Donald: I told Jeff about the “community service.”
Kellyann: Are you serious? What did I tell you not five minutes ago? You smile and wave and follow orders and keep your mouth shut. McCrory’s orders are not to concede until you assume office and declare the election invalid. Is he telling the General Assembly? No, because he’s got a brain and a survival instinct. I can do this just as easily with Pence, easier even, because he says things like, “that’s what freedom sounds like,” and not that a beloved actor should personally apologize to you for a comedy skit. I will gut you, Donald. I will gut you.
Note: This is satire. For all I know, Donald Trump’s hair is real.