Author Archives | Bonesparkle
CATEGORY: Sports

Goddamned wasteful gummit spending: Who’s the highest (over)paid “public servant” in your state? (WTF?)

A Special Guest Commentary From Randy Wayne Boudreau, Grand Dragon of the Alabama Tea Party All right thinking citizen patriots hate gummit. Wasteful bureaucrats living off hard workers like you and me. Might as well be welfare queens. And now, thanks to the good folks at Deadspin – private, non-union workers, I should note – […]

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Business

Squirrel!: welcome to the Ricky Bobby School of Management

Part two of a series. Ricky Bobby is not a thinker…He is a doer. – Talladega Nights In part one of this series, we talked about a new analysis that explains how important stupidity is to the modern corporation. Today we’re going to have a look at what this means for you. In short, despite […]

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Business

American business: powered by Stupid®

Part one of a series. Phil Rizzuto: “Hey Yogi I think we’re lost.” Yogi Berra: “Yeah, but we’re making great time!” You know how certain segments of society think that governments and universities and public school systems ought to be “run like businesses”? And how those same people bitch at length about how messed up […]

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CATEGORY: PoliticsReligion

The devil is in the details: WHICH Christianity are we making the official state religion, exactly?

Legislators in North Carolina recently introduced a bill to make Christianity the official state religion. That bill has now been turfed, but we can probably expect similar moves in the future. An Omnibus Poll, sponsored by YouGov.com and the Huffington Post, reveals just how far from the nation’s roots we have traveled on the subject […]

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CATEGORY: Guns

New NRA proposal doesn’t go far enough: has Wayne LaPierre submitted to the liberal gun control lobby?

The National Rifle Association has issued a recommendation for safeguarding America’s schools. A task force working for the National Rifle Association recommended Tuesday that at least one armed guard be stationed on every campus in America as part of a three-month review on how to make schools safer in the wake of the mass shooting […]

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The seven kinds of rape (thx to the GOP for sorting this out)

Back in the old days rape was rape. Or, at most, there were two kinds. There was the “put on a ski mask and rape her at knifepoint” type and there was the “she said she was 18″ statutory type. Which wasn’t really rape at all, because, I mean, LOOK at her. And she really […]

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Elections are educational! 14 things we wouldn't have known without Campaign 2012

Everybody seems to be so negative about campaign season. They hate the ads, they hate the mudslinging, they hate the lying, they hate the candidates. Not me – I LOVE campaign season. Why? Because it’s an opportunity to learn stuff that not only didn’t I know before, but that I’d never learn any other way. […]

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Announcing a new policy: I'm going to slap you in the lips.

I had a small disagreement with a hotel yesterday. I had booked for three nights, but a change of plans required me to cut the trip short and come home a day early. As the clerk was processing the change, she said that she’d be refunding the third night, minus a “15% administrative fee.” Now, […]

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NFL announces new fan promotion: YOU make the call. In the Super Bowl!

In an attempt to quell growing fan unrest over the job being done by its replacement officials, the NFL today announced a new promotion it expects to increase public engagement with the national pastime. Commissioner Roger Goodell says the YOU MAKE THE CALL! contest will randomly select nine lucky fans to officiate Super Bowl XLVII in […]

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UPDATED: Waiting for a package: delivery guarantees deciphered #wtf

I ordered something from an online retailer last week and in checkout I selected the 3-7 day delivery option. As a public service, I thought I’d take a few moments of the time I’m spending sitting by the mailbox to deconstruct some shipping terminology for you. Here’s the term: Guaranteed delivery in 3-7 business days. Seems […]

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Rush Limbaugh blames feminists for his tiny penis (but maybe the real cause is Oxycontin)

Credit Joshua Holland with that headline, which I’m stealing gleefully. Rush really is the gift that keeps on giving, isn’t he? In case you missed it: Rush Limbaugh went on a tirade today about how “feminazis” and “chickification” are to blame for the fact that he has a tiny dick the average penis is 10 percent […]

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NFLPA chief DeMaurice Smith on threat to strike over ref lockout: "I was just talkin' some shit"

Editor’s Note: Dr. Sid Bonesparkle of the S&R Sports Desk caught up with DeMaurice Smith, head of the NFL Players Association, in between meetings yesterday. What follows is a transcript of their candid conversation. S&R: Thanks for making a few minutes for us. I know you’re busy. Smith: No problem. I’m always glad to speak […]

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GOP convention spared, God turns his judgment on Louisiana: what the hell is He mad about THIS time?

A few days it looked like The Lord Thy God was a’fixin’ to smite the Republican National Convention. Now, though, His Wrath has veered out over open water, picking up steam and drawing a bead on … no, seriously? Again? … New Orleans. Now, I don’t want to get ahead of Him here – The Lord, […]

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Three quick thoughts on Mitt and a five-alarm dumpster fire named Trump

Today didn’t go the way Candidate Romney had hoped. Some very brief notes are in order. First, congrats to photographer Justin Sullivan. This is a great shot.

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Filibuster reform and the zombie apocalypse

Once I was a believer in the time-honored Senate filibuster tradition, although by “believer” I don’t necessarily mean that I loved it or revered it, exactly. I was more like a guy worried about a zombie apocalypse stocking up on 12-gauge shells. In case things go to hell, at least the good guys have the […]

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Can we be a little more careful how we abuse the word "science"?

Every once in awhile we will, for a variety of reasons, pick out a word that has positive connotations and proceed to flog that motherfucker to death. Like “engineer.” Engineer is a word with a meaning. From the Oxford: Pronunciation:/ɛndʒɪˈnɪə/ noun person who designs, builds, or maintains engines, machines, or structures. - a person qualified in […]

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