Ivanka Trump, because when I need to ensure that government emails are being sent securely, I turn to the failed handbag-designing bubble-headed dilettante socialite pariah daughter whose vulgar pig father wants to […]

Seriously, if the loudmouth drunk at the end of the bar started yammering on about how he would have gotten bin Laden sooner, you’d be all ‘shut the fuck up, Tommy’ and […]

“Rake the forest floor” is the brain-vomit of a mediocre man who misremembers something he once half-heard and never fully understood at the time but now considers himself an expert on the […]

If I buy two boxes of cereal, can I vote twice or do I need to change my shirt first? These voter ID laws are very confusing. Your Daily Devotional is a […]

Call me sentimental, but I think it’s nice that Trump is sticking up for the green-card Slovenian trophy wife who married him for his money, recoils at his touch, never smiles in […]

Melania Trump calls for the ouster of a top national security aide and then returns to her day job: sitting in her room and waiting for Donald to die. Your Daily Devotional […]

It’s hard to forget that the president is a fucking moron when he insists on reminding us a dozen times a day. Your Daily Devotional is a lightly-edited entry from my Twitter […]

I’m thinking that the fragile dipshit who wouldn’t honor fallen soldiers because he didn’t want to get rain on that rat’s nest of who the fuck even knows what on top of […]

Holy fucking shit can we just wrap Ruth Bader Ginsburg in bubble wrap and carry her around in a sedan chair for the next two or more years because she is currently […]

Weird how that caravan of leprosy-infected criminals from Central America hell-bent on invading us just up and vanished into thin air the day after the election, what’s up with that. Your Daily […]