The Sunday Smack: I dunked on LeBron James, too

There’s been a lot of controversy in King James Land this week. Apparently Xavier’s Jordan Crawford dunked on LeBron in a pickup game. Nike officials confiscated the two videos of the dunk. Depending on your perspective, LeBron is being a punk-ass little bitch or Nike was fully justified in its actions.

Please. Where was all the hoopla last month when I posterized James three times in one session? That’s right. We were playing pick-up down at the club and we matched up. Early in the first game I laid a wicked crossover on him and windmilled one before he could recover. Three trips later I backed him down in the post, drop-stepped and flushed a two-hander on his melon. He spent the next hour running all kinds of lame-ass smack, so, in the last game of the day I got the ball on the left wing, waved everybody away, told him to make sure his sports bra was good and tight, then I blew past him so fast he looked like Steve Nash in a matador outfit. I capped that little move with a reverse two-hander that had his momma jumping up and down and laughing. (Yes, LeBron’s momma comes to watch him play pickup. Nobody ever talks about that.)

A couple of Nike suits rounded up all the video of that home schooling session, too. Hard to blame them. Every time LBJ walks in the gym somebody uses him like the trough in the boys room at his old high school, and that can’t be good for sales.

All I’m saying is, it ain’t no big deal.

And if you need the kind of beatdown I laid on Bron, bring it on. But make sure to wear some lipstick. I like my bitches to look nice for me.

2 replies »

  1. OK, that’s a good story. Here’s my only close encounter with a famous person. A few years ago, I was teaching at a large middle school in Tennessee. I stopped a kid who was running to the bus. He threw up this attitude, so I sent him to the principal. His name was, I’m not making this up, J. C. Lord. The last I heard, he was working as a carpenter’s assistent. I’m not making that up either. Should I be worried?

  2. I don’t know. I used to teach a kid named President Grant (can’t recall his last name) and he had a classmate named Queen Victoria (can’t remember her last name, either). Neither seemed especially leader-like, so maybe you should judge each case on its own merits.