Donald meets Merrick Garland


Donald: I need you on the Supreme Court.

Merrick: Impossible. Congress won’t approve it.

Donald: Not even to preserve the separation of powers?

Merrick: You’ve seen how they act. Moderate Republicans are afraid to ally themselves with Democrats because they know how that ends. A challenger from the radical right unseats them. Senator Richard Burr, for example. Here saw the viscious attacks against Kay Hagan and got scared. The NRA is involved. They’re infiltrated with Steve Bannon types who refuse to compromise, claiming ideological grounds, when in fact they want the other side to win on this issue. Gun nuts and school shootings are a concerted effort to force America to surrender our weapons. Justice Antonin Scalia was murdered because he refused to budge on Second Amendment rights. These are strange times, Donald.

Donald: But if you’re not appointed, that means the Tea Party controls all three branches of government. They can do basically anything they want.

Merrick: I know, Donald, I know.

Donald: I conceded to Hillary, but she said no. She has too much faith in the institution. If you’re not on the Supreme Court, they’ll just kill me and Pence will be President. And he’s one of them.

Merrick: Or you could just comply, give them what they want, the complete dismantling of the US government.

Donald: Never. I’m a patriot. I’ll die first.

Merrick: They still win, Donald. They still win.

Note: This is satire. For all I know, Donald Trump’s hair is real.