The first ad resulting from the long-rumored partnership between Chrysler’s Dodge Ram truck division and God was unveiled at the Superbowl on Sunday. Critics applauded the commercial. The spot was voted the “Best Ad” by the New York Times, Adweek, Ad Age, Ad Hd, and others. It scored a 96 likeability rating on the Dreyfus Consumer Poll conducted immediately following the broadcast.
John Michael Luke, brand manager for the truck division, says he is delighted with the results. “This is the sort of recognition any marketer would sell their soul for,” he said. “It’s marketing heaven.” He declined to comment on rumors that future spots are in the works featuring Tim Tebow and Lolo Jones.
God’s agent-on-earth, Pope Benedict, issued the following statement: “We’ve had lots of offers, but have held out looking for just the right partner. We look at this as just the beginning of what we can do together. The sky’s the limit.” Asked if that might mean joint promotions such as a bogo where a customer buys a truck and gets a free entry into heaven, a Vatican spokesman said, “It is too early to tell what form the partnership will take, but that’s certainly on the table.” From the Pennsylvania State Prison, Father Terrence Feeley said, “I can tell you the entire salesforce is absolutely thrilled by this relationship. The phone in the cellblock is ringing off the hook. Kids love trucks!”
Chrysler’s and God’s competitors aren’t so thrilled. Chevy has a campaign that also featured God, along with Country, and is mulling legal action. The market share leader in the afterlife category, Great Satan, Inc., a division of Microsoft, is also considering a challenge in the courts. Great Satan has gained significant share in the last millennium, and much of that is attributed to their long-running campaign, “Oh hell yes!” which features a ram. Rumors from their headquarters in Redmond, WA say they have hired Goldman Sachs to conduct a trademark search to determine if their brands have been infringed upon. One industry observer suggests were Great Satan to pursue legal action, it would be a real challenge for God to respond, since every lawyer in the world is Satan’s spawn anyway.
Meanwhile, competitors are scrambling to sign up their own spokesdeities. In a three way arrangement, Ford is rumored to have inked a deal with Buddha and Weightwatchers Anonymous. And Toyota is rumored to be in talks with Mohammed through its agencies in both Mecca and Tehran. Because of the time difference, it was impossible to reach senior executives for comment, but Assistant Junior Brand Manager Mahmoud Ahmadinejad confirmed talks are underway. He also added, “You are a bunch of decadent pig-fucking defilers, and the streets will run ankle deep with your despoiled blood and that of your feeble children and shameless whores,” before suggesting there will be a news conference at 10 a.m. tomorrow Tokyo time, and “people should stand by for big news.”
In separate news, the LDS Church announced its own marketing deal, licensing both Joseph Smith and Brigham Young to Vespa motor scooters.