Mitt: There’s a word in Chinese. I don’t know if you’re familiar with it. Shuāngyíng. It means “both win.” It’s a business philosophy. I’ve found great success following this principle.
Donald: I invented the win-win, believe me. The Chinese got it from me.
Mitt: Now, what I did when I was running for President was place all my holdings in a blind trust. That way, I looked like I wasn’t on the payroll, and China could still pay me ridiculous amounts of money.
Donald: That sort of shady business can come back to haunt you. Believe me I know.
Mitt: I’ve never had a single complaint.
Donald: Not yet.
Mitt: Anyway, put your money in a blind trust. You can still get paid and make it look like there’s no conflict of interest.
Donald: But there is a conflict of interest, even if the public doesn’t notice.
Mitt: Grow up, Donald. What matters is that everyone gets what they want.
Donald: Except the public.
Mitt: You sound like a young Barry Obama. I came here to throw my hat in the ring for Secretary of State, not to debate business ethics, which are relative anyway. They’re totally different in China. I’ve been making deals with the Chinese for a very long time. If you need somebody who knows how to play the game, you let me know.
Donald: Thank you. I’ll think about it and get back to you.
Mitt: This is the big league Mister Trump. Call me when you’re ready.
Note: This is satire. For all I know, Donald Trump’s hair is real.