Zombie apocalypse strikes World Cup

Suarez bites again. And it isn’t funny. No, seriously, it’s not. Stop laughing!

Serial biter Luis Suarez of Uruguay took a hunk out of Italian defender Giorgio Chiellini’s shoulder in today’s 1-0 win over the Azzurri.

With FIFA certain to review the incident, it appears that Suarez may have bitten off more than he can chew.

Okay, okay – stop that. I know, there’s a natural temptation to make sport of these kinds of events – even if they happened, which Suarez says they didn’t, because, you know, stuff happens out there. But a lot of these folks cast decorum to the wind.

I get it. I do. You think it’s funny. Even a seasoned commentator like me is tempted. You want to point to this:

Or this:

Or this:

But these sorts of sophomoric cheap shots are tasteless. Unlike Giorgio Chiellini.

It’s also inappropriate to make fun of his appearance and use hashtags like #silenceofthedonkeys.

And it’s certainly not helpful that a Swedish betting site was laying 174-1 odds on this very thing and that someone won.

This is the third time that Suarez has bitten an opponent in a game, and by now it’s clear that he has a problem. Is this some form of OCD? Is he a cannibal? Is it a simple protein deficiency? Instead of mocking the man, we should exhibit a little more compassion. He needs professional help. Or jerky. But not a ban from the game, as so many are suggesting. An ESPN poll is asking how long he should be suspended – the rest of the tournament? A year? For life? How does that address the underlying cause of his behavior?

And this – absolutely uncalled for.

As was this:

Or this.

And if your mind went here, you’re not only sick, you’re old.

I’m appalled at all of you. So cut it out. No more jokes. No more wondering if Suarez had his rabies shots. No more asking if Uruguay’s next opponent will be allowed to wear Wolfsbane. No more this:

Or this:

Or this:

And especially, no more “Suarez is fucking dental.”

Here’s hoping FIFA reacts with a little more humanity than you lot.

Categories: Sports

44 replies »

  1. he is still the best player in the world, he ko’ed england, and looks like he will be staying in Liverpool next season, he may even win the title next go round. so maybe this is why you are taking the mick.

    • Suarez did not knock out England. Keeper Hart did. 2 great catastrophic keeper actions.
      Suarez will be banned for life. Good for L’Pool.

  2. Why on earth has he been allowed to continue to play and terrorize the other players? FIFA has a responsibility to the players and not just to the money.

  3. I haven’t been paying a whole lot of attention to the World Cup, but I had my cousin fill me in on the details, and I completely agree. He needs help and maybe a little human empathy.

  4. Frankly I don’t think it is funny anymore. If it was the first time, we could all laugh it off but 3rd time? It’s obvious there’s a problem. We need to be sensitive to the situation and ensure he gets the needed help. After all, some of us spectators are even more twisted than this.

  5. Do the other players not have a right to not be bitten. Yes suarez needs professional help and I agree that mocking and bullying him is condoning it but in the grown up world this is unnaceptable. If you or I bit someone whilst working and more so in uniform we would be sacked, what message does this send to the rest of the world #lifeban

  6. Wow! I didn’t know there’s this kind of thing in World Cup… he sure needs help.

  7. Reblogged this on jinxophrenic and commented:
    I just got currently hooked with World Cup and just suprisingly learned about this issue. People don’t do weird things just because they like to. Once is enough but, this issue keeps on repeating and it’s not okay. He seriously needs help.

  8. Seriously, he needs therapy. What I find most troubling was his reaction. It is not normal for someone to sit pretending to have hurt their mouth next to some they just tried to take a bite out off. The ban was in no way sufficient, he need to be banned until he works out his issues, talent or no talent.

    • he really is need to have some mental problems in order to do it after the age of 3

  9. He’s an idiot and needs to be banned!! If you worked in an office and walked up and bit a colleague you would surely (and quite rightly) be fired, and perhaps even be charged with GBH/ABH!! So fed up of football players being treated like Gods…..

  10. Fifa spoke.

    This is why I like American football. Someone would have sent him a message by now😉

    • Actually, no. I’ve heard enough stories from enough American football players to know that some egregious shit happens at the bottom of the pile. Players do get bitten, but it isn’t detected and penalized.

  11. He should’ve been in the season premiere of True Blood. He would fit right in.

  12. Suarez needs some serious counselling. He was very flippant about this incident and quite frankly, I’m tired of people making excuses for him. I don’t care if he’s a great footballer, he needs to stop this nonsense. If he can’t play then he can’t generate revenue for his club. If FIFA starts to fine the club as well as himself, he’ll soon become a liability to the team.

  13. Not that i believe it but ive heard people saying it was a stunt so he could leave Liverpool and get his big move to Barca. Personally i think he just likes italian food.