Features

Nota Bene #94: Bear Vs. Ninja

“Overture, curtain, lights / This is it. We’ll hit the heights / And oh, what sites we’ll hit / On with the links, this is it!” Enjoy! … “When he was on an operating table with his chest cracked open, everyone assumed Command Sgt. Maj. Thompson’s long Army career was over” … “I felt at that moment that she was just nothing; she was like a piece of luggage there” … “These guys are fighting for the right to grow a plant, smoke its leaves and feel good” … “We did some crazy stuff and we’re just really lucky to be alive” … “How, as a human being, does one face infinity?” … “Most would-be college students would clearly be better off avoiding college” … “She still remembers the anger she felt when the Olympic team told her she couldn’t compete in the 1936 games” … “I guess those Iranians can pass the ball!” … “Bell ringers are not being replaced, although they’re being trained on how to guide donors through credit-card transactions” … “When I was very young I liked to spin in circles and just feel that disorientation” … “First they close down Guantanamo, then they let killer turkeys run free” … “From federal prosecutor to accused violent gangster, pimp, and drug-dealer” … “Scientists say they could announce that a million or more species remain unknown” … “Maybe Harry has some magic up his sleeve” … “The music business is really in a weird state right now” … “Nobody wants to be forced to pay a tip or be arrested for terrible service” … “Almost two-thirds of China’s 338 million Web users are now online game players” … “The Bloodhound group hopes the quest to take a car through 1,000mph will be an inspirational venture” … “A large, Mao-like portrait of Rev. Moon hung above his desk” … “250 sword-wielding butchers began the mass slaughter of around 20,000 buffalo” … “To avoid concealment, agents should put on an anonymous or even slightly dumb face” … “If my skin is lighter, I will be happier because I think I look good” … “In a series of 140-character takes, Avary has built up a vivid portrait of life in Ventura county jail” … “The Chinese construction giant signed more than $2 billion worth of contracts in the US market” … “Uygur doesn’t look like a rebel, but there is something revolutionary going on here” … “Some in the area believe the mutilations are the work of aliens” … “Obama should tell them to shut up with their self-congratulations” … “I wish I could be more artful in the way that I say things” … “The first 10 years of this century will very likely go down as the most dispiriting and disillusioning decade Americans have lived through in the post–World War II era” … “Until now these men have remained anonymous to all but their families” … “We should not be expected to stay forever as a kingdom of bicycles!” … “Our early English brethren could not abide the naughty behavior of wild American turkeys” … “An employee sent to collect from a delinquent customer found out the hard way yesterday why their bill was overdue” … “The fact that we’re stuck with the BCS is definitely the Bush administration’s fault” … “It could well be that they have been honored with being teepeed” … “We consumed your resources, dehumanized your people and disregarded your culture, along with your dreams, hopes and great love for this land” … “The version that ran this morning contains far more inflammatory imagery—three monkeys” … “The Justice Department and FCC will not be able to stop the merger—even if they know that the cost to the public interest will be grave” … “I challenge you to find a better song about robot sex” … “It’s like finding out that Adolf Hitler is your father” … “1,000 years in the future, the legacy of John, Paul, Greg and Scottie remains” … “There’s jazz from hell, then there’s jazz from
cute fuzzy rodents” … And finally, “the ninja lost the final battle and so the bear will occupy the council seat.” ∞

Categories: Features, Nota Bene

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3 replies »

  1. Ahh, Crested Butte. Lovely town. But like most Colorado mountain towns of any heft, it’s not hard to find what we back home would call “characters.”

    I do think Bear/Cowboy/Ninja would be a great movie, though. Starring Nathan Lane, Jon Bon Jovi and Jackie Chan.

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