Business/Finance

I’m passionate about job hunting

You can’t make this stuff up. Fortunately, you don’t have to.

I once sat in a meeting and listened as one of our veeps said, and I quote: “I have a real passion for process enhancement.”

I’m trying to imagine what it’s like being in bed with a woman whose passions run toward process enhancement.

Anyhow, I’ve been doing some job hunting lately. And marveling at the things you find in these ads. Some are simply clumsy or overwrought. Like these:

With ______’s signature process, we extract and create highly compelling content, then skillfully package and distribute it in the form of in-person and digital experiences, cross-platform writings, and media coverage of such innate value that influencers, prospective and current customers, and other stakeholders willingly exchange their support, engagement and/or patronage in return.

Well, okay. As long as they do it willingly.

The Copy Writer, needs a flair for partnering to translate inputs into impeccably organized and well- conceived creative solutions.

I applaud them for understanding that they do, in fact, need a copywriter.

There are also some … themes … that make me worry about our nation’s HR professionals. 

Our client is passionate about building smart property insurance solutions that help adjusters and contractors confidently assess inspection data and automate repair scope…

Inigo-Montoya YOU KEEP USING THAT WORD. I DO NOT THINK IT MEANS WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS.

You’re passionate about the power of the marketplace to connect people and you’re fluent in the technologies and strategies that define and shape the modern marketing world.

Passionate? I get wood over the power of the marketplace to connect people.

Do you have a passion for enterprise cloud technology?

My nipples get stiff just thinking about it.

Got a burning desire to sell barbells?

Ummm. You might want to get that burning looked at.

Are you passionate about crafting customer-centric integrated marketing strategies that drive revenue?

For passionate people looking for autonomy and exciting career opportunities, _______ truly has something special inside.

________ is a high growth, Denver-based startup that is redefining vacation rental management and we’re looking for a smart, passionate, and entrepreneurial individual to join us.

We’re currently looking for a relationship-driven, deadline-juggling, PR genius brimming with creative energy and passion to lead our burgeoning internal PR efforts.

Are you marketing automation guru, with a passion for data, looking to make a direct impact on the success of a company?

I second what Inigo said.

Once more, into the breach….

Categories: Business/Finance, Funny

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