Why didn’t anyone tell me that “speed dating” has nothing to do with meth? Your Daily Devotional is a lightly-edited entry from my Twitter feed. Follow me at @jefftiedrich

*takes time machine back to 1971* “Hi, high school girls who wouldn’t go out with me. Look how cool I am now.” “Ugh, you’re a gross old man.” *sighs*

*decides to meditate* *meditates for 72 seconds* *congratulates self for being an enlightened person* *plays with phone* Your Daily Devotional is a lightly-edited entry from my Twitter feed. Follow me at @jefftiedrich

I wish Obama would give a speech on the importance of breathing so I could watch every conservative hold their breath until they die. Your Daily Devotional is a lightly-edited entry from […]

They say “never give up on your dreams” but I think I’m about ready to let go of the one where everything’s covered in spiders. Your Daily Devotional is a lightly-edited entry […]

I like my coffee as I like my women: marginalized and subjugated by centuries of patriarchy. Your Daily Devotional is a lightly-edited entry from my Twitter feed. Follow me at @jefftiedrich

When a sex scene starts in a movie, I always tell my daughter something like “her zipper is stuck and he’s helping.” PS: My daughter is 23. Your Daily Devotional is a […]

If life hands you lemons, whip them as hard as you can into the back of some stranger’s head. You feel better now, don’t you? Your Daily Devotional is a lightly-edited entry […]

A swarm of bees in a trench coat, walking down the street, and I conclude “they’re dressing for the job they want.” Your Daily Devotional is a lightly-edited entry from my Twitter […]

We call it Earth but the entities who live in other star systems call it Jerkwater Moron Planet and laugh behind our backs. Your Daily Devotional is a lightly-edited entry from my […]