Funny

S&R exclusive: US President Obama vows to outsource oil pollution to Nigeria

Just a regular day in NigeriaIn a focused interview this afternoon, US President Barack Obama opened up about the future of offshore oil extraction for the US in the wake of the disaster in the Gulf of Mexico.

S&R: President Obama, thank you so much for meeting with us. Clearly the people of the US will not accept the risk of offshore drilling.  You’ve already issued a temporary ban on drilling, including the stopping of existing exploration.  My question is this: where exactly will the oil America needs come from?  Doesn’t this just put you further at risk to exposure to despotic governments in the Middle East?

President Obama: As a net energy importer we will always be reliant on others to meet our energy needs unless and until we develop sufficient alternative energy resources. My plan in the short-term is a straightforward one.  I have, today, signed an agreement with Nigerian president Goodluck Jonathan and we will purchase their entire annual production of oil.

S&R: But that simply outsources pollution to a state that lacks the resources or leadership to deal with environmental disaster

PO: The American people will tolerate any amount of pollution elsewhere, but not in their back yards.

S&R:  The BP oil spill is certainly horrible, but it is hardly a regular occurance.  Perpetual leaks in Nigeria have resulted in spills of over 100 million barrels of oil over the past 50 years.

PO: I have dispatched Elizabeth Birnbaum, the ex-head of the the Minerals Management Service, to share her experience of running that department with the Nigerians. Trust me on this, I will not rest until we have outsourced all of America’s problems to other people.  Our national debt is safely in the hands of China. Our sweat shops are outsourced to India, China and the rest of Asia.  I firmly believe that all of America’s problems can be sent elsewhere.

S&R: Well, thank-you Mr President for your time and good luck to you.

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