Bill: Windows is wide open. Pretty much every government computer is wide open.
Donald: What do you mean?
Bill: I mean all the security updates are approved at the highest levels, so there’s absolute transparency.
Donald: So China can see what our government is doing?
Bill: Exactly. I’m a big believer in unity. One world, one platform. Unless we establish one world government, that’s basically impossible. This has always been my strategy in business, but the US government believes in so-called competition. It’s basically a war machine. Without conflict, it has no purpose.
Donald: So you’ve made Windows accessible to the Chinese government.
Bill: Right. We eliminated the possibility of conflict, because China can adapt their strategy to whatever the US is doing.
Donald: Doesn’t that compromise our security?
Bill: It depends on what you mean by security. If you mean preventing war and unnecessary loss of human life, then no. If you mean outdated ideas about nationalism, I guess it does. But we’re way past that. We’re creating a unified world.
Donald: That sounds like exactly what you always wanted.
Bill: It is, Donald. It’s like I’m living out a fantasy where all my wildest dreams come true. And it couldn’t have come at a better time. I lost the antitrust suit. Apple became viable again because of the iPod. Google showed up with whatever they do.
Donald: Apple is sort of your nemesis, right?
Bill: You’d think that, but no. Remember when the FBI made a big stink about accessing that terrorist’s phone, and the company said no, and then the FBI did it anyway? Turns out Apple computers are completely transparent to China, only Apple is lying about it and we’re not. Google is a bit of an arms race because it’s open source. Security improves, then hacking improves, then security improves. But Apple is completely transparent.
Donald: That’s very good to know.
Bill: Exciting things are happening, Donald, and I feel priveledged to be doing my part. Congratulations on your election. I truly believe you will make America great again.
Donald: I know you do, Bill. I know you do.
Note: This is satire. For all I know, Donald Trump’s hair is real.