scholars and rogues

Louis XVI leads conservative America

There are some walls that you wish could talk, and others that make you want to gouge your own eyes out with a rusty spoon you found in a puddle of some unknown, viscous substance underneath a dumpster. But at least we know why Rush Limbaugh feels the need to get his nod on. Only opiates could make the condo he’s listing for $13,950,000 tolerable. Way to go conservative America, your listening has produced a drug addled misanthrope with a Louis XVI fetish.

Nothing could be more “real American” than herringbone mahogany floors. Curious to cover them with white area rugs trimmed in gilt, but that’s what Rush did. It’s a shame too, it would be worth staring at the floor to avoid looking at walls, ceiling and furniture. Maybe i’m too low brow, but i just don’t get murals on the ceilings…unless they depict great moments in NASCAR history across acoustic tiling to contrast with the lovely faux wood paneling in a trailer.

I’m sure all the furniture is ultra expensive and impressive; to be honest, some of it wouldn’t be bad were it not set in one of Catherine the Great’s interior decorating nightmares. The man has a pink dining room for god’s sake. Pink.

The one bathroom pictured is a disappointment in that it’s relatively tasteful…if we discount the gold candelabra chandelier above the tub. I was ready for the tub faucet to be a 1:25th scale golden dolphin, or maybe a scale reproduction of the Grand Cascade at Peterhof with a miniature of Samson fountain serving as the faucet.

As best as i can see, the floor plan labels the room “den”, but Corcoran calls it a “library” in the listing. It looks like a library that Limbaugh would own: it only contains a handful of books and most of them are the kind you put on a shelf to impress people rather than read. Granted, the woodwork in the library is stunning, but the desk and lamps are atrocious. As is the view out the door. And is that a framed picture of Hitler on the wall?

Maybe i’m being hard on Rush and his obvious lack of taste. I’d probably be as stupid and angry as he is if i woke every morning to a ceiling mural depicting two doves carrying a giant garland of flowers. The scene is about as realistic as a European swallow grasping a coconut by the husk and transporting from a tropical to a temperate zone. Or, roughly equal to how realistic Rush’s political doctrine is for governing a modern nation.

In any case, if you’ve got the $13,950,000 to drop on this abomination, you’ve probably got the spare change to actually make it livable too. Head over to Corcoran’s site for the full listing, pictures and floor plan. And no, you can’t use my spoon. Find your own.

Image credit: Tatyana Churikova’s English speaking guide service site. The photo is from Pavlovsk because i’m too lazy to dig up shots i took of Tsarist palace interiors.

16 replies »

  1. Oh, darn. I was expecting something spectacular. This looks like every mini-mansion in Plano, and except for the trompe l’oeil fetish, it’s not even particularly overdone. In fact, it feels bland… like the Martha Stewart showroom at PDC.

    Proof once again, if any were needed, that money and success can purchase neither taste nor personality.

  2. I agree that it could be worse. In looking for images, i accidentally stumbled across pictures of Joan Rivers’ NY place and gagged. But for an Arts & Crafts aficionado, even this is tacky beyond explanation. I don’t see how someone could live in these surroundings. I like seeing them on tour in Europe, but the people who lived in those places wore tights and wigs. They were also bred aristocrats…though i suppose we are talking about a guy with “III” at the end of his name.

  3. Liberace had personality.

    Overpriced blandness offends me far more than exuberant excess.

    • I would be surprised to learn that Rush occasionally struts around in tights and a wig, to be honest. I wouldn’t want to SEE it, mind you, but I can imagine it happening.

  4. $15 million for that pre war building on 5th is the going rate for 5,000 sq ft penthouses. I don’t see anything out of line here, except for the snark directed at Mr. Limbaugh.

  5. I don’t give a shit how much he buys and sells his property for. I just took this opportunity to point out that the man has no fucking taste. I’m sure that Mr. Limbaugh III can take the snark…or maybe he just likes to give it. His fawning acolytes surely can’t take it though, because they look up to Mr. Limbaugh III as if he hadn’t jellied his brain with opiates.

    And the fact remains that making that place livable will require a substantial sum on top of the asking price…unless you’re a pansy like Mr. Limbaugh III and want doves and flower garlands on your master bedroom ceiling. (And i don’t care how renowned the painter is…that shit is tacky.)

  6. All trompe l’oeil after Michelangelo is tacky; it’s just that some of it is historic now, too. This is neither tasteful nor historic… and like Lex says, it’s well-done. I admire craftsmanship. I hope the painters were paid well and are doing their own real work now. Or, if they’re illustrators by talent and training, that they continue to do so in the genre of their choice. Amen.

    That said, this apartment is bourgeois hits it big; or You Can Take the Unpopular Chubby Guy Out of the Suburbs, But…

    I suppose my point is that even though the place is dressed to show, there’s no “there” there, much like the owner. Lex, if you want to see living as expressive art, dig up some pictures of any of Yves St. Laurent’s residences.

  7. Why’s he moving? He must have a new girlfriend who says “No way I could live in a place like this.” Time for a fresh start with her in charge of decorating.

    • Limbaugh with a girlfriend?

      What was thing HST said about Nixon? Something about how hard it was to imagine him in bed with anything alive, let alone human?