on the beach there naked, which I do sometimes, and I feel the wind coming over me and I see the stars up above and I am looking into this very deep, indescribable night, it is something that escapes my vocabulary to describe. Then I think: ‘God, I have no importance. Whatever I do or don’t do, or what anybody does, is not more important than the grains of sand that I am lying on, or the coconut that I am using for my pillow.'” Who said it? Continue reading

Nota Bene #120: Crazy Ivan

“If you can make a woman laugh, you’re seeing the most beautiful thing on God’s earth.” Who said it? Continue reading

Fuckem's Razor and the solution to the climate question

I’ve been thinking about how modern society explains various phenomena, everything from simple everyday questions to the grand complexities that vex the lay thinker’s ability to make sense of a confusing world. More and more, it’s become clear that we’re relying on Fuckem’s Razor, the little-known Medieval principle of implausibility. I’d like to take a moment to explain this theory for those who haven’t encountered it before.

Wait, you say – don’t you mean Occam’s Razor?

No, but thanks for raising that. Occam’s Razor, in Newton’s formulation, says that “We are to admit no more causes of natural things than such as are both true and sufficient to explain their appearances.” Put more directly, this means that when trying to understand things, the simplest explanation is usually the right one. Occam’s Razor is credited to 14th century logician and Franciscan friar William of Ockham. Continue reading

Nota Bene #119: Think! It Ain't Illegal Yet

“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” Who said it? Continue reading

On Richard Pryor: It was something he said

Richard PryorThe great medieval poet Geoffrey Chaucer created timeless characters in his Canterbury Tales; archetypal personalities such as the Wife of Bath and the Miller endure to this day. Through them Chaucer could readily celebrate, criticize and satirize different aspects of the society of his time. Additionally, Chaucer, as a public servant and man of the people, preserved a vernacular that may otherwise have been lost.

The late Richard Pryor, often hailed as the greatest comic to ever take the stage, is the American Chaucer. A master storyteller in the grand tradition of West African griots, fired by passion and pain, possessed of keen insight, he was also a brilliant impersonator with amazing range, an intuitive actor who never got his due, a social critic, a writer, a folklorist, a philosopher, and, most importantly, one funny motherfucker… Continue reading

Capitalism, raw and bloody

by Terry Hargrove

I took my family to the aquarium in Mystic last week, because it was Presidents’ Day. I’m lying. I took them because I like the aquarium. True, the price of admission is steep, the fish all look small and terrified, and the over-priced food isn’t very good, but we enjoy the beluga whales, and I can‘t look at penguins without cracking up. A penguin is Nature’s stand-up comic. But at the end of the day, I had to balance the joy of penguins by facing the horror of the gift shop.

“Dad? Can I have this stuffed shark?” Joey asked.

“No,” I said. “How much does it cost?”

“Only $44.95,” he said.

“Oh. Then I’ll change my answer. From no to Hell No.” Continue reading

Nota Bene #118: VOTE!

“I am not fit for this office and should never have been here.” Who said it? Continue reading

Nota Bene #117: Wake Up!

“Hollywood is so crooked that Mafia gangsters are entirely outclassed and don’t stand a chance. People in Hollywood are smarter. They have more sophisticated knowledge of money and deals and how to steal legally rather than illegally.” Who said it? Continue reading

Nota Bene #115: RIP No. 32

“If you’re really pro-life, do me a favor—don’t lock arms and block medical clinics. If you’re so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.” Who said it? Continue reading

Nota Bene #114: Big Star

“The radio makes hideous sounds.” Who said it? Continue reading