So, the Minutemen are in town agitating about securing our borders. We’ve been thinking about the idea of a border fence for quite awhile and up until recently we were adamantly opposed. For one thing, it seemed unlikely to work, and for another, anybody who’s been to a Home Depot lately can tell you that fencing is expensive as hell.
But now we think we’ve been convinced. Good fences make for good neighbors, goes the old adage, and we now believe that a border fence would go a long way toward solving any number of immigration-related problems.
Having looked at a variety of plans, here’s the one we think makes the most sense:
The benefits of this fence are many. It would keep Texans from slinking over the border to infest our tourist towns every year (a big issue in Colorado, to be sure). It would make life easier for football teams in the Big 12 North. And it would have, had it been in place eight years ago, saved us all from the scourge of George Bush.
Lest enlightened Texans think we’re picking on them, it should be noted that had the fence been built several years earlier, the Bush clan couldn’t have gotten into Texas in the first place. (We’re also willing to entertain a motion calling for armed patrols on all highways running from Texas to Kennebunkport.)
Good fences. Good neighbors. And if there’s anything we covet, it’s the chance to be better neighbors with our friends south of the border.
Alert the platform committee.