Looking for work? Job ad of the day

Now this, this sounds like a great place to work. (I’ll post the entire text of the ad a) in case it disappears, and b) because it seems to be posted a number of places online.)

(East Denver)

Wanted – Editors/Writers To Sift Through 10 Years Of Our Truth And Honesty Writings Into Approximately 500 Different Primary Subject Matters Of Life, After Which We Will Publish “The Truth About ________” Booklets On Each, And Make A Fortune.

Many Positions Open. Successful Candidates Must Excel In Three Personality Traits – Loyalty, Willingness, And Obedience. Besides Your Prime Duty, The Job Requires Doing Anything You’re Told To Do Without Protest Or Objection. This Can Range From Cleaning The Office, To Answering The Phones, To Menial Tasks, To Subservient Tasks, And, Of Course, The Hardest Job Of All For Humans – Shutting-Up.

High Self-Esteem Is Also A Plus As This Environment Is Extremely Demanding Of Perfection And Winning, And Accordingly, Is Brutally Honesty With Character Flaws. When You’re Smart, We Tell You, When You’re Stupid, We Tell You, When You’re A Bitch, We Tell You. And If You Don’t Like These Rules, Don’t Apply.

All Positions Are Lifetime, And Anyone Who Quits Within One Year Is Responsible For The Costs Of Their Training.
This Is A Hard-Core, Straight-Up, Truth-Focused, Honesty-Focused, Love-Focused, And Success-Focused Environment. The Meek And Weak-Minded Need Not Apply. Hard-Core Christians Typically Don’t Make It Either, And Need Not Waste Their Time Or Ours.

Our Methodology Is Proven And We Are Not Interested In Any Modifications To It, By Those Who Don’t Agree With Everything, Or Think They Have A Better Idea. It’s Our World And You Can Accept The Entire World Or Reject The Entire World, But Suggestions To Altering The System Will Be Met With A Quick And Resounding “Shut-Up.”

This Is A Ground Level Opportunity To The Intelligent, Fearless, Loyal, Willing And Obedient. Obviously, Strong English Skills Are A Plus, But Any Willing Person Is Easily Trained.

This Is A Big Mission Tailored To Big People, Who Can See That It’s Time To Change The World, Because Our Primary Job Is To Save it.

And In Case You Haven’t Been Watching The Weather Reports, Or The World-Wide Economic News Lately, Time Is Running Out.

Intelligent? Fearless? Willing to shut the fuck up? If this sounds like you, click over and apply on Craigslist.

Categories: Economy, Funny

8 replies »

  1. I wonder if anyone has been “Brutally Honesty” with them about their crapass writing skills? And the incredible annoyance factor of Capitalizing Every Fucking Word And Using, Way, Too, Many, Commas?

  2. Wow. I was thinking Catholic Church, Army Rangers, Branch Davidians (whoops, they’re dead). Still, I am curious, just for curiosity’s sake. Some cult, maybe?

  3. Cat, I looked at their rabbit hole of a website, and I do believe you may have hit the cultist right on his crazy head.

  4. Hmm, it didn’t mention a starting salary. I’ll still cross my fingers for the paper out in Wyoming instead.