A Special Guest Commentary From Randy Wayne Boudreau, Grand Dragon of the Alabama Tea Party
All right thinking citizen patriots hate gummit. Wasteful bureaucrats living off hard workers like you and me. Might as well be welfare queens.
And now, thanks to the good folks at Deadspin – private, non-union workers, I should note – we know who the highest paid gummit bloodsuckers around the country are.
What the motherfuck? Hold on a cotton-picking minute. Coaches don’t count. ‘Cause that’s football. And sometime basketball. Them’s revenue generators. I mean, you know. They’re technically gummit employees, I reckon. But not really. ‘Cause they generate revenue that funds the rest of the school. [ED. NOTE: That doesn’t really happen.] Not like them damned tenured leeches in the English department. Coaches work for a living. Them what can, does. Them what can’t, teaches. [ED. NOTE: I thought coaching was teaching.]
Goddammit. I don’t know who “ED” is, but will you cut that shit out? I’m trying to make a point here. Buncha fucking libruls trying to do away with America’s pastime. Don’t think I don’t see what’s going on here. [ED. NOTE: Technically baseball is America’s pastime, but go on.]
Last time I ever waste my money reading Pravda – I mean Deadspin. [ED. NOTE: Deadspin is free.]
STOP THAT STOP THAT STOP YOU GODDAMNED PANSY BALLET-GOING SOCIALIST SOCCER-LOVING FREEDOM HATER!!!!
[ED. NOTE: The remainder of this essay has been deleted as the editors deemed the language employed unsuitable for a family audience.]