The GOP Presidential Candidate Reader: Fun with Rick and Jane (See Jane vote!)

Yesterday, we introduced Rick and his companion Spotty. Today, we will get to know a typical Rick Perry supporter, Jane, and tomorrow, we will spend some time with Rick’s special friend, Jesus. On Thursday, we will compare Rick to the rest of the Republican field, and on Friday….well, Friday’s a long way away, we will think of something by then.

See Jane vote.

Vote, Jane, vote!

Jane votes for Rick because he is tall.

“I am tall, too,” says Mitty the Kitty.

Jane votes for Rick because he has big hair.

“I have big hair, too,” says Mitty.

Jane votes for Rick because he hates gummit.

“Say what?” says Mitty.

Gummit, Mitty, gummit. Pay attention. This is Texas for Christ’s sake.

“I hate government, too,” says Mitty.

Jane votes for Rick because he loves Jesus.

“I love Jesus, too,” says Mitty quietly, in case Joseph Smith is listening.

“Good, Mitt, good,” says Jane.

“Will you vote for me, Jane?” says Mitty.

No, no, no.

Jane will not vote for Mitty the Kitty.

Jane will vote for Rick.

Vote, Jane, vote!

“Don’t cry, Mitty, don’t cry,” says Jane.

Jane will vote for Rick because she is a farmer.

Farm, farm, farm.

Does Jane grow corn?

No, no, no.

Jane does not grow corn.

Does Jane grow vegetables?

No, no, no.

Jane does not grow vegetables.

Does Jane raise beef?

No, no, no.

Jane does not raise beef.

Well, how in the hell does Jane pay her bills?

Jane gets a check every month from the gummit.

Oh no, not the gummit! Is Jane a deadbeat?

No, no, no.

Jane cannot be a deadbeat.

Jane is not black.


1 reply »

  1. Please clarify; are you saying that government subsidies would be OK if they are allocated according to racial preferences (affirmative action)? Or that hair transplants should be subsidized? Curious minds want to know. Some of our previous presidents would not have made it as movie stars. Our misfortune in that is how we select them now, but just because I have more hair than you does not mean you should get subsidy. A question for Professor Straw-Man: If an agriculture businessman (colloquial farmer) is a hypocrite about government subsidies, does that imply that subsidies must be good because (obviously) the businessman is ‘evil’?