The Kid Rock intro you won't see in support of Mitt Romney: "Devil Without a Cause"

Pity, that. This one may be far more apt.

His Christian/Mormon base would just love the lyrics of the album version, from which this live version deviates very little.

Here’s some choice quotes that are just perfect for a Romney candidacy:

“You knew that I was coming cause you heard my name
But you don’t know my game and never felt my pain”

Who among us can really, truly understand Mitt Romney’s suffering under the intense pressures of vast wealth?

“Can’t read my brain but you read my lips
And got scared when you heard that I was coming with hits”

For a candidate with more changes of position than of socks, and one with an enormous SuperPAC, perfect!

“I’m in the red cause my mind’s distortin
People claimin that they know me, but they only know a portion”

An ongoing Romney trope…who is the real Mitt Romney?  We’ll never know from his principled stand on the issues.

“So hold your bids, all bets are closed
And fuck all you hoes”

I wonder if that bet would be for $10,000.

“Watch me throw like a fist of rage
Self made and paid and sawed off twelve gauges”

Self made and paid…entirely apt.  That and Romney might benefit  from the boost to his masculine image among his 99% base.

“Up that ass for the nine eight (nine eight)
Never fake, shake, straight from the Great Lakes”

Aside from the crudity that the Christian Right loves so much, I love the irony of a Detroiter supporting the man who would let the Big 3 tank.

“That’s when I pull a strap out
And I get to buck-buck-bucking…a fuck-fuck-fucking your hoes”

Sweet, lyrical bliss!  Can I get an amen?  To be fair, lyrically this line might have been better suited to Herman Cain of Uzbecky-becky-stan-stan fame.

“Cause they know who’s runnin’ this shit, Top Dog I’m the C-E-O
Role model, your mother-fucking H-E-R-O”

Spot on!

“We float like butterflies, sting like queen bees
Strapped with A-K’s straight from the Chinese”

For a hipper, more gangsta Romney! One that would outsource even his Gat, at that.

And the message moment you’ve been waiting for…

“Devil without a cause…I’m going platinum”

Could this be any more Romney if it tried?



“I went from St. Claire Shores and drink specials at Winners
To New York City and 700 dollar dinners”

I wonder how much his haircut costs? Maybe one of his NASCAR team-owning friends could recommend a better stylist?

“From hangin with sinners and second hand cheap sex
To gettin much respect from top record exec’s”

Okay, maybe Gingrich might fit the bill in the first line a bit better, but that might only because we don’t allow multiple wives.  Lucky for Romney, we don’t limit how much respect he can get from top execs of any number of corporations!

“The cool Kid’s comin up to call you out
So shut up now or put my balls in your mouth”

This is the line when Romney should swagger onto the stage to wild applause, no?

“Bought a couple parots that like to squalk
And they sound like you and all the shit you talk”

Back to SuperPAC references and dissin’ on his base, perhaps?

And who could resist this charming little interlude from Joe C?

“I’m the J-O-E to the C hoe
Call me Joe C got more game than Coleco
I’m a freak hoe call me sick
Three foot nine with a ten foot dick
The ladies pick, I’m a crazy hick
And rake through kind like a bum through wine
It’s my time so I’m gonna shine like lead
Old as piss, but small as ass
Watch me pass smoke some hash
You’re raking grass while I’m raking cash
High-ass voice like Aaron Nevelle
And I’m down with The Devil”

Now, THAT is a class act.

We’re waiting, Candidate Romney.  When will you request this track to be your opener as long as Kid Rock supports you?

Disclosure: Kid Rock is a guilty pleasure.  I rather like this song.  You know, in a very white, Kid Rock wannabe gangta pimp kinda way.  Besides, it’s so very presidential.