“So tell me, where do you see yourself in five years?” “Calmly walking away from explosions.” Your Daily Devotional is a lightly-edited entry from my Twitter feed. Follow me at @jefftiedrich

America, the land of opportunity, where any child named Bush or Clinton can grow up to be president. Your Daily Devotional is a lightly-edited entry from my Twitter feed. Follow me at […]

Never put off until tomorrow that which you can put off forever. Your Daily Devotional is a lightly-edited entry from my Twitter feed. Follow me at @jefftiedrich

Ask your doctor if emotionally dead on the inside is right for you. Your Daily Devotional is a lightly-edited entry from my Twitter feed. Follow me at @jefftiedrich

How to fold a fitted sheet: 1. Roughly ball the sheet up 2. Stuff the balled-up sheet into the linen closet 3. Go do anything else Your Daily Devotional is a lightly-edited […]

“Come on, let’s give 110% out there today!” — a sure sign you’ve hired the wrong math tutor Your Daily Devotional is a lightly-edited entry from my Twitter feed. Follow me at […]

I promise you that my next app will be a hit: Psychotic Birds. They’re attacking the pigs because the voices in their heads tell them to. Your Daily Devotional is a lightly-edited […]

“Four whores and seven beers ago…” “[sigh] Mr. Sheen, can you just read the words as they appear in your script?” Your Daily Devotional is a lightly-edited entry from my Twitter feed. […]

A special message to young people everywhere, so vibrant, so hopeful, so full of dreams, with their whole lives in front of them: fuck you. Your Daily Devotional is a lightly-edited entry […]

The scariest thing I can imagine being for Halloween is my own thoughts. Your Daily Devotional is a lightly-edited entry from my Twitter feed. Follow me at @jefftiedrich