GOP Presidential Candidate Primer 5: Fun with Rick and Jane

Well, it’s Friday, and I must say I am a little disappointed that no one stepped up to my challenge of writing their own primer on Slick Rick. You have left me little choice. Space must be filled. A billion earnest hard-working electrons are sitting in the electron union hall awaiting their daily call-out. Otherwise is now reduced to the hoary tactic of writing a blog starring himself. (In the third person no less.) Otherwise would like to go on record as saying he has never craved the level of fame this will inevitably bring him. His luxurious corner office on the 49th floor of Progressive Towers and exorbitant salary from Scholars & Rogues are enough for a simple man like himself. But you, the readers, have forced him to it. If he loses his quiet modesty as a result, it is on your heads.

Rick does not like this blog.
No, no, no.
“Come to Texas, Otherwise,” says Rick.
“We will play a game.”
“What is the game?” says Otherwise.
“The game is called Death Row,” says Rick.
No, no, no.
“I do not want to play Death Row,” says Otherwise.
“Many people play Death Row in Texas,” says Rick.
“I am innocent,” says Otherwise.
Ha, ha, ha.
“That does not matter,” says Rick.
“You can still play Death Row.”
“But I am white,” says Otherwise.
“I have an attorney,” says Otherwise.

“Oh,” says Rick.
“Then, no, no, no,” says Rick.
“You are white and have an attorney.”
“You cannot play Death Row.”

“Come to Texas, Otherwise,” says Rick.
“We can play a game called Drug Bust.”
Yes, yes, yes.
“How do you play Drug Bust?” says Otherwise.
“The police find one joint in your pocket,” says Rick.
“It has a street value of one quadrillion dollars,” says Rick.
“Then you get life,” says Rick.
“Life, Otherwise, life.”
“But I do not have any drugs,” says Otherwise.
No, no, no.

“Not yet,” says Rick.
Ha, ha, ha.