American Culture

Yahoo! Sports: Aaron Hernandez murder case is all about Tim Tebow

Today, Yahoo! put this headline on its front page.

New England Patriots: Aaron Hernandez Mess Shouldn’t Force Tim Tebow to Tight End

Really? One young man is dead. Another’s life is ruined. A major sports franchise is suddenly gutted as a result of this and a series of other events, and this is all about is whether the Patriot’s third string quarterback should try a position he’s never played? This is why we anti-Tebowists hate Tebowistas, because it’s all about Tim. Every day. Every way.

A good friend of mine lived in Utah for awhile. He left and moved to Bangkok because he found Utah to be too parochial. He often said, “If World War III broke out, the headline on the local paper would read ‘Saturday’s Youth Soccer League Cancelled due to Unforeseen Circumstances.” This Yahoo! headline is exactly that sort of thing – a recentering of the important around the trivial.

OK, let’s get this straight. It doesn’t matter if Tebow remains a quarterback or not. He simply does not have the elite athleticism, skills or intelligence to play the position at this level. He’s not going to become the Patriot’s QB. If God wanted that to happen, he could have had Hernandez kill Tom Brady and Ryan Mallett instead of his friend, and Tebow still probably wouldn’t have gotten the call. He’s only on this team because Belichik is as fiercely loyal to his friends (Urban Meyer, Josh McDaniels) as he is disloyal to his employees (Richard Seymour, Wes Welker). Tim is on this team as a favor to a buddy, and a safe one, because according to the New York Times, some teams don’t even bother to carry a third string QB. And of those that do, none allow the third string QB any practice reps, even with the scout team. “They are third-string for a reason,” former QB Rich Gannon says. Third string QB is like Vice President of Marketing in a family owned company. It doesn’t really mean much.

Still, believe me, there’s absolutely nothing we haters wish for more than for Tim to get another chance as a starting QB.

Here’s another reality. Tim’s not going to end up as a successful starting NFL tight end either because, you guessed it, he doesn’t have the elite athleticism, skills or intelligence.

Look, we all know what’s happening here. Tim has become the champion of the ultra-religious conservative right wing. Somehow, right wing Christians have decided that if Tim is a winner, that makes them winners, too. It’s silly. That having-our-champion-fight-your-champion went out with the Romans, but all of us still do it. That’s what the Olympic medal count is all about. We do it because somewhere back in our primitive minds we believe that if our champion wins, that says something about us. As a Chicagoan, I jumped on the Blackhawks bandwagon just like everybody else. It’s human to do that.

In this particular case, the Christians should have chosen a little better. The NFL is littered with overly religious Christian QBs, e.g., RG III. Why choose Tebow when they could have grabbed Kurt Warner, who nutcase or no, was a heckuva QB.

But whatever happens, if Tim Tebow becomes a starting QB, breaks all of Johnny U’s records, wins 20 Super Bowls and during a freak flood during a game actually runs for a touchdown on top of the water, it still doesn’t matter today. Because a kid is dead.

13 replies »

  1. Tebow has superior athletic ability in comparison to Aaron Hernandez. Pro day: AH-33″ vertical. Tebow: 39″ vertical. 40 time: Hernandez 4.61. Tebow: 4.70. Height: Hernandez 6″2. Tebow: 6″3.
    In fact Tebow weighed in 12 lbs heavier.
    Tebow beat Hernandez in ALL BUT ONE drill. The 40.

    • Keith

      Congratulations, buddy! We’ve done a lot of Tebow posts here at S&R and this is the first comment ever to use any facts at all. I’m very proud of you, so proud in fact that I’m not going to dwell on the fact that you completely missed the point of the whole post.

      So let’s just deal with your point. Is Tebow superior to Hernandez as a physical specimen? I think they’re pretty close, but what the heck, I’ll be magnanimous and say that a bigger but slower Tim Tebow is physically superior to a faster, slightly smaller Hernandez.

      However, when players in the NFl are asked to change positions, they are usually asked to do so because they possess dramatic and exceptional physical characteristics. Examples: Kordell Stewart, Brad Smith, Randel El, Devon Hester, etc, etc. That’s because it’s really hard to change positions and be successful–ask Hester. So is Tebow superior to the average NFL tight end? Not even close.

      According to Kraemer et al, the average NFL tight end is 6′ 4 1/2.” In fact, the Patriots carry six tight ends and all but one, Hernandez, is bigger than Tebow. Gronk is 6’6.” The others are 6 4, 6 6, 6 7, and 6 4.

      OK, then, is he faster than average? Not really, at the NFL combine in 2013, eight tight ends ran as fast or faster, including one who ran 4.43. Tim would be the second fastest TE on the Pats though, after Gronk.

      That means Tebow would be a smallish, slowish tight end, who’s played the position exactly one time (for the Jets) and ran the wrong route. It’s unlikely he can learn a new position and be successful with below average size and speed, but it is plausible. And you can’t measure elusiveness, which he has a lot of. With a ball in his hands, he might be pretty good.

      At any rate, this is the conversation you Tebowistas should be having, not whether he can play quarterback.

    • Michael

      I tried to approve your first comment with the profanities, indecipherable spelling, and quasi-death threat, but sadly we have implemented comment standards and our editor wouldn’t let me do it. (By the way, I’m sure you know this, but all websites, including ours has a cache that captures aggressive emails along with your IP address and details. It’s not a great idea ot write nasty stuff like this unless you want to find a cop at your door one day, but it’s your business.)

      OK, obviously, you don’t agree with the post, but what don’t you agree with? If it’s the fact that Tebow won’t be a successful NFL quarterback, I’ve already written several posts about that. If it’s the fact he’s a hypocrite, I’ve already written about that, too. If it’s the fact he is too stupid to learn and NFL playbook, I’ve written about that before, too. Finally, if it’s that he’s where he is because of connections more than talent, I’ve written that as well. I’ve also written about what insufferable idiots Tebow fans are.

      As best I can figure out, the only new thing I said this time around was that it’s unlikely he’ll make a tight end in the NFL. Boy, Gator Nation really takes the tight end position seriously, huh? Shouldn’t you be out on a corner with a can collecting for bail for Tebow’s teammate, Hernandez?

      Peace and God bless.

  2. Is it me or is it eerie the way players seem to just get out of the way so that St. Timmy has a chance to play? Maybe we should start calling him Damien.

  3. If you have such disdain for Tim Tebow, then why are you increasing his platform by even writing about him in the first place? I thought the comment about God having him kill Brady or Mallett was in very poor taste. You said it yourself, a young man is dead and another one is about to leave an 8 month without a father. If you start an article with that, maybe you should focus on that for at least a portion of the article. I agree that Tim Tebow will never be an NFL QB, but people like him because he comes off as a good person, religion aside. He does good things for other people, things he doesn’t have to do. Above all else, he doesn’t get into trouble off the field or stir things up.

    • Oh, I doubt I’m giving Tim much of a platform, but your other points are spot on.

      My Hernandez joke was certainly in poor taste, and my willingness to make it inconsistent with the overall theme of my post. And yes, Tim Tebow seems admirable in many dimensions. (To be fair, I’ve also written a pro-Tebow post.)

      Thanks for the thoughtful comment.

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