American Culture

Happy SchadenFriday: How did that GoFundMe for the wall do, anyway? [hint: it’s now past tense]

trump-wall-gofundme

The perfect metaphor for fiscal conservatism

Update: January 11, 2019

CBS reports: GoFundMe “Trump Wall” campaign to refund all donors after falling short of $1 billion goal

The refund announcement came a day after BuzzFeed News reported that Kolfage pocketed money in a previous GoFundMe campaign intended to help other wounded soldiers. Kolfage raised $16,246 for a veteran mentorship program, but BuzzFeed News reports that after collecting the funds, he didn’t use the money as promised: none of the partners he claimed to have worked with — including Walter Reed, Brooke Army Medical Center and Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany — have any records that Kolfage worked with their patients or donated money, according to representatives at the centers that BuzzFeed News spoke to.

In a statement from apparent scam-artist Kolfage, he elided the fact that he obviously doesn’t know the first thing about what he was trying to accomplish.

On the bright side, plenty of opportunity for mockery is coming down the pike:

Kolfage gave donors the option of giving their GoFundMe contribution to himself and a team he assembled to privately construct the border wall. The group, a 501(c)(4), is called “We Build the Wall, Inc.,” according to an email from GoFundMe to contributors.

After all, if you’ve already screwed previous donors using GoFundMe in an time when a fake bum and two cohorts are facing legal problems for roughly the same thing, and when Kolfage is clearly incapable of appropriately disbursing funds, what could possibly make more sense than to start a 501(c)4 which will be governed by federal laws sure to put him away at the earliest opportunity. After all, it’s not like anybody will be watching that like a hawk given his prior performance.

So, please, math-challenged wall donors, send him money. Give until it hurts and give some more. The rest of us need the schadenfreude in these dark times.

______________________________________________________

I just saw an article about a federal worker with a GoFundMe to pay her rent. Thanks, Trump.

That reminded me of something. Whatever happened to that hilarious GoFundMe for the wall? No, I’m not linking. What am I, daft? Last time I did the napkin math on that, at the initial rate of donations it would only take…41 years to raise the funds. #winning

Street art. Torn poster. Hell is stupid people.

Well, as of today, they’ve raised $19.5 million in 21 days. Carry the one, cross the T, dot the i, and Hail Mary…

Ka-tsch ka-tsch ka-tsch kahlunkalunk ka-ching!

73 years.

Good job! That means that the credulous (I almost said generous, oops) donors have, combined, sent in $19.5 million to date with no hope of ever seeing anything for it.

Now, GoFundMe will only release funds to qualified beneficiaries. As of today, there is still no qualified beneficiary. It’s not even established that it’s possible for citizens to direct funds so specifically. Typically funds just go to the Treasury to do with as the law directs, and that would have zilch to do with the wall, which would be funny. That would be like a self-imposed general yahoo tax for whatever.

Can we get the generic rich dude laughing vid?

If and when the Yahoo Supreme who started the GoFundMe wall campaign actually figures out that beneficiary thing, GoFundMe will disburse the funds accordingly, after taking out their cut. Oh, yeah. They get a cut. They get nearly 8% for every transaction, plus $0.30 for each donation received. Whatever else happens, GoFundMe, if they take in no other money and disbursed tomorrow, would make over $1.5 million.

That’s right. Yahoos lined up to impose a tax on themselves including a generous $1.5 million gift to a company. Brilliant!

And what happens if there is no qualified beneficiary? I don’t know about fees at that point, but the donations are refunded. At the very least, you know what that means? For the duration, the donor is out of the money they donated, so they get no use of it. They’ll have never gotten use out of it. They’ll get it back after inflation has taken a bite. And GoFundMe, at the very least, gets to pocket the interest it made.

At only 1%, that’s almost $200,000…for nothing.

But hang in there, yahoos. Just another 73 years!

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