The new Alphabet Song according to Google Instant

“… We’re destroying words – scores of them, hundreds of them, every day. We’re cutting the language down to the bone. In the final version of Newspeak there’ll be nothing else. It’s a beautiful thing, the destruction of words…”

George Orwell, 1984

Probability is very clever. Finding sense, logic and predictable behaviours out of seeming chaos. But there is a difference between seeing a pattern and prompting an expected pattern into place. Google Instant is very clever. But, in guiding our hand as we type, it reduces our thoughts and steers them into fixed ruts. Google can claim, over time, to be becoming more accurate when, in fact, they’re simply evaporating the variety of human thought.

More importantly they have reduced the pattern of 26 ordinary letters into the most valuable and sought-after real-estate on the planet. The words that appear in response to your first letter choice are now a biddable property.

Join me now as we sing Google’s new Alphabet Song and you can be introduced to your new masters.

A is for Amazon, our new Kindle is here;
B is for Best Buy, the home of gadgetry;
C is for Craigslist, we just dropped “personal” ads;
D is for Dictionary, soon to be a bit thinner;
E is for eBay, yes we’re still here;
F is for Facebook, give us a poke;
G is for GMail, well who were you expecting?
H is for Hotmail, Live and Microsoft, a bit of a jumble;
I is for IKEA, some assembly required;
J is for JetBlue, please get here early;
K is for Kohls, we have your shoes;
L is for Lowe’s, you could do with some improving;
M is for MapQuest, we’re feeling quite lost;
N is for NetFlix, a streaming experience;
O is for Orbitz, you could do with a break;
P is for Pandora, I can hear your heart beat;
Q is for Quotes, I’m running out of wit;
R is for REI, I need to get away;
S is for Sears, appliances for all;
T is for Target, a trip to the mall;
U is for USPS, or – better – delivered;
V is for Verizon, give us a call;
W is for Weather, our terminal obsession;
X is for XBox, Microsoft’s second mention;
Y is for Yahoo, er Microsoft again?
Z is for Zillow, because property’s good right now.

3 replies »

  1. But when the singularity happens, what will human thought or creativity matter anyway?

    Even now, we could program a computer to create every novel of a 1,000 pages of every possible combination of English, with an algorithm that would winnow out the most nonsensical novels.

    “I have no mouth, and I must scream”