President Bush went to Ohio today – you know, the state where people went to jail to make sure he was re-elected.
Being there evidently triggered something in the former cheerleader, because he unlocked his word hoard, as they say in Anglo-Saxon poetry, and shared some of his wisdom with us, his subjects.
Here are his thoughts on politics, the war in Iraq, jobs in America, and, of course, that most important of subjects to the Dubya, his Oval Office rug:
_”Politics comes and goes, but your principles don’t. And everybody wants to be loved â€” not everybody. … You never heard anybody say, `I want to be despised, I’m running for office.’
_”The best thing about my family is my wife. She is a great first lady. I know that sounds not very objective, but that’s how I feel. And she’s also patient. Putting up with me requires a lot of patience.
_”There are jobs Americans aren’t doing. … If you’ve got a chicken factory, a chicken-plucking factory, or whatever you call them, you know what I’m talking about.
_”There are some similarities, of course” between Iraq and Vietnam.
_”Death is terrible.
_”I’ve been in politics long enough to know that polls just go poof at times.”
As he has before, Bush told the story about how his first presidential decision was to pick a rug for the Oval Office, a task he quickly cast to his wife. He told her to make sure the rug reflected optimism “because you can’t make decisions unless you’re optimistic that the decisions you make will lead to a better tomorrow.”
Later, when he talked about his hope for succeeding in Iraq, Bush said, “Remember the rug?”
So. What have we learned?
1) Putting up with Dubya requires lots of patience.
2) America’s work force lacks enough chicken pluckers.
3) Polls go poof.
4) Death is terrible.
5) Iraq policy is roughly equivalent to selecting a rug for the Oval Office….
No, wait. He let Laura pick out that rug.
Maybe he should let her run the Iraq War.
To quote a top executive that works where I do (and I use the term “works” loosely…very loosely), Bush isn’t being very “leaderly” is he? When this person used this word to describe a recently departed community activist, I couldn’t help but think of Dubya. But, in the days since, I had forgotten about it. Thanks for reminding me. These “leaderly” guys can really turn a phrase, can’t they? I mean, polls go poof? How great is that?
The rug, that’s it! You see, Bush has been reading (or perhaps has been read to) about Cleopatra and how she conquered Caesar. So he now has a plan: roll himself up in the Rug of Optimism, ship it to Iraq, pop out, and say, “Greetings from America, Muqtada al-Sadr. Surprise! I win!”
But it’s not a foolproof plan. Nine months after Cleopatra said, “Greetings from Egypt,” she bore Caesar’s child.
Before Dubya rolls himself into a rug and ships himself to al-Sadr, he should remember #4.
Or maybe his strategy should be to wrap Laura (or better yet Barbara and/or Jenna) – then….
No, wait…those Islam type guys really dig virgins, don’t they…hmm, this might get tricky, unless the Bushes know someone who knows that old spell of Aphrodite’s that allowed her to regain her virginity after bathing….
Oh, no worries….I’m sure both Bush daughters are pure…I’m pretty sure that was asserted in a Rove press release….