We’re not sure who wrote this, but we sure do respect their courage in standing up to the Red Menace. Please print out the following, sign it, and return it to us as soon as possible:
I, ________________________, do solemnly swear to uphold the principles of a socialism-free society and heretofore pledge my word that I shall strictly adhere to the following:
I will complain about the destruction of 1st Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 1st Amendment Rights.
I will complain about the destruction of my 2nd Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 2nd Amendment rights by legally but brazenly brandishing unconcealed firearms in public.
I will foreswear the time-honored principles of fairness, decency, and respect by screaming unintelligible platitudes regarding tyranny, Nazi-ism, and socialism at public town halls.
I also pledge to eliminate all government intervention in my life. I will abstain from the use of and participation in any socialist goods and services including but not limited to the following:
- Social Security
- State Children’s Health Insurance Programs (SCHIP)
- Police, Fire, and Emergency Services
- US Postal Service
- Roads and Highways
- Air Travel regulated by the socialist (FAA)
- The US Railway System
- Public Subways and Metro Systems
- Public Bus and Light Rail Systems
- Rest Areas on Highways
- All Government-Funded Local/State Projects (e.g., see Iowa 2009 federal senate appropriations)
- Public Water and Sewer Services (goodbye socialist toilet, shower, dishwasher, kitchen sink, outdoor hose!)
- Public and State Universities and Colleges
- Public Primary and Secondary Schools
- Sesame Street
- Publicly Funded Anti-Drug Use Education for Children
- Public Museums
- Public Parks and Beaches
- State and National Parks
- Public Zoos
- Unemployment Insurance
- Municipal Garbage and Recycling Services
- Treatment at Any Hospital or Clinic That Ever Received Funding From Local, State or Federal Government (pretty much all of them)
- Medical Services and Medications That Were Created or Derived From Any Government Grant or Research Funding (again, pretty much all of them)
- Socialist Byproducts of Government Investment Such as Duct Tape and Velcro (Nazi-NASA Inventions)
- Use of the Internets, e-mail, and networked computers, as the DoD’s ARPANET was the basis for subsequent computer networking
- Foodstuffs, Meats, Produce and Crops That Were Grown With, Fed With, Raised With or That Contain Inputs From Crops Grown With Government Subsidies
- Clothing Made from Crops (e.g. cotton) That Were Grown With or That Contain Inputs From Government Subsidies
If a veteran of the government-run socialist US military, I will forego my VA benefits and insist on paying for my own medical care.
I will not tour socialist government buildings like the Capitol in Washington, D.C.
I pledge to never take myself, my family, or my children on a tour of the following types of socialist locations, including but not limited to:
- Smithsonian Museums such as the Air and Space Museum or Museum of American History
- The socialist Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson Monuments
- The government-operated Statue of Liberty
- The Grand Canyon
- The socialist World War II and Vietnam Veterans Memorials
- The government-run socialist-propaganda location known as Arlington National Cemetery
- All other public-funded socialist sites, whether it be in my state or in Washington, DC
I will urge my Member of Congress and Senators to forego their government salary and government-provided health care.
I will oppose and condemn the government-funded (and therefore socialist) military of the United States of America.
I will boycott the products of socialist defense contractors such as GE, Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, General Dynamics, Raytheon, Humana, FedEx, General Motors, Honeywell, and hundreds of others that are paid by our socialist government to produce goods for our socialist army.
I will protest socialist security departments such as the Pentagon, FBI, CIA, Department of Homeland Security, TSA, Department of Justice and their socialist employees.
Upon reaching eligible retirement age, I will tear up my socialist Social Security checks.
Upon reaching age 65, I will forego Medicare and pay for my own private health insurance until I die.
SWORN ON A BIBLE AND SIGNED THIS DAY OF __________ IN THE YEAR ___.
Signed Printed Name/Town and State
Ed. Note: If it were up to us, we’d take the names of every teabagger in the country and enforce the terms of the pledge. Because we’re Americans, and we hold no right more sacred than the right to not be hypocritical assclowns.
So we can’t pick and choose from the list, can we? ‘Cause without duct tape i’m not sure how we’ll survive as a species/culture. In fact, i’m using it in place of approximately 27 stitches on my leg ’cause i ain’t got me none of that socialist health care.
And the list forgot AM radio…where i get all my political news and opinion.
This is bogus, with red herrings, misnomers, and non sequiturs. Like we need MORE government than this? And yes, I could do with out several of these things: Social Security which I’ve been told since high school not to expect; The US Railway System?; All Government-Funded Local/State Projects AKA Pork; Sesame Street tell me they couldn’t be self supporting; Government Subsidies; etc. Roads and National Parks were controversial when the Gov’t started doing them.
And from what I saw, it was the liberals (closet socialists don’t ya know) who were whining loudly about not being allowed to whine while we had a different President.
As to the military, it’s about the only thing on this list provided for by the Constitution.
I usually don’t get into political discussions on the socialist internet but I couldn’t help commenting here. Aren’t you glad?
I too was gung-ho about this at the beginning but things quickly soured. You see, I grew up on the (Sesame) Street. I cannot and will not betray my roots. I still choke up when Gordon explains Mr. Hooper isn’t coming back.
Also, I echo Lex’s comments on duct tape. As my father has taught me from an early age, it’s the second best invention of all time, following only Fudge Covered Oreos.
I don’t know what about.
By the way you helped me a lot…so thanks for spending some of your free time on S&R material.
Come to Britain we’d love you in our institutions…
…you could be an honorary Brit Professor too!
The only military institution provided for in the Constitution is a navy; in fact, it expressly forbids maintaining a standing army.
Sesame Street might be self-supporting, and it’s turned into crap anyhow…hell, they put a warning on the DVD for the first two seasons that you shouldn’t let preschoolers watch it. But i learned everything i really needed to know from watching it as a kid. And i still sing “Me Lost Me Cookie at the Disco” on a regular basis.
Hmm, that must be a generational thing. I had Cookie Monster rapping about healthy food (“ME LOVE IT!”), complete with gold chains and hat.
Normally, I’d feel guilty about kidnapping a thread like this, but the tongue is so thoroughly in cheek for this post that I feel I can get away with it.
Good stuff. One more then i’m done…
Okay, fine. I’ll behave, too. Right after I share this teaming of Elmo and Ricky Gervais.
Okay, I’m done, I swear.
Interest from Treasury Bonds. Series EE? Burn ’em.
There are 4 major permanent chunks of the US budget: the national debt, the military, SocSec and Medicare. You managed to miss one of them.
This is a measure of how heavily propagandized is the concept of “2 entitlements”. Two of them are for big money, the other two are for ordinary people. The ones for big money are not “entitlements”; the ones for people are. The entitlements for big money are not “entitlements”: they simple are.
I’d like to fully own myself and earn my own living, thank you very much. If you want the fruit of my labor, bargain me for it and not rob me with mandatory taxes. If you want roads to burn your free oil on, then don’t expect me to pay for them against my will.