A headline in my hometown newspaper today did what it should do: make me stop to read the story.

The headline: “Clinton asks voters to choose the theme song for her campaign.”

Associated Press writer Natasha T. Metzler reports the song-selection contest began May 16 on YouTube. Ms. Metzler writes Sen. Clinton “sports a self-effacing attitude. She mocked her vocal abilities in the first post. The second features clips of people saying ‘this is ridiculous’ and ‘are you freaking kidding me?’ in response to the contest …”

Now, the notion of Sen. Clinton sporting a self-effacing attitude brings to mind Frankenstein’s monster trying to tap dance. However, before I get to the top 10 song suggestions so far, in addition to my 10 suggestions, I would like to correct the erroneous impression my Frankenstein crack may have left. I hereby publicly state my deep respect for Sen. Clinton. I’ve lived in upstate New York all my 53 years, and it’s a pleasure to be represented by someone whose roots in New York State are equally deep.

Ummm – wait a minute. Let’s try that again:

It’s a pleasure to be represented by someone who ran for Senate with such a longstanding interest in and profound knowledge about the problems of New York, particularly the devastated upstate economy.

Damn! That’s not working either. Let’s try this:

It’s a pleasure to be represented by someone who moved to New York and ran for Senate with the sole purpose of using the Senate seat as a springboard for a presidential campaign.

So, given that Sen. Clinton has nothing but my warmest wishes, I feel compelled to say that as for the songs suggested so far for her campaign, I’m just not feelin’ ’em. They are:

“Suddenly I See,” KT Tunstall.
“Rock This Country!” Shania Twain.
“Beautiful Day,” U2
“Get Ready,” The Temptations.
“I’m a Believer,” Smashmouth.
“Are You Gonna Go My Way,” Lenny Kravitz.
“Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now,” McFadden & Whitehead.
“Every Little Thing She Does in Magic,” The Police.
“You and I,” Celine Dion.
“The Best,” Tina Turner.

Not much inspiration there. None of those songs is capable of generating any kind of across-the-nation anthemic furor. Shania Twain? Puh-LEEZE.

So, with warmest personal regards to the senator, I suggest these 10 songs:

10. “Real Bad News,” Aimee Mann.
9. “Don’t Want You No More,” the Allman Brothers.
8. “The Thrill is Gone,” B.B. King.
7. “The Great Pretender,” Brian Eno.
6. “Poison Girl,” Chris Whitley.
5. “Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps),” David Bowie.
4. “The Changeling,” The Doors.
3. “Parachute Woman,” the Rolling Stones.
2. “The Chrome-Plated Megaphone of Destiny,” Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention.
1. “Politician,” Cream.

There you go, senator. Rock on.