I gotta learn how to laugh at myself.

— Laredo, Tex., Mayor Raul Salinas after fielding criticism for directing an employee of the Laredo Convention and Visitors Bureau at an airport information booth to remove copies of LareDOS, an alternative monthly newspaper whose “cover featured a drawing of traditional Mexican calaveras —skeletons — labeled as Salinas and the county judge dancing at the chance to do business with a corrections company that the paper has criticized.”

She’s just figuring things out.

— Britney Spears’ mother, Lynne, in a USWeekly interview about her 25-year-old, just-rehabbed, just-divorced, just-shorn, just-pussy-pictured, just-baby-car-seat-instructed, pre-divorce-worth-$50-million daughter.

History has demonstrated that the protections already in place, including the department’s own rigorous internal review of media subpoena requests, are sufficient. [emphasis added]

— Assistant Attorney General Rachel Brand to the House Judiciary Committee, explaining why the Bush administration opposes the Free Flow of Information Act of 2007, which would protect journalists who refuse to identify confidential sources.

They’re trying to — they’re going after Alberto Gonzales. Have they found anything? No. What, in fact, has gone on is that the Attorney General and the Justice Department have made extraordinary gestures toward precisely the transparency you asked — all the emails have been made public. You get to see the emails, they get to see the emails. They have offered to make available for questioning anybody who wants to be there. They are under an obligation to tell the truth. [emphasis added]

— White House spokesman Tony Snow, explaining the administration’s response to Senate investigators’ demands for information about how eight U.S. attorneys were fired.

She would certainly always give us something to talk about.

— Barbara Walters after being asked whether Paris Hilton could become a co-host of “The View.”

Since his very first show on September 4th, 1972, Bob’s corded microphone has become a fixture on television and in American pop culture. … [We are] honored to be working with Bob in efforts to present you with this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to bring history into your home.

— Copy on the eBay auction listing for the handheld microphone used by retiring “The Price Is Right” host Bob Barker.

In the event the interviewer does ask Ms Jolie any questions regarding her personal relationships, Ms Jolie will have the right to immediately terminate the interview and leave. (sic)

— From the contract Angelina Jolie tried to force reporters to sign before interviews at the premiere of “A Mighty Heart” — a premiere intended to support Reporters Without Borders, an international organization that seeks to protect reporters from persecution, censorship and laws that undermine freedom of the press.

xpost: 5th Estate