Megan: Sir, the post office is under attack.
Donald: Anthrax again?
Megan: No sir, that was an attempt to bankrupt us. The US Postal Service operates independently of the elected government, as a fail-safe. The system was created by Benjamin Franklin, and it’s very difficult to infiltrate, although we have had some moles and saboteurs through the years. You must remember some elements of this plot are fifty years old. When the Soviet Union fell apart, the embedded Russian agents went dark. For them this is very personal. It’s like their mother died. They’re trying to do to us what Reagan did to them.
Donald: Good work. You’re hired.
Megan: You don’t hire me. I’m appointed by a Board of Governors. I’m afraid they may be about to appoint a puppet who will help them destroy it.
Donald: Fear not, Megan. Through wind and rain and sleet and hail, you know the rest.
Note: This is satire.