A headline in my hometown newspaper today did what it should do: make me stop to read the story.
The headline: â€œClinton asks voters to choose the theme song for her campaign.â€
Associated Press writer Natasha T. Metzler reports the song-selection contest began May 16 on YouTube. Ms. Metzler writes Sen. Clinton â€œsports a self-effacing attitude. She mocked her vocal abilities in the first post. The second features clips of people saying â€˜this is ridiculousâ€™ and â€˜are you freaking kidding me?â€™ in response to the contest â€¦â€
Now, the notion of Sen. Clinton sporting a self-effacing attitude brings to mind Frankensteinâ€™s monster trying to tap dance. However, before I get to the top 10 song suggestions so far, in addition to my 10 suggestions, I would like to correct the erroneous impression my Frankenstein crack may have left. I hereby publicly state my deep respect for Sen. Clinton. Iâ€™ve lived in upstate New York all my 53 years, and itâ€™s a pleasure to be represented by someone whose roots in New York State are equally deep.
Ummm â€“ wait a minute. Letâ€™s try that again:
Itâ€™s a pleasure to be represented by someone who ran for Senate with such a longstanding interest in and profound knowledge about the problems of New York, particularly the devastated upstate economy.
Damn! Thatâ€™s not working either. Letâ€™s try this:
Itâ€™s a pleasure to be represented by someone who moved to New York and ran for Senate with the sole purpose of using the Senate seat as a springboard for a presidential campaign.
So, given that Sen. Clinton has nothing but my warmest wishes, I feel compelled to say that as for the songs suggested so far for her campaign, Iâ€™m just not feelinâ€™ ’em. They are:
â€œSuddenly I See,â€ KT Tunstall.
â€œRock This Country!â€ Shania Twain.
â€œBeautiful Day,â€ U2
â€œGet Ready,â€ The Temptations.
â€œIâ€™m a Believer,â€ Smashmouth.
â€œAre You Gonna Go My Way,â€ Lenny Kravitz.
â€œAinâ€™t No Stoppinâ€™ Us Now,â€ McFadden & Whitehead.
â€œEvery Little Thing She Does in Magic,â€ The Police.
â€œYou and I,â€ Celine Dion.
â€œThe Best,â€ Tina Turner.
Not much inspiration there. None of those songs is capable of generating any kind of across-the-nation anthemic furor. Shania Twain? Puh-LEEZE.
So, with warmest personal regards to the senator, I suggest these 10 songs:
10. â€œReal Bad News,â€ Aimee Mann.
9. â€œDonâ€™t Want You No More,â€ the Allman Brothers.
8. â€œThe Thrill is Gone,â€ B.B. King.
7. â€œThe Great Pretender,â€ Brian Eno.
6. â€œPoison Girl,â€ Chris Whitley.
5. â€œScary Monsters (and Super Creeps),â€ David Bowie.
4. â€œThe Changeling,â€ The Doors.
3. â€œParachute Woman,â€ the Rolling Stones.
2. â€œThe Chrome-Plated Megaphone of Destiny,â€ Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention.
1. â€œPolitician,â€ Cream.
There you go, senator. Rock on.
Categories: American Culture